I was actually shopping for an outfit to wear at the this is it concerts..
when I came home, I just wanted to watch some entertainment tv show, before I went to sleep. just after 10 minutes after the show the reporters told, that they just got the message that michael jackson was rushed to the hospital. at that time they couldnt really tell anything more than just that his situation was bad and that his mom was on her way to see him.
I immidiatly rushed to several boards, but a lot of boards werent working due to the traffic...so i logged on on mjfc, because i knew that one didnt had as much visitors as mjcc and therefore would be faster. at that time, the only thing we all knew was that michael was in the hospital. when everyone heard the message came from tmz there was a lot of denial. lots of people saying ''to calm down'' or ''oh its probably one of those lies'', but somehow I knew something was really WRONG.
i cant really recall what happened from there on and now, its to hard and painfull to tell..I hadnt slept that whole evening and during these two horrible days I slept a total of 2 hours and only ate 1 sandwich...I'm so in shock that somehow I cant continue the normal things in life like sleepin and eating. Somehow I feel guilty when I go to bed or eat, because that will give me the feeling that i ''do not care' enough', because I just continue life. I know this is wrong and a stupid thought, but somehow I feel guilty and think I can make up for that by making myself ''sick''. Its all sounds so stupid, but its kinda hard to explain for me.