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Who's doing ok now?

Liva said:
i don't know what stage i'm in. for the last two day's i've been waking up with tears in my eyes and my heart aching like crazy, but once i get out of the bed, i just turn numb. i don't want to speak with anyone, i've been avoiding phone calls, i can't concentrate on doing anything, i'm just browsing the forums, kind of thinking it all is just a fuked up game. my mind just won't let me accept it. i just want it all go away, i really hope the Jackson family will do a private funeral.
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You just said everything about how I'm feeling.....and I 2 hope they do a private funeral.
 
I seem to go back and forth with my mood. One moment I will be completely fine and then the next I will be either angry or upset or both.

I have been listening to his music and watching his videos nonstop. But then when I sit and think how I have been following this man for 17 years (I'm 20) and now he is simply gone and nothing new will surface (besides perhaps unreleased stuff ya know) anymore...it just makes me so sad and completely miserable.

I don't know how to think or feel. I'm starting to feel that "emptiness" that I have been hearing from other people throughout the world. I feel like a part of me is just gone. And I never thought I would feel that way but I don't know how else to describe it. And I know a lot of you feel the exact same way.

I can't even put into words how I feel. So I guess to answer the original question.... no... I'm not doing much better. Perhaps I'm doing worse the more I think about it.
 
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Bad. Real Bad. I make it through the day. But this is where I find comfort. I wish we could all just sit in a room together and talk and cry and hold each other.
 
Hi there
This is the 1st time i have been on here since the sad day happen and to be honest i feel just so alone even though i know im not cause of all the love on here,i find it very hard to say the D word and still now it hasnt sunk in and i really wish it would so i could grieve,to me it just isnt happening,how can it be?especialy when i have seen photos of the reharshal and to me michael looks so so happy and even healthy,i seriously can not understand why this has happen,personally for me how can i carry on and think postive when i have just lost my 1st love,how do u carry on after having someone with u for 29 years?to me u cant and i cant see the light at the tunnel not at all,when it happen on thursday i callasped on the floor and i couldnt breath and the pain i felt in my chest felt like my heart is breaking and i was so sick and still now today i am still like this,i am not eating much,i cant sleep and my heart is in pain,i made a huge banner for outside my window thought that might help abit but didnt toke me 5 hours to do,if i could i would go to la but i really cant afford that not after being con and everything,i truely feel like i am not here and there isnt a day or an hour that goes by when im not breaking down crying,michael got me though alot of very very hard times,i dont mind saying i have very bad mental health problems and he helped me in ways i cant exspress,my days now are very very dark and it feels like only a few ppl understand,the right say just get on with it which makes me want to scream,i cant speak to anyone i just havent got the intrest in anything,my partner has made an appt for me to go and see my dr as were i am personally for me isnt good at cool,i could of gone into more details of things but i think its best i keep it to wat i have said,my love is with all of the fans though,hope this is ok,this is just how im feeling like my idol and my hero and my everything has now gone away also i feel responsible as a michael fan that he is no longer here but that is something i need to deal with myself xxxx
 
MsSnoop said:
I'm not doing these in order.... I started with #1, but fell into #4 - haven't been to #3, and am in #5 right now...but could go to #2 if this wasn't a 'natural' event.


Five Stages Of Grief

  1. Denial and Isolation.
    At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
  2. Anger.
    The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
  3. Bargaining.
    Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
  4. Depression.
    The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
  5. Acceptance.
    This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/stress-THE-3.html
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I keep jumping from stages 3,4 and 5. But at 5, I feel sooo guilty.
 
I understand what you mean by feeling guilty.
In a way, I don't want to feel "OK" about this, ever.
 
Yesterday evening I started to feel like I'm watching yet another Michael Jackson scandal only that Michael has no say in it. I can't think of celebraating Michael's life yet, he hasn't even been buried.
I guess I should just be glad that Michael doesn't have to deal with this mess.

For me it was denial and anger first.Then bargain mixed with anger, like there has to be a mistake, we must get Michael back. Then it was just deep sadness and crying. Now I'm getting back to the anger part with and depression. My mind has accepted that Mike is gone now but my heart hasn't.
 
michaelloverforever - sending you a ((big hug))

glad you came here. we understand here & you can say how you feel, it's all cool. hope the dr is helpful for you - but remember that your feelings are valid & normal feelings of grief, no matter what anyone says (i mean some folk don't understand our connection to michael)

i totally understand you saying it hasn't really sunk in. i feel that way dozens of times throughout each day then wham it hits me! urrggghhh. horrid. sickness in the stomach....well we all go through it differently. grief come in many forms, and goes through cycles - cycles that go round & round, up & down, in & out, better & worse. we just need to nurture ourselves through the rollercoaster ride & support each other. it will get better and then we'll be able to see a bit clearer what we are to do next.
 
I am not ok, but pretending to be fine to the outside world...
But it's so difficult to see everyone else just going on like nothing happened. How can they not be sad, how can they live life normal, how can the world just go on? :(

At times, I feel kind of an acceptance, but then I also feel tremendously guilty (like others mentioned here before). It's horrible! I don't EVER want to accept the fact that Michael is gone. It's just wrong!
Life will simply never be the same again :'(
 
I thought I was starting to cope a little better last night but now I feel even worse. Just people around me are upsetting me, I don't think they intend to but...I don't know, it just isn't helping.
 
Only today the tears have stopped but still feeling miserable and very sad especially when new photos appear on the news. At least now I started listening to his songs again, all of the songs not just the ballads and although it is sad to hear his voice but it started to give me strength, I am playing his songs all day.

I am still suffering from lack of sleep. Since the day Michael died the maximum I can sleep is two hours a day, every day I feel more tired and sluggish. I can’t use sleeping pills due to side effects. There is also some other physical pain such as headache and stomach pain which may go away with time.
 
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I can't eat properly I only ate two bowls of pumpkin soup and a potato yesterday.
I usually sleep at 12 but now it's 1:42 here. I cried so hard yesterday so my eyes were red. I had a nightmare. I'd never been so stressed before in my life.
I feel sick after eating anything
The mental shock have affected my health.
 
I'm doing okay now.

I can listen to Michael's songs like I normally do without crying. In fact, I can dance to his tracks. I don't know, I just feel like celebrating his spirit because I know he never left us and also celebrating his genius in music.

But seeing those concert pics made me sad a bit. But I tried not to think much of what if, what not etc.

I will feel much better after Michael being given a proper burial.

I know we're not going to have a happy ending soon (children custody, ongoing disrespectful tabloids etc.) but the more your think of depression, the more depressed you will be. So I take it slowly, lightly and be wiser in differentiate what is tabloid and what is not.

This is how I feel today.

Maybe it will be different tomorrow. Who knows.
 
You know this so called doctor who was with Michael, I'm mad at him and I want that he tells the truth of what really happened but I'm still so much in this deep sadness, so numb and depressed with pain that I can't hate him, I don't have the energy to fight. At this point I don't even care, because so what if this doctor is guilty, putting him behind bars won't bring Michael back.
 
Oh yeah, the doctor. I am still not okay with this one though.

But I try not to think too hard as previously it pissed me off and almost left my head explode.

So I guess that means I am not completely okay yet.
 
Arabian Knight said:
I am still suffering from lack of sleep. Since the day Michael died the maximum I can sleep is two hours a day, every day I feel more tired and sluggish. I can’t use sleeping pills due to side effects. There is also some other physical pain such as headache and stomach pain which may go away with time.
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Finally I slept for 6 hours, but it felt like I am half awake, at least I slept!
 
For me the last two days or so it's kind of settled into a place where I'm not crying very often and am back to making jokes and laughing with my family, but still have that ever-present sadness inside. There are still things that set me off. I can listen to most faster songs, but the slow ones still get me and I'll be in tears. Now rather than feeling that horrible, intense devastation it's more like a general sadness about all the sh*t he had to go through, anger at doctors and the press and more and more the realization that he's really gone is sinking deeper. Then I feel alone inside. I have people who love me and I love them, but such an incredible huge part of my soul, my joy, my hope has been torn away.

I always knew Michael was out there somewhere on Earth and I was wishing him well and hoping someday I'd see him again. I heard Someone in the Dark earlier... oh God... "Promise me we'll always be walking the world together". In the past when I heard that I always felt my secret someone was Michael and now we're not walking the world together. Man, it hurts. And the more I accept that I simply cannot, will not ever see him again in the flesh, the more sort of numb to emotion I get. I've never lost someone I love this much, so this whole grief process is unknown to me.

I believe that the soul goes on and that comforted me up until now, but it's not working as much today. I found myself sort of asking/begging earlier, to God and/or Michael, to please let me see him someday when I die. I don't know how I'll feel on the other side, but I know that this life will never feel complete without ever having met Michael face to face... or at least touched his hand, gotten a hug, something.
 
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