Starlight
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- Jul 25, 2011
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HI! This is a mail from a "Follower", postet in another Forum, hope it is ok that I take it to you here:
To those of you that wonder why this was kept private, read through this thread again and see the disgusting judgemental name-calling going on here. This is the usual treament that the boards give to "follower fans"...and you wonder why we keep to ourselves, because you're just making accusations against us for lying, seeking-attention, being too involved in his personal life...we can never do right by any of you, so we don't bother to try to please or include you in the conversation. But now that someone has gotten this email via 3rd party (wonder if all the subsequent ones will follow shortly) exactly what we suspect would happen if it was posted on boards has now happened (hence the first line asking it not to be posted on the boards.)
The email is genuine and Xxxxxx is a genuine sweet caring fan that Michael was happy to have around for many years. So anyone thinking and saying differently here is plain wrong. And many have been far too mean without even knowing what on earth they are talking about.
I want to defend Xxxxxx, as a friend, as I would want someone to do for me, and also as a fan that wants to say the truth.
THE FACT IS THAT MICHAEL WAS TOO SKINNY IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS OF HIS LIFE, especially in the last few weeks. IT IS A FACT. ACCEPT IT OR NOT. I first noticed in October when I spent A LOT OF TIME with Michael, and I mentioned it to him. But I also knew he was beginning to prepare the tour even back then so I expected him to be very conscious of his weight and was not overly worried, although concerned.
I am the girl in the picture with Michael that you all went crazy over with his curls back taken at the end of May. LET ME SAY THE TRUTH, you can not see very well just how truly skinny he is in that picture (taken just little more than 3 weeks before he died) because he is covered, but when I met Michael in the dance studio earlier in the day I was sad and scared for how skinny he was. He was wearing a different top and we hugged twice and I felt there was NOTHING to him. I felt how tiny his waist was, I felt his ribs against me, his shoulder bones poking through his top, I honestly was really taken aback at how skinny he was from even the last time I saw him and was worried I have seen Michael a lot in my life and I know what is acceptable. I do not like to say it, it is sad, but it is the truth that he was scary skinny. I had a difficult time looking at him standing there, knowing in my gut that something was desperately wrong.
It is also true (despite Randy Phillips/AEG denying it the next day) that Michael spoke to us inside the dance studio about what was going on...he was very candid with what he said but also very down and sad, he was feeling the pressure, literally said he was not eating, had gone to sleep at night knowing it was 10 shows, and woke up to 50 shows, said there were not long enough breaks scheduled between shows...he said many things but it is not necessary to repeat everything...the point is we walked out of that dance studio feeling a sense of despair for him. Never in all the 12+ years of "following" Michael have I witnessed him in such a state. Everyone in the media who has been saying Michael was fine, in great shape and great spirits is not telling the ENTIRE truth. Yes, sometimes he was in a good mood, perhaps someone saw him eat something, yes he was dancing, he was rehearsing a lot...but I do not believe for one minute that Michael was completely alright because I saw with my own eyes and heard from his own mouth that he was NOT completely alright.
For all of you refering to the rehearsal pictures and saying he looks fine, I'm sorry but you are just blind or sorely mistaken. He IS skinny in the rehearsal pictures - you can not tell as much as in person admittedly, and the clothes he wears masks it well. But you can STILL PLAINLY SEE he is too skinny. You will also probably say he looks fine in the pictures of him visiting the doctors office...but again the jackets he wore masked it well.
He really was incredibly skinny, and I am not one to dramatize such a thing. I know he has always been thin and his weight fluctuates but in the last weeks of his life he was not a normal/healthy weight. When you add the idea that he was taking any kind of drugs whether for pain or to help him sleep it was a lethal combination I am convinced. No one will ever convince me that his weight did not play a role in his passing. He was not eating (enough), rehearsing many many hours a day, and coupled with taking drugs, I can not be too surprised he has left us...when you are very thin and under-nourished your body can not handle the stress, the pressure, the drugs (as much as it might if were a healthier weight.)
Xxxxxx met him again in the studio two weeks later and his weight had fallen even more...this is what triggered her email to us and we finally decided we needed to speak up. For all of those saying why didn't we do anything about it then, WE DID TRY. WE TRIED. God we tried...but it was too little too late. You can not imagine OUR PAIN that we discussed with each other just THE WEEK before his death how to reach him, what to do, how to say it so we don't hurt him, we AGONIZED over what to do. In the last two weeks before he died he was kept from us more than usual by his security, things became very strange in ways that are too much to go into here, but we felt something was wrong. And we were so so so so sadly right. I never wanted to be more wrong in all my life.
We wrote letters to Michael frankly expressing our concerns, blunt but cloaked in love, and they were given to him on arriving to what would be his last rehearsal by Talitha - a fan that Michael loved very much and who spent a lot of time with him over the past decade, and especially the past two years (but many of you have slagged off on the boards without even knowing her.) Michael tried to phone her from the Staples center to talk about the letters, but the call dropped and conversation was never had. Michael's security said they would try again the next morning.
I was told by Michael's personal assistant in LA when I went back for the funeral, that Michael asked for the letters that night at home after rehearsal. He took the letters to Michael in his bedroom. We had literally wrote in those letters begging him to take care of himself, if not for himself, then for his children and family and everyone that loves him so deeply, that we were afraid for his life, that him being around is more important than any one concert could ever be...he died 12 hours later and it is the most DEVASTATING THING to have happened...I can not even really think about it, it is too much to comprehend. It is like a cruel joke that God put upon us. I do not understand how it was allowed to happen. The only comfort I take is from knowing he read our letters showering him with love just before he passed. It wasn't meant to be a goodbye, but essentially became our goodbye to him. I feel sad that we did not reach him in time, that we could not reach others around him in time, that the people around him did not seem to care enough about him, it's all too much and too complicated...and too devastating. I do have to say in Karen's defense that she did try to help. I don't want to say more for sake of her own privacy, but it's too harsh what some of you are saying here.
So if you could have a little COMPASSION and stop being so hard-hearted about the email and towards Xxxxxx it would be appreciated I am sure!
Btw, some of you are misinterpretting the bit where she said she doesnt care if he never eats again...French is her first language, and was lacking some punctuation; she only meant that she doesnt care if people are upset with her for the email because if he never eats again that is all that matters!
I'm sure there will be plenty of people that will now read this and begin to slag me off as well, but I don't care anymore because I just want to say the truth, defend my friend, have a clear conscience, and say what I think Michael would want said anyways.
Thank you ... it's heart-breaking.
You see when fans talk and try to help no one takes it seriously even other fans ... It takes a more "serious" person or two to break knews like that.
