What is the thing that you do best as a father?
Tuning into my son’s emotional state, honoring it, and showing him that it is more than okay, actually good, to feel emotions and to cry. This is something that I’ve become particularly sensitive to. When a baby falls over and cries, so often we try to rush to make them stop crying, “Its okay! Its okay!! You’re okay!!!” We don’t always honor the emotions of our children. Its widespread as a society to suppress emotions. I see it a lot with men, with dads, but it applies to everyone. Before I was a father I did that too, I suppressed my emotions. After Koa was born, during therapy, I realized that I had suppressed my emotions for so long throughout my childhood. When I really started tapping into my inner child, I realized that my emotions could have been honored and listened to more when I was a child. I’ve realized how much that has effected me throughout my life in a negative way. I wasn’t encouraged to cry when I was sad, or to fully express my emotions. It was always about the end-goal and how quickly my emotions could appear patched-up. I’m not always good at it, but I can say that the majority of the time I can physically get down to his level, look at him in the eyes, and let him know that there is no shame in crying. I let him know that crying is okay, and letting out your emotions is okay. When I stay with him and allow him to process his true emotions he comes out of the other side so energized, refreshed and rejuvenated. I hope that because of this experience of honoring his emotions, he’ll be okay with expressing his emotions as an adult. I’m not perfect at this, but it is one of the things that I do best as a father.
