First of all, I love this. These are the kind of posts that belong in this thread! Where else do you even put thoughts like this? I'm so glad we have this space to fall back on when we need to explore these kinds of feelings...
@Hiker @staywild23 @MacMandy90
Peeps, bit of a nosy question, maybe. Just wondering what you all think about when it comes to Michael (oi, sw23! stop sniggering at the back, there!).
LMAO I said nothing!! But the true answer to this question would scorch this entire forum into the ground and I wouldn't do that to Gaz, or any of you lol.
No, but seriously. I have this thought in my head and I can't work out if it's a Michael thing. It does seem to be. And the thought is that Michael seems to get me thinking about stuff in a way my other peeps don't. See here, for example, that Wendell Berry poem I posted. I really like poetry and I do engage with it (not nearly enough, I'm very lazy) but it isn't something that I pursue if I'm thinking about Faith No More, for example. Maybe if it's Bob Dylan but not my pop or rock peeps.
1) with how much you read, listen to, explore, learn about.... you are definitely not someone I would ever consider lazy. Just saying.
2) YUP. Bob Dylan and Michael...the only people that do this to me. Period.
Last night I was having loads of fun with my identity as a street witch (always there but newly labelled by sw23). I found my warrior call ('Ieya' by Toyah) and then had the idea that sometimes I will carry a Medusa head, as in, my hair will be a load of snakes as opposed to my actual hair. Don't worry, I'm not gonna turn people to stone, I have other plans!
But that's not the point - the point is I got started thinking about snakes cos Michael says they have different personalities which I find fascinating. I never would think of snakes (lizards, basically) as having a personality at all. But he claims they do. And that is what got me thinking about them and then from there to my Medusa thoughts.
I'm not really getting to the point, am I? I think what I'm trying to say is, I have all of these thoughts just in the normal run of my life. The stuff that interests me will naturally pop into my head. But I also feel that my thoughts turn in certain directions because of something Michael said or just some way that he triggers my mind to go in certain directions. Is that making sense? I still feel like I haven't explained myself.
This totally make sense to me...
At this point, Michael is basically in my head 24/7. I relate so many of my thoughts back to him, in some way. Funny you mention snakes. The other night I went to trivia night at this bar with a group of friends. I kept hoping to God they would have trivia related to Michael (they didn't). Anyway, as I was sitting there fully participating in the trivia night, my mind was scrambling through random facts about Michael just in case, and the first thing that came to mind was the names of Michael's snakes, Rosie the Crusher and Muscles (he may have had others but I don't recall). I came home and told my husband about this and he was like 'what is wrong with you?' lol Anyway, not exactly an example of what you're referring to here, but I just found it funny.
I would say more than anything, Michael just enters my mind all the time. There are certainly associations that come up like you described, but often I just find myself wondering what he thought of a particular thing, or what a certain experience was like for him. I imagine him waking up in the morning and having to get himself pumped up for something he didn't want to do... just curiosity about his daily lived moments. I imagine what mental space he must have entered when he performed, or recorded, vs. the person he was otherwise. I mean... I will stop here because the list will go on for the rest of my life and, again, not exactly what you're referring to either.
I guess I can't think of a specific example of what you are referring to, though I know it happens to me all the time. I will say, I think Michael has impacted me very profoundly (duh) in part because I feel, very strongly, like he and I are kindred spirits. I imagine a lot of his fans, and those who enjoy him, would say the same thing. But I feel this resonance deep down in my bones. I think this is why my obsession with Michael has surpassed my obsession with Bob Dylan.
Granted, I was at my peak Dylan obsession in my early 20s and I'm in my early 30s now, so it's been awhile since I was maniacal about him, therefore I may not be remembering how crazy I was accurately. But with Dylan, I was always such an intense admirer of his work. I was fascinated because I wanted to understand his brain, his process. He awakened my intellect, while gutting me emotionally. He also just wrecked me from a writing standpoint and made me want to explore language in a different way. There are lyrics of his that make me fucking scream. Just SCREAM because the language is so incredible I can't contain it in my body... BUT... though I had a bit of a crush on him, I mostly saw Dylan as this monolith of talent who was complex, private, and kind of intimidating on a personal level. Like, he is for sure one of two celebrities I would want to meet if I could (take a guess at the other one, haha) but I would be terrified to meet him because as much as I love him, I don't feel safe with him. I also don't feel like he would understand me, or care to in the slightest lol. I think we are fundamentally very, very different people.
With Michael, though, I feel like Michael represents everything I am in my purest self, and everything I value in my heart. I feel like we are the same kind of person and like his transparency about his feelings, his intensity, his care about about things, just everything he was, gives me permission to love those things about myself more. Like, I am for certain a deeply flawed human, as we all are. But for years I resented some of the qualities I share with Michael because I was embarrassed, or tired of being taken advantage of, or just kind of like too sensitive for the world, you know? But Michael...sigh...Michael is just so pure and yet so wise. He marries the best qualities, IMO. Anyway, there is this emotional element where I just feel in my heart that he represents my particular brand of humanity, and it makes me trust him, and love him, and want to deeply know him as much as possible on a human level. Then when you add that his actual music and artistry is electrifying, holy shit. His music and his voice just reaches into my core and wrings out all that is there. Idk how to talk about this lol. I just feel like with Michael I (somehow) feel safe and loved and valued as an individual and the connection feels (somehow) mutual. That is the magic of him I guess. I don't understand. I don't know.
Man, this was a rambling mess. I am sorry. You asked though! I'm not sure I answered the question effectively, but this was my attempt lol.
Even writing that is pure fiction. It's all coming from some depth within myself. Sometimes it is obvious where it comes from, sometimes less so. But in everything I write I learn something about myself. There is something a lot of writers refer to as "emotional truth" vs. "literal truth." I think Michael's lyrics had a strong emotional truth, but were maybe not literally true. So the stories he would tell were not a mirror to his life, but the emotions came from somewhere very real, and perhaps in that way it mirrored his life. It's also possible as a musician that the lyrics told one story and the music itself told another. But he did also write poetry, so I don't see him being someone who thought of lyrics as not very important. I would imagine that even if he wrote a melody first and was looking for the lyrics to fit that melody, he would want the lyrics to match the emotion of the music. I think the mistake people make with interpreting lyrics just comes down to believing he was literally speaking of his actual lived experience, versus communicating his emotional experience, view of the world, etc. This is what I think we debated a bit in that "woman" thread from awhile ago. Literal references to streetwalkers/sex workers does not mean that was MJ's life, but what about that could have been emotionally resonant for him?
this account.