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Who's doing ok now?

I feel better after sponsoring a child from Chile. I did what Michael would love us to do and the acceptance of his death came into my heart. I grieve but the healing proecess already started. I started eating, I smile and feel in peace between cries. I so much in the given situation
 
how did this happen? im totally devastated

he was so looking forward to doing these shows, performing again and infront of his kids. the fact he never got to do this will haunt me forever
 
Well i've been crying on and off and for the past few nights i have had drinks just to put me to sleep. And today i have listened to some of his music but it's so hard because i start to think of how he was when he died and it rips me apart.
 
I heard about it on Friday morning on the radio. I had to check the internet to make sure, and then I couldn't stop crying. But I had to go to work, and was constantly on the verge of tears. Every radio station was playing Michael Jackson all day. When I was home again I broke down crying and watching the news.

I feel better now, though I still can't believe it. Sometimes I believe there's a way to turn back time, that's when I feel ok. But then reality hits me again.

I constantly listen to his music, now more than ever.
 
My grief has just changed shape: instead of constant crying I feel numb with a heavy heavy heart that weighs me down. I haven't been able to listen to his music, cannot watch the programmes about him, daren't look at the news. I feel so low. Only time in my life when I have felt similar was when my first love broke up with me. I loved him so much and knew that he loved me but circumstances were difficult. Still I would not have given up. I think I cried every day for 8 months. That 4.00 am waking, feeling like part of your soul has died, that is the same.

The difference though is that I had hope then that things might change - we could get back together or I might eventually meet someone else. Please don't think this sounds like a trivial comparison because it was really the worst time in my life until now and I am 26 and this was when I was 17. But with Michael, nothing is going to change, he will never be alive again. We will never see pictures or hear him walking along singing 'Smile'. I find this hard to cope with. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything like that because I could not do it to my family, but in a way I look forward to death because then I will meet him and I will understand everything. I know that life is precious but really it is just not the same knowing he no longer walks this earth with us. My heart aches for the children as well - their unimaginable pain. The eldest ones are old enough to understand so they will really feel every second. It is so, so sad. I can't find any relief other than when am with friends and I might forget what has happened for a few seconds.

If anyone has found any comfort please share. Love all xx
 
i feel worse and worse, because first i just didnt get it into my head.
im now realizing it. its true and i just cant eat or do anything..
im just crying and crying..
 
Although it is all still surreal to me, I am doing ok. I am listening to his music and when I saw what went on in the philippenes and in london, the dances, the spontanious moonwalks in the street, I couldn't help but smile.
For once the streets aren't dominated by negativity, but are coloured by fans all over the world who celebrate the legacy of the man who has been a part of so many lives for so long. I gives me strenght and I feel blessed to have been a part of what can only be decribed as a magical experience.

The one thing that does throw me off my feet are all these messages of fans taking their own lives. I cannot bare the thought of Michael and his family feeling responsible for the loss of these lives. :(
 
Hang in there guys. If you have ever lost anyone close to you, try to remember how you got through it. Trust me, you can do it and if you feel like you can't please go and talk to someone. I know we all thought of michael as being invincible but inside he was still a mortal man just like the rest of us. We are all truly fragile beings and this world is but a temporary home for all of us. If anyone needs to talk please pm me.
 
I don't know.
I feel calm and I'm over the first shock, I think. But I don't think about it very much either. I don't know am I deniying the truth? I just don't think about it, and when I do - it feels so strange. I have this empty feeling in my stomach.
I listened to Michael's music yesterday and I just didn't feel anything. Not sadness but not very much joy either.
I think I'm getting better but I'm not totally used to this feeling yet. Feeling of living without Michael.

ps. Especially thinking of his children, TII and the last rehearsals makes tears come to my eyes.
 
I've accepted it, but I still can't bring myself to listen to his music or watch videos really.

I think that will come with time though.
 
DanceOfZenab1994 said:
I'm so heartbroken. Michael is always on my mind (even when he was alive). I am 15 years old and I will miss him and cry for him for the rest of my life. I wish I didn't see this day.
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I am 17 and can't imagine spending the rest of my life without him there. It just seems like such a long time to spend without him, after such a short time with him here.
 
i know how you feel, i'm 19, such a long time to go before seeing him again. But you know what, we have many years in which to spread michael's love and help heal the world. I only became a fan 2 years ago - the best 2 years of my life, once you've been touched by michael's love, you've been be blessed for life.
 
I think in a way, I am okay now but:

  • Can't help to feel empty inside. Part of me died when he passed away.

  • Michael's death has changed me a little if not a lot

  • Life will be never be the same anymore without Michael

  • I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone unless it is truly necessary like work etc.

  • I am pissed off with God, if there is any. You have failed miserably this time. Big F for you. Pardon me, I am agnostic.
Most of the time I feel normal because I do not think much about Michael's death. Not in denial but I can't help sometimes to imagine and act that he is still alive.

But sometimes I sighed, "Why did you have to go so early, Mike? You better come back"

I try to think happy thoughts of Michael and try to distract myself with my work and social life. But it can be hard. Too hard sometimes.

To think of it, maybe I am still not that OK yet.
 
I'm OK today but can't sleep
That's the problem.

It's 2 in the morning here.
Can't stop reading posts on here

Just don't want to be alone
 
I feel quite a bit better today I must admit. I spent all Friday watching his videos so I could cry.
 
I had convinced myself that I was doing alright, that I could deal. Last night I just broke down and today has been hard. My heart literally hurts in my chest......and the news is everywhere. Even though I want to get away from it, everyone is talking about it. God I miss him and I just feel like I will never be the same. He's always been with me, it just seems so odd to think that he's gone.......
 
I think the news is sinking in but until the funeral I think it will still be a little unreal. I am feeling a little better in myself, not crying as much. At times I still can't believe it and wish I could wake up to a world where he is still alive.

I never ever thought I would live in a world where Michael wasn't alive. It might sound stupid but it never occured to me he would not be here.

I love you Michael, I always have and I always will. I wish I could have told you in person.
 
I feel a bit better and coming to accept it, but it's very hard. You can drive yourself down into depression, not sleep and not sleeping will make everything 10x worse. You'll find yourself crying at even the smallest thing. The only advice I can say is to only watch the news briefly to see any updates from the family and investigation, but then don't keep watching over and over. I never slept for around 40 or so hours, from the moment I found out about his death. I just couldn't sleep.

Now I just feel a bit stronger, calmer, and i've listened to a few of his old songs, I just watched an old video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZnrxk-dpVA and other stuff. I'm ok listening and watching now, although I do feel some sadness and I guess this will remain for a bit of time yet.

We all really have to accept what happened. It's so much worse for his family and close friends right now. And most of all his children :(

I'll miss him so much, not just for his music, but him as a person, he was amazing
 
pianoman04 said:
The title should actually say Who's doing better now? Because I'm still not 100% over it and probably never will be...

I have to admit, when I saw those headlines written on my screen, I was in complete shock. My mom called me and I just broke down crying. I cried for 3 days off and on and today was the first day I could actually listen to his music for more than a few minutes. It's crazy how one minute I'm looking for plane tickets, and the next I'm hearing about his death. I'm still amazed. Anyway, Last night, I wrote Michael a letter. In it, I basically explained how much I admired him, how much he has taught me, and thanked him for his contributions to the world. I felt like I had to get some sort of closure to this. For a full day, I didn't look at any news headlines and I went outside and enjoyed life. I was tired of feeling sad because it felt like I would NEVER have been able to enjoy him again. At this point, I must say I'm feeling a lot better and have accepted that we all must go at one point or another. Michael left us some amazing gifts and my life is much better because of them. I thank him for that. None of us know when that exact moment shall be, but one day we must go. I found solace in the fact that I would rather have had known about and enjoyed Michael for 5 minutes rather than nothing at all. So, I thank him for the 50 years he has shared with us and I'll see him on the other side! :)
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I am actually doing ok and handling this much better than I ever thought I would. Everyday gets better. I've been listening to this one radio station that has been playing Michael's music non-stop all weekend, and that has been very therapeutic for me. Although certain songs are very very hard to listen to... there were a couple songs that made me cry. But overall I'm ok.. I'm definitely not over it, I probably never will be, but I will learn to live with this, we all will at some point. :yes:

god knows I will miss that man :(
 
For me it comes and goes. I do fine listening to his music, and it's being played a lot. Or watching his videos. It makes me smile.

Just finished watching the "Biography Remembers" on Michael, and I lost it again when at the very end they close with "Michael Jackson died on June 25th, 2009"

Then the tears rolled.

Gone too soon. Way too soon. But it's a reality I will eventually adjust to.
 
I've got to the point where I have to listen his music; it honestly makes me feel better. I've been listening to Heal the World a lot.
 
i'm so frightened people will be able to get over this and move on. yes i think this will get easier but i will always be haunted by the fact MJ never got to perform the show he has put so much into creating. I will never get over his passing, it has deeply affected me and that little bit of magic in my life has faded and will never return because only michael gave me that feeling.
 
Today I was filled with a quiet kind of joy. It is a kind of joy that is about celebration. I dont know any other way to put it. I read the celebrity statements and saw the video tributes from people who knew him and cared about him and it affirmed in my soul that this man that I love was a wonderful, caring person.

I dont know how I will feel tomorrow, but I am doing alot better today.

Please do not misunderstand me, I am not over it. Far from. Today was just a good day and I treasure it because I know as time goes on, these kinds of days may be scarce.
 
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