I feel more rights and happier to reply to someone who was connected to michael on a proper level with truthfull knowledge, much less likely to be exaggerate their perceptions or views RATHER than reply or read about a story in a newspaper, or on a tv program by someone who hears a michael jackson story 2nd hand, having to report on it with an agenda , which all new reports or tv bits on everything have ..thats just that with regards to authenticity, truth in what the words said and truth behind real meaning of this thread starter..
Ima say my views on this all because I don't think i really have before..I wana try base this more on my perceptions of the looks and movements and actions of someone who was on tv in his important moments rather than the things people have said.Although the words people say are just as important as the facial expressions, eyes etc, we will never know the full truth behind either... But in my view, michael can be defined in many ways but his appearances..I'm talking about on stage and off..His emotions carried through even if it so slight to detect or not even visible to alot of people unless you really knew him. But i think there is always something.
I'm definately not saying I know everything or some of these would actally be proven right, i'm just an observer and none of us will ever truely know unless you were close to him on 1-1, day after day or for along period of time.I wouldn't even 100 percent believe all the facts when everythin released is realeased, I MEAN EVERYTHING and his story becomes less mentioned in news on a yearly basis..I still wouln'dt believe the 'truth' that certain organisations decide to give to the rest of the world..WE WILL NEVER KNOW 100 PERCENT..only michael knows solely..how many more after this also knew? , forever debatable.
I'd start with a clear fact that michael was unique and different who was blessed with the highest and lowest forms of luck and fortune and peace in one's self. .Pain and hurt followed him with all his happiness and times of joy...for along portion of his life..I would personally pick up a dramatic and never before felt decline to michael's health mentally and maybe physically (although pain had been with him some time before physically on worse levels)the exact night he watched 'living with michael jackson and saw how certain segments of that whole show were split into different debates on tv shows, news etc that ruined aspects of michael's core..It broke him big time and to then have the accusations follow that, too much.wayyy to much .
Even though he was determined to go through this hell storm and win which he did, it was unforseeable the toll it would take in coming out the other side of that, unfathomable in my eyes.That was a low that left scars..sadly..I point to the main reason of this being,
He knew he was right..
Everyone around him knew..
Rest of world didn't( or at least certain sections of it)...Michael said when he was involved with Jordan chandler farce, he asked his lawyer
''can you guarantee me I will be a free man?''
lawyer replied
'' I can't guarantee you anything''
That form of unceertainity is true with anyone in a court of law because essentially it is out of your hands and you are replying on others..When michael knew that, he knew it would be the same for the second accusation, regardless of the fact he knew he was 100 percent false...he had no choice but to go to trial with this and even though he knew he was right, did he want to go ? Of course not...never before have we seen him or has he seen a tv camera and the world in that way before..everyday regardless, in that environment, for his type of soul...you cannot underestimate the changes michael went through on the first day of court to the last..highs and lows to a unfounded degree..I believe anyway,
I point to his facial expression, eyes, way he walked to and from court, interaction with others, bodily weight, demenour...all these things can be looked at over the days.drastic changes for whatever reason but they happened never the less..
I was always very aware and focused on the final day of trials with regards to Michael, always wondering how he would appear and what his actions would/could show with his state of mind.. .wouldn;t surprise me if he was sick during those trial days, eating in abnormal patterns with bad amounts, stressing, angry ( as seen on the day when he was in the car shouting at a camera,pure anger never seen before),crying..so many other things...but those words with his lawyer and the uncertainty were on his mind that day, was all to clear when he got out of his car all the way to when he turned around to be checked...in pefect view of the camera...that was the exact look of someone who was uncertain of what would happen..unsure of how these strangers would relate to this all...no matter how sure of innocence you are in a case, you never know..sadly...look at that facial expression he makes..says it all...
The verdict was the same reaction he felt when he remembers having his hair burnt on fire..he wasn't taking it in.Michael's reaction is not the one you would expect with most who have won a case, but honestly, i knew he would come out in that way..looking tired, worn out and souless, with a look of disbelief and energyless seemingly saying ' FINIALLY its over and finially..after all those days, years,everyone knows what i been saying all along...He also looked like someone who had lost something on that day, a part of him..another part, just like one he lost on the day bashir's program came out....these two moments are for sad reasons...very important to everything discuseed in here and for the last few years of his life..He then properly felt disowned by America, lost HIS neverland..it was soiled to him and that was another BIG blow...He became detatched to so many things and lived in brief worlds all over the earth..relating to people for certain amounts of time becoming devoid to things he was usually in control of, ie people who he affiliated with, medication,contracts,lifestyle,eating..it became different on a whole new level to me and im sure michael although how much he consciouslly realised will never be known.
His weight was a hugeeee concern to me at many times when i saw him at the trial and in moments each year thereafter, a hugeee concern...I have no friends who really like mj on a non professional level or who would want to discuss it deeply for personal reasons, so i shared these views with myself..But it was worying to put it mildly for me..Many appearances concerned me post trial and to to see changes in his weight that he had NO control over..he may or may not have been eating properly for long amounts of time, been sick etc..but the bodily shape and facial shape does not change that drastically in a few years at his age..and it doesn't change this way intentionally..so whatever was cleary happening to his body, it wasn't in his contol but started at the trial..that is when i saw a difference i had never seen before..
I also point to a moment when michael had been all over the world, travellling keeping his head down, not being in papers much...it was when he posed for his 50th birthday..I WAS IN SHOCK FOR DAYS...people can say he was thin throughout his life and he was, certainly..but i am thin and there is a thiness that looks acceptable through your 20,30 up to ealry-mid 40's...to see michael in this form of thiness at 50 was a big worry..It is in no way the way he should have been looking for a fully healthy man.If you look at one of the clips It's as if his facial expresiion is that he knew he hadn't been seen for a while, knew this was quite a big moment suddenly and one he didn't want to happen and clearlly apprehensive and nervous ( I point to the hands. As you seee he was obviosluy playing with them which is a sign of being nervous or apprehension i believe, .he did it when there was a slight mistake with briatnney spears in twymmf and when he is watching a take of yrmw with the whole crew and he is nervous playing with his hands whilst they are watching....people might not agree with that but i just think its a sort of nervous twitch..we all have them)..when i saw that photo i honestly thought,i don't think this man will do continuous 2 hour shows anymore and i was happy because it would have killed other parts of his core...that is really what i said to myself...I just saw something in his bodily manner,physical appearance and facial expression...things were drastically missing...
Things in my eyes went up and down after the trial, in a way it appeared to be the normal sort of life he led with exception to the weight, loss of one place..ie neverland and soul dying in my eyes..well aspects of it...I mean he was still being sued, still shopping, still looking happy and still causing a stir..same old mike? I did think that and because of all those things i let myself believe on the deepest level that when the tour was announced, michael had found himself again.things had to of been ok...this was in relation to pics of him be4 the announcment..bar the wheelchair pics which realllly concerned me.,you see him more content and seemingly letting time pass to a adequate level for himself.
I always felt michael took things at his own pace, very precise and patient...he waits for like 4 years in between tours..takes him time over everything..so when he didn't perform fully for invincible i knew things would be different and he would need a sufficient amount of time be4 he MIGHT return..the death of james brown, thiness and health in pictures and trial knocked me into thinking how long if at all it would be, so i was shocked when he said he was performing but also felt..yes enough time had passed, he looked better, seemed better so now must be the time...there was enough of a rest...
So how was anyone to think it was all not a good idea?surely everyone,certainly on here thought that..because if you go back to the pages on this forum to when he announced the tour..how many said , he is going to die before this happened?..there werent enough signs there for you to think anything, other than michael was in contol of this and things were good and this was going to be another epic chapter in his life and ours..no signs, not even the weight could deter us..that is all understandable
But it was after this that things for me seemed surreal,different again and this time worrying because it was involving the area of michael's life that he was ALWAYS in control of..press conferences, rehersals, dates..everything surrounding the show and his profession...there were so many strange things.I couldn't believe i was doing it, but so many times at and after his announcement hearing and seeing various things, i was not excited..i was shaking my head and going hmm..this is dodgy.it was not right and not what i should have been feeling.i had a gut feeling of uncertainty,eeriness and that there were some jigsaw pieces missing but i didn't know which ones .My friend said he would get me my ticket but because of that, i always said to him ''i'm not paying you till you show me my ticket.''
I know its quite long ( essay like) and im sure many won't maybe agree or read this..but i wanted to get my feelingS off my chest and am happy i did..I'll explain what i felt at and after the announcments in another message,