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Goodnight Michael

Anyone heard from Billie Jean? :cry: I am worried :(

Please keep writing to me Billie Jean...I get worried when you aren't in my PM inbox :(
 
As I close my eyes,
I can see your face.
Your smile, your laugh,
Your tender embrace.

So goodnight sweet Angel,
it's you I adore.
Visit me in my dreams,
I love you more.

xxx
 
The last pm I received from her was on the 22nd also...I have been worried about her to.....I have been praying for her.....I hope she is ok..:angel:
 
Thank you everyone for showing your concern. I'm sorry I haven't written in some time. I took a full box of a certain type of tricyclic anti-depressants. I don't remember which ones exactly, as I had thrown away the box and kept them in a different container together with the date of expiry.... Almost immediately after ingestion, I was shaky, alternately hot and cold, sweating and turned red. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Eventually someone noticed my sorry state and called an ambulance. I was talking in the ambulance, but lost conciousness on the way to hospital. I woke up again and began vomiting (which probably saved my life). I was covered in tubes and monitors. When I passed out again -- I later found out -- my heart stopped and I had to be revived. After three hours in emergency I was taken to a ward. I spent all night vomiting and shaking...This was not intended to be a gesture or mere "attempt". I was honestly intending to die. It didn't work. :cry: I can't take this pain anymore. I miss Michael so much it hurts so bad.
 
Each night in my dreams
We share all our love
I think you've been sent
From heaven above
We run through the sand
By the sparkling blue sea
In my dreams
It's just you and me
But when I wake up
You're not by myside
We no longer kiss
To the sound of the tide
I need to hold you
To kiss you all night
And when were together
I know our love is right

I love you, unconditionally.. Goodnight my love. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thank you everyone for showing your concern. I'm sorry I haven't written in some time. I took a full box of a certain type of tricyclic anti-depressants. I don't remember which ones exactly, as I had thrown away the box and kept them in a different container together with the date of expiry.... Almost immediately after ingestion, I was shaky, alternately hot and cold, sweating and turned red. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Eventually someone noticed my sorry state and called an ambulance. I was talking in the ambulance, but lost conciousness on the way to hospital. I woke up again and began vomiting (which probably saved my life). I was covered in tubes and monitors. When I passed out again -- I later found out -- my heart stopped and I had to be revived. After three hours in emergency I was taken to a ward. I spent all night vomiting and shaking...This was not intended to be a gesture or mere "attempt". I was honestly intending to die. It didn't work. :cry: I can't take this pain anymore. I miss Michael so much it hurts so bad.
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:cry:

i don't know what to say.....
Michael doesn't want you to die.

if I could take all your pain away i would, everyone's pain.
I'd give my life if it means that Mike would come back.

Please don't do it again. Please.
MJ would be very sad if you should die that way...
 
Billie.
you reallyb give me the shivers girl!
I,m so happy you did not die!
Why do you think you were resqued?
It was ment to be that tose people were on time to save you!
Believe me, michael did not wanted you to die sweetheart!
Is your family around you now?
if not, you can always call me.
i allready gave you my phone number.
Are you close to Holland?
if you are then i will come and visit you, so you have someone to talk to...
 
I will be crying myself to sleep tonight.
All I want is to give you a hug in my dreams Michael, that's all I want!
But I don't wanna wake up :cry:
I miss you so.

*cries*
 
Another day has past on by,
and I try so hard not to cry.
Eternaly yours I'll always be.
Goodnight my Angel,
I Love you endlessly.
xxx
 
Thank you all for your support and understanding ...
My attempt failed. :cry: I know now, after spending a few hours on the internet trying to find something that DOES work, that this is not usually a very successful method. I suppose I figured if one or two sleeping pills could knock me out, a whole bottle or two would do just fine. I'm going to try a different method when/if I get round to a 2nd attempt. I just need to make sure I don't fail. Oh God! I keep crying my eyes out. I can't sleep, I can't do anything else. I feel like I'm about to die..
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thank you all for your support and understanding ...
My attempt failed. :cry: I know now, after spending a few hours on the internet trying to find something that DOES work, that this is not usually a very successful method. I suppose I figured if one or two sleeping pills could knock me out, a whole bottle or two would do just fine. I'm going to try a different method when/if I get round to a 2nd attempt. I just need to make sure I don't fail. Oh God! I keep crying my eyes out. I can't sleep, I can't do anything else. I feel like I'm about to die..
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Darling please don't hurt yourself :( Please stay here with us, for Michael.

I know it's hard but please let us help you :cry:

Michael wants you here :(
 
The sky is gray (it's raining)

The sky is gray.
It's raining outside.
My eyes are red.
It's raining inside.

Rain drops..
Tears..
Clouds..
A piece of paper..

I'm writing..
It's raining..

It rains harder..
I cry louder..

It stops raining outside.
The sky no longer cries..
But it still rains in my eyes.
 
Sorry Michael I can't hold my tears... I wish I could talk to you for just one second.. I love you. When you died, you ripped my soul out and took it with you. I am not the same since you left. Without you, I am dying.. :weeping:

Goodnight, my love. I will be seeing you again in my dreams. Please take all my kisses with you.
 
I finally woke up
I woke up feeling right
I dreamt all along
I dreamt through the night

I dreamt about rainbows
Of sunshine and rain
I dreamt about passion
With no one to blame

I dreamt of a place
Where dreams do come true
I dreamt of the moment
I'll be there with you
 
I would close my eyes forever If we were together in my dreams..
I love you Michael, I always will. Goodnight, my sweet angel, my love. Please take all my kisses with you.
 
*Billie Jean*

I can't say I understand how you must feel, I handle his death a little different and also had a wonderful friend to talk to but I was able to understand death is just the next step being closer to GOD.

GOD created each and everyone of us for a reason and he don't make mistakes, Michael is where GOD wants him to be and his watching over him in everyway.

You have keep moving forward and finding ways to stay focus, I know for some fans they took his death very hard and I can only say I took my mother's death very hard when she passed away in 2003 but I understand GOD don't want us to mourn long.

Michael was a very godly man and he had faith in GOD, Michael didn't take his life, you need to be strong for GOD to finish guiding you with his plans. I know so many fans wanted to meet him and I understand and truly it's hurt a lot of you to deal with his death but you have to be strong and take one day at a time.

Baby steps but keep moving forward, you have a mission in your life and GOD have a plan for everyone, i'm also talking to other's that may be reading this and feeling the same way.

I hope things get better for you.


Michael is in the hands of GOD, where he need to be safe from harm way.

 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thank you for your kind words. I tried. But failed. The pain inside prevailed. And so there's nothing left for me to do but to lay down and die.......
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Never Alone...

remember that hun xo

We're going to get you through this - for you and for Michael.

Michael needs you here. I PM'd you again :) hugs xo
 
I understand you so much, really. I feel exactly the same way as you do.
I try to stay strong at school and at home 'cause I don't want my friends and my mum to see me crying, firstly because I don't want them to feel sorry for me and secondly, because they don't understand this love that we feel for Michael.
I miss him very, very much. :( And I thought that the pain would have disappeared at least a bit by this time, but it hasn't gone away. I love spending my time outside in my terrace, 'cause I lay down and just stare at the sky, I feel that I'm protecting Michael that way, so if he needs something, I'm there at every time. But hurts so much to be looking at the sky and don't know exactly if he's up there. :(
Michael.......come back...
 
Tin Angel said:
I understand you so much, really. I feel exactly the same way as you do.
I try to stay strong at school and at home 'cause I don't want my friends and my mum to see me crying, firstly because I don't want them to feel sorry for me and secondly, because they don't understand this love that we feel for Michael.
I miss him very, very much. :( And I thought that the pain would have disappeared at least a bit by this time, but it hasn't gone away. I love spending my time outside in my terrace, 'cause I lay down and just stare at the sky, I feel that I'm protecting Michael that way, so if he needs something, I'm there at every time. But hurts so much to be looking at the sky and don't know exactly if he's up there. :(
Michael.......come back...
Click to expand...


:cry:
 
Tin Angel said:
I understand you so much, really. I feel exactly the same way as you do.
I try to stay strong at school and at home 'cause I don't want my friends and my mum to see me crying, firstly because I don't want them to feel sorry for me and secondly, because they don't understand this love that we feel for Michael.
I miss him very, very much. :( And I thought that the pain would have disappeared at least a bit by this time, but it hasn't gone away. I love spending my time outside in my terrace, 'cause I lay down and just stare at the sky, I feel that I'm protecting Michael that way, so if he needs something, I'm there at every time. But hurts so much to be looking at the sky and don't know exactly if he's up there. :(
Michael.......come back...
Click to expand...

All you said, is EXACTLY the way I feel.. Many times I want to cry but I can't cause no one around me understands me so I have to wait till I am alone to express what I am feeling and I have to smile though my heart is aching, but now I feel that I really can't do that any more, that's so hard. I can't take it any more. I haven't had a day yet where I haven't had to go hide in my room and just cry. My heart cannot accept yet. After his death the things that make me happy seem to not make me happy anymore.. All of my hopes are gone, and my passion for life is gone. I have tried and tried, but it seems the more I try the more I fail. He was everything to me like a sun in the sky. Now he's no longer with me, the Heaven has stolen him from me but not from my soul, life without him nothing but a pain in my heart and soul. I will live forever in tears.. :weeping:
 
Even though you're gone
My dreams and memory still live on.

I will never forget what you've done for me
And I'll be dreaming of you endlessly.

Cuz in my dreams you're still my man
Who's always been there and understands.

In my dreams you're still my hero
Who's helped me fly without letting go.

In my dreams you're still my life
Who brings the twinkle back into my eyes.

In my dreams you're still my brave knight
Who was always willing to take up a fight.

In my dreams you're still my king
Who has always given me my everything.

In my dreams you're still the only guy
Who has showed me what it felt to be alive.

In my dreams you're still my joy
That no one can easily destroy.

In my dreams you're still my fantasy
Who's always filling me up with extacy.

In my dreams you're still an angel sent from above
Who showed me how it feels to be loved.

And in my dreams I'm still your girl
Ready to share her whole entire world.

But back in reality I still hold an empty space
Where no one can be easily placed.
 
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