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2 months on...

i feel as if my wings are gone forever and now i have to walk the eath. it's amazing to think of how much hope he used to give simply by his existence. The world is so empty without him.
 
Listening to his music helps me heal.
Seeing old clips of him in interviews & in performances does a lot to help me get through this loss.

I'm not so much sad as angry. I knew something was foul from jump & am waiting to see justice served. And it don't have to be in a courtroom neither as far as I'm concerned.

I want the entire truth to come out. Why was Michael killed? Does it begin & end with Dr. Murray or is there that often-talked about conspiracy at hand here?
And I want everyone of those suckers to pay ON EARTH for what they did.
THEN God can deal his justice.

I want them to pay TWICE!
Right now I'm listening & patient. Missing Mike everyday & feeling so bad for his family & his kids.

When I hear songs & see shows with Mike on it I'm like this dude shouldn't be dead right now. He was supposed to lay the smack down on all those haters this summer & show them young bucks how it really was supposed to be done.

He was supposed to grow further in the role of elder statesman of the music industry & make those movies he always wanted to make. He was supposed to give Paris' potential boyfriends hell for trying to date his daughter & school his boys on how to grow up a whole & complete man. Not only showing toughness but tenderness as well.

He was supposed to die with Grecian Formula covering up the gray in his perm/jhericurl with a fedora on his head still wearing red shirts & royal military-like outfits. He was supposed to die more as a guru of peace than just a mere world-class entertainer. He was supposed to win the Nobel Peace Prize & show the benefits of his attitude toward children. The world was supposed to reform & understand Michael's ways (which explain why his kids came out as good & balanced as they did).
The world was supposed to set up Giving Trees to climb up & mentor kids so they won't go astray.

He was supposed to release his rare classical compositions & jazz pieces & anything he wanted to do. Performing at his pace & on his terms if he chose to do so.
He was supposed to reconcile his misgivings about Neverland & return in spite of Sneddon's clique.

The respect he's getting in death he was supposed to get in life.

No, I'm too angry to be sad. I only tear up when I hear fans tear up (like that CNN clip where 2 fans in London lose it after hearing the news). I want those jackasses DEALT WITH.

Can't believe it's been 2 months already. The man was supposed to celebrate his 51st birthday on Saturday. I'm MAD! :blowup:
John Lucas
 
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people try to tell me time will heal and everything will be ok....but for me its just getting worse....

outside i seems ok...sounds ok...but inside i'm tortured. when i alone i will sad and cry like hell...yesterday when the result came out,its so painful. i knew that the result will be this...i knew there's something wrong since the beginning but when i heard it...its get more and more excruciating
 
it is easier to listen to him and watch his interviews...but I miss him very much....and I truly believe he is an angel watching over all of us...he was kind of an angel when he was here too!
 
i am so glad that i have this place to come to and all you wonderful lot that are here.
my family sort of understand how i feel but are now saying ........
"its about time you are over this, i mean ..you never met him did you?"
my work mates are no better, in fact i tend to not say much about Michael at work as i get the eye rolling stuff done behind my back, so i just get on with my job and say bugger the lot of them.
but you lot understand as we are all the same, all suffering all hurting all looking for an answer.
i don't feel so alone when i am with all of you.
thank you, thank you all so much.xx

MJJTATTOOS007-1-2.gif
 
This aching pain will be with me forever. :(
You just don't just forget someone who's been a part of your life since nearly the day you were born.
Michael was my strength, he was the one who was always there when I felt like the whole world had walked out on me.
Knowing I was so close in seeing him in the flesh, of being in the same room as him.
Michael should have never been taken away from us like he had. No one deserves to go like that. especially Michael. He did nothing to this world, only graced it with his beauty and his talent.
One of my pet rabbit had to me putdown, I collected her from the vets today to bury. I keep going back to that day when Michael was no longer with us. Sadness seems to be everywhere now, I just can't be happy ever again :(
 
I thought I'd accepted it but I haven't :( It still hurts. I cried yesterday after watching some MJ videos on youtube. He was having a good time in the video (xmas I think it was) and that just broke my heart!!
 
I think most of us didn't realize what we had when he was alive. Now that he's gone, we do.
 
I'm still in denial and heartbroken!

Still can't belive that we will never get a new picture or performance from him.

Never will he write a new song, I just can't believe it. It's not fair. It's unrealistic. :(
 
johnlucas said:
Listening to his music helps me heal.
Seeing old clips of him in interviews & in performances does a lot to help me get through this loss.

I'm not so much sad as angry. I knew something was foul from jump & am waiting to see justice served. And it don't have to be in a courtroom neither as far as I'm concerned.

I want the entire truth to come out. Why was Michael killed? Does it begin & end with Dr. Murray or is there that often-talked about conspiracy at hand here?
And I want everyone of those suckers to pay ON EARTH for what they did.
THEN God can deal his justice.

I want them to pay TWICE!
Right now I'm listening & patient. Missing Mike everyday & feeling so bad for his family & his kids.

When I hear songs & see shows with Mike on it I'm like this dude shouldn't be dead right now. He was supposed to lay the smack down on all those haters this summer & show them young bucks how it really was supposed to be done.

He was supposed to grow further in the role of elder statesman of the music industry & make those movies he always wanted to make. He was supposed to give Paris' potential boyfriends hell for trying to date his daughter & school his boys on how to grow up a whole & complete man. Not only showing toughness but tenderness as well.

He was supposed to die with Grecian Formula covering up the gray in his perm/jhericurl with a fedora on his head still wearing red shirts & royal military-like outfits. He was supposed to die more as a guru of peace than just a mere world-class entertainer. He was supposed to win the Nobel Peace Prize & show the benefits of his attitude toward children. The world was supposed to reform & understand Michael's ways (which explain why his kids came out as good & balanced as they did).
The world was supposed to set up Giving Trees to climb up & mentor kids so they won't go astray.

He was supposed to release his rare classical compositions & jazz pieces & anything he wanted to do. Performing at his pace & on his terms if he chose to do so.
He was supposed to reconcile his misgivings about Neverland & return in spite of Sneddon's clique.

The respect he's getting in death he was supposed to get in life.

No, I'm too angry to be sad. I only tear up when I hear fans tear up (like that CNN clip where 2 fans in London lose it after hearing the news). I want those jackasses DEALT WITH.

Can't believe it's been 2 months already. The man was supposed to celebrate his 51st birthday on Saturday. I'm MAD! :blowup:
John Lucas
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you know John Lucas I thought I'd been cried out. you've made me cry again :(

oh god I don't think we're ever going to know the truth!
 
don't ya'll laugh at me! hahaha

i have to say... i spent the day with an incredible date (MJ)..... we went to two art museums... and had a wonderful lunch together.

july 25th was horrible. so i tried making aug 25 better. in honor of MJ i just couldn't sit and cry. i tried enjoying something MJ loved.

miss him so much.
 
claire64 said:
i am so glad that i have this place to come to and all you wonderful lot that are here.
my family sort of understand how i feel but are now saying ........
"its about time you are over this, i mean ..you never met him did you?"
my work mates are no better, in fact i tend to not say much about Michael at work as i get the eye rolling stuff done behind my back, so i just get on with my job and say bugger the lot of them.
but you lot understand as we are all the same, all suffering all hurting all looking for an answer.
i don't feel so alone when i am with all of you.
thank you, thank you all so much.xx

MJJTATTOOS007-1-2.gif
Click to expand...

same here.

hugs :wub:
 
I was fine. I was able to listen to all of his music but *I'll Be There* and *Will You Be There* without tears.
Yesterday after confirming it was murder, I did the one thing I thought I would never ever do. I drank. I drank so I wouldn't feel the pain.
Both of my parents are alcoholics. I promised myself that is a road I would never go down.
In 1997, my Grandma passed away while I was watching *Remember The Time* I blasted all of Michael's music to help me deal with the pain. He was my shoulder to cry on.
Now what am I gonna do? :cry:
 
It's been two months and it's been incredibly difficult. I can't imagine 2 years or 20 years without him. I am so furious right now. People don't understand why I get so worked up over someone I've never met. Honestly this may sound crazy haha but I think about MJ after I wake up and before I go to sleep. He's like constantly in my mind and when I think about what happened to him I feel gutted beyond belief.

I guess we are lucky we have so many hours of footage to watch and his endless music catalog to listen to.
 
As much as I love Michael. And I really do with all of my heart and soul. I sometimes wish that I wasn't a fan of his. That way I wouldn't be feeling so much pain and sadness right now. I am just so tired of feeling that way. I really do try to take my mind off of Michael for awhile. But something always seems to happen and I am back to crying and feeling depressed over him again. Like this this afternoon I was watching CNN they were talking about Ted Kennedy's death. And that did took my mind off of Michael. Until one of the pictures they had decided to show of him had Michael in the picture with him. This picture was from 1977. It is like no matter what I do something is always going to happen that is going to make me think about Michael. Which is why it is never going to get any better for me. And my heart will forever remain broken. How can my heart ever heal when it has been broken in to millions of tiny little pieces. Now I just get so freaking angry at the guy that cause all of this pain and sadness for us and for Michael's family. Especially for Michael's children which really hurts me the most whenever I think about them.
 
can you give us a link for that pic? I'd love to see it! I missed a lot of the Ted Kennedy coverage today. work was hellish with meeting after meeting so I couldn't stream it during the day.
 
MichaelYoureAStud said:
I was fine. I was able to listen to all of his music but *I'll Be There* and *Will You Be There* without tears.
Yesterday after confirming it was murder, I did the one thing I thought I would never ever do. I drank. I drank so I wouldn't feel the pain.
Both of my parents are alcoholics. I promised myself that is a road I would never go down.
In 1997, my Grandma passed away while I was watching *Remember The Time* I blasted all of Michael's music to help me deal with the pain. He was my shoulder to cry on.
Now what am I gonna do? :cry:
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:better: :hug:
 
Two months on? All I can say is "only the god die young" - Billy Joel
I never envisaged this could happen to our baby boy :(
I take great solace in the fact that he is and remains an "immortal" and is now truly invincible. They won't go where he's gone.
 
mjjfan4ever said:
don't ya'll laugh at me! hahaha

i have to say... i spent the day with an incredible date (MJ)..... we went to two art museums... and had a wonderful lunch together.

july 25th was horrible. so i tried making aug 25 better. in honor of MJ i just couldn't sit and cry. i tried enjoying something MJ loved.

miss him so much.
Click to expand...

mjjfan4ever....that is wonderful. Getting up and getting out is important in these heavy moments, we must force ourselves!...........Perhaps, we should all try to help others (foodbanks. soup kitchens. shelters. other charities.) what can we do in our own communities to carry on his spirit?........this seems to me to be most fulfilling thing I can do. Funnel all the energy built up inside me toward the positive, and do it all in his name....reconnect with the world, and with other people through positive actions that allow us to give from our hearts...or, at least try to.

If I had to pick a word for how everything feels now.......surreal. that sums it up for me.

What helps me the most, honestly, is climbing the big tree in my front yard, with my ipod. I feel cradled and comforted there, listening...dreaming...remembering. I just lay up there, for hours, sometimes, staring at the clouds, or the sky. Remember,.......climbing trees is good for you!
 
nestacat said:
mjjfan4ever....that is wonderful. Getting up and getting out is important in these heavy moments, we must force ourselves!...........Perhaps, we should all try to help others (foodbanks. soup kitchens. shelters. other charities.) what can we do in our own communities to carry on his spirit?........this seems to me to be most fulfilling thing I can do. Funnel all the energy built up inside me toward the positive, and do it all in his name....reconnect with the world, and with other people through positive actions that allow us to give from our hearts...or, at least try to.

If I had to pick a word for how everything feels now.......surreal. that sums it up for me.

What helps me the most, honestly, is climbing the big tree in my front yard, with my ipod. I feel cradled and comforted there, listening...dreaming...remembering. I just lay up there, for hours, sometimes, staring at the clouds, or the sky. Remember,.......climbing trees is good for you!
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awww- i am jealous. i love climbing trees. i use to do it as a child because there was a tree i could climb.

i hope as time pass, in the coming months and years.... i hope to do something meaningful to honor my luv.
 
Two months on and... I'm still surprised how terrible it feels. Not that I didn't realize it at first, but now I know even more that this truly is like losing a close family member. In some ways I'm doing better, but then something unexpected will set me off and the uncontrollable tears are back. I had a desire to watch Hook last night (hadn't seen it for ages) and I was doing ok. I mean generally alright. But then Captain Hook said, "thus perished Peter Pan" and I felt horrible for hours... :cry: And the recent news about the affidavit and lethal levels of propofol really ripped the wound right back open (not like it was near closed anyway). I have the feeling this will go on for a long time, probably with a trial that drags on and on all over the news, plus all the new things we'll learn. It's like being stabbed in the heart and every now and then someone comes by and twists the knife around.

I don't know when and how I will ever be "over" this loss. Although I believe that Michael (or rather, the soul that was Michael) still exists and is doing alright up there, why doesn't this belief help more? Why does it still hurt so bad two months later? I've gone through all these different stages of grief, the emotions have changed and gone through different phases, but that deep feeling of "How could this happen?! Oh God, he's really GONE," remains and attacks me at least once per day. It hurts. It still hurts so damned bad. :no:

P.S. I guess it's even worse this week. There's his birthday and then... tomorrow, Aug 28th, I was supposed to finally see him again after 21 years of waiting. And then Aug 30th from the 7th row. We should have been leaving for London tonight...
 
I still feel like ****
You know, I'm most afraid of the time, when there will be less news about MJ.
I mean right now, I still don't believe, that he's dead, It's all so unreal.
 
I still can't believe it. I still can't make sence of it. Every time I hear about it on the news I just shake my head it's like it's not real. Every day I listen to his music and watch videos just to keep him in my mind, I'll never ever forget him but somehow I feel by doing this I'm keeping him close. no one around me understands how I feel so this is my only outlet and I thank you for letting me share this with you. Knowing that there are others feeling the same way kind of helps. I know I will never fully get over this, no one willbe able to fill the void that michael passing has left but I am so grateful that he was part of my life and the thought of him, the sound of his voice and his beautiful words will always be with me and make me smile.
 
I must admit that it feels better now than the first weeks..

But still.. Sometimes you get a reminder that he's gone.. and....:(
 
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