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Who's almost back to normal now?

I'm ok I guess. But I feel different.... can't really explain it. I'm definitely not myself and probably won't be for a long time.
 
I'm ok: I can talk to others, even laugh. But I have this pain in my chest, and sometimes it makes it difficult for me to breathe. Things will never be the same for me. I really considered Mike as a member of my family.

I feel so bad, that I decided not to listen to his music or watch his clips or read about him for some days, the time neccessary for me to recover
 
i talk, work...laugh...whern among other poeple...

But a part of me died when Mike did.
I will feel better in a while i guess but i will never be the same.

I still cant listen to most of his songs and my heart is still aching (literally).
I cry when i am alone, not with others around me...hate that.
 
I havent cried at all since Michael died (I dont cry alot), but im still utterly gutted and depressed that he isnt here anymore, but with each passing day it eases, until I see pictures of him rehearshing and then I feel like total crap, he was so full of life & energy in them pictures, if wasn't as if he was at deaths door before he died, which makes it harder to accept and deal with.

Hope everyone is starting to feel even a bit better.
 
I suddenly have this calm feeling in me...but it doesn't feel pleasant. Maybe because I'm used to excitement
 
normal ? never again.

the best thing about my life has gone , my dream will never come true .

If anything my life from this moment forward will decline very rapidly.
 
Fan_of_Duran_Duran said:
I'm ok: I can talk to others, even laugh. But I have this pain in my chest, and sometimes it makes it difficult for me to breathe. Things will never be the same for me. I really considered Mike as a member of my family.

I feel so bad, that I decided not to listen to his music or watch his clips or read about him for some days, the time neccessary for me to recover
Click to expand...

This is exactly how I feel....I can't bring myself to watch the clips or read about him. I too felt he was family....I'm from Indiana as well 45 minutes from Gary so I always felt connected to him in that way, to his whole family. Been a fan for 26 years and will continue to be....I will love, adore, respect, honor, & cherish your memory & legacy as long as I live, Mr. Michael Jackson....
 
Normal? whats that?.....that man has been a big part of all our lives and now that he's gone its like a big void has been created. Sure for the past two days the tears have been somewhat controlled, but damn I know when the day of the funeral arrives I'll be shattered again 'cause its then you're gonna realise that.....

'This Is Really It.......!'
 
Thrillergirl said:
I'm ok I guess. But I feel different.... can't really explain it. I'm definitely not myself and probably won't be for a long time.
Click to expand...

Same for me. I'm doing okay, but I don't feel like myself still and probably never will. There's this huge empty space/void in my heart now and I don't think it will ever be filled. I'm always gonna miss Michael so much.
 
Okay, let me make this clear. Normal as in doing the things we normally did before his passing. I don't mean feeling like what we felt when he was here or forgetting him or anything. Our lives will never be the same without Michael, the WORLD will never be the same.
 
I've had good days and bad days. I only slept for three hours Thursday night and i didn't really eat Friday or Saturday. I didn't even want to hear his voice for the first few days. I got mad at my family for refusing to turn from a radio station that was playing an MJ marathon when we were in the car. I think to help get over it you have to have that big cry you know? The one where you just let it all out and even scream if you have to. Mine was on Friday some time after the conference from the coroner. I think that's when the realization that he was not coming back set in. I wasn't even doing anything Michael related. I had shut my laptop and i was watching something that had absolutely nothing to do with him (i was watching the Nanny) and out of nowhere the image of the banner at the top (specifically the beautiful pic to the right) came into my head and the tears just started streaming down my face. I got in the shower and sobbed loudly and I was okay for the rest of the night after that.

Other days, I'd wake up with the sense that everything is normal and then I'd suddenly realize he was gone all over again. There would be a few tears here and there but also a constant overwhelming feeling of..... something I can't adequately describe. Its like a big heavy thick blanket or something draped over me that i can't get off and i just don't want to do anything that day. I just want to stay in the house, lay in bed all day watch CNN and the likes and shut out the rest of the world, feeling like nothing else matters.

But today was wonderful compared to the last couple of days. I woke up this morning and he wasn't the 1st thing on my mind. I turned on my t.v and flipped through the channels (force of habit) and i saw nothing about Michael and i was actually happy or relieved or something because for a moment, it was like things were back to normal. I watched the 88' Grammys performance of TWYMMF and got so giddy and happy (as if i was in the audience or something lol) the way i used to and it felt awesome. It felt normal. For the past three days, I've noticed a constant twitching of my thumb and it concerned me because I never had anything like that before. I even told my mother about it because I was so concerned. But today the twitching is subsiding and i really think its because I'm letting go emotionally and that stress and overwhelming sadness is easing.

Sometimes you got to turn off the tv and computer and go outside or something. I went to dinner on Sunday with friends and it helped me tremendously. Come to boards like this for support but stay away from the rumor threads and the ones about the funeral/viewing/will etc. If you're at that point in your grieving where you can, go to some of the older threads about your favorite performance/tour/song etc or the threads about the curls lol or his smile. Something to remind you of happier days.

But I keep going and trying to get back to 'normal' because I know that eventually the pain will subside and it will become easier.
 
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Yesterday I was okay until last night, then i felt like an elephant had its foot on my chest and was not removing it. I missed him so much it was hard to breathe...and this morning, well yeah, i've cried.
 
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