7 months without Michael

[Samtkaninchen]

how many of us really have someone around to express this pain, someone we can openly talk about our pain and our love for Michael?

That's it. For me there is nobody around who would understand. ("Hey, you are too old to love a pop star, aren't you?" Yeah, sure. ) Sadly enough, this little virtual place is the only place to escape to.

7 months ... time flies by so fast. There are days when all seems to be very unreal to me. If I am listening to Mikey's songs or watching his videos I sometimes feel him to be so alive - and then reality hits again. When I think of all the plans he still had, I could cry. :no: There is no other way than accepting the bitter truth but I cannot just push this feeling of loss aside. Feelings still are riding rollercoaster. I'm feeling like a stranger in Moscow right now ...

 

[astridbjonness]

Thank you all for sharing som many heartfelt words on a day like this. It is a very good comfort and very important for us all that we have the major love/pray every 25th. I feel that so many people are praying/sending their love and I am sure Michael can feel it too. There is a lot of love around thanks to our dear Michael. Keep the faith!

 

[*Billie Jean*]

OMG please don't talk like that, sweetie! Michael would never want to see his fans hurting themselves because of him. Give it some time and things will be better.
Stay strong and keep the faith! *big hugs*

Please stay with us BJ. The world gets worse with the loss of each MJ fan

I'm trying to be strong for Michael but lately any more I just feel so much more worst than I already am. I'm sitting in my room crying at the moment. I have candles lit for michael and placed on my nightstand just under the many posters of him. I wish I was near one of you right now. I need an understanding shoulder to cry on right now. It's really hard. I'm not the same. I don't think I'll ever be the same.

 

[Samtkaninchen]

BJ,

 

[tarah86]

I didn't even notice it was 7 months. I decided to wear one of my MJ shirts, since I haven't worn it yet and looked at the date on my watch and noticed it said the 25. It was a very reflective experience.

 

[*Billie Jean*]

BJ,

Aw, thank you :huggy:

 

[MicHil]

I think I'm doing great.

I already promised him I'll try to be happy and positive for him. I'll be happy for him.
shezzz man I'm gonna live my life for the both of us, he's a part of me... always and forever more.

I'll smile and laugh just as if he's right here with me.
I'm never alone. NEVERR

 

[DIRTYDIANA☆]

Wow..it's been that long? It feels like it happened yesterday..I think about him all the time..but I am better than I was when he died..It still hurts because I was looking forward to his return to the scene again..and for him to resurrect the lame music industry that we have right now..Everyday I wonder why he had to go so soon..and leave not only us fans, but his family and friends..MJ was very inspirational to me not only as an artist, but as a human being..He was one the most humble, most kind, and giving people ever..I wish that I had the chance to meet him and tell him how much he has inspired me..and now I will never have that chance..

 

[Sophielo]

I didn't even notice it was 7 months. I decided to wear one of my MJ shirts, since I haven't worn it yet and looked at the date on my watch and noticed it said the 25. It was a very reflective experience.

Same here. I woke up this morning not even realising it was the 25th. When I looked at the date and saw 25th it felt like I had just been hit by a truck, I miss him so much.

 

[cgrimberg]

Well.... I don't mean to be rude at all, but is this thread meant to be a reminder of something everybody here knows so well? I don't think so, friend :no: I think this is just a way to let our hearts tell what they need. I understand that is the reason why this kind of threads are posted here, in this special section, which is our place to share our feelings about this pain. I think this is one of my favourite corners in this forum and I come here daily. I really do, for I need to escape from my reality and just focus on this pain, not to suffer more, but just to try to make some sense of it and start healing.

Several of us come here almost everyday. I know we feel some relieve here, just writing down our feelings, and sharing our ups and downs. This is not meant to hurt anybody

And there is also another reason for this: how many of us really have someone around to express this pain, someone we can openly talk about our pain and our love for Michael? During the first days and weeks, there were many. Sympathy was all around, but not anymore, at least not the way it used to be; Some have started to see MJ fans like "weird" fans again. Most people simply don't understand our pain and believe we have some kind of mental weakness (to say it in a nice way). So when there is nowhere to turn, we turn here. And we speak here and we hug and we support, for this is our place, our corner to do it, to cry, to remember. We need this so much.

Please don't get me wrong, my friend. I wouldn't like to start any kind of issues, not today, and I know you mean well. It's just that some of us act in a different way. Some might need this. Some others might not.

Big, big hugs :hug:

big hugs to all of u in here. I agree with you but I do mean what I said earlier because its hard to see it and think about it all the time.

 

[L.T.D]

People REALLY need to stop making threads like this. People are upset enough without constant reminders of things like this.

7 months without Michael, Christmas day marks half a year without Michael etc etc. I understand your upset and may need top open up. But some fans might not be aware of things like this and are better of that way.

 

[angel256]

Still can't believe it!! 7 whole months!! Just start realizing that we ll never see him singing, performing, smiling, laughing, making us fall for him again.. Everytime I see a tribute in his honor I can't stand it because he is not there!!! The dancers are dancing to his music but it's not the same.. I m waiting for him to show up and tell us that it was all a big joke, but ...

 

[Flor]

Still feels like it was yesterday

 

[Word Smith Sr]

Im fine except when i think about him sometimes. I mean im not so sad that i cry my eyes out but him not being around anymore feels strange. Dunno how to explain it. I wont buy the dvd as it'd make me think of what could have happened.

 

[Bee]

People REALLY need to stop making threads like this. People are upset enough without constant reminders of things like this.

7 months without Michael, Christmas day marks half a year without Michael etc etc. I understand your upset and may need top open up. But some fans might not be aware of things like this and are better of that way.

Uhm...people grieve differently and I think it's a very important part of our fandom to be able to share some pain and find comfort with each other after all that happened. Ofcourse people might be hurt by seeing and realizing these things, but we can't just go on and ignore all these dates and stuff?! No way! :no: We have to somehow deal with it and if anyone finds it hard to read... don't come to these threads I guess. We have to be there for each other and not be shortened in our ways of feeling things and sharing things.


Much love to everyone here! :heart: Can't believe it's 7 months. So surreal.

 

[MJstarlight]

Cant believe its been 7 months. I miss you Michael soooo much I've been listening to your music all day. At midnight "This is It" will come out on dvd. I know 7 was a very special number to you been thinking about that too. We are carrying on as your soldiers and together we will uphold your legacy and keep fighting for justice. Love to you always!!!

 

[CatherineNZ]

i miss him terribly

 

[angel256]

Uhm...people grieve differently and I think it's a very important part of our fandom to be able to share some pain and find comfort with each other after all that happened. Ofcourse people might be hurt by seeing and realizing these things, but we can't just go on and ignore all these dates and stuff?! No way! :no: We have to somehow deal with it and if anyone finds it hard to read... don't come to these threads I guess. We have to be there for each other and not be shortened in our ways of feeling things and sharing things.


Much love to everyone here! :heart: Can't believe it's 7 months. So surreal.

Agree!!

 

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

Aw, I can't stop crying. I still feel so lost and empty. When Michael died a huge part of me died with him. So I am never going to feel the same way again. Sometimes I still do wish that maybe I should have commited suicide. Like I had promise myself that I would if anything horrible should ever happen to Michael. I can't believe how hard it still is to live in a world without him in it. I don't really know how to cope. :weeping:

OMG Billie Jean you are saying exactly of what I had said to myself. Back when I was 15 years old in December of 1995. I had said that to myself in my room when I was extremely upset over Michael being in the hospital. All I could do was just really think about him then. And my school grades really suffered because of it. But I didn't care my Michael was far more important to me than my stupid school work. Thinking about that now I should have stopped being a fan of his then. Cause I remember how painful that was for me then. Thank god he was alright. But that should have been a warning to myself not to get too emotionally attached to Michael. I sure wish I had listen to that warning then. Or would not be in so much pain now. I am crying now while I am listening to him. I also sometimes wish I had never became a fan of his in the first place. If I had known over 25 years ago of what was going to happen to Michael in 25 years time. I would have never became a fan of his in the first place. Or I would never had stayed a fan of his for this long. Because I knew the pain of losing him was going to be intense. But I didn't think it would be this intense. God 7 months and I am still feeling the same as I was then. :boohoo:

 

[Cris123]

Time didnt change anything for me. To the contrary, I'm more and more alone and lacking direction

 

[michaels wendy bird]

 

[*Billie Jean*]

OMG Billie Jean you are saying exactly of what I had said to myself. Back when I was 15 years old in December of 1995. I had said that to myself in my room when I was extremely upset over Michael being in the hospital. All I could do was just really think about him then. And my school grades really suffered because of it. But I didn't care my Michael was far more important to me than my stupid school work. Thinking about that now I should have stopped being a fan of his then. Cause I remember how painful that was for me then. Thank god he was alright. But that should have been a warning to myself not to get too emotionally attached to Michael. I sure wish I had listen to that warning then. Or would not be in so much pain now. I am crying now while I am listening to him. I also sometimes wish I had never became a fan of his in the first place. If I had known over 25 years ago of what was going to happen to Michael in 25 years time. I would have never became a fan of his in the first place. Or I would never had stayed a fan of his for this long. Because I knew the pain of losing him was going to be intense. But I didn't think it would be this intense. God 7 months and I am still feeling the same as I was then. :boohoo:

Jenn, sorry it's hurting you a lot. Wish there was away to be there for you. If we all lived close together we'd be there comforting each other. I'm trying to give you my support even though I too am grieving still. :depressed: I was just really crying over Michael just seconds ago. Today's one of those days where I just don't feel like living anymore. I'm so sick and tired of living and all the pain and heartache that goes along with it. The pain never stops. Whether I am consumed by it or I feel that tiny pain in my chest - it's always there and always will be. :weeping:

 

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

Jenn, sorry it's hurting you a lot. Wish there was away to be there for you. If we all lived close together we'd be there comforting each other. I'm trying to give you my support even though I too am grieving still. :depressed: I was just really crying over Michael just seconds ago. Today's one of those days where I just don't feel like living anymore. I'm so sick and tired of living and all the pain and heartache that goes along with it. The pain never stops. Whether I am consumed by it or I feel that tiny pain in my chest - it's always there and always will be. :weeping:

I know you are trying. The same thing with me Billie I just don't feel like living either. I am also tired of all the pain as well. The pain is never going to go away for me. Which is why all that I want to do anymore is sleep. Where I won't be thinking of this. I just so badly wish I could get a hold of some Propofol take it so I could just sleep forever. Cause sleep really is the only time when I am not feeling any pain of missing Michael. I know it was a big help for me during the first horrible month. I just spent hours in my bed sleeping and just trying to forget of what had happen to Michael.

 

[MJJNJ]

I feel a bit better than first 4 months but not same as before June ...

 

[stineLOVESmichael]

I know you are trying. The same thing with me Billie I just don't feel like living either. I am also tired of all the pain as well. The pain is never going to go away for me. Which is why all that I want to do anymore is sleep. Where I won't be thinking of this. I just so badly wish I could get a hold of some Propofol take it so I could just sleep forever. Cause sleep really is the only time when I am not feeling any pain of missing Michael. I know it was a big help for me during the first horrible month. I just spent hours in my bed sleeping and just trying to forget of what had happen to Michael.

same here.
sometimes I wonder is all this pain worth it.

 

[twinklEE]

I know you are trying. The same thing with me Billie I just don't feel like living either. I am also tired of all the pain as well. The pain is never going to go away for me. Which is why all that I want to do anymore is sleep. Where I won't be thinking of this. I just so badly wish I could get a hold of some Propofol take it so I could just sleep forever. Cause sleep really is the only time when I am not feeling any pain of missing Michael. I know it was a big help for me during the first horrible month. I just spent hours in my bed sleeping and just trying to forget of what had happen to Michael.

same here

 

[thrillerchild]

Everyone please try and stay with us! Life is worth living. We want Michael's to continue on this Earth and we all have a valuable contribution to make. Keep The Faith...please :hug:

 

[Sugarsiri]

I think about him every day and miss him phenominally. No one has ever touched my life the way that man has and no one ever will. I love you most Michael, now and forever x

 

[*Billie Jean*]

I know you are trying. The same thing with me Billie I just don't feel like living either. I am also tired of all the pain as well. The pain is never going to go away for me. Which is why all that I want to do anymore is sleep. Where I won't be thinking of this. I just so badly wish I could get a hold of some Propofol take it so I could just sleep forever. Cause sleep really is the only time when I am not feeling any pain of missing Michael. I know it was a big help for me during the first horrible month. I just spent hours in my bed sleeping and just trying to forget of what had happen to Michael.

Wow, that's exactly how I feel. The only times when I am not missing Michael is when I am asleep. And thinking that maybe I should get a hold of some Propofol. Take it and that way I can sleep forever and I can finally be with my beloved Michael. I am just so really sick and tired of always feeling sad, miserable, tired, and depressed all of the time now. I could just sit and cry today. Today is going to be a bad day, I can just tell. I woke up and felt empty, again. It hit me again this morning, that he's not coming back. Listening to his music is hard, coz I realise that he won't be singing anymore, yet I can't not listen to his music. It keeps me going, it cheers me up, yet makes me cry. I just don't know what to do without him here, I find it so hard to accept that he's gone. Everything reminds me of him, even little things. I'd give anything to turn back time and for him to still be here. I miss him so much. :boohoo:

 

[L.T.D]

Uhm...people grieve differently and I think it's a very important part of our fandom to be able to share some pain and find comfort with each other after all that happened. Ofcourse people might be hurt by seeing and realizing these things, but we can't just go on and ignore all these dates and stuff?! No way! :no: We have to somehow deal with it and if anyone finds it hard to read... don't come to these threads I guess.

You cant go on ignoring them. But some people might not even realise certain things and will have a much better day not knowing!

It was Christmas Eve and I didnt even consider the fact that Christmas day would be half a year without Michael. Then you just see a thread title saying it. Then all through Christmas day it was on my mind, when I wouldnt have even known had I not seen the thread.

You dont have to actually come into the thread to see what its all about, the thread title says it all. I saw it right from the index of the forum.

Personally, things like this dont bother me to much. The Christmas one I would have preferred not knowing, but threads like this dont bother me. Im just thinking of all the other fans that it does bother.

You may wake up on the morning of the 25th and not even realise that it has been a certain ammount of months since MJ died. You could be all set to have a great day, then you pop onto the forum and are reminded of the significance of the day. It can affect peoples entire day.

This might sound a little insensitive. But if someones upset, why should everyone else be brought down with them just because they need someone to talk to? A better idea would be to PM a member you are quite close to.

The other thread I remember was the one about how 2010 was the first year since 1957 without Michael Jackson. Its a brand new year and people are excited and happy to be making a fresh start. Maybe even feeling good that the year Michael died is behind us. Then they are suddenly met with this realization which just brings them back down again. I just think it causes more harm than its worth.