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Goodnight Michael

Oh, I'm crying so much right now. I have never cried so much as I have done the last months and I don't think it's over yet. Today I was listening to his 'History' album. As soon as the track "Childhood" started playing, listening to the words, his emotions so fraught with pain, I could do nothing but cry for about 20 mins, with each tear I was just wishing that he was still here with us. Then when "Smile" came on, its like Michael was singing to me (in a strange sense), as the tears streamed down my face and stained my eyes, Michael singing the words "Smile through your pain and sorrow"....it hit me really hard. I am so depressed. I have never felt like this before. Michael is gone, my world is gone. Im so upset...I cant eat...I barely sleep...I cant even talk without wanting to cry...I miss him SO much. I really needed someone to hold me tight, to let me cry on their shoulder without asking why. Someone who would truly understand this horrible pain. If it hurts us this much, I can't imagine how his family, particularly his children, are feeling. What is left of my heart is sent to them. :weeping:
 
Insane

My mind,
it begins to slip.
My thoughts,
they begin to drip.

My memory,
slowly it fails.
My life,
quickly de-rails.

This is the result,
However disasterous it seems,
of me being away from you,
I'm left with nothing but dreams.
 
Sweet Dreams

I wish I were your pillow,
With your head upon my chest.
I wish you'd hold me through the night,
And feel my body rest.

I wish I were there, beside you,
Your breath so calm, and slow.
I wish you'd share my dreams with me,
Wherever we should go.

Night night, my angel, my darling, my love. xx
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I am so depressed. I have never felt like this before. Michael is gone, my world is gone. Im so upset...I cant eat...I barely sleep...I cant even talk without wanting to cry...I miss him SO much. I really needed someone to hold me tight, to let me cry on their shoulder without asking why. Someone who would truly understand this horrible pain. If it hurts us this much, I can't imagine how his family, particularly his children, are feeling. What is left of my heart is sent to them. :weeping:
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Oh, dear this is not good at all. It's too bad! I understand your pain, but you must try hard to realize you are not doing any good to you, nor to Michael by not taking care of yourself. You MUST eat. You MUST sleep AND you must keep in touch with some real life friends. I am very sorry, Billie, I don't mean to be rude to you at all, I am none to do so, but I am really worried about you. Can you feel this in these words? I AM worried about you and I am sure I am not the only one.

I see this forum has been your house for years and I am sure you still have many wonderful memories to hold on to. What if we try to bring some of those memories to our hearts? Maybe this could help us. I wish I could tell you what to do to feel better in minutes, but things are not that easy.

I am in pain. I am suffering, I miss him terribly, but even among this pain, I try to understand we have to go on. Maybe slower than before... but we must go on, Billie.

I send you a big, big hug. Please, dear... PLEASE!! For Mike's memory... please be kind to yourself. Please take care of yourself!! Please!!

All my love to you.
 
^^ Thank you PCR.. *hugs*

I dont know what to do. I haven't eaten since Sunday - It is not a choice, I just dont feel hungry. No one understands me. I dont know what to do with it. I feel I cant really show it. My family and friends knew I was a big fan, but they dont have a clue of how deep I was connected with him. They dont have the slightest idea... When I'm in a room full of people I just want to be alone. I want to run away, lock myself in a room and cry my heart out. But when I do get alone, I cant bear it. Its too much. It hits me even stronger. Its all so surreal. The pain is unreal. I know he's not here anymore. My brain has already understood that. But my heart won't accept it. I feel like my heart and my brain aren't talking right now. No connection. Nothing makes sense. It's weird. I dont want to accept it. I dont want to say goodbye. I'm not ready to say goodbye. Not just yet. I want him back. I need his innocence, his gentleness, his smile, his loving and caring.... I cant stop crying. Oh God... It hurts...

I love you Michael.
 
Tonight I'm so sad. I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan, love songs, sad songs...thinking of you my angel. There's no love anymore in my life, mean and sad things going on around me, things I told you about. But then I had you as a guiding light, why did you leave me in the dark? Why are my nights filled with sadness and concern? Why so few peaceful dreams? I want to at least hug you in the magical world of dreams. Goodnight sweet soul
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Oh, I'm crying so much right now. I have never cried so much as I have done the last months and I don't think it's over yet. Today I was listening to his 'History' album. As soon as the track "Childhood" started playing, listening to the words, his emotions so fraught with pain, I could do nothing but cry for about 20 mins, with each tear I was just wishing that he was still here with us. Then when "Smile" came on, its like Michael was singing to me (in a strange sense), as the tears streamed down my face and stained my eyes, Michael singing the words "Smile through your pain and sorrow"....it hit me really hard. I am so depressed. I have never felt like this before. Michael is gone, my world is gone. Im so upset...I cant eat...I barely sleep...I cant even talk without wanting to cry...I miss him SO much. I really needed someone to hold me tight, to let me cry on their shoulder without asking why. Someone who would truly understand this horrible pain. If it hurts us this much, I can't imagine how his family, particularly his children, are feeling. What is left of my heart is sent to them. :weeping:
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i know what you mean it's really difficult hearing some of his songs especially childhood & gone too soon (for me personally) it can really make me cry a lot too at times!!!!!!!

billie you really must eat though take care of yourself look I know Michael would not want you to starve yourself he'd want you to take care of yourself right, do it for Michael look after yourself, I know for sure it's what he'd really want!!!

try to get some sleep, eat, watch the dvd's or whatever it was that made you laugh before even if you don't feel much like laughing or watching stuff you used to find funny you at least have to try do it for Michael he'd not want you to be like this o.k (((hugs))) I know this for sure!!!

*Billie Jean* said:
^^ Thank you PCR.. *hugs*

I dont know what to do. I haven't eaten since Sunday - It is not a choice, I just dont feel hungry. No one understands me. I dont know what to do with it. I feel I cant really show it. My family and friends knew I was a big fan, but they dont have a clue of how deep I was connected with him. They dont have the slightest idea... When I'm in a room full of people I just want to be alone. I want to run away, lock myself in a room and cry my heart out. But when I do get alone, I cant bear it. Its too much. It hits me even stronger. Its all so surreal. The pain is unreal. I know he's not here anymore. My brain has already understood that. But my heart won't accept it. I feel like my heart and my brain aren't talking right now. No connection. Nothing makes sense. It's weird. I dont want to accept it. I dont want to say goodbye. I'm not ready to say goodbye. Not just yet. I want him back. I need his innocence, his gentleness, his smile, his loving and caring.... I cant stop crying. Oh God... It hurts...

I love you Michael.
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i know no one who doesn't love Michael like we do will understand but we here do understand I wish i could come & give you a hug & look after you & try to make you feel better i really do all i can do though is chat with you here & i'm happy to do that anytime o.k!!!

Tin Angel said:
I've just woken up. My face was covered in tears. At firts I thought I was sweating, the heater was on. Then all of a sudden everything bumped into my head: 1:30 in the evening, the tv on, the hospital, what's happening with Michael!!!???, the BBC isn't confirming that he's dead... I'm on my knees... praying, for the first time in my life, "Oh God, please save him, please". Silence.
I've just had a terrible nightmare, I've just dreamt of 25th of June. Why? Why nearly 6 months later I'm still suffering? Why hasn't he come back? Michael... I don't even have to look at a photo, or listen to a song to be able to feel you in my heart, I know that you're inside me.
I don't want to cry anymore, I can't find a solution to this. I can't stand the pain that all of you are suffering too... I just feel so ... dead right now. I don't want to live the rest of my life just waiting for what you PCR have said. What, new CDs? A film? A DVD? I want to hear him laugh, I want to know that he's playing with his children, that he's happy... I would not want any new song, any new concerts, just his presence in this world is enough to make my whole life happy.
Michael... I've just realized how beautiful his name is.

Sorry if it doesn't make sense what I've written...
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yes it does totally make sense i get where you're coming from

if only we could have him here we don't need new music new tours or anything just Michael to be alive that's all that'd be enough just knowing he was still in this world still alive thta'd be a comfort!
 
*Billie Jean* said:
^^ Thank you PCR.. *hugs*

I dont know what to do. I haven't eaten since Sunday - It is not a choice, I just dont feel hungry. No one understands me. I dont know what to do with it. I feel I cant really show it. My family and friends knew I was a big fan, but they dont have a clue of how deep I was connected with him. They dont have the slightest idea... When I'm in a room full of people I just want to be alone. I want to run away, lock myself in a room and cry my heart out. But when I do get alone, I cant bear it. Its too much. It hits me even stronger. Its all so surreal. The pain is unreal. I know he's not here anymore. My brain has already understood that. But my heart won't accept it. I feel like my heart and my brain aren't talking right now. No connection. Nothing makes sense. It's weird. I dont want to accept it. I dont want to say goodbye. I'm not ready to say goodbye. Not just yet. I want him back. I need his innocence, his gentleness, his smile, his loving and caring.... I cant stop crying. Oh God... It hurts...

I love you Michael.
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Billie... there is simply no point in doing this to yourself, friend. Look: we don't eat only because we WANT to, but because we NEED to. You might not feel like eating, but it doesn't mean you don't have to do it. In fact, you MUST do it, whether you like it or not.


"I've always wanted to be able to tell stories, you know, stories that came from my soul."

A dear friend of ours wrote this years ago. Do you wanna hear a story, Billie?... then check your PM, dear ;-)

Big, big, big hugs for you. You are stronger than you think. I am confident you are.
 
Thank you all for your support! God bless you all! You all are so sweet, and your support really is helping through this tough time. I physically hurt, but at the same time I feel nothing. I can't sleep. I can't eat, I just can't. I feel sick to the stomach. I'm not really doing any better.. Today I went to the Church..it was with different feelings I went in there. Everytime I'm in there I feel kinda calm and relaxed, but I knew that this time all that I was going to think about it Michael. It was so hard not to cry when I heard the Church bells (it sounded like they played Human Nature) and when the priest started to talk about how too keep the faith even in hard situations, like when you lost someone you love, I had to look down and really doing my best to prevent the tears from falling. I felt so near Michael, I felt he was there looking down on me. But, oh my God it was hard. I don't know how to deal with this. I can't find any sense or reason in anything. I know our feelings are still raw but somehow I don't believe I will ever fully recover. I really don't know how much I can take anymore, one day all of this just has to be over and no one can stop it except for me. :(
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I know our feelings are still raw but somehow I don't believe I will ever fully recover. I really don't know how much I can take anymore, one day all of this just has to be over and no one can stop it except for me. :(
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That's the clue: it is YOU who has to believe you can overcome the pain, Billie.
Only you can do it.

Do you want to believe so?
 
Forever More

To help me sleep at night,
I think of you beside me,
being able to sleep in your arms,
you keeping me from harm
You placing your hand on my side,
as the chills roll up my spine
Kissing me softly,
I smile wanting more
The sun over flows my world,
we can be careless and free
like eagles in the sky.
The bright yellows and reds take over the room,
and I push more towards you.
We could talk all night,
speaking of our future plans
and all we have in our hands.
Falling asleep peacefully,
awaking beside you
You brush my hair out of your way,
kissing me forever more.
 
Cris123 said:
Tonight I'm so sad. I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan, love songs, sad songs...thinking of you my angel. There's no love anymore in my life, mean and sad things going on around me, things I told you about. But then I had you as a guiding light, why did you leave me in the dark? Why are my nights filled with sadness and concern? Why so few peaceful dreams? I want to at least hug you in the magical world of dreams. Goodnight sweet soul
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Criss... dear, I hadn't seen your post here.
Oh my... we are going two steps forward and 3 steps behin, aren't we? :(
I hope you have had a better night, Criss. And most of all I wish you love and hope. You are doing great things, friend. You know you are.
Please don't let this pain break you down. Keep using it, as your driving force.
We love you, Criss, and we thank you for all you have done for us MJ fans and ... for Michael himself.

Hugs, dear. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight.
 
PCR said:
That's the clue: it is YOU who has to believe you can overcome the pain, Billie.
Only you can do it.

Do you want to believe so?
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No... sorry. Sad thing is, I don't want to ever feel better about this. Cos that's when life will be ok without Michael here, and I don't want to ever accept that! Cos it won't be true! :(
 
Michael, I miss you so much. I wish so hard every day for you to come back but...I love you, I can't stop thinking of you , whatever I do or wherever I go you are with me. You are like my little angel following me around. I hope you are well Michael. I want to wish you the most sweet dreams and goodnight. I love you so much.
 
I watched that Barbara Walters segment on the children, now I feel so horrible again. I miss him so much :cry:
 
Life will never be good without Michael here, but eventually we all have to come to a peace of mind and learn how to deal with it, otherwise we will go crazy.
 
I thank Michael for the music.
For the dances.
For his passion on and off stage.
For "Billie Jean", "Who is it?", "Smoth Criminal" and "Stranger in Moscow".
For leaving "This is it" as un unexpected gift.
For the friends I've made.
For the people I've known, by the fans who have supported me during this time.

I thank Michael for the magic and for the dreams he put into my heart.
I thank him for being a fighter.
I thank him for being an example of too many things I should do... and I should not do in my life.

I thank Michael for the countless hours of joy he has given me in all these years.
I thank Michael for the 2 out of this world hours he gave me during this Dangerous tour.
I thank him for the minutes he gave to me, the bit of songs he sang to me and the kiss he blew to me.

I thank Michael Jackson for he was there... and he made it possible.
I thank Michael for opening so many doors and giving so much hope.
I thank Michael for his smiles and his pranks.

... and I thank Michael Jackson, for all he joy and happiness I hope he will still bring to my heart in the years to come.

I love you, Michael. And I know you love us too. That's why I thank you the most.
 
i juss watched the Smooth Criminal Short Film for the 820753054357030350084 time and i am still speechless after seeing and am sure will have an incredible night sleep most likely dreaming about it! i lov u Michael!! Good Night :heart:
 
PCR said:
I thank Michael for the music.
For the dances.
For his passion on and off stage.
For "Billie Jean", "Who is it?", "Smoth Criminal" and "Stranger in Moscow".
For leaving "This is it" as un unexpected gift.
For the friends I've made.
For the people I've known, by the fans who have supported me during this time.

I thank Michael for the magic and for the dreams he put into my heart.
I thank him for being a fighter.
I thank him for being an example of too many things I should do... and I should not do in my life.

I thank Michael for the countless hours of joy he has given me in all these years.
I thank Michael for the 2 out of this world hours he gave me during this Dangerous tour.
I thank him for the minutes he gave to me, the bit of songs he sang to me and the kiss he blew to me.

I thank Michael Jackson for he was there... and he made it possible.
I thank Michael for opening so many doors and giving so much hope.
I thank Michael for his smiles and his pranks.

... and I thank Michael Jackson, for all he joy and happiness I hope he will still bring to my heart in the years to come.

I love you, Michael. And I know you love us too. That's why I thank you the most.
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PCR, Michael is proud of you. I know that. You're such a beautiful and brave person.
I thank YOU to love Michael so much because he deserves all our love. I wish I could hug you and be with you but you have to know that I'm doing that just now, I'm here for you, ok? Michael's here for all of us too. He's in our hearts and shines in Heaven for eternity.
 
Wishing, gazing, into the starry sky
Holding back the tears, do not cry.
I just want to hold you tight...
It seems that nothing is this hard......... Goodnight.

All my love forever Michael xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Here I am

Here I am again
Wishing you goodnight from afar
It makes my heart ache not to be with you
I know I must be patient
I don't want to
I love you
I miss you and want you so bad
I hurt to the very fiber of my being
I ask God how long must I suffer
He reassures me and comforts me
He gives me strength to endure
The promise of how good it will be
Worth all the agony
For a life time of love and happiness
Sleep well my precious darling and only dream of me
 
MJstarlight said:
I watched that Barbara Walters segment on the children, now I feel so horrible again. I miss him so much :cry:
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I'm here for you. :huggy:

Beccabubbles said:
Wishing, gazing, into the starry sky
Holding back the tears, do not cry.
I just want to hold you tight...
It seems that nothing is this hard......... Goodnight.

All my love forever Michael xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Aw, thats so sweet, Becca. :huggy:
 
Tin Angel said:
PCR, Michael is proud of you. I know that. You're such a beautiful and brave person.
I thank YOU to love Michael so much because he deserves all our love. I wish I could hug you and be with you but you have to know that I'm doing that just now, I'm here for you, ok? Michael's here for all of us too. He's in our hearts and shines in Heaven for eternity.
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Dear friend, being here, at the other side of the world, I can still feel the love and the support you send. I thank you very, very much. This really means a lot to me and it is wonderful to see how Michael keep getting the best out of us.

You are right: he is in our hearts and here he is sheltered from the haters and the madness. I love Michael and his music.

Big hugs!!
 
*Billie Jean* said:
No... sorry. Sad thing is, I don't want to ever feel better about this. Cos that's when life will be ok without Michael here, and I don't want to ever accept that! Cos it won't be true! :(
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I think I understand you, Billie.
In a way, sometimes I feel this pain is the only real "bond" I keep with Michael. But I still hope time will let me see beyond. In time, I would like to be able to look back at him with a smile in my face, with a bit of joy in my heart for all the love he has given me and he keeps giving me now. Even when he is gone.

I love Michael, that is not going to change if I ever get over this pain.

Please take care of you, Billie. Please do it. Big hugs, dear!!
smile11.gif
 
PCR said:
I think I understand you, Billie.
In a way, sometimes I feel this pain is the only real "bond" I keep with Michael. But I still hope time will let me see beyond. In time, I would like to be able to look back at him with a smile in my face, with a bit of joy in my heart for all the love he has given me and he keeps giving me now. Even when he is gone.

I love Michael, that is not going to change if I ever get over this pain.

Please take care of you, Billie. Please do it. Big hugs, dear!!
smile11.gif
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Thanks PCR! You're so sweet. To be honest, I don't want to heal. I just want Michael back! I lay in bed last night and I prayed to die, I wanted to be with him so much I prayed.. :weeping:

I just want to be with Michael, but all that is not possible anymore. Yeah, I know he's with us in spirit but that isn't the same. Everytime I think of him being with us I think about him not being on this earth, living and enjoying his life with us and his family like we all know he loved to do so much. Michael why did you have to leave us this early?
 
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Michael... my love ..

I sit here and think of you
You're always on my mind
My heart races and I no not what to do
I know that you're quite a find

I hear your name and think till the end of time,
I look at my future and you are all I see,
I sleep and you fill my dreams
With you is all I want to be

I think of life without you
And it brings me to knees
I can't live without a heart and you are mine
My love for you could fill the seas

If love was strength then mountains I could move
If love was money then the stars I could buy
If love was the world then I have a galaxy
For my love of you is deeper than any ocean
And is higher than any mountain

Give me time and I will find you
Give me time and you will
Forever be in my arms
If love was time then I'm immortal
For my love of you is unending.
 
Sometimes I just can't seem to find the words to express just how much I love you. I care about you so much, and I think of you day and night. I really miss you. It's time to go to bed now my love. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. Goodnight Michael, you are my lovely one!
 
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