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Damn me and my shyness

When you go next time and buy something, chose 'her' line for paying again.
Then when you want to pay put a paper with your handwritten phonenumber in between the money notes and 'accidentially' hand it over to her... then pretend you notice and say something 'oh sorry stop... that's my phonenumber I wrote down for someone'... take it back then look up again and say something like... 'you know what, I'd like you to have it, if you'd like also call me up and we can go out for something fun'. ;) *giggle* I'm full of such ideas! lol
 
I think i have made my decision on how i am gonna play this one out, and it's definitely gonna surprise you, i am even surprised ...IF i really am gonna keep on with that...but i REALLY am planning on. Ok here goes...

This evening i've been talking to a guy on MSN, a dude i don't know personally but always on MSN we chat about things. About life, it's meaning, alotta deep conversations really, and also some very funny ones that didn't mean anything. Well..nothing really deep for now here, just something nice i guess.

I think i should change my 'attitude' to something more like 'why do i worry so much, lighten up...don't care so much about how you are gonna do this.
Just go there, and ask the question, without any monkey business around it. No note, no questions to another cashier about what her name is...cause who the hell am i kidding now? I know her name already. Someone said it before on this forum i think...what have i got to lose?
The worst that can happen is that she says no and that i'll be thinking to myself 'shit' and maybe have the feeling that i look stupid at that moment.

BUT...i do walk out of that store, knowing i had the guts to straight out ask it. It's bound to up my self confidence and make me more 'tougher' too for next times i see a nice lady. Like someone told me...who knows that a first meeting/date (if that happens, that is) might greatly dissapoint, maybe she dislikes certain things, who knows..maybe she has nothing with dogs...well that's a huge no no for me right away. Who knows..maybe she's a psycho ;) (hey let's throw some humour into this as well eh)
Why make it all so unnessarily difficult? So like i said ...what do i got to lose? Nothing...gain? Alot...EVEN if she says no..,i gain things. More self confidence and more.


Of course there's always a chance that this is just me now talking all brave and tough, and not doing it at all next week or saturday...but really i should keep on with this one. And even if i am still nervous as hell when i ask her out...or that it all might come out weird out of my mouth...i still will have done it, and i will gain more guts with that i'm sure.

What i'm planning on saying is basically 'Normally i don't do this, but would you like to go for a drink with me sometime?' And maybe...just maybe add more...like ' Cause i've seen you a couple of times now and would like to get to know you better' . Something along those lines...maybe alittle shorter. I shouldn't care ANY bit about any customers there..i don't even know them...why should i worry? Let them see me asking a nice looking lady out, right? There are of course several ways..i could wait for when the clock almost hits 8 o clock so that's when they close down..and the counter won't have any customers...or wait outside and then ask it . But i think i'll go for the one where there's just customers...cause again..why should i worry about other customers?

So i've been doing alotta thinking and the conclusion is that all that other 'childish' and high school stuff is just not the way to do it. If i keep on with this...i am pretty sure that i will have gained alot more 'experience' and self confidence than by doing it in such a shy and almost kiddy way :yes:
 
Go for it Staffordshire....just walk on up to her and say "You and Me. Drinks at the Neighborhood Bar - Be There or Be Square ok babe?" naw better not just do it your own way!! LOL!! :lol:
 
I received more advice...but i ain't too sure about it. Basically it's like i ask another co-worker there (probably a girl) this ' Excuse me, may i ask something strange? Do you happen to know (insert name) ? I come her regularly and i was planning on asking her out, could you call her up for me?

So basically that she comes over to her and me and i can ask the question. Personally i don't like it much. I wanna do it all myself...it might come as a surprise and unexpected to her...but if i am right about that i think she has an interest in me too...i think she'd only be flattered and maybe also loving it . Maybe i should think about what i'm exactly gonna say to her though...

A friend of mine says i should flirt alittle first with her , otherwise it becomes obvious that i've been 'stalking' her all the time. Those are his words, not mine...i don't agree with that at all. I think simply walking up to her counter , waiting for my goods to be scanned and all...and then maybe alittle softly/silently saying 'This might come unexpected/as a surprise....but would you like to go out for a drink with me sometime?' Much better than starting with ' Normally i don't do this' ..it doesn't sound too friendly.

I find nothing wrong with that...she will have seen me like three or four times by then (last saturday i am counting two times...cause i was twice there,lol) if i am right about that she's interested in me too...it won't even be that overwhelming for her...and maybe she says yes, and gives her number or anything like that.

I agree with other people that it would be even more nice to ask when she's not being the 'cashier' , but that's practically impossible. I'm not gonna wait outside..that's not my style and i don't like it. I hope she'll like it...she'll be working, and probably tired and already thinking about going home..and there i come ...a guy all of the suddenly asking her out? If you think about it...how could she not enjoy that? Lol.
 
OKay, I finally caught up with reading this thread, because I like this topic a lot. I thought of something....just as I was reading your last post...

if it's late in the day, and if it's evening you could say something like.. "It's been a long day, hasn't it?".. then maybe she'll say yes... then you could say.. "Well, if you're not busy after work, would you like to take a break with me? cuz I'd like to get to know you" ... with a smile of course...

I dunno, I'm just stirring up more ideas :) lol

You know instead of asking for msn.. I think you should ask for her number too. When I worked for Jack in the box a few guys actually asked for my number this way...

I'd ask.. "anything else?" and they'd say... "yeah, you're number"... lol I thought it was cute.. it made me smile...

I just thought of something else.. if she asks.. "Did you find everything okay?" then you could say... "well yeah... but I didn't find your number anywhere, do you have it?" ;)
 
Darvon1982 said:
OKay, I finally caught up with reading this thread, because I like this topic a lot. I thought of something....just as I was reading your last post...

if it's late in the day, and if it's evening you could say something like.. "It's been a long day, hasn't it?".. then maybe she'll say yes... then you could say.. "Well, if you're not busy after work, would you like to take a break with me? cuz I'd like to get to know you" ... with a smile of course...

I dunno, I'm just stirring up more ideas :) lol

You know instead of asking for msn.. I think you should ask for her number too. When I worked for Jack in the box a few guys actually asked for my number this way...

I'd ask.. "anything else?" and they'd say... "yeah, you're number"... lol I thought it was cute.. it made me smile...

I just thought of something else.. if she asks.. "Did you find everything okay?" then you could say... "well yeah... but I didn't find your number anywhere, do you have it?" ;)
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The first two can work, but the last probably not. Most of the time they don't say 'anything else?' in supermarkets here. Most of the time they just ask if you want the receat and that's it. Especially the last one, they'll never say...there's not really a reason for it :)

I'm not gonna ask her number or MSN...i'll see what happens when i ask if she'd like to go out and have a drink with me..or anything like that. :)

I shouldn't make it too long either...cause it might make her feel uncomfortable and thinking that customers are complaining and whatsoever. I think this one might be quite good...

"Busy day? Glad it's almost over? ...she says something...' Maybe you would like to go have a drink with me sometime' I think that's better than to ask if she wants to do that after work. With 'sometime' i mean..sometime soon. Whenever it feels good for her, whenever she's fine with it...cause it doesn't matter to me. But i do think she should be able to think about it...and maybe even look forward to....even though i of course would like it (if she says yes) if the 'meeting' happens that same day or next.
 
Yeah maybe so...but if one thing is for sure..i'm a big pussy, i really am. And here's why. I had today off, cause it's Queen's day in my country..so i went to the store in the morning. I peeked at the counters and didn't see her...so i was like 'well...too bad then' , bought a few things and when i was almost done...i then saw her placing some products and things in the store...instead of walking up to her....i just didn't :(. I simply don't have the guts...if this had been any other girl....i could have...i don't understand this though, cause i don't even know her yet...why the hell is this so difficult for me then?.....

I did walk around in the store just thinking of what to do...i decided to go to the counters and just pay my stuff. She was behind the counter again....

I did smile alot and greeted her but that was it.....once again.
And this time however, the shop really wasn't too busy..it was pretty much the perfect moment for that. I wasn't even sure if i was gonna give ya'll this update...cause honestly it's getting rather stupid now.

It's also a principle of mine..i had already said to myself 'Ok, well, next saturday you are just gonna ask if she wants to go out' ...so this came unexpected for me, but that's no excuse. I should loosen up more...even if i have already loosened up alot more than before...it's still not enough.

Remember my message where i was talking like 'screw it , i'm just gonna do it'? the thing is....it hasn't got to do anything with that. I know i have nothing to lose...it's just damn hard to actually do when it comes down to it. Especially cause i just don't have any experience in that.

Now of course...i can say once again for the milionth time that i'll do it this saturday, because now that she've seen me a few times, maybe it's more 'apropriate' to ask her oud...but when it comes down to it.....i think i'm gonna give up on this and really really work on that 'aspect' of mine...you know. That's just one problem i have...yesterday night i was in town with my bro and his girl, checking out some live music and we had a great time. I cracked several jokes with my bro's girlfriend and had a nice time..that's the thing with me..i don't have any problems when talking to people i just see a friends and family or just anyone. But when i really seem to dig a girl...........i fail.
 
the 'unexpected' killed your plan cuz you're talking yourself into being in love. You didn't see her behind the counter and thought you're somewhat 'saved' or better relieved lol then it got you by surprise that she was there. That's what happens to all of us when we're somewhat more than only interested in someone. We're often acting kind of stupid when we 'so much want to impress'... you really need to calm yourself down and you need a plan which can't go wrong. Take a friend with you who'll stay in the background... if that really helps you... I don't know you, maybe it's easier for you to go alone.
 
Exactly, it's 'my plan, the unexpected' . I actually went there again at the end of the working day...i was in the neighborhood and did needed a few things to, so i was kind of planning on 'trying' it at least now..but she wasn't there. I just wonder if i had asked her anyway, if she had been there, lol.

Well, one thing is for sure..i am more 'brave' and 'tough' when i am with someone, but really...when it comes to things like this, i think i should go alone. But you actually think if this had been saturday...i would have aksed the lady to go out?
 
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LOL, you folks keep standing by me huh, awesome. Even though i am messing this one up so badly for myself, lol.
 
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Today i went there again, and i did my shopping, and while doing that..i was trying to find a nice 'starting line' to say to her when i got to the counters....i wasn't really planning on asking her out (i have that planned for tomorrow, so it'll stay that way,lol) when i got to the counters i was acting real friendly and smiling alot...when i had payed , i was bagging all my stuff in a plastic bag and i took my time with it..cause i really was about to ask the question. I saw that two customers were about to leave so i would have all the time and space for it...i wouldn't be surprised if she really noticed it this time too. But still i decided to
wait for tomorrow...for some reason.I was also incredibly nervous...horrible, lol.

I talked to another friend about it, and he understands it all too well.He said ' yeah, when that happens, you simply just close down' which is very true. And i still ain't 100% certain if a alittle note(a mini card) might be good after all. Just a small card with some writing on it and i'll slip it between money....even though i still find it rather childish...

Another friend actually said i should drink alittle, to loosen up...and then go there......either way...i hate this. Why does this have to be so hard, even when i don't have anything to lose....it still ain't easy. I am 26 years old damnit..shame on me,lol.
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Today i went there again, and i did my shopping, and while doing that..i was trying to find a nice 'starting line' to say to her when i got to the counters....i wasn't really planning on asking her out (i have that planned for tomorrow, so it'll stay that way,lol) when i got to the counters i was acting real friendly and smiling alot...when i had payed , i was bagging all my stuff in a plastic bag and i took my time with it..cause i really was about to ask the question. I saw that two customers were about to leave so i would have all the time and space for it...i wouldn't be surprised if she really noticed it this time too. But still i decided to
wait for tomorrow...for some reason.I was also incredibly nervous...horrible, lol.

I talked to another friend about it, and he understands it all too well.He said ' yeah, when that happens, you simply just close down' which is very true. And i still ain't 100% certain if a alittle note(a mini card) might be good after all. Just a small card with some writing on it and i'll slip it between money....even though i still find it rather childish...

Another friend actually said i should drink alittle, to loosen up...and then go there......either way...i hate this. Why does this have to be so hard, even when i don't have anything to lose....it still ain't easy. I am 26 years old damnit..shame on me,lol.
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I'd swallow my pride Staffordshire and go there and ask her. I think a lot of your problem stems from Fear of Rejection. You are afraid that you go there, you ask her, and she rejects you. But what does that really really mean? Maybe this will happen, but then again maybe it wont? You just can't assume the worst before it happens....so I'd go get that little drink, go in there, put my best foot forward, smile and ask her out.

I think she'll say Yes. Cause I think she's waiting for you...:)
 
Well i'm not sure if it's fear of rejection, cause sure it would suck..and be too bad, but it's not the world ending or anything ;). I think it's more of fear that it might sound very stupid when i am asking her, since i'm already so damn nervous when i'm there.

Damn me though, twice this week i had the chance. It was during times that i'm normally at work...but never did it get this close. All those times that i said i was gonna ask her out...i simply didn't . I practically decided that already when i was in the store those previous times...but this time today...i was taking my time with bagging my groceries, on purprose...

What do you think, asking or handing a little note/card to her? As a lady, what would you apreciate the most? And i'm also kinda thinking of what to say...but maybe i shouldn't and really keep it very simple...cause sure i could go think of things to say now..but chances are i might say something very different tomorrow to her.
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Well i'm not sure if it's fear of rejection, cause sure it would suck..and be too bad, but it's not the world ending or anything ;). I think it's more of fear that it might sound very stupid when i am asking her, since i'm already so damn nervous when i'm there.

Damn me though, twice this week i had the chance. It was during times that i'm normally at work...but never did it get this close. All those times that i said i was gonna ask her out...i simply didn't . I practically decided that already when i was in the store those previous times...but this time today...i was taking my time with bagging my groceries, on purprose...

What do you think, asking or handing a little note/card to her? As a lady, what would you apreciate the most? And i'm also kinda thinking of what to say...but maybe i shouldn't and really keep it very simple...cause sure i could go think of things to say now..but chances are i might say something very different tomorrow to her.
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You want to know what I think? I think you talking to her would be better. I think notes are a little too contrived....like your someone who uses a favorite "pick up" line too often...ya know what I mean? I think the words coming out of you, sincere words - would be so much better. But that's just me. You could say something like "I really like you. I don't know you, but I do think that you are very nice. Would you go out with me sometime?"
 
I agree with that, so i'm discarding the 'idea' about a small note from now on. :). And i think i'll go alone....it's better to do that. I have been doing that all the time now...but maybe who knows..my bro might want to come along , since he's alone this weekend, lol. And he'll be all like 'Let'see what lil bro is up to' haha.

And now that i've been there a few times...for me personally it feels more 'apropriate' to ask her this thing.
She has seen me a few times...she probably has noticed a few things now too..she has been staring alot, i have noticed all of that....so tomorrow it's time for it.
 
^^ Aw Staffordshire....tell the 'bro to stay home for crying out loud!! You're nervous enough as it is....and she has been staring, huh?? So go for it!! And please, keep us posted. You sound like you would make an awesome boyfriend for her. You care about what she may think or feel, and that is so important. To me, how someone listens to me, cares about me, and is concerned about how I think and feel are so much more important than anything material they could give me... I also hope that she feels the same way about you if you two got together....a relationship is a two-way street, remember that.

I wish you absolutely the best of luck. Tomorrow is it. Go for it!
 
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Thanks ya'll. I'm gonna go there tomorrow morning....and if it's quiet there, then i'll just ask her 'I was wondering, if you would like it to go out for a drink with me sometime?'

And if she asks why(which i doubt she'll ask,lol) like that women in Taxi Driver(movie)...i'll just say, ...'well, the reason i come to this supermarket to buy my things is not because i like the store so much, it's something else....' ..but that ain't gonna happen..but still...it's nice to say if she would ask why.

Also a good idea maybe to wait for any customers to leave before asking her...maybe even walking away from the counter (as if i'm gonna exit the place) and just look at some of the posters and advertisements on the wall...until customers leave, and then walk back to the counter...why not eh? :)
 
Well i think i'm just unlucky today...i've been there this morning..around 11:30. And just now i went again...i thought maybe she would be working from the afternoon to evening.

If i hate one thing is that i simply have no clue about what her schedule is...at what times she will be definitely working. I also don't want that store to think ' hmmm..that guy really visits us alot..maybe alittle too much' ...

So i'm not sure if i'm gonna go there again today, which would be in the evening. Last saturday she was there...i remember that. It sucks that there's no way to really see the store and if she's there...if not , i wouldn't even have to bother going in .
 
I think this deserves a third reply from me....cause i've got news, i think i can call it that.

This morning i was talking to the sister of my ex girlfriend, and she said that a note really wouldn't be that bad. I agreed but only as an last option...so just incase if the shop was gonna be very busy and there would be no time to take it easy and really talk to her.

So i wrote a small note...basically it said I really wanted to do this in person, but i see that you are really busy. I've seen you a few times now and i would like to get to know you better. Would it be a nice idea to go for a drink together sometime? I hope i didn't scare you with this

And my name and phonenumber under it...so i went there twice , first in the morning, then in the afternoon. I was like screw this...but then my bro told he was gonna go to the store for a few things and said why i wouldn't come along...so i decided to do that....

To make a long story short...i saw her at the counter...i saw that it was once again VERY busy there, so i picked the money where i had the little note kinda hidden into it...and i handed it over..she returned the little note to me as if she thought i didn't give it on purpose...then i said 'no keep it, and check it out later' then she said she didn't really hear me..so i said it again. She kinda looked surprised too...my bro who choose a different counter on purpose left after me and said he saw her looking at me leaving the store with a very surprised face.

I was very happy that i at least tried something now...so i went out of the store and just went on with my things. Just now i received a sms message from her saying Hi Thijs(my name), Thanks voor your note, i thought it was real sweet : ). But unfortunetely i am already seeing someone. I'll see you at the store again sometime : )

Ah well...too bad, i knew this was a possibility...this also means i was wrong about thinking she was interested in me too. I should work on that....haha. That next time i won't go like 'Oh my, i think she likes me too...'
 
I know these views might not be totally popular, but... there are two things that makes a man very confident: gym and martial arts. If you do those two you will change your life completely.Think about it:)
 
I will consider it. :) ...i have done Fitness already before...but the club was waaay too expensive...not many people of my age at the times i was there. And my subscription there only let me use the fitness area until end of the afternoon everyday....to be able to fitness there in the evening hours as well, i had to pay more. No way.

Either way....i'm gonna change things. I'm getting there....i was heading somewhere today and i had to ask this lady directions, and it was all just very nice and friendly...and she smiled alot too. Not that i'm gonna say it means anything now..haha...no way...but what i'm trying to say is...i should do my best more often and i'll be sure to get a lady smiling more at me ;).

So yeah i'm gonna change things...i'm not only talking about signing up on a dating site, cause i am definitely gonna do that but that's not all. I've talked to people and
also read articles about how the thought of that you'll only find a nice partner at clubs or bars is nonsense. It can be anywhere...there are so many other ways, i just have to search them.

So not only play games,watch movies by myself, walk the dog by myself, etc.. every day after work...there's more...and i'm really looking out for it now too.

For starters i'm gonna put my attention alot more on the ladies...whether they'll be walking outside,or during a concert or anywhere....i'm gonna flirt alot more. I'm gonna
show more guts..next time i see a nice lady at a concert standing by herself, it will be me who walks up to her ...that's for sure. The thing is....flirting in a nice way is something that i have to learn...learn to do and apreciate...;)
 
Aw good for you! Too bad about the girl, but hey it's a step in the right direction! The fact she text you means that she probably did like you, but obviously she is already seeing someone so couldn't meet up or whatever! Positive thinking is always a good thing. Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for soon. :happy:
 
Yeah, i apreciated the message alot. Also that she thought the note was very sweet ..i like it. It gives me...well, confidence that i did the right thing, and that it wasn't childish. Next time i'll see her at the store...we'll just laugh about it :)
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
I think this deserves a third reply from me....cause i've got news, i think i can call it that.

This morning i was talking to the sister of my ex girlfriend, and she said that a note really wouldn't be that bad. I agreed but only as an last option...so just incase if the shop was gonna be very busy and there would be no time to take it easy and really talk to her.

So i wrote a small note...basically it said I really wanted to do this in person, but i see that you are really busy. I've seen you a few times now and i would like to get to know you better. Would it be a nice idea to go for a drink together sometime? I hope i didn't scare you with this

And my name and phonenumber under it...so i went there twice , first in the morning, then in the afternoon. I was like screw this...but then my bro told he was gonna go to the store for a few things and said why i wouldn't come along...so i decided to do that....

To make a long story short...i saw her at the counter...i saw that it was once again VERY busy there, so i picked the money where i had the little note kinda hidden into it...and i handed it over..she returned the little note to me as if she thought i didn't give it on purpose...then i said 'no keep it, and check it out later' then she said she didn't really hear me..so i said it again. She kinda looked surprised too...my bro who choose a different counter on purpose left after me and said he saw her looking at me leaving the store with a very surprised face.

I was very happy that i at least tried something now...so i went out of the store and just went on with my things. Just now i received a sms message from her saying Hi Thijs(my name), Thanks voor your note, i thought it was real sweet : ). But unfortunetely i am already seeing someone. I'll see you at the store again sometime : )

Ah well...too bad, i knew this was a possibility...this also means i was wrong about thinking she was interested in me too. I should work on that....haha. That next time i won't go like 'Oh my, i think she likes me too...'
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Oh that's too bad Staffordshire. But at least she sent you a message....not like some women who don't even acknowledge things like that. I wish you the best of luck in the future...and really! Don't be so shy! Go for it....you never know where the next opportunity will present itself...it may be in a coffee shop even...
 
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