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I'm flying home to Ireland tomorrow to say goodye to my Dad.

Cass my prayers and condolences are with you as this difficult time approaches your family. I understand how it is to lose a loved one and watch them pass away slowly. I sat by my dear grandmother who was very ill and she told me and my dad she was ready to go and had everyone fly down so she could speak to them. It is indeed very sad but your father will not be suffering any longer. I know and you know that he will be in a better place with God and be smiling down at you because he will be free of pain and suffering. May God Bless you as you spend the last moments with your father.
 
Cass my sweet one,

Don't forget that you are not alone!I am here for you anytime you need.
My prayers are with you,your family and family.
Try to be strong sweetheart.
Love you so much!God bless you and your family!
Take care ok?HUGSSSSS
 
I'm relatively new on this board but this thread got my attention. My father died from cancer too he too lived longer than expected because he had such a strong heart, but he also suffered a lot
I hope your father will go in peace, without pain...and you need to be very very strong
 
cass said:
Thank you so much for all your kind words. I got here Wednes morning. My Dad smiled when he saw me but was unable to speak to me. The doctor told us that night that we need to say our Goodbyes because she didn't expect him to live thru the weekend. He slept all day Thurs. I stayed by him on Thursday night and he woke up at 8am Friday morning and stayed awake all day. It was wonderful cause he actually talked quiet alot. He keeps looking into the corner and said he saw a lady. Another time, he siad he was looking at a picture and it was beautiful.

At about 6pm Friday evening. He siad that he had to go.. He kissed me on the lips and I told him I loved him and that he was the best Dad in the world. It was great to have a chance to talk to him and to have him repsond to me.. I called all my family in.. It was terrible. We really thought he was slipping away. He spoke to all of us one by one and we all told him it was ok go to..He closed his eyes and then we heard footsteps coming down the hallway. It was his doctor. She listened to his chest and siad that he wasn't going but could get another "turn" at any time.

He is not as alert today (sat) but he has gone down abit. He is at home in his own bed. He is not in any pain. The morphine pump has been doubled and he is also getting 2 shots a day. He is very thin now and hasn't eaten in 4 days. Hasn't eaten properly in weeks. He takes a few sips of water a day. There are 2 of us in the room with him 24/7. It's so hard on all of us. We love him SO much but we don't want to see him linger like this. (79) They say he is finding it heart to go because his heart is so strong for his age. The doc is now saying it may be Monday. Nobody knows when God is ready for him though.

I won't be back online for a few days. Thanks again and everyone PLEASE pray that God will just take him gently without any struggle. The doctor assured us there will be no pain but I'm scared. I'm going to sit with him now.
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Awww hun i really feel for you i lost my grandparents to this awful condtion so if u ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me okay dont be afraid :better:
 
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aw, reading your second post bought a tear to my eye, my thoughts are with you, stay strong :angel:

my sis in laws father was also recently diagnosed with lung cancer, we were told he only has six months to live and she's three months pregnant with her first child, my first neice/nephew :wub: , it's a bit overwhelming to have such major bad news and good news all at once :no:
 
StarTrader said:
aw, reading your second post bought a tear to my eye, my thoughts are with you, stay strong :angel:

my sis in laws father was also recently diagnosed with lung cancer, we were told he only has six months to live and she's three months pregnant with her first child, my first neice/nephew :wub: , it's a bit overwhelming to have such major bad news and good news all at once :no:
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Aww i hope everything works out for you too
that awful condition is horrible for anyone to
have to go through :(:(
 
I think that you guys need to tell him that it is okay for him to go now...that you will be okay with it....

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/the-challenge-of-death-and-dying-letting-go-of-a-loved-one.html

The Challenge of Death and Dying: Letting Go of a Loved One
In the presence of loss and attachment, it is still possible to let go with grace. How this happens will be different for each person, for each individual heart loves in their own unique way, and yet there are components that are similar, involving a deeper understanding of the soul's journey.
Beloved Ones, the passage into death is not one to be feared, but one that signals the completion of one phase of life so that another can begin. For in truth, there is no such thing as death, only ongoing life for souls in an ever-expanding process of exploration and learning. The journey is infinite, as are the capacities of each and every soul.

Nevertheless, the emotions created by the loss or anticipated loss of a beloved one are painful to the ones who remain behind, even when there has been a long process of anticipating such an event, and even when the loved one is elderly or quite ill. Even then, the ties of connection can remain strong and the difficulty in letting go can remain equally strong.

From http://www.endoflifecomfort.com/death-and-dying/letting-go

What is letting go as your loved one dies?
ARTICLE SUMMARY

Bertha lay in the nursing home bed, in a coma-like state. She had not responded for weeks, and the doctors knew she did not have long to live. All the family surrounded her, except her grandson, the black sheep of the family. He was her favorite, but the prison was reluctant to release him. After many pleas the prison released him temporarily to see her. When he walked into the room and spoke, she suddenly sat upright in the bed. Coming to her he hugged her, told her he loved her, and he would try to do better. She smiled, lay down in her bed and died peacefully.

Letting go is the process of detachment from this world when facing death and dying

* It helps many patients to prepare for what lies ahead,
* Detachment from you may occur - do not take it as rejection
* It is a normal parting, from the family, parting from worldly attachments
* It is acceptance by the patient knowing that their earthly life will soon be over.

Giving our loved one who is facing death and dying permission to ‘let go’ may be the final gift they were looking for, to prepare for the final journey.
 
LindaC781 said:
I think that you guys need to tell him that it is okay for him to go now...that you will be okay with it....

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/the-challenge-of-death-and-dying-letting-go-of-a-loved-one.html

The Challenge of Death and Dying: Letting Go of a Loved One
In the presence of loss and attachment, it is still possible to let go with grace. How this happens will be different for each person, for each individual heart loves in their own unique way, and yet there are components that are similar, involving a deeper understanding of the soul's journey.
Beloved Ones, the passage into death is not one to be feared, but one that signals the completion of one phase of life so that another can begin. For in truth, there is no such thing as death, only ongoing life for souls in an ever-expanding process of exploration and learning. The journey is infinite, as are the capacities of each and every soul.

Nevertheless, the emotions created by the loss or anticipated loss of a beloved one are painful to the ones who remain behind, even when there has been a long process of anticipating such an event, and even when the loved one is elderly or quite ill. Even then, the ties of connection can remain strong and the difficulty in letting go can remain equally strong.

From http://www.endoflifecomfort.com/death-and-dying/letting-go

What is letting go as your loved one dies?
ARTICLE SUMMARY

Bertha lay in the nursing home bed, in a coma-like state. She had not responded for weeks, and the doctors knew she did not have long to live. All the family surrounded her, except her grandson, the black sheep of the family. He was her favorite, but the prison was reluctant to release him. After many pleas the prison released him temporarily to see her. When he walked into the room and spoke, she suddenly sat upright in the bed. Coming to her he hugged her, told her he loved her, and he would try to do better. She smiled, lay down in her bed and died peacefully.

Letting go is the process of detachment from this world when facing death and dying

* It helps many patients to prepare for what lies ahead,
* Detachment from you may occur - do not take it as rejection
* It is a normal parting, from the family, parting from worldly attachments
* It is acceptance by the patient knowing that their earthly life will soon be over.

Giving our loved one who is facing death and dying permission to ‘let go’ may be the final gift they were looking for, to prepare for the final journey.
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ty for that hun
 
So sorry for you and your fam. I will definitely keep you in my prayers..and if you need someone(s) to talk to- you have a whole MJJC community here! :yes:
 
It's almost like the dying person is waiting for the living one to tell them that it is okay to die. That the living will somehow be able to handle the dying. Some wait for others to tell them it is okay to "let go".
 
Sometimes, one of the most difficult things to do, but one of the most loving gestures, is telling the dying person that it is ok to die. It is difficult, because we are close to the dying ones that we love, and we just cant bear knowing we will go on living after the dying person is gone. Some people can't even deal with being with the dying person in those last days - it hurts so much that they want to go away to not have to deal with it...However, if that loved one is suffering, and suffering with unbearable pain, isn't it better to tell that person "Please, I don't want to see you suffer anymore. Every time I see you suffer and are in unbelievable pain, I cry. Therefore, please. I will be okay if you pass away." I mean, I would not want to see someone that I love be in pain and suffering like that.

If you can do this, you are giving them the most holy and loving gift of all...
 
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My prayers are with you Cass, it must be so hard!

I can not even imagine :(.

I will ask my family to pray for all of you as well.
 
We all told him on Wednesday that it was ok to go.. He was not expected to make it thru the weekend. Yesterday morning, he told us again he had to go now.. Stuck up his lips and we all kissed him again and told him it was ok.. He closed his eyes and hasn't woken up since. That was 28hrs ago. I stayed with him all night last night. We turned him a few times and the nurse has been clearing out his lungs with a pump so the rattle isn't so bad. My Dad has a strong heart. Even though he is in a deep deep sleep now, that he won't wake up from. His heart is very strong for his age. God isn't ready for him yet. The doc was shocked he made it thru the night and it's now after 1pm. I just got out of the shower, going back to him now. All his family is right here with him, lots of friends stopping by also. He is surrounded by love...
 
Cass, I am so sorry!

I pray that God will be with you, your family and certainly your dad!

God Bless you all!
 
Cass I would like you know that I believe the death is a long journey.And you will met him one day.
Think only your dad will make a journey because the time comes.We have to accept the time of God.I know,my friend,this is very painful but God loves you ,your dad and family.Be strong because your family will need of strong!
Just think in good things about you and your dad togheter!Talk about it with him...Say that you love him so much and yours MJJCO's freinds,also loves him and we are praying.Your dad was a wonderful person,dont you?Course!This is more important now!Your dad don't feeling pain.Just only love,my friend cause God is with your dad...And we are with you!!!Feel our love and prayers...

My pain is your pain,Cass.I'm with you!
 
Losing a loved one is always very hard. Your father knows he is very much loved by his family and friends and I hope for him and your family that God will take him swiftly. You and your family will help to support each other over this difficult period and you will find strength in each other.
My prayers are with you, your father and your family.
*Hugs*
 
Cass my dear friend...what you are going through is maybe the hardest experiences in life.

Stay strong sweetie.You are not alone and of course i have you always in my thoughs and prayers,as well as your father and your family.

I'm here if you need to talk.
Tight Hugs
 
His breathing changed last night.. and his pulse too.. but he is still with us.. Thanks so much everyone. U are the best!
 
^^^OMG! That's awful... Though it's the best thing that he is surrounded by his loved ones! My prayers are with you and with your family....:(:better:
 
I am so, so, so sorry to hear about that!
My cousin died from cancer too. My heart really pours out to you and your family!
I hope you'll get better, in some how. :'(

Glod bless your daddy! :'(
 
cass said:
His breathing changed last night.. and his pulse too.. but he is still with us.. Thanks so much everyone. U are the best!
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What did his breathing sound like? From: http://www.amitabhahospice.org/public/helpful_info/signs_of_dying.php

I know I may sound morbid about this, but it is important for you to know what to look for...it's important for everyone to know about active dying. I know - this stuff is difficult to talk about, but it really is important. Dying is part of the whole living process...

Respiration will change - they call them Cheyne-Stokes...heres a bit about that..

From: http://www.mywhatever.com/cifwriter/library/70/4994.html
Cheyne-Stokes respirations

Cheyne-Stokes respirations refer to a rhythmic change in respirations wherein breathing becomes shallower and shallower variably with a slowing in respiratory rate that culminates usually in complete cessation of breathing for several seconds to more than a minute. This is followed by progressively stronger respirations that become exaggerated and quite deep. This pattern is thought to result from abnormal brainstem responses to CO2 levels in the blood - initially undercompensating and then overcompensating. Cheyne-Stokes respirations can occur in other nonterminal disorders such as heart failure and stroke. It is interesting to note that patients who are able to speak generally say that no distress is associated with this breathing pattern. From this we may extrapolate to dying patients, who usually cannot speak with Cheyne-Stokes respirations, and presume that the syndrome is not disturbing to the patient. However, family members and clinicians may assume or project distress into this syndrome and thus often need to be coached. I usually explain that the pattern results from a breakdown in "cycling" between the lungs and the brain and that, as far as we know, it is not bothersome to the patient. This can also be an opportunity to discuss that at some point breathing will not just pause, but stop altogether, marking the death of the person.

***
I am here cause I want to help guide you through this difficult process...It must be so hard on you seeing your father going through this. I cry when I think about what you are going through Cass. Know deep down in your heart that we are all here for you - during this time and afterwards. Please take care of yourself....and know that your father loved you. ALWAYS loved you. Through all of the good times and the bad. And know that you can come on here and talk to us about this.
 
Cass I'll continue praying for him and you and the family!
I'm sure your love will be with him in eternity!
 
Thanks Linda. His breathing last night was very deep and very dry sounding.. He is not rattling much now because they keep giving him shots for that. Then at 3pm today, they moved him to a different postion. The nurse came out on hushed us all back in there telling us there was a change. His breathing was really strange. Instead of deep loud snores, he was barely breathing and having long pauses in between. The nurse took off out of the house telling a family friend to call her in 30mins. The family friend is a nurse also. She told her that he was going. (again) and she even told her what do do when he passes, to remove the needle and turn off the moprhine pump etc. We held his hands and our breath for two hours and his breathing was the same.. long pauses.. and very shallow..
Then they moved him again 30mins ago and now he is back to breathing really loud, and like snores.. When they moved him this last night, they were checking a sore on his rear and he flinched and opened his eyes.. He last opened them Sun morning.. His pulse is still pretty strong.. a pause here and there but pretty steady.. God bless him..
He is fighting hard to stay with us. It's been 7 days that I've been here now.. and it's just been like one long day that won't end. I keep saying that I won't be back here because he keeps having turns and changes. He is still no doubt weaker every day though.. that is for sure.. he just is taking his time slipping away. But, that's ok. I love holding his hand and talking to him.
 
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