I can't believe it. :no: His birthday will seem forever tainted. It will never leave my mind that he was "buried" on that day. I thought we'd be able to hold Aug 29 apart from the pain, apart from the whole death thing, purely for celebration of life. I know this doesn't seem to bother some people, but so far everyone else I've asked thinks it's pretty twisted. If someone in my family died close to their birthday I would make an absolute point of NOT burying them on that day, even if it meant holding off the funeral or rescheduling things. But then... they can do whatever they want in the end. Maybe Michael would even want that for some reason. Who's to say. I personally hate it, though. Really hate it. (Not that that matters.)
And not being able to visit. Totally private. :no: I was ok with the idea that maybe it would be a place off-limits for a while (maybe even a few years), just that eventually we'd be able to lay flowers there... but now it sounds like we'll NEVER be able to. Never even get close. Nothing.
I feel totally broken. This past almost-two months have just wrecked me and this is like the last piece of something I just can't take. Gone, gone, can't even visit someday. My first thought when I read this was "just kill me now, then." I'm just... I can't take all this anymore... I'm sinking finally, after somehow holding up until now... just can't take it all...