New Fan and Thoroughly Addicted to Everything About This Man!

[zinniabooklover]

Can't collect my thoughts. But will try for rest of the day.

Same. My brain is full and yet so unfocused right now. I've got random thoughts floating around.

Watched the Michael Bush video again. There's a close-up of a pair of Michael's loafers. They are really worn, you can really see how much they were used. I don't think there's anything more poignant than a person's shoes. So that made me feel a bit melancholy.

I found a photo of the blue BWT 1987 top which Michael never wore and I'd love to know why. I know it's not important and not even that interesting but I'd still love to know. We know why he dropped the black top after the first gig but at least it got worn once. Did the blue top just not work under the lights? Or what?

I never planned to watch any Victory tour stuff for obvious reasons but did the other day. Just a few fragments. Goodness me, Michael is really angry. I don't blame him, not at all, but you can really see it. You can hear it in his voice. So that's got me thinking about stuff.

I'm currently dipping in and out of B.B. King's autobiography. So far, so awesome. His collaborator is a guy called David Ritz and they are doing an amazing job together. Of course, it's just making me feel frustrated that we won't ever get anything like this from Michael. I do believe with the right collaborator we could have had one (or more) awesome follow-ups to Moonwalk.

Anyway, there's a great quote from BB on the first page:

"I struggle with words. Never could express myself the way I wanted. My mind fights my mouth and thoughts get stuck in my throat ... Words aren't my friend. Music is. Sounds, notes, rhythms. I talk through music. Maybe that's why I became a loner, someone who loves privacy and doesn't reveal himself too easily." (BB King, 'Blues All Around Me ... ')

I'm not claiming that BB just described Michael and I definitely am not trying to be an armchair psychologist. But, if I could do my fantasy interviews with Michael, I'd love to see if he'd be willing to talk about this sort of stuff. I'm sure he'd be able to relate to this.

So much to think about.

 

[Hiker]

I agree. This is a better space for longer chats about ... well, anything, really.

Oh no, that's not what I meant. I love reading all the discussions and commentary on threads along with photos. It makes everything even more enjoyable especially for me because I don't know how to write!

Yesterday I had random thoughts and I did not know where to put them. I went for a trip after years, and first time just me and kids. I cried the first night because it's not meant to be this way! But then I listened to Michael and calmed down. Next day, sitting in a beautiful park, on a beautiful day, I realised, nothing is meant to be. Everything is what it is. (Don't know if that makes sense).

Since Michael entered my life, everything has become opposite of what it's meant to be still everything is so much better. I could not even imagine being on Manhood thread, talk about anyone like that! Of course I know externally beautiful people in the world, I see times sexist man alive, they were and all like 'meh'. I may meet someone internally beautiful and I would appreciate them.

But Michael, totally different. It's like he made me rethink everything I took for granted because it was meant to be, especially the bad parts. And without speaking a single word to me! That is power! Call it charisma, power of soul, or whatever! @staywild23 you wrote somewhere you think he is not real. I sometimes feel the same way. He is not real! How could such perfection exist! I must have imagined lot of it, or an imagination sent to me because it was time for me to rethink my life. His external beauty, shyness, smile, and the way people who actually met him describe him, can't be real!

Ok, I am going to stop now and recollect my thoughts.

 

[zinniabooklover]

Oh no, that's not what I meant. I love reading all the discussions and commentary on threads along with photos. It makes everything even more enjoyable especially for me because I don't know how to write!

Oh, my bad. Totally misinterpreted your other comment. I love the discussions that crop up on Manhood but could totally understand if the feeling was that they should migrate somewhere else. And I do think this thread is a good space for that.

Yesterday I had random thoughts and I did not know where to put them. I went for a trip after years, and first time just me and kids. I cried the first night because it's not meant to be this way! But then I listened to Michael and calmed down. Next day, sitting in a beautiful park, on a beautiful day, I realised, nothing is meant to be. Everything is what it is. (Don't know if that makes sense).

Makes perfect sense. But, that said, even though I think we all know deep down that 'everything is what it is', that doesn't always make it easy to accept and embrace. Sometimes we still have that little bit of resistance or not really understanding or longing for something else or something better. Just normal human stuff, really. That might not even be what you meant. I think your statement makes perfect sense but those type of thoughts that we have don't always lend themselves to clear expression. Well, they don't if you are me, lol. Clear expression? Still trying to get the hang of that.

Since Michael entered my life, everything has become opposite of what it's meant to be still everything is so much better. I could not even imagine being on Manhood thread, talk about anyone like that! Of course I know externally beautiful people in the world, I see times sexist man alive, they were and all like 'meh'. I may meet someone internally beautiful and I would appreciate them.

Same. It's been nearly 2 months, I think, since I rocked up on Manhood and I still don't really understand how that happened. It's SO not me. It's hilarious and I love it but it's crazy. In fact, my default setting is still 'normal me' in that a lot of the Manhood stuff doesn't really move me. But my appreciation of Michael has definitely evolved since I've been on that thread. The entire situation is bonkers but I love it.

I do sometimes wonder why it's Michael that has me so mesmerised. I've said it before, the most beautiful man I've ever seen is Adam Ant. Yet here I am, totally absorbed in Michael World. Of course, Michael is also beautiful but there is clearly something else going on. Many things.

But Michael, totally different. It's like he made me rethink everything I took for granted because it was meant to be, especially the bad parts. And without speaking a single word to me! That is power! Call it charisma, power of soul, or whatever!

I like that phrase, 'power of soul'. I think you're on to something there. I really do.

@staywild23 you wrote somewhere you think he is not real. I sometimes feel the same way. He is not real! How could such perfection exist! I must have imagined lot of it, or an imagination sent to me because it was time for me to rethink my life. His external beauty, shyness, smile, and the way people who actually met him describe him, can't be real!

I struggle with this all the time. Not in an annoying way. Just fascinated how someone so gorgeous and talented could actually exist in the same time / space dimension as me. He was a kid like me (not like me but you know what I mean), he was my brother, he was the wallpaper (but not the soundtrack) to my life. And then he turned into something else. And here I am. And it's crazy but beautiful.

Ok, I am going to stop now and recollect my thoughts.

Yes. I think I need a bit of quiet time. And maybe a bit of 'Music and Me'.

 

[zinniabooklover]

Next day, sitting in a beautiful park, on a beautiful day

Spending time in a lovely park on a lovely day. I'm so glad you had this experience. Warm hugs.

 

[Hiker]

Oh, my bad. Totally misinterpreted your other comment. I love the discussions that crop up on Manhood but could totally understand if the feeling was that they should migrate somewhere else. And I do think this thread is a good space for that.

Actually I felt more free expressing this random thought here, as you can probably judge from the length of my post . No pressure to contribute manhood pictures. Again, that's just me and the self-imposed pressure, please don't take it as sign to reduce discussion on other threads. We should all feel free to express thoughts when and where they arise without stress of thinking which thread.

Makes perfect sense. But, that said, even though I think we all know deep down that 'everything is what it is', that doesn't always make it easy to accept and embrace. Sometimes we still have that little bit of resistance or not really understanding or longing for something else or something better

Somehow I really started thinking about stop fighting and start accepting things only after Michael entered my life. At a very high level I have to accept no matter how much I wish, I will never ever meet Michael. That is so black and white. But then I extend it to rest of the gray stuff in life, where seems like I can do something, but still it's hopeless and I need to move on. Why I learnt this from Michael, I don't know. It's a total mystery.

 

[staywild23]

@Hiker and @zinniabooklover great idea picking up on this thread again!! I always view this one as a great "catch all" thread for when we want to have conversations only mildly related to what we are discussing elsewhere!

Watched the Michael Bush video again. There's a close-up of a pair of Michael's loafers. They are really worn, you can really see how much they were used. I don't think there's anything more poignant than a person's shoes. So that made me feel a bit melancholy.

I so appreciate these kind of comments...you have no idea. I thought I was the only person that ever felt this way about things!

I found a photo of the blue BWT 1987 top which Michael never wore and I'd love to know why. I know it's not important and not even that interesting but I'd still love to know. We know why he dropped the black top after the first gig but at least it got worn once. Did the blue top just not work under the lights? Or what?

Did he only wear the black once because of the lighting? I don't know anything about this actually. I really understand why he wore silver and gold, or just generally wore sparkly things for his performances... I am sure he went through a ton of consideration when it came to his stage clothing. Side note: I just love that he came up with the idea to use the tape on his fingers to make his hand movements that much more visible. Like, honestly, what a genius. It's also so distinctly him. He just had such an intuitive understanding of performance.

"I struggle with words. Never could express myself the way I wanted. My mind fights my mouth and thoughts get stuck in my throat ... Words aren't my friend. Music is. Sounds, notes, rhythms. I talk through music. Maybe that's why I became a loner, someone who loves privacy and doesn't reveal himself too easily." (BB King, 'Blues All Around Me ... ')

I am a writer, but I often think something is missing when I operate with words. One of the reasons I love drawing Michael is that I feel like I can really sink into admiring him in a way I can just barely express in words. I find myself at a loss for words so often, which is why I say poetry is the only way I could imagine actually capturing my thoughts about him. The limitations of words, sentences, punctuation, grammar, existing language, etc. which are most evident in writing prose genuinely frustrate me. I have synesthesia and with Michael it seems to be on overload. Sometimes when I try to process my response to him, my brain is just filled with colors, shapes, patterns, scents, blinding light, physical sensations in my body, etc. and yet, somehow, I have to wrangle together words to express that to anyone else. That's probably why I lean heavily into dramatics when I write about him lol. I don't even know how else to begin to capture what I feel.

 

[zinniabooklover]

Somehow I really started thinking about stop fighting and start accepting things only after Michael entered my life.

Your statement here made me think about your earlier statement, about Michael's 'power of soul' when we were contemplating Michael's charisma and his ability to affect people on a very deep level, far beyond his physical appeal. He clearly had a hard-to-define power which can help people to shift their thinking.

At a very high level I have to accept no matter how much I wish, I will never ever meet Michael. That is so black and white. But then I extend it to rest of the gray stuff in life, where seems like I can do something, but still it's hopeless and I need to move on. Why I learnt this from Michael, I don't know. It's a total mystery.

It's interesting, isn't it? The way he seems to be able to do that.

For myself, I do find him a very calming 'space' to be in, if I can put it like that. I don't have a formal meditation practice even though I've been flirting with various types of meditation since I was a teenager. But I have a muddled collection of things that work for me. And one thing that I use is photos or thoughts of Michael. For example, that shot in APOM, where he's sitting in a boat looking out over the water. It's so silent and calm and soothing and beautiful. That image pops into my mind and it becomes a mini meditation all by itself. I might only hold the image in my head for a couple of minutes but it is so helpful. I have a couple of photos that work in a similar way. If I'm looking at a 'quiet' photo of Michael my mind will naturally fall into a meditative state for several minutes and it just feels like a lovely, small, restful moment in my day.

 

[staywild23]

Oh no, that's not what I meant. I love reading all the discussions and commentary on threads along with photos. It makes everything even more enjoyable especially for me because I don't know how to write!

Honestly, I am so happy to hear this lol. I think she would agree, but sometimes I imagine that @zinniabooklover and I could write long, laborious messages back-and-forth until the end of time and never run out of things to say lol.

Yesterday I had random thoughts and I did not know where to put them. I went for a trip after years, and first time just me and kids. I cried the first night because it's not meant to be this way! But then I listened to Michael and calmed down. Next day, sitting in a beautiful park, on a beautiful day, I realised, nothing is meant to be. Everything is what it is. (Don't know if that makes sense).

I am just so happy that you are finding comfort in Michael during such a difficult time in your life. The lessons you are learning from Michael's presence in your life are really part of what life is all about, IMO. I want to touch on this more in a minute.

Since Michael entered my life, everything has become opposite of what it's meant to be still everything is so much better. I could not even imagine being on Manhood thread, talk about anyone like that! Of course I know externally beautiful people in the world, I see times sexist man alive, they were and all like 'meh'. I may meet someone internally beautiful and I would appreciate them.

Oh, 100% this. I can see so many people are "objectively" attractive and they do absolutely nothing whatsoever for me. It's nothing against them personally, I just couldn't give AF about them lol. The thing about Michael is that he is striking regardless of if you are attracted to him or not. While I do think Michael was also objectively attractive most of his career (in that he had all of the features, such as beautiful eyes, incredible smile, gorgeous hair, great body, etc) there has always been an extra layer that made him just mesmerizing to look at. I mean, that's true from the time he was a child, but obviously has he became an adult he generated all kinds of attention and now look at us! So many years after death and he is making women fall in love with him left and right!

@staywild23 you wrote somewhere you think he is not real. I sometimes feel the same way. He is not real! How could such perfection exist! I must have imagined lot of it, or an imagination sent to me because it was time for me to rethink my life. His external beauty, shyness, smile, and the way people who actually met him describe him, can't be real!

Yeah, the fact that everyone who met him and worked with him talked about his aura, energy, innocence, wonder, magnetism, etc...something else was going on there. Something much bigger than all of us, IMO.

Same. It's been nearly 2 months, I think, since I rocked up on Manhood and I still don't really understand how that happened. It's SO not me. It's hilarious and I love it but it's crazy. In fact, my default setting is still 'normal me' in that a lot of the Manhood stuff doesn't really move me. But my appreciation of Michael has definitely evolved since I've been on that thread. The entire situation is bonkers but I love it.

I do sometimes wonder why it's Michael that has me so mesmerised. I've said it before, the most beautiful man I've ever seen is Adam Ant. Yet here I am, totally absorbed in Michael World. Of course, Michael is also beautiful but there is clearly something else going on. Many things.

I genuinely believe, on some level, that Michael's power goes far beyond charisma as a performer or person, and is almost a spiritual thing. Like, there is no way earlier in my life, I could have connected with him the way I do. As openly, wildly (and sincerely) as I lust for him lol I also recognize that part of that lusting is just the human way of expressing what feels sometimes like a supernatural response to someone I am so ridiculously drawn to. Like, it is easier to process that kind of magnetic pull as sexual attraction, than as some kind of emotional kinship, or spiritual dawning happening within me.

Sometimes I step back and think about this obsession and think to myself....BUT ITS JUST MUSIC...like, music is amazing. I'm not discounting that. I have felt deeply moved on a metaphysical level by music my entire life. But when I think about my extreme response to Michael and remind myself that he's "just a pop star" I feel like a lunatic. But then every time I do this to myself I think, but no, he's not "just" anything and it's not "just music"... the music is what brought me here, but the depth of my feelings about him goes much deeper than the individual songs, albums, or even performances. I feel like he is touching a core part of my humanity, not just with his music, but with every single thing about him.

I could go on about this but I'm not sure it's making sense.

 

[zinniabooklover]

@Hiker and @zinniabooklover great idea picking up on this thread again!! I always view this one as a great "catch all" thread for when we want to have conversations only mildly related to what we are discussing elsewhere!


I so appreciate these kind of comments...you have no idea. I thought I was the only person that ever felt this way about things!

I probably spend more time having these type of thoughts about Michael than any other, tbh. As ever, with Michael, there is always so much to think about. I don't mean I sit around moping and being miserable. I just mean, because Michael is a whole universe (or several multi-verses) there is a lot to think about and many different types of thoughts or emotional reactions going on at any one time.

Did he only wear the black once because of the lighting? I don't know anything about this actually. I really understand why he wore silver and gold, or just generally wore sparkly things for his performances... I am sure he went through a ton of consideration when it came to his stage clothing. Side note: I just love that he came up with the idea to use the tape on his fingers to make his hand movements that much more visible. Like, honestly, what a genius. It's also so distinctly him. He just had such an intuitive understanding of performance.

In that video I posted where Michael Bush is auctioning off lots of Michael's stage outfits (he got a lot of flak from some of the fans for doing that) he says that they ditched the black top after the first show because when they looked at the tapes afterwards, Michael had sort of 'disappeared'. Black clothes, black stage, dark lighting. Michael just wasn't visible enough. I think it's a shame because the black outfit is the best one, imo. But I totally get it. He didn't say anything about the blue one other than the fact that it did get made. I saw a photo of the blue one in some museum exhibition in America (don't know where or when, didn't have time to research it). It had silver straps down the arms. There was a gold coloured top, as well. Sort of champagne coloured. Wasn't so keen on that one. There is a photo of Michael signing stuff and he appears to be wearing the gold coloured top, it would seem.

I have synesthesia and with Michael it seems to be on overload. Sometimes when I try to process my response to him, my brain is just filled with colors, shapes, patterns, scents, blinding light, physical sensations in my body, etc. and yet, somehow, I have to wrangle together words to express that to anyone else. That's probably why I lean heavily into dramatics when I write about him lol. I don't even know how else to begin to capture what I feel.

Ah, this explains so much. I think 'overload' is definitely the word. That gives me the context for understanding your posts. Not that I find them to be horrible or weird. I understand them perfectly and I think they are completely brilliant. But this is another layer to the story, iyswim.

I find he induces overload in me and I don't have synesthesia, afaik. Sensory overload is a big issue for me so Michael sometimes has to be taken in homeopathic doses, lol. That said, I was just explaining to Hiker how much contemplating photos or images of Michael can calm me down. Or even just thoughts of him. He isn't always making me explode. Sometimes he is so helpful in giving me a soothing focus. There is something very healing about his ... I want to say 'power of soul' which is a phrase Hiker just came up with and I'm rather taken with it. I'm finding it very helpful.

 

[staywild23]

Somehow I really started thinking about stop fighting and start accepting things only after Michael entered my life. At a very high level I have to accept no matter how much I wish, I will never ever meet Michael. That is so black and white. But then I extend it to rest of the gray stuff in life, where seems like I can do something, but still it's hopeless and I need to move on. Why I learnt this from Michael, I don't know. It's a total mystery.

Ok...so now I'm going to reveal a little bit more of how crazy I might sound, but...

I don't totally feel that I won't ever meet him. Hear me out. I have always been a person that questions the afterlife on some level. I mean, I was raised with religion, but am very much on my own individual journey with that. But I have adopted a lot of my own belief systems in recent years that I feel very comfortable with and ascribe to, but some part of me was always sort of waiting for something that would solidify that belief system. Well, tbh, I think Michael may have done that for me. I worry this will sound cheesy, or trite, but whatever. We can be vulnerable here. The lyrics to APOM and the specific way he performs that song live (Wembley, I'm thinking of)... I don't know how to explain this without sounding ridiculous...but I genuinely feel like on some level that entire song and performance sum up all the beliefs I have about the universe and the afterlife that I came to conclude on my own a few years ago. So when I first heard that song and saw Michael perform it, I was like HOLY HELL this is exactly it. This is a literal signal to me that I was right about all of this. This is telling me everything I need to know and it reinforces my belief in the power of love, goodness, universal connection, etc. And the person who is reinforcing that for me radiates it SO strongly that he has to be a part of it.

Anyway, this is sort of skirting around the after life topic, which is why I brought this up. I still don't fully know what I believe in that regard -- like, I remain unconvinced in all directions just because I remain fully open to the possibility of anything. But there is this part of me that really has found comfort in the idea of death more because I feel like whenever that happens I am going to meet him (and everyone else) and that brings me extraordinary comfort and makes me more inclined to believe in after life. Which in turns makes me less afraid of death. It gives me reason to believe that death might be kind of beautiful. So...

ugh I hope I don't sound unhinged. I mean all of this in a good way. I'm not crazy lol.

 

[staywild23]

I find he induces overload in me and I don't have synesthesia, afaik. Sensory overload is a big issue for me so Michael sometimes has to be taken in homeopathic doses, lol. That said, I was just explaining to Hiker how much contemplating photos or images of Michael can calm me down. Or even just thoughts of him. He isn't always making me explode. Sometimes he is so helpful in giving me a soothing focus. There is something very healing about his ... I want to say 'power of soul' which is a phrase Hiker just came up with and I'm rather taken with it. I'm finding it very helpful.

So much good stuff in your entire post, but I have to make this response quick so I'll just focus here:

This is something I don't relate to at all, but wish I did. Pictures or gifs of Michael never calm me down. They ramp me up in every way. They make me insane lol. However, sometimes videos of him (NOT PERFORMING) will calm me down. There are some compilations on YouTube of his humanitarian work and it's just voice overs of him talking about different things related to his mission overlaying videos of him just being completely beautiful with children and people, and those bring me a sense of peace. I also can listen to some of his interviews and sometimes find a sense of calm, but not often. Listening to him sing can sometimes calm me down too, because his voice is so fucking, ridiculously, overwhelmingly beautiful, AND because at the very core of it all, Michael makes me feel safe and loved all the time, sometimes his voice calms me down.

But the vast majority of the time, Michael turns me into a wild, blubbering, foolish mess of a person and I don't know how to reign it in, or act dignified. Michael therapy for me is probably completely avoiding Michael, but that just seems like a terrible life.

 

[MacMandy90]

Girls, I'm so glad you bumped this thread! I've just been lost within my own thoughts lately about so much, even about Michael that I get a sense of not only feeling he makes me go buck wild, but at the same time have a sense of level-headedness and calm.
Just his essence and as a whole being, I'm always in awe. I went to my kickboxing class today and when I was at the punching bags and the BOB doll (sort of like the Annie CPR doll but for boxing lol) anyhoo, I felt all of this anger just blow up and I couldn't stop punching. I literally had a moment where the thought of these sick people that hurt Michael I just wanted to obliterate them. But when I stopped, I felt a release, I felt my eyes burn. I felt Michael looking down on me and saying thank you.

Sorry about my rambling drivel lol but I had a moment today, I felt I could share it with you ladies.

 

[zinniabooklover]

Girls, I'm so glad you bumped this thread!

I'm so pleased that Hiker bumped this thread. Beyond pleased. Looks like we all needed the space to express various thoughts and feelings about Michael that perhaps haven't had quite so much of an airing lately.

I've just been lost within my own thoughts lately about so much, even about Michael that I get a sense of not only feeling he makes me go buck wild, but at the same time have a sense of level-headedness and calm.

This sums up my whole Michael experience really neatly. This is basically it, for me. He can make my brain explode in a micro second but then he also can get me into a lovely state of calm so easily, so quickly. The exploding brain but also the level-headedness. That's it.

Just his essence and as a whole being, I'm always in awe.

His essence is the key thing here, I'm convinced of it. I'm completely in love with this phrase Hiker came up with, 'power of soul'. For me, that's talking about his inner essence.

I went to my kickboxing class today and when I was at the punching bags and the BOB doll (sort of like the Annie CPR doll but for boxing lol) anyhoo, I felt all of this anger just blow up and I couldn't stop punching. I literally had a moment where the thought of these sick people that hurt Michael I just wanted to obliterate them. But when I stopped, I felt a release, I felt my eyes burn. I felt Michael looking down on me and saying thank you.

Such a cool story. I love this anecdote. Brilliant. Such a healthy way of dealing with those feelings around the difficult parts of Michael's story.

Sorry about my rambling drivel lol but I had a moment today, I felt I could share it with you ladies.

I didn't see any drivel here, lol. Just some awesome thoughts and ideas that I could totally relate to. This is Michael, isn't it? He can get you dancing or it can get very

Or it can be

or

or

Just so many different ways to engage with him, think about him, so many different ways of being interested in him. It's just so wonderful. He is so wonderful.

 

[MacMandy90]

I'm so pleased that Hiker bumped this thread. Beyond pleased. Looks like we all needed the space to express various thoughts and feelings about Michael that perhaps haven't had quite so much of an airing lately.


This sums up my whole Michael experience really neatly. This is basically it, for me. He can make my brain explode in a micro second but then he also can get me into a lovely state of calm so easily, so quickly. The exploding brain but also the level-headedness. That's it.


His essence is the key thing here, I'm convinced of it. I'm completely in love with this phrase Hiker came up with, 'power of soul'. For me, that's talking about his inner essence.


Such a cool story. I love this anecdote. Brilliant. Such a healthy way of dealing with those feelings around the difficult parts of Michael's story.


I didn't see any drivel here, lol. Just some awesome thoughts and ideas that I could totally relate to. This is Michael, isn't it? He can get you dancing or it can get very

Or it can be

or

or

Just so many different ways to engage with him, think about him, so many different ways of being interested in him. It's just so wonderful. He is so wonderful.

Agree with all of the above dear!

Oh how the many ways he does these things to us the way he does. Lol I'm literally thinking of "The Way You Do The Things You Do" by The Temptations stuck in my head now, my brain is quite the DJ today lol

He's more than wonderful...he's out of this world everything.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I think she would agree, but sometimes I imagine that @zinniabooklover and I could write long, laborious messages back-and-forth until the end of time and never run out of things to say lol.

Agree 100%.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I am a writer, but I often think something is missing when I operate with words

I feel like this all the time. This is literally the first time I've seen another person express this particular thing that I struggle with. I spend most of my life feeling as if my head is exploding and this is the main reason why.

I find myself at a loss for words so often, which is why I say poetry is the only way I could imagine actually capturing my thoughts about him. The limitations of words, sentences, punctuation, grammar, existing language, etc. which are most evident in writing prose genuinely frustrate me.

Again, yes, to all of this. Since my teen years I've been whining that I'm not very articulate. And no-one buys it cos I am fairly good at stringing a sentence together. I know I am able to do that but that's not what I'm talking about. Of course, the irony is, I'm not able to explain what I mean, when I'm lamenting my inarticulacy, precisely because I don't have the words or the ability. I love other people's prose (or poetry or lyrics) but my own ability to handle ordinary, everyday communication is never where I want it to be. What I'm able to say or write never matches what's in my head. And even that last sentence right there, that's not really what I'm trying to say. Not at all. I give up!

I have synesthesia and with Michael it seems to be on overload. Sometimes when I try to process my response to him, my brain is just filled with colors, shapes, patterns, scents, blinding light, physical sensations in my body, etc. and yet, somehow, I have to wrangle together words to express that to anyone else.

I don't think I have this cos the descriptions never really fit. Certainly I don't get the colours or scents (although I can understand those descriptions perfectly) but I get a lot of the other stuff. I struggle a lot with sensory overload in all areas of my life. I can identify with a lot of what you're saying here, especially in relation to Michael. Shapes and patterns, omg, yes. I get that a lot, pretty much with everything. I think this is related to what is going on when I look at certain photos of Michael, for example. It can be the most erotic photo of him (I'm thinking of my fave gold leotard photo) and yet I'm seeing it totally differently to that. I can see the sexual allure, of course I can, but that is never the dominant thing. And even when it is the dominant thing, well, then the whole thing becomes even more difficult to deal with or understand.

That's probably why I lean heavily into dramatics when I write about him lol. I don't even know how else to begin to capture what I feel.

Same. I just go into, 'oh my head is exploding' and there'll be lots of ...

... because at that point all my bodily systems are seizing up and my brain is like, 'I'm outta here'.

 

[zinniabooklover]

"You will not grasp [him] with your mind
Or cover with a common label
For [Michael] is one of a kind
Believe in [him], if you are able"

(adapted version of poem by Fyodor Tyutchev)

Apologies to the poet Fyodor Tyutchev for mangling and misquoting his poem. It's a poem, afaik, celebrating Russia. He wrote this in the 19th century. Also, apologies to any scholars of Russian literature who might be lurking, lol. It goes without saying, quoting a C19 Russian poet does not equal any endorsement of Putin's current actions.

Enough politics! I came across the quote today and Michael jumped into my head straightaway. I wanted to celebrate Michael so here I am.

Reply

 

[Hiker]

"You will not grasp [him] with your mind
Or cover with a common label
For [Michael] is one of a kind
Believe in [him], if you are able"

Indeed one of a kind! I have been reading all the heated discussion about live vocals in concerts, and while its interesting, I am like once I look at him dancing away, it does not really matter! Though I have been trying to get over his addiction now so that I can start living my life again! Can't keep day dreaming about Michael at work!

 

[zinniabooklover]

Indeed one of a kind!

Exactly! That's one of the reasons I wanted to quote the (amended) poem. Btw, thanks for reminding me about this thread. Had completely forgotten about it even though we were all just on it last week, lol.

Also, that last line, ' ... if you are able'. To me that means, if my imagination, if my brain can handle it. Like, he's so magnificent that my brain often feels too small to accommodate him or to contain my feelings and thoughts about him. That's how I interpreted the bit about being 'able'.

I have been reading all the heated discussion about live vocals in concerts, and while its interesting, I am like once I look at him dancing away, it does not really matter!

I have seen and heard many, many comments like this over the last few years.

Ngl, the lip syncing is always gonna be an obstacle for me but, whatever. I've got BWT 1987. I've got Triumph. I've got Victory. I've got J5 live in Mexico. Jeez, that's more than enough for one lifetime. That's a whole feast in itself, all of that. Currently going crazy over Victory Toronto. Brain in shreds. So happy.

Though I have been trying to get over his addiction now so that I can start living my life again! Can't keep day dreaming about Michael at work!

I know what you mean. Just these last few days it has felt as if I might be kind of getting back just a little bit of balance. I really, really hope I'm not imagining it. I love Michael but I can't live my life at 600mph like I have been over the last 3 months or so. It's exhausting, apart from anything else. I feel like I've been in a Formula 1 race. It's too intense. I do love him to bits but I need to find a way to dial it down just a little bit.

 

[staywild23]

"You will not grasp [him] with your mind
Or cover with a common label
For [Michael] is one of a kind
Believe in [him], if you are able"

I so love this... I think it is so sweet that you are applying this to Michael, because it really does capture what we often say!

Just came here from reading the whole 30th anniversary thread which depressed the hell out of me for a number of reasons. I'm too sensitive about Michael. It's not healthy lol. Anyway, it's nice to see this right now

Indeed one of a kind! I have been reading all the heated discussion about live vocals in concerts, and while its interesting, I am like once I look at him dancing away, it does not really matter! Though I have been trying to get over his addiction now so that I can start living my life again! Can't keep day dreaming about Michael at work!

I know what you mean. Just these last few days it has felt as if I might be kind of getting back just a little bit of balance. I really, really hope I'm not imagining it. I love Michael but I can't live my life at 600mph like I have been over the last 3 months or so. It's exhausting, apart from anything else. I feel like I've been in a Formula 1 race. It's too intense. I do love him to bits but I need to find a way to dial it down just a little bit.

ahh it's interesting that you mentioned this... I'm intentionally not replying to that thread because I don't want to get sucked in, but I have a lot of feelings about it. More feelings than I should, probably.

Anyway, is it bad that I don't want to get over my addiction? LOL It's definitely disruptive to my life and because life keeps happening to me right now I can't maintain it the way I want to lol. But I really don't want it to end. I really enjoy it! haha But I do know there have been times this year that it was genuinely problematic...

 

[staywild23]

I accidentally posted my reply before I meant to! I don't know what else I was going to say, but I had a lot of thoughts.

I am very sick right now and I want Michael to make me feel better, but I can't seem to settle into anything. I'm thinking of watching a concert but I'm worried I won't be able to fully appreciate it with how I feel right now and the headspace that thread put me in. Reading that whole thread just made me so sad. I wish I wasn't so sensitive about Michael. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I'm just feeling bummed out now, unexpectedly.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I so love this... I think it is so sweet that you are applying this to Michael, because it really does capture what we often say!

Thing is, it's not really me 'applying' this to Michael, I don't think my poetry appreciation is that sophisticated, lol. I wish! It just sort of jumped into my head of its own accord, iyswim. This happens to me a lot when I'm reading stuff. But this was an especially lovely example.

Just came here from reading the whole 30th anniversary thread which depressed the hell out of me for a number of reasons. I'm too sensitive about Michael. It's not healthy lol. Anyway, it's nice to see this right now

Yeah, that thread has been real heavy and I pretty much have reached the stage where I probably am gonna bow out. Normally I wouldn't go anywhere near those sort of discussions for all sorts of reasons. But my frustration got the better of me on this occasion. I've seen this time and again. People moan about the MSG 2001 shows. Which is their right. I just feel there's more to consider. I don't see it as a straightforward duff performance.

Anyway. Enough.

Anyway, is it bad that I don't want to get over my addiction? LOL It's definitely disruptive to my life and because life keeps happening to me right now I can't maintain it the way I want to lol. But I really don't want it to end. I really enjoy it! haha But I do know there have been times this year that it was genuinely problematic...

This is interesting. I'm not sure I want to get over my addiction. Otoh, I am exhausted. I really do feel like I'm in a Formula 1 race. I can't keep that up. It's just not practical. Something has got to give. I'm not sure how that's going to pan out. I'll have to wait and see.

Currently going mad for Victory - especially Toronto. I'm obsessed. Haven't watched the whole thing and I already know I don't like the performance of HN. I watched that a couple of weeks ago. But the other stuff I've seen? Total love affair.

I hope you're feeling a bit better. I know you said you were feeling poorly when you got back from holiday.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I accidentally posted my reply before I meant to! I don't know what else I was going to say, but I had a lot of thoughts.

I am very sick right now and I want Michael to make me feel better, but I can't seem to settle into anything. I'm thinking of watching a concert but I'm worried I won't be able to fully appreciate it with how I feel right now and the headspace that thread put me in. Reading that whole thread just made me so sad. I wish I wasn't so sensitive about Michael. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I'm just feeling bummed out now, unexpectedly.

Oh, I just posted. If you're still feeling sick maybe watching a concert isn't the best idea. It wouldn't be very restful, would it? Do you have Dancing the Dream? You could read a poem. Or look up lovely Michael quotes online. If you are wanting to do some Michaeling, I mean. Or just scroll through some lovely photos. Not Manhood, lol. Maybe his lovely eyes or something a bit quieter than Manhood.

I realise these aren't very helpful suggestions. Things that I find calming seem to get you going. I remember once I posted a photo of Michael dressed in blue which I found profoundly calming but which got you all het up, lol. So I'm the last person who can make helpful suggestions.

 

[staywild23]

Thing is, it's not really me 'applying' this to Michael, I don't think my poetry appreciation is that sophisticated, lol. I wish! It just sort of jumped into my head of its own accord, iyswim. This happens to me a lot when I'm reading stuff. But this was an especially lovely example.

I don't think you give yourself enough credit! You strike me as someone who would be very in tune with poetry, or rather, very capable of it that even if it's not your preference. Either way, I like it haha.

Yeah, that thread has been real heavy and I pretty much have reached the stage where I probably am gonna bow out. Normally I wouldn't go anywhere near those sort of discussions for all sorts of reasons. But my frustration got the better of me on this occasion. I've seen this time and again. People moan about the MSG 2001 shows. Which is their right. I just feel there's more to consider. I don't see it as a straightforward duff performance.

Anyway. Enough.

Yes, I totally appreciate your comments and @Hiker's comments there, even if at times you were in disagreement about certain things. You both approach Michael with compassion and a desire to look at the context of his life. My initial reaction to that thread was wanting to declare that I only became a fan recently and what drew me in was the 30th anniversary and HIStory performances, because they are so widely circulated and were the first things I saw on youTube. The thing is....they are still absolutely incredible to someone who is not accustomed to Michael Jackson. I'm not saying they are perfect. I'm just saying I think fans can almost become numb to his brilliance after awhile and not realize how mind blowing he was at all stages of his career for people who are new to him. I was and still am blown away by performances fans regularly disparage. It's completely fine to me if people don't like all of his performances, but there are some comments that are bordering on, if not outwardly cruel about this man we supposedly all love and respect and I just.... don't get it.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I don't want to bring that convo into this thread, I just had to get that off my chest. No matter what, I appreciate that all of us always approach Michael with compassion and love, even if we don't love everything he ever did. You know what I mean?

This is interesting. I'm not sure I want to get over my addiction. Otoh, I am exhausted. I really do feel like I'm in a Formula 1 race. I can't keep that up. It's just not practical. Something has got to give. I'm not sure how that's going to pan out. I'll have to wait and see.

Currently going mad for Victory - especially Toronto. I'm obsessed. Haven't watched the whole thing and I already know I don't like the performance of HN. I watched that a couple of weeks ago. But the other stuff I've seen? Total love affair.

I love that you are on a new tour!! I'd love to know which performances you are currently crazy about!

Oh, I just posted. If you're still feeling sick maybe watching a concert isn't the best idea. It wouldn't be very restful, would it?

So true.... I don't have a fever yet, but I think watching a concert would quickly change that!

Do you have Dancing the Dream? You could read a poem. Or look up lovely Michael quotes online. If you are wanting to do some Michaeling, I mean. Or just scroll through some lovely photos. Not Manhood, lol. Maybe his lovely eyes or something a bit quieter than Manhood.

I am always wanting to do some Michaeling! I never don't want to Michael! I love the suggestion of reading Dancing the Dream! I have it right by my bed actually. I have been thinking of rereading Moonwalk also, so this might be a good time. I would looooove to scroll photos of him, but they do tend to burn me alive when I do, no matter how quiet they are... remember, to me EVERY photo thread is like the Manhood thread!!

I realise these aren't very helpful suggestions. Things that I find calming seem to get you going. I remember once I posted a photo of Michael dressed in blue which I found profoundly calming but which got you all het up, lol. So I'm the last person who can make helpful suggestions.

lmao!! I don't even remember which photo in blue this was! Do you? Now I want to see it lol. I don't find anything about Michael calming, except maybe his speaking voice (which only ever briefly calms me since it inevitably leads to me thinking about him whispering in my ear or something and then I lose all dignity again). I'm going to think on this more...when does Michael actually calm me down versus ramping me up into oblivion? This is good to consider.

Anyway, thank you for this! Just discussing this stuff has actually made me feel a lot better, emotionally

 

[staywild23]

@zinniabooklover btw, not sure if you ever got my message replies, but I did get your messages and I DID reply... so I'm not sure what is causing the issue if there is one! Sorry to put that in this thread, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!

 

[zinniabooklover]

I don't think you give yourself enough credit! You strike me as someone who would be very in tune with poetry, or rather, very capable of it that even if it's not your preference. Either way, I like it haha.

I do like poetry. Someone has just done a lovely little p*sstake of the famous Philip Larkin poem. The new version goes:

"They phone you up, your Mum and Dad
they may not mean to, but they do."

I'm at the stage of life where that is so relevant. It made me howl with laughter.

Yes, I totally appreciate your comments and @Hiker's comments there, even if at times you were in disagreement about certain things. You both approach Michael with compassion and a desire to look at the context of his life. My initial reaction to that thread was wanting to declare that I only became a fan recently and what drew me in was the 30th anniversary and HIStory performances, because they are so widely circulated and were the first things I saw on youTube. The thing is....they are still absolutely incredible to someone who is not accustomed to Michael Jackson. I'm not saying they are perfect. I'm just saying I think fans can almost become numb to his brilliance after awhile and not realize how mind blowing he was at all stages of his career for people who are new to him. I was and still am blown away by performances fans regularly disparage. It's completely fine to me if people don't like all of his performances, but there are some comments that are bordering on, if not outwardly cruel about this man we supposedly all love and respect and I just.... don't get it.

I've seen and heard lots of fans talk about how the MSG shows were their first exposure to Michael and how blown away they were. For many people that is where their fandom started. And I don't have a problem with that. Or even with people moaning about those shows. It's some of the language or the attitude that I have a problem with. If people find that first show disappointing, OK, fine, but maybe just say that rather than tearing Michael down. I think if we're going to criticise those shows we need to look at the bigger picture. Or at least modify some of the language that gets used. I agree, some comments I've seen / heard are outright cruel and I think it's entirely unnecessary. There is enough of that from people who don't like Michael. Please let's not add to it.

Anyway, I'm sorry. I don't want to bring that convo into this thread, I just had to get that off my chest. No matter what, I appreciate that all of us always approach Michael with compassion and love, even if we don't love everything he ever did. You know what I mean?

Totally know what you mean. And it's good to get stuff out. I've vented my frustration on that thread. Now I need to move on from that.

I love that you are on a new tour!! I'd love to know which performances you are currently crazy about!

Well, I've only just declared my allegiance (sp?) to Victory so I'm not on a particular show. Thought I hated Toronto but am now completely smitten. Also loving NY although haven't seen much of that one so far. Loving Dallas. Or is it Kansas? I think it's Dallas. I think Kansas is the one where the picture quality is crap so it's getting on my nerves even though the audio is fine and the show is fine.

I'm at that stage where I want to consume it all and I'm jumping around like a mad flea. It will settle down eventually but not for a while yet. This is what it was like with BWT 1987. Jumping around like a mad thing. Awesome!

But in terms of actual songs, as opposed to particular shows, I'm OBSESSED with 'Tell Me I'm Not Dreaming'. I cannot stop watching that one. Usually Toronto but sometimes ...

I just took a break of about an hour. 5 mins for a quick snack and the rest was me immersing myself in Victory cos, you know, I haven't watched any of it since, oh, I don't know, probably a couple of hours ago. Yeah, that long!

Anyway, can't really fill you in on where I am with it cos I'm sort of all over the place. Like, weirdly, just now, I thought I had watched an awesome WDAN from NY but now can't find it. So I need to investigate that. HH / TPH from NY is awesome. That's on heavy rotation, atm. OTW, just those lovely jumps he does is enough, never mind the actual song.

Btw, it's not just Michael. It's the brothers as well and I *never* thought that would happen. wth? Also, I have never liked Marlon's voice. He's got the weakest one, imo. But, my god, the man has some moves on him. I'm quite ... um, taken. We're not talking Manhood but ... yum!

Here's the thing about Victory. I feel like I'm there. And I don't want to come back. So it's massively different to other stuff I've watched. I'm in a blood rush of giddiness and ... it's hard to explain. This feels like my rock gigs. It's different. It's more.

And f&m isn't helping. There have been more J5 suggestions (all flaming brilliant) so I think a cease and desist letter is in order there. My blood pressure can't take much more of this. I watched 3x J5 today. I was on the floor by the end.

Sorry. This post is far too long. My headspace is totally Victory now so I don't know how to judge things anymore. Everything's been flipped.

I am always wanting to do some Michaeling! I never don't want to Michael! I love the suggestion of reading Dancing the Dream! I have it right by my bed actually. I have been thinking of rereading Moonwalk also, so this might be a good time. I would looooove to scroll photos of him, but they do tend to burn me alive when I do, no matter how quiet they are... remember, to me EVERY photo thread is like the Manhood thread!!

I do tend to forget that. Not sure why, lol. Any picture of Michael that I think is nice and quiet and you'll be going crazy. So funny, lol.

lmao!! I don't even remember which photo in blue this was! Do you? Now I want to see it lol. I don't find anything about Michael calming, except maybe his speaking voice (which only ever briefly calms me since it inevitably leads to me thinking about him whispering in my ear or something and then I lose all dignity again). I'm going to think on this more...when does Michael actually calm me down versus ramping me up into oblivion? This is good to consider.

I do find this so interesting because I do have lots of Michael stuff that massively calms me down. I don't know how I'd cope if he was revving me up 24/7.

Anyway, thank you for this! Just discussing this stuff has actually made me feel a lot better, emotionally

Oh, that's good. Especially since I'm not even sure I'm making sense. My brain is so deep into 'Victory brain mode' I don't really know where I am. Although I have no confusion about Michael. Watching the Victory shows, even though it's all of them, I am aware of Michael at all moments. I can feel his genius brushing the back of my mind even when I'm enjoying the brothers. It's awesome.

Btw, apologies for the excessive use of the word 'awesome'. If you have any suggestions of alternative vocab I could use, please, feel free ...

 

[zinniabooklover]

@zinniabooklover btw, not sure if you ever got my message replies, but I did get your messages and I DID reply... so I'm not sure what is causing the issue if there is one! Sorry to put that in this thread, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you!

I'll get on to the admin peeps. Not sure what's going on. I'll see if they can sort it. Thanks for letting me know.

 

[AlwaysThere]

Welcome to the community!

I’m in my mid-20s, and was just entering middle school when Michael died. So, as with you, my understanding of him was based entirely on things my friends said, or jokes made about him in movies or on TV. When he passed, I was still very much in my Disney/Nickelodeon phase, so I had no idea the extent of his impact in pop culture. Matter of fact, I’d only ever heard snippets of “Thriller” and “Billie Jean” during those old ringtone commercials. I remember distinctly seeing the world shift once the news broke though. TV Guide showed nothing but documentaries and featurettes for months. The internet basically crashed. Everyone was posting tributes and holding concerts and celebrating him. And all I could think was, “Who is this guy? Why is this so important?”

I’ll never forget the day it hit me. I was lying in my living room channel surfing, a month or so after he passed, and my eye caught Macaulay Culkin. I loved the Home Alone movies, so I scrolled back to see what I was missing. And it turned out to be the “Black or White” short film. I truly cannot understate the impact that moment had on me. The music caught me first—it was rock, it was hip-hop, it was country, it was pop, it was new jack swing, it was funk. I’m not exaggerating when I say that, up to that point in my life, it was the single greatest and most unique song I’d ever heard. It opened my eyes and ears to the complexities that “adult” music could offer.

Then, when Michael showed up… wow. I was enraptured. The way he moved, the power in his voice, the way he commanded your attention every second he was on the screen. I don’t think I blinked for the entire video. That night, I had my grandmother take me to Walmart and I bought every MJ CD and DVD she was willing to pay for.

This all sounds like hyperbole, but truly, discovering MJ marked a turning point in my life. A few days after that, a friend of mine reached out and asked if I would be willing to star in a local community theater show. And I remember thinking back to the “Black or White” video and thinking, “I wanna do what he did. I wanna be like him.” And so I agreed. And now, a decade and a half later, I still perform and I’m fortunate enough to be auditioning for national tours and broadway productions. And it was all invited by that one moment of happenstance.

MJ truly changed my life. His music got me through the lowest lows and boosted me during the highest highs. I learned to sing and dance by watching him. I fell in love with music and performing because of him, and that led me to the people I currently call my best friends. Sometimes I feel like an absolute psycho because of how obsessed and devoted I am to a man I’ll never meet, but there is no way to truly express what his music has done for me.

 

[staywild23]

@AlwaysThere This is just beautiful! Thank you so much for replying and sharing. I love this thread because it's the only place I've really learned about who people are on this forum and how they came to love Michael!

I’m in my mid-20s, and was just entering middle school when Michael died. So, as with you, my understanding of him was based entirely on things my friends said, or jokes made about him in movies or on TV.

Yeah this makes me so sad to look back on, honestly. Since I am a bit older than you, I have other memories of him too. Like, I recently had a recollection of when he married LMP and hearing the adults talking about it lol. I also recently had a memory pop up of watching the Black or White video when I was very little (probably like under 6). Also, despite having very little memory of seeing him perform (though I saw some of the videos like Beat It and Bad when I was a kid -- back then thought he was so cute in Beat It, now think he's so cute in everything lol) I somehow associated suits with him...just kinda funny to recognize the ways I did know more about him than I realized. But like you, my main memories were from high school when he was mocked pretty badly

When he passed, I was still very much in my Disney/Nickelodeon phase, so I had no idea the extent of his impact in pop culture. Matter of fact, I’d only ever heard snippets of “Thriller” and “Billie Jean” during those old ringtone commercials. I remember distinctly seeing the world shift once the news broke though. TV Guide showed nothing but documentaries and featurettes for months. The internet basically crashed. Everyone was posting tributes and holding concerts and celebrating him. And all I could think was, “Who is this guy? Why is this so important?”

I’ll never forget the day it hit me. I was lying in my living room channel surfing, a month or so after he passed, and my eye caught Macaulay Culkin. I loved the Home Alone movies, so I scrolled back to see what I was missing. And it turned out to be the “Black or White” short film. I truly cannot understate the impact that moment had on me. The music caught me first—it was rock, it was hip-hop, it was country, it was pop, it was new jack swing, it was funk. I’m not exaggerating when I say that, up to that point in my life, it was the single greatest and most unique song I’d ever heard. It opened my eyes and ears to the complexities that “adult” music could offer.

Then, when Michael showed up… wow. I was enraptured. The way he moved, the power in his voice, the way he commanded your attention every second he was on the screen. I don’t think I blinked for the entire video. That night, I had my grandmother take me to Walmart and I bought every MJ CD and DVD she was willing to pay for.

This is absolutely amazing. I looooove that your grandma bought you all of the stuff you could find. That's the kind of support I love to see! Also, I totally get how Black or White would have that impact on you! I still think that song is absolutely amazing and the video is incredible (curious...what did you think when you finally saw the panther dance? from what I understand that wasn't widely available until a few years ago, right?). And YES!! Michael showing up like an actual force of nature he takes your breath away. If Michael is around, there is literally no one else you want to look at. He is so powerful in his voice and presence and yet so gentle as a person. Incredible.

This all sounds like hyperbole, but truly, discovering MJ marked a turning point in my life. A few days after that, a friend of mine reached out and asked if I would be willing to star in a local community theater show. And I remember thinking back to the “Black or White” video and thinking, “I wanna do what he did. I wanna be like him.” And so I agreed. And now, a decade and a half later, I still perform and I’m fortunate enough to be auditioning for national tours and broadway productions. And it was all invited by that one moment of happenstance.

MJ truly changed my life. His music got me through the lowest lows and boosted me during the highest highs. I learned to sing and dance by watching him. I fell in love with music and performing because of him, and that led me to the people I currently call my best friends. Sometimes I feel like an absolute psycho because of how obsessed and devoted I am to a man I’ll never meet, but there is no way to truly express what his music has done for me.

I don't think it sounds like hyperbole at all! it actually makes me so happy to read. I love that Michael had this effect on you. I can absolutely understand how this could catapult you into performance. Also, that is just incredible that you are pursuing your dreams and found yourself in the world of entertainment because of Michael!

And I know I've only been a fan for a few months, but I totally understand the feeling psycho for loving him so much. I feel that way too and I don't even have half the time with him, or life experiences impacted by him that you have! I am completely sure there are other artists who generate this kind of devotion in their fans, but I've not seen it anywhere else really. Hearing these kinds of testimonies (weird word choice, but idk how else to phrase it) makes me so happy

 

[filmandmusic]

As a kid Michael was everything to me. Mysterious and magical and I turned quite a few of my friends back then into fans because of my enthusiasm for him. I also changed schools early on and I made a few friends very quickly once we realized we were both MJ fans. But I was the kind of fan that had his walls plastered with posters and articles. Those articles were just plain weird and offensive and it has an impact on a kid.

I wish I knew MJ from when he was young and celebrated during the 70s and 80s, at the height of my fandom he already was the freaky laughing stock of the world (meaning post 93). Each appearance in tv during the 2000s was met with terrible headlines in magazines and granted MJ often looked like he was completely drugged and boozed up. During the trials in 2005 I wasn’t even following him anymore not that I believed he was guilty but it was just sad to see him like that and the media wrote one insane article after another. I think I just had enough of it. I also grew up I was not a kid anymore, I moved on or so I thought but since his passing I am completely MJ crazy again and this is still going strong 13 years later so I don’t think it will ever change.

Anyway my earliest memories often involve Michael Jackson and i’m a very melancholic person so I often look back and reminisce though the nostalgia also hurts because I miss my kid and early teen days so much.

The load he carried throughout his career was a heavy one, he had a heart of gold no matter how much shit they smeared on it, it continued to shine and it shows how strong he was to be able to carry on, raise kids and organise stuff for the poor and the sick. He could have stopped all that but he didn’t, I think he never stopped believing in the good of people.

In an ideal world his strength would be an inspiration for me and my life but I am weak and I have frail shoulders.