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Damn me and my shyness

Staffordshire Bullterrier

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I basically want to write this off my chest, and hope to get some advice as well, cause it's something that is bothering me and has been all my life. It IS a long read, so i hope ya'll willing to read it.

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You have guys that have alot of self-confidence and have no problem talking to anyone they see, look them straight in the eyes, and as for girls...they can walk up to them, have a nice chat with them, without any second thoughts or difficulty.

You also have guys that lack this self-confidence, who do have difficulties talking to anyone they see, have difficulties always looking people in their eyes when talking...and when they see a nice girl, simply don't have the guts or balls if you will...to walk up to them and start a little chat, they do think about doing it....but most times they just decide not to.

I am the second one....unfortunetely. Last week i spoke to my collegeau at work, he's 34 or 35, i am 26. He told me that a few years back he was incredibly shy, never had the self confidence and guts to speak to a girl.
I didn't tell him..but i was thinking to myself 'Hey...that's me' lol.

I am gonna be very open and maybe..private if you will, in this thread. Cause i don't mind it, i simply don't. Because i have been very open several times on this forum already....a few years ago , when i was about to meet my first girlfriend, which lasted for almost 3 years. When our relationship was over, i was back here, trying to find advice and help from people..which i got, which is great. SO maybe again now too.

It's been a year and two months since me and my ex gf broke up, that sounds like a long time already,, but damn i can remember it as if it was yesterday. Life goes fast...damn. All that time i have just never really wanted to find someone nice again...i was fine by myself and just taking things easy. However....lately that's been starting to change quite a lot.

I'm not the kind of guy that goes out much to clubs or things like that, neither do i have many friends here...i just never needed them , that's all i can say. I do however have very good friends but sadly they don't live anywhere close near where i live. It's the same country, but its like driving for almost 2 hours to get there, lol. So i don't really get to go out with friends..and most of the time after work i go home, to my dog...and just do my own things. All my life i could manage on my own, very very well. Always at school by myself and things like that....

Now, both my dad and bro found a great women via a dating site online.
Both very happy...and for a long while i've been saying to myself, that something like this is nothing for me, but why not? For some reason i just thought this was never gonna work for me..since i found my first girl at the place she was working at, and pretty soon we fell in love...i always thought it would be best to find a nice person like that. But nice people
can also be found on sites....these days SO many people sign up to those sites.

The thing is ...i haven't yet signed myself up, something is stopping me from doing it, whatever that is, lol. Yesterday i went to the movies with my bro, and at that place where they were selling drinks and food there was a very nice looking girl..and i would have loved to just start a small chat with her, you know...just talk a bit in a friendly way,.....the thing is, i don't have the guts. Which IS strange....cause 4 years ago i DID have the guts to call the girl from the vet's place..and ask her out. I didn't had the guts to go to the place and ask it right in front of her....lol.

This evening i was about to go to my mom's house , with my bro , but we went to the supermarket for something....when we were finished and walked over to the counter to pay for the stuff, this again..very nice looking lady smiled at me, she was behind the counter...i looked back and tried to smile too....i then looked away and i just saw that she was looking at me again...so i THINK she was maybe alittle bit interested in me. Instead of me looking back and smiling back at her....and maybe saying a few friendly nice things....i didn't. I just looked at her, greeted her and that was it. I really actually hate that about myself....for some reason when i look at a girl and she looks back...i always look away....i just ain't good in those things, but i do see it as a problem. At those times i wished i was that dude who had already started a very short brief but nice chatter with her.

I also don't get it at all why i am like this. I did have a almost 3 year relationship with my ex, learned about lots of things, i remember when i was with my ex (when it was still very good in terms of love and everything) i thanked her multiple times for 'taking away' my shyness.
I remember how i actually became more and more talkative with her lady friends...and me being shy was a thing of the past.

Thats why i think a dating site would be suited for me...you try to find someone that seems like a nice person, eventually meets up and talk alittle..get to know eachother. So one of these days i'm really gonna do that. But...for some reason i also can't get the girl from the supermarket out of my mind...it's probably the smile. WHen i get a smile from a nice lady it has a certain effect on me. It's always nice to receive a friendly smile....and most of the time that's just it. But after this smile....i am like 'goddamn it man, why didn't you smile back at all...why did you try to act like you didn't even notice her ....'

Really...if life was like a videogame, a role playing game like you know...Final Fantasy....something like that. I'd upgrade my self confidence and
change myself in that aspect. The thing is...i aint always looking away or shy. WHen i talk to my bro's girlfriend it's all good , no problems. But there are times that i can't looking straight into her eyes when talking to her, or ANYONE really. So it's not only with girls, you know. It's just me being me.

That's about it folks, hope ya'll have some good advice for me...i can't be the only one who sucks at this in life,hehe. :cheeky:
 
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I can't give you advice but I can give you encouragement.

Everyones self confident, some people are just better at hiding it than others. Trust me. I

Dont be afraid of that girl in the supermarket, see her again, smile!!!

Don't just rely on dating websites, get back on the social scene too.

Remember, you DO have the confidence to talk to girls. You know you do.

Let me know how things get on,

Btw I have a staffordshire bull terrier (Y)
 
well I'm not a guy but I'm shy too, and I don't like to go on dates because you never know who you might run into especially when you're a girl. my "tactic" is to befriend people of the opposite sex and from then on we see what happens, plus it's better to get involved with people you already know than with virtual strangers. and I for one like shy men, not all women like the confident macho kind of guys shyness is not such a bad thing I find it quite endearing you'll be surprised how many women like shy guys
 
Thanks people. Sidewalk , you do? Awesome, have some photos of the dog?
I was planning on getting one awhile ago, but eventually i went for a French Bulldog.

I'm not definitely not only gonna rely on dating sites, in fact...i still haven't signed up to any of them yet. I'm gonna do my very best to show my smile more...i've always been a friendly and down to earth person...but for some reason lately i'm alittle 'holding back' alitle acting like i dont notice or care . But i actualy do not want to act like that...that's the strange thing.

The reason why i would sign up to dating sites would be to simply get in contact with other women, talk alittle, maybe go out a few times....get to know eachother, who knows, a great friendship might grow out of it. I might meet her friends, anything like that. But i actually ain't expecting anything from it...i'm just gonna see and let it all happen ;).

Cause like how it's now...not much is gonna change. I really am the kind of person that loves to sit home after work, relax and just do his own things...at the same time i am like 'damn, someone next to me, or just some nice company would not be bad either' ...like i said, don't have too many friends in my hometown, so i don't go out much to meet others..i just don't do that by myself....so why not try a dating site. Wouldn't hurt.
 
What helped me was getting into semi-decent shape. Working out gives me extra confidence. Six Pack = Women, oh and a nice personality or whatever.... lol
 
Well, last year i did sign up at this fitness club thing. But it was VERY expensive, i could only go there after work...and at those times , there was practically nobody. But i have been thinking of finding another fitness club, one much cheaper....just haven't took the time for it yet.
 
I am also a shy person. But I have learned to just deal with it. Like some people have already said, lots of women like shy guys. So just tell whomever you can't look in the eyes that you are shy and they will actually like you for it! Also, think of these two scenarios that could happen: you go to the girl you like, and talk to her. Maybe she will talk back and show interest, maybe not. Or, you could not talk to her and she won't get a chance of knowing you! I mean; if you never shoot it's always a miss, right. Think of it that way. It's just talking.

I remember from high school that my tactic for the boy I liked was to stay as far away from him as possible. And of course we never even became friends or talked. But the bf I have now, he is an assertive person and he came up and talked to me! So it's always possible that some nice girl will come up to you and start a conversation.

I hope this has helped you!
 
Think you're doing perfect. Just ask a girl out again.
Just know whenever you like someone you should be perfectly yourself. If you're shy you should really might just tell... it's true many girls do like shy guys... but those guys should still be able to go for what they want. Give the girl the feelings it's especially for her you're trying to overcome your shyness! ;)
 
I am shy too, it was just about 2 weeks ago when I went to CVS Pharmacy there was a guy coming in, and I was going out the door... as he came in, he was looking at me straight in the eyes... I looked, thought he was cute, so I looked away... I looked back at him before I left the store and he was still looking at me. I was like... dang, maybe I should go back in.

But yeah I am like that too, I am very shy. Actually I basically just broke up with the one I thought I was going to be with forever.... but.. he broke up with me. We were actually off and on for a while, but I think today is the end of it. I truly think it is. There's just too much damage.

Anyways, I don't know if I want to date right now or not. I think I do want to be single for a while, right now I just need to get over it.

As for encouragement, what I did to meet this person that I was with is that I .. well actually gave their mother a note, but if I were to do it over again... I would have given them the note. Just... I basically said that they'd be an interesting person to meet and asked if they'd like to be friends, and then I gave them my email ;) And things went on from there.

And well this relationship was a learning experience. Hopefully I won't make the same mistakes again.

So yeah.... someone will come for you, you just have to be patient. :)
 
Thanks alot people, all of you. I should be myself, and i always try to...but when it comes to things like this, i always close down. Well...not always....not when i asked my first girlfriend out a few years ago...even though that was over the phone. As for the lady from the supermarket yesterday, i am not sure yet what i'm gonna do. I can go back there next saturday around the same time, hoping that she'll be there...if she stares at me again...i'll return the favor and smile and all of that...however, sparking up a conversation ain't gonna work. When she has so many customers to help.

A friend of mine said..' well, just wait for the supermarket to close, and just walk around and when you see her...well...you just happen to pass on by, then spark up a conversation' ....

It's an idea..but i'm not sure yet. But either way, i always apreciate any good advice. That's something i can always expect from her and just MJ fans in general, great people ;)


edit---

Well, all day she has been stuck in my head...so for me it's clear that i can't just let this be, lol. I've been thinking about it, and i'm not gonna wait till next saturday to go back to the supermarket and buy something so i can 'meet' the lady again....that's just way too long, and it's not even certain she'll be there...nothing is certain.

I think i'm gonna go there tomorrow after my work, i actually need to do some shopping so that's good...but instead of the shop i usually go to..i'll just go to that supermarket...and if i see her tomorrow,...well i'll see what happens or what i'm gonna do...and then i'll decide if i'm gonna return there a few more times through the whole week.

I'm sure there will be a opportunity for me to start a short conversation or anything like that. Either way...if she's there all week, she will see me, and if i'm right about that she seemed kinda 'interested' in me..because of her staring at me several times...then
she'll notice me too..and probably remember it as well.

Personally i don't find that a bad idea at all.
 
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Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Thanks alot people, all of you. I should be myself, and i always try to...but when it comes to things like this, i always close down. Well...not always....not when i asked my first girlfriend out a few years ago...even though that was over the phone. As for the lady from the supermarket yesterday, i am not sure yet what i'm gonna do. I can go back there next saturday around the same time, hoping that she'll be there...if she stares at me again...i'll return the favor and smile and all of that...however, sparking up a conversation ain't gonna work. When she has so many customers to help.

A friend of mine said..' well, just wait for the supermarket to close, and just walk around and when you see her...well...you just happen to pass on by, then spark up a conversation' ....

It's an idea..but i'm not sure yet. But either way, i always apreciate any good advice. That's something i can always expect from her and just MJ fans in general, great people ;)


edit---

Well, all day she has been stuck in my head...so for me it's clear that i can't just let this be, lol. I've been thinking about it, and i'm not gonna wait till next saturday to go back to the supermarket and buy something so i can 'meet' the lady again....that's just way too long, and it's not even certain she'll be there...nothing is certain.

I think i'm gonna go there tomorrow after my work, i actually need to do some shopping so that's good...but instead of the shop i usually go to..i'll just go to that supermarket...and if i see her tomorrow,...well i'll see what happens or what i'm gonna do...and then i'll decide if i'm gonna return there a few more times through the whole week.

I'm sure there will be a opportunity for me to start a short conversation or anything like that. Either way...if she's there all week, she will see me, and if i'm right about that she seemed kinda 'interested' in me..because of her staring at me several times...then
she'll notice me too..and probably remember it as well.

Personally i don't find that a bad idea at all.
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sounds very good to me. If you'll wait for her till her work is over... that should be extra romantic! ;) She should like that.
 
I'm also really shy, it sucks. :( The best thing you can do is just work on your shyness. That's what I'm doing. And there are women out there who like guys like us.

Hope you find a great girl, Staffordshire. :)
 
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SB, you are NOT the only one who "sucks at this in life" , BELIEVE ME! As a matter of fact, I am THE SHIEST person in the WORLD!!!

I am 20 years old (21 in September) OK with flirting and stuff but I have never asked a girl out myself,and have only had 3 girlfriends, the longest relationship being 2 months. This Thursday,in three days,that is,we are making a sort of a theme party and this girl I like is coming and she knows I like her and I think she may like me as well, according to talking to her and chatting over the SMS...

But the thing is I just can't stop freaking out about what could happen and what I should do at the party...I know that I shouldn't think about it and JUST DO IT (lol) but come on, it's things like these that you just can't stop thinking about!!!

I have a chance to be with this really amazing girl and finally be happy and relaxed in this aspect of life,but my shyness and my pessimism and habit of being single will destroy me... And that's what's really bugging me.

So SB you see yours is not the worst story lol...

I'd like to talk with you more on that subject any time you want though :) Maybe we find a solution together! :D
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
I basically want to write this off my chest, and hope to get some advice as well, cause it's something that is bothering me and has been all my life. It IS a long read, so i hope ya'll willing to read it.

---

You have guys that have alot of self-confidence and have no problem talking to anyone they see, look them straight in the eyes, and as for girls...they can walk up to them, have a nice chat with them, without any second thoughts or difficulty.

You also have guys that lack this self-confidence, who do have difficulties talking to anyone they see, have difficulties always looking people in their eyes when talking...and when they see a nice girl, simply don't have the guts or balls if you will...to walk up to them and start a little chat, they do think about doing it....but most times they just decide not to.

I am the second one....unfortunetely. Last week i spoke to my collegeau at work, he's 34 or 35, i am 26. He told me that a few years back he was incredibly shy, never had the self confidence and guts to speak to a girl.
I didn't tell him..but i was thinking to myself 'Hey...that's me' lol.

I am gonna be very open and maybe..private if you will, in this thread. Cause i don't mind it, i simply don't. Because i have been very open several times on this forum already....a few years ago , when i was about to meet my first girlfriend, which lasted for almost 3 years. When our relationship was over, i was back here, trying to find advice and help from people..which i got, which is great. SO maybe again now too.

It's been a year and two months since me and my ex gf broke up, that sounds like a long time already,, but damn i can remember it as if it was yesterday. Life goes fast...damn. All that time i have just never really wanted to find someone nice again...i was fine by myself and just taking things easy. However....lately that's been starting to change quite a lot.

I'm not the kind of guy that goes out much to clubs or things like that, neither do i have many friends here...i just never needed them , that's all i can say. I do however have very good friends but sadly they don't live anywhere close near where i live. It's the same country, but its like driving for almost 2 hours to get there, lol. So i don't really get to go out with friends..and most of the time after work i go home, to my dog...and just do my own things. All my life i could manage on my own, very very well. Always at school by myself and things like that....

Now, both my dad and bro found a great women via a dating site online.
Both very happy...and for a long while i've been saying to myself, that something like this is nothing for me, but why not? For some reason i just thought this was never gonna work for me..since i found my first girl at the place she was working at, and pretty soon we fell in love...i always thought it would be best to find a nice person like that. But nice people
can also be found on sites....these days SO many people sign up to those sites.

The thing is ...i haven't yet signed myself up, something is stopping me from doing it, whatever that is, lol. Yesterday i went to the movies with my bro, and at that place where they were selling drinks and food there was a very nice looking girl..and i would have loved to just start a small chat with her, you know...just talk a bit in a friendly way,.....the thing is, i don't have the guts. Which IS strange....cause 4 years ago i DID have the guts to call the girl from the vet's place..and ask her out. I didn't had the guts to go to the place and ask it right in front of her....lol.

This evening i was about to go to my mom's house , with my bro , but we went to the supermarket for something....when we were finished and walked over to the counter to pay for the stuff, this again..very nice looking lady smiled at me, she was behind the counter...i looked back and tried to smile too....i then looked away and i just saw that she was looking at me again...so i THINK she was maybe alittle bit interested in me. Instead of me looking back and smiling back at her....and maybe saying a few friendly nice things....i didn't. I just looked at her, greeted her and that was it. I really actually hate that about myself....for some reason when i look at a girl and she looks back...i always look away....i just ain't good in those things, but i do see it as a problem. At those times i wished i was that dude who had already started a very short brief but nice chatter with her.

I also don't get it at all why i am like this. I did have a almost 3 year relationship with my ex, learned about lots of things, i remember when i was with my ex (when it was still very good in terms of love and everything) i thanked her multiple times for 'taking away' my shyness.
I remember how i actually became more and more talkative with her lady friends...and me being shy was a thing of the past.

Thats why i think a dating site would be suited for me...you try to find someone that seems like a nice person, eventually meets up and talk alittle..get to know eachother. So one of these days i'm really gonna do that. But...for some reason i also can't get the girl from the supermarket out of my mind...it's probably the smile. WHen i get a smile from a nice lady it has a certain effect on me. It's always nice to receive a friendly smile....and most of the time that's just it. But after this smile....i am like 'goddamn it man, why didn't you smile back at all...why did you try to act like you didn't even notice her ....'

Really...if life was like a videogame, a role playing game like you know...Final Fantasy....something like that. I'd upgrade my self confidence and
change myself in that aspect. The thing is...i aint always looking away or shy. WHen i talk to my bro's girlfriend it's all good , no problems. But there are times that i can't looking straight into her eyes when talking to her, or ANYONE really. So it's not only with girls, you know. It's just me being me.

That's about it folks, hope ya'll have some good advice for me...i can't be the only one who sucks at this in life,hehe. :cheeky:
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Aw Staffordshire - you sound so absolutely cute with this post - I hope I am not embarrassing you. I first have to say Kudos to you for getting this off your chest. Secondly, I think you should take a deep breath, swallow your shyness, and go back to that grocery store and start talking to her, even if it doesn't mean looking in her eyes. I think you are due for a new girlfriend, and I think God put her in your path! So go for it!! What do you have to lose? Really!! Think about it - if you don't someone else will beat you to it!!

GO FOR IT!!! I'm rooting for you!
 
Everyone has their weaknesses and everyone's shy once in a while. You just have to think about it this way - you've got nothing to lose just by going and asking her whether she's free to go for a drink after work or something?! Even if she's taken you can just go for a chat and befriend her! I know it's not easy (am female and i know plenty of guys who are too nervous to ask girls out and wait for them to do the asking instead). You just have to go for it - she'll respect you for it, trust me.

EDIT: Let us know how it goes if you do pluck up the courage to talk to her :)
 
See Staffordshire? We are all rooting for you. Do you know her friends? Or maybe you can go in there on the pretext of saying you forgot something. Then, when you see her say something like "I remember you! Weren't you here the last time I came in?"...and smile....
 
blue_eyed_belle said:
If you visit the store regularly, make friends with other people that work there! Just be chatty with them and hopefully you'll meet her that way too!
Just a thought.
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Yeah!! Thats an idea. Also, try to get her name - unless you already know it? Is the store close to where you live?
 
Wow thanks people, i come back from work, i check the forum and i see all these replies. Awesome. Well,..a short update, but nothing new.

After work i went to the supermarket to buy a few things, i needed them...but i could have gotten them at a supermarket much closer to my house , but of course i'm not gonna do that, haha. And still , this supermarket really ain't too far away from my house.

I didn't see her though, i tried to remember at what time i saw her last saturday, but i was kinda early. I went to my bro's house in the meantime, was gonna go home, but decided to return to the supermarket and maybe she would be there...but nope. No luck.

There's a chance she only works there in the weekends, however..my bro who was with me last saturday told me he sees that lady quite alot when he goes shopping there, and he said he can understand why i like her , haha.
What i'm gonna do is go there every day this week after work...(wednesday i can even go there in the afternoon cause i'm off from work then) and just hope she'll be there. My plan is to just greet her, smile and give her a compliment probably...something along the lines of : Well, i didn't really had a incredibly good day, but now it's all good ' ....something like that, or something more simple like ' Well, the working day's almost over now huh' in a friendly way...

My brother also gave a few tips...he said.. check to see if she's wearing some kind of heart shaped necklace with a name on it...if it is, don't bother trying to be more than friends with her. He also said that the supermarket has it's own site..i don't mean official website but a site like myspace but entirely meant for crew from that supermarket...it's called 'Hyves' here in Holland. I might find her on there and maybe send a message. But actually i feel like doing it personally, face to face...much nicer.

And really...even if nothing comes of this...that i either can't seem to find her, or if she's already seeing someone , things like that...it doesn't matter. I actually am going outside again...i don't mean like going out of the house...but trying to find some new people, someone nice...for a long time i couldn't be bothered.

Actually before i saw that lady last saturday i really wasn't too happy with things in my life, and as crazy as it might sound...i feel like a totally different person now, even if nothing has happened...i just walk around outside with a smile on my faces, whistling and all that....simply good things:p


Also i spoke to my dad...who spoke to my brother, and my bro told him that he thinks she likes me too. He noticed the staring as well , haha.

Another good way is like i said...going to the supermarket everyday...let's say i see her tomorrow , and wednesday, thursday,friday as well...and all those times i say something friendly or something funny...not that i'm a big joker, but still.....eventually i can ask her for a drink , and i'll feel comfortable with doing that too. It would be nice if it plays out like this :p
 
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Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Wow thanks people, i come back from work, i check the forum and i see all these replies. Awesome. Well,..a short update, but nothing new.

After work i went to the supermarket to buy a few things, i needed them...but i could have gotten them at a supermarket much closer to my house , but of course i'm not gonna do that, haha. And still , this supermarket really ain't too far away from my house.

I didn't see her though, i tried to remember at what time i saw her last saturday, but i was kinda early. I went to my bro's house in the meantime, was gonna go home, but decided to return to the supermarket and maybe she would be there...but nope. No luck.

There's a chance she only works there in the weekends, however..my bro who was with me last saturday told me he sees that lady quite alot when he goes shopping there, and he said he can understand why i like her , haha.
What i'm gonna do is go there every day this week after work...(wednesday i can even go there in the afternoon cause i'm off from work then) and just hope she'll be there. My plan is to just greet her, smile and give her a compliment probably...something along the lines of : Well, i didn't really had a incredibly good day, but now it's all good ' ....something like that, or something more simple like ' Well, the working day's almost over now huh' in a friendly way...

My brother also gave a few tips...he said.. check to see if she's wearing some kind of heart shaped necklace with a name on it...if it is, don't bother trying to be more than friends with her. He also said that the supermarket has it's own site..i don't mean official website but a site like myspace but entirely meant for crew from that supermarket...it's called 'Hyves' here in Holland. I might find her on there and maybe send a message. But actually i feel like doing it personally, face to face...much nicer.

And really...even if nothing comes of this...that i either can't seem to find her, or if she's already seeing someone , things like that...it doesn't matter. I actually am going outside again...i don't mean like going out of the house...but trying to find some new people, someone nice...for a long time i couldn't be bothered.

Actually before i saw that lady last saturday i really wasn't too happy with things in my life, and as crazy as it might sound...i feel like a totally different person now, even if nothing has happened...i just walk around outside with a smile on my faces, whistling and all that....simply good things:p


Also i spoke to my dad...who spoke to my brother, and my bro told him that he thinks she likes me too. He noticed the staring as well , haha.

Another good way is like i said...going to the supermarket everyday...let's say i see her tomorrow , and wednesday, thursday,friday as well...and all those times i say something friendly or something funny...not that i'm a big joker, but still.....eventually i can ask her for a drink , and i'll feel comfortable with doing that too. It would be nice if it plays out like this :p
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LOL going to the supermarket and buy something everyday could at least make her think it's ver easy to organize your household much better for that you need to go to a store like that only once or twice a week! :D
You know try to make a short conversation with her and think about what you could say before... but let it be honestly you...
Maybe just go there for chatting with her a few times and then ask her if she could imagine going out with you... then if she says yes... don't make it too easy and tell her you'll be back with a good idea for going out! ;D something like that will work! just be perfectly yourself... it's so okay if you're not 100% confident... to be a bit insecure and maybe saying a bit stupid stuff only cuz she's blowing your mind... that's just cute! know that!!! ;D
 
Mechi said:
LOL going to the supermarket and buy something everyday could at least make her think it's ver easy to organize your household much better for that you need to go to a store like that only once or twice a week! :D
You know try to make a short conversation with her and think about what you could say before... but let it be honestly you...
Maybe just go there for chatting with her a few times and then ask her if she could imagine going out with you... then if she says yes... don't make it too easy and tell her you'll be back with a good idea for going out! ;D something like that will work! just be perfectly yourself... it's so okay if you're not 100% confident... to be a bit insecure and maybe saying a bit stupid stuff only cuz she's blowing your mind... that's just cute! know that!!! ;D
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Just reading your post makes me laugh out loud...but it's true. That is my plan...the thing is..the store ain't too cheap, so i'm gonna have to find some cheap stuff there, little things. Probably go there more than once a day...i was there today at like 5:30 in the afternoon and alittle past 6 in the evening....but nothing. So i think it's good to go more than once....
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
I basically want to write this off my chest, and hope to get some advice as well, cause it's something that is bothering me and has been all my life. It IS a long read, so i hope ya'll willing to read it.

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You have guys that have alot of self-confidence and have no problem talking to anyone they see, look them straight in the eyes, and as for girls...they can walk up to them, have a nice chat with them, without any second thoughts or difficulty.

You also have guys that lack this self-confidence, who do have difficulties talking to anyone they see, have difficulties always looking people in their eyes when talking...and when they see a nice girl, simply don't have the guts or balls if you will...to walk up to them and start a little chat, they do think about doing it....but most times they just decide not to.

I am the second one....unfortunetely. Last week i spoke to my collegeau at work, he's 34 or 35, i am 26. He told me that a few years back he was incredibly shy, never had the self confidence and guts to speak to a girl.
I didn't tell him..but i was thinking to myself 'Hey...that's me' lol.

I am gonna be very open and maybe..private if you will, in this thread. Cause i don't mind it, i simply don't. Because i have been very open several times on this forum already....a few years ago , when i was about to meet my first girlfriend, which lasted for almost 3 years. When our relationship was over, i was back here, trying to find advice and help from people..which i got, which is great. SO maybe again now too.

It's been a year and two months since me and my ex gf broke up, that sounds like a long time already,, but damn i can remember it as if it was yesterday. Life goes fast...damn. All that time i have just never really wanted to find someone nice again...i was fine by myself and just taking things easy. However....lately that's been starting to change quite a lot.

I'm not the kind of guy that goes out much to clubs or things like that, neither do i have many friends here...i just never needed them , that's all i can say. I do however have very good friends but sadly they don't live anywhere close near where i live. It's the same country, but its like driving for almost 2 hours to get there, lol. So i don't really get to go out with friends..and most of the time after work i go home, to my dog...and just do my own things. All my life i could manage on my own, very very well. Always at school by myself and things like that....

Now, both my dad and bro found a great women via a dating site online.
Both very happy...and for a long while i've been saying to myself, that something like this is nothing for me, but why not? For some reason i just thought this was never gonna work for me..since i found my first girl at the place she was working at, and pretty soon we fell in love...i always thought it would be best to find a nice person like that. But nice people
can also be found on sites....these days SO many people sign up to those sites.

The thing is ...i haven't yet signed myself up, something is stopping me from doing it, whatever that is, lol. Yesterday i went to the movies with my bro, and at that place where they were selling drinks and food there was a very nice looking girl..and i would have loved to just start a small chat with her, you know...just talk a bit in a friendly way,.....the thing is, i don't have the guts. Which IS strange....cause 4 years ago i DID have the guts to call the girl from the vet's place..and ask her out. I didn't had the guts to go to the place and ask it right in front of her....lol.

This evening i was about to go to my mom's house , with my bro , but we went to the supermarket for something....when we were finished and walked over to the counter to pay for the stuff, this again..very nice looking lady smiled at me, she was behind the counter...i looked back and tried to smile too....i then looked away and i just saw that she was looking at me again...so i THINK she was maybe alittle bit interested in me. Instead of me looking back and smiling back at her....and maybe saying a few friendly nice things....i didn't. I just looked at her, greeted her and that was it. I really actually hate that about myself....for some reason when i look at a girl and she looks back...i always look away....i just ain't good in those things, but i do see it as a problem. At those times i wished i was that dude who had already started a very short brief but nice chatter with her.

I also don't get it at all why i am like this. I did have a almost 3 year relationship with my ex, learned about lots of things, i remember when i was with my ex (when it was still very good in terms of love and everything) i thanked her multiple times for 'taking away' my shyness.
I remember how i actually became more and more talkative with her lady friends...and me being shy was a thing of the past.

Thats why i think a dating site would be suited for me...you try to find someone that seems like a nice person, eventually meets up and talk alittle..get to know eachother. So one of these days i'm really gonna do that. But...for some reason i also can't get the girl from the supermarket out of my mind...it's probably the smile. WHen i get a smile from a nice lady it has a certain effect on me. It's always nice to receive a friendly smile....and most of the time that's just it. But after this smile....i am like 'goddamn it man, why didn't you smile back at all...why did you try to act like you didn't even notice her ....'

Really...if life was like a videogame, a role playing game like you know...Final Fantasy....something like that. I'd upgrade my self confidence and
change myself in that aspect. The thing is...i aint always looking away or shy. WHen i talk to my bro's girlfriend it's all good , no problems. But there are times that i can't looking straight into her eyes when talking to her, or ANYONE really. So it's not only with girls, you know. It's just me being me.

That's about it folks, hope ya'll have some good advice for me...i can't be the only one who sucks at this in life,hehe. :cheeky:
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I have a little story to tell you about what happened to me growing up...A bunch of us neighborhood kids hung out when we were teenagers...To make a long story short...I didn't find out till many many years later that this one friend had the biggest crush on me & always wanted to ask me out, didn't because he didn't think I would go out with him...

Unfortunately he is no longer with us...

The moral of this story, never assume a lady will not go out with you...She is not a mind reader and if you don't ask what could very well be your soul mate, you will one day say to yourself, woulda, couldaa shouldda...

The worse thing could happen...she could say no..!

:angel:Knowledge IS Growth
 
Sdeidjs said:
I have a little story to tell you about what happened to me growing up...A bunch of us neighborhood kids hung out when we were teenagers...To make a long story short...I didn't find out till many many years later that this one friend had the biggest crush on me & always wanted to ask me out, didn't because he didn't think I would go out with him...

Unfortunately he is no longer with us...

The moral of this story, never assume a lady will not go out with you...She is not a mind reader and if you don't ask what could very well be your soul mate, you will one day say to yourself, woulda, couldaa shouldda...

The worse thing could happen...she could say no..!

:angel:Knowledge IS Growth
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I know, that's the only thing that can happen, and that ain't the end of the world. And as easy as it sounds...it's pretty hard, it's pretty challenging. That's why i'm not gonna askher out right away...well...i'm not planning on, but who knows. I think it's better to see her a few times, so i hope that happens tomorrow....that's the thing that kinda's too bad...i don't know at what time she will be working...so it's just guessing, this whole week, lol.

The thing that is a pro though, and not a con is that she probably likes or is interested in me as well. Like my bro told my dad...he didn't tell me, but he told my dad that she liked me too...so my bro must have been paying close attention, haha.

Either way....i could have chosen to just let it be, but this time i didn't ..which in my opinion is a good thing. Last year i was interested in this girl in my old neighborhood...she was working at the same place my ex-girlfriend worked at when i called her up a few years ago. I had sent that lady a note..but never received anything back, and since then i was just like ' screw it...let'sd just take it easy now.' and that lasted for a long time...but now i'm back, and happy :) .
 
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Aaaaw, how sweet, shy guys are a huge turn on to a lot of girls, I'm shy myself and I wouldn't want some big boisterous dude :lol:

Let us know how it goes :D
 
The Fear of Rejection is a very big, very real fear...but don't let it get to you Staffordshire...go for it!! I'm glad you have a plan....and if she doesn't wear a ring, or have a heart-shaped pendant on, that's good! Also, comment on something she may like - like sports or something....I am so rooting for you it isn't even funny. Go get her!! And keep us posted!!
 
Well, i went there again, haha...but nothing. However my brother told me he sees her working there regularly in the evening hours...basically around 7 or 8 o clock, so i'ma go there again in a bit. I am planning on just saying ' Such nice weather ain't it, it makes you happy in an instant' something like that...

Any tips/advice on nice things to say? I ain't gonna say ' my day was bad, but it's all good now' cause i find that too ..' not me' you know. Alittle too confronting as well. Something more simple....any advice?

Also if i do get to talk to her and eventually ask her out, next week on thursday there will be several live artists/bands in parks in my city, it would be pretty great to ask her for that. But let's just first meet/see her again, haha.

Either way....i feel like a completely different person..it can't only be because of her, or maybe it is. Or maybe someone just told me..lol...that my negative attitude and feeling down period should be gone now...something like that. Im great.
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Either way....i feel like a completely different person..it can't only be because of her, or maybe it is. Or maybe someone just told me..lol...that my negative attitude and feeling down period should be gone now...something like that. Im great.
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Sounds good to hear, be sure to check for a ring on her finger.. if she looks at you strangely just say... I was checking to see if you were married.. then smile and giggle...

lol j/k I dunno what I'm talking about
 
SB, just remember your daily affirmation...

You are good enough,
You are smart enough
& dog gone it, people like you !!

just be yourself, that is what people are going to connect with. it may not happen with the first person but it will happen. As long as you are willing to put yourself out there for the judging ;) they can't accept or reject you, if you don't put yourself out there. The acceptance will boost your confidence and any rejection that happens .... consider it growth :)

We are all with you !!
 
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