Ashtanga...You don't know how happy i am to see you back in our forum dear.thank you for your love and prayers.HUGS
Oh, Maria girl :heart:
You are in my thoughts... You belong to the GOOD ones caring for your mother so well
I HOPE the exams go well and her 'guardian angel' is watching over her :angel:
Take care :angel:Maria
We will be praying for you and your mother! ray: :heart: It'll be OK, believe me. :hug:
Thank you so much my sweet friend.I do believe i you!very much.HUGS
I'm really sorry to hear this latest turn of events with your mum I am thinking of you both and praying you still have some strength left. Have you thought about going to a charity for advice/help at all? Someone like Madrugada (I think that's their name?)
Big hugs to you x
Ashtanga...thank you so much for letting me know about this beautiful thread.I don't have words to describe how i am feeling since i read and felt all the love,all the prayers and support.
I told my mom about this,and she asked me to thank each and all of you for all the love,and in her words"for being there for my baby in this hard time she is having".
Bless you dear.
God bless all of you.HUGS from me and my mom Elisa.
I so wish I had the patience with my parents that you do and the heart that you do..you soul is very soft and sensitive..i am sure your mom only trusts you, anyway..believe me, I can feel you take care of her..you do, and she KNOWS this. She can sense your heart and yes your closeness to her, I can feel. your heart burns and longs for her to just be happy. I sense that and once again it adds to your profile of uniqueness.. not many are like you, maria. you're a brave fighter! Even if she is sick and has her ups and downs, you're still kicking butt by the end of the day and fighting that great fight of faith. Believe that. You're not failing as a daughter or to yourself just because of all this..I just thought earlier when I was trying to keep my eyes out for your reply..I thought: "No, this is actually making her a stronger person, even if her mum passes. this is something that will make her a strong and hearty person." your soul is being strengthened believe me or not. all because of this big fight. This fight for love.. MJ did this for his music..his first love..and it sounds like your mother is your first love, too. You and mj have that much in common.MJZPrincess1982,First of all,let me thank you for taking the time to read this all thread,that i never imagined it would get this big ever.
What you say is very true and very wise.Life will take its way,no matter what i do,but as i am sure you know,when it's our parents,when its our family or friends,things get another dimension.The idea of loosing of mother,terrifies me,to be honest.
We were always very close,and since she became sick,we became even more close.If in a way i am tired of everything because i had to give up of a lot of things,on the other hand,i can't imagine any different because my mom is the person i love the mst in this world,and theres nothing,really nothing i wouldn't do for her.
This forum,the people here ARE MY REAL HOME AND FAMILY.Believe me when i say that it wasn't MJJC,Michael,all the fans,i would have given up a long time ago,because this is the only support i have.My family dosen't care,and they think it is my duty to do what i do.They forget that my mom is their sister,and my brothers behave as if it was nothing with them.
In the offline world,the only person i can count with,is my family doctor...she is more than sister to me.
Like i said already,when i started this thread,i never imagined someone would answer.In fact,i never wrote it thinking about it...all i wanted was to open up.I don't have words to express how much each comment here,how much each prayer,each love or support,means to me.Little by little,i started to feel something i was not expecting at all.Being heard,and loved.
I read your pm and i will answer you after answerig this thread.Thank you for sharing your experience with me.
Please know that if you ever need to talk,i'll do all i can to help you and support.
Yes i heard it many times that it is my care that is saving her in a way,and it is that thought,that feeling,that helps me dealing with things when sometimes i feel like giving up.But there's not one day,that i don't say to my mom how much i love her,i am always kissing her and holding her,to the point that sometimes she says"Maria...enough"lol.(yet,at the same times,it feels so good to see her smile...she is like a child...my child...)...
Again i want to thank you for the support and the love.It means a lot more than words can say.God bless you my dear.HUGS
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I will never fotget the image of my mother in ICU...
I so wish I had the patience with my parents that you do and the heart that you do..you soul is very soft and sensitive..i am sure your mom only trusts you, anyway..believe me, I can feel you take care of her..you do, and she KNOWS this. She can sense your heart and yes your closeness to her, I can feel. your heart burns and longs for her to just be happy. I sense that and once again it adds to your profile of uniqueness.. not many are like you, maria. you're a brave fighter! Even if she is sick and has her ups and downs, you're still kicking butt by the end of the day and fighting that great fight of faith. Believe that. You're not failing as a daughter or to yourself just because of all this..I just thought earlier when I was trying to keep my eyes out for your reply..I thought: "No, this is actually making her a stronger person, even if her mum passes. this is something that will make her a strong and hearty person." your soul is being strengthened believe me or not. all because of this big fight. This fight for love.. MJ did this for his music..his first love..and it sounds like your mother is your first love, too. You and mj have that much in common.
Congratulations on fighting for her where she cannot fight. She needs you and give her hugs for us, even if she begs you to stop haha
I identify with this 100%, maria. I remember my father being there a year ago..it REALLY hurts your heart and soul, it really traumatized me and because of that, I now have fears, irrational to some extent, of him getting sick or dying or becoming homeless, since I am living with him. Him being hooked up to a dialysis machine, how puffed up he was, full of fluid because his kidneys shut down and did not function, so he was not urinating or anything, omg the stuff I saw come out of weakness from this strong, fighting man. I just..it almost paralyzed me. All I saw, his being in pain and being under propofol...just the who experience.. i hated it, dude..it was just..yeah
I guess i just see through OUTSIDE and see what I can see you trying. You only know what you're doing because you feel it's weight. You have a sad self esteem, know that you're still going to strengthened through this. you're the only one who fights for her. Also, I try and see it positively..I try and say 'what if'. to me, that is the way I see it your fighting. i know you're beat down, but we're here to pick you up. so take my words as what if's and remember who you are and what you stand for, hun HugsOh Wow...i'm speachless.lol...The way you talk about me,made me feel like if i was someone that perfect,and believe me i am so far from it.What you call uniqueness or strengh,i call it being a coward.Sorry for the word but it really is the best word to describe.
You say i don't give up,i say i don't have the courage to do what it is needed.
You say my heart is soft,i say i don't have personality.But in a few things i agree...my mom is my first love.Oh dear,there's noone i love like her.She always came and will come first,not matter what or whom i have to let go.
You compare me to Michael...oh dear i am not a quarter of the person he was.Never will be no matter what i do,because Michael to me was/is an Angel sent to this cruel world to try to heal the world.If there's anything me and Michael have in common,is the childwood and the relation with our father,as my father never wanted me,never loved me,or believed in me.Till today when i have to be wit him,i am sick through my stomac,so i understand our angel so well.
Thank you so much for your love,your support and prayers.It means a lot.
God Bless you.HUGS
Thank you. He was asleep and under propofol because he kept tugging the tube out of his lungs that breathed for him, he was in pain and trying to talk. so they put him to sleep. artificial sleep. he was being stubborn and wanted to do what he wanted to do and fight them..he hated being tied down and wanted out without getting better, just walk out.Oh No dear...your father was on proprfol???how scary...
My mom is under lorazepam and dizepam,and anytime she takes those pills,i get so scared and nervous.Especially because my mom is like Michael in the sence that she has bad insomnia.She takes 2 or 3 pills of those medicins together,and all she sleeps,when she sleeps, is a few hours during the day especially.
I pray your father is well and will never need propofol again.
Today Mom is extremily tired because she had to get up very early to make the heart exams.
On Monday,we will go to an appoitment to find out the result of the exam and schedule surgery.
My Mom asked me to thank each and all of you,for all the love,all the prayers,and all the support you are giving especially to me,and asked me to send a big hug in her name.So,((( Elisa holds our mjjc family,all of you one by one,and me too)))).
And hugs unto you bothToday Mom is extremily tired because she had to get up very early to make the heart exams.
On Monday,we will go to an appoitment to find out the result of the exam and schedule surgery.
My Mom asked me to thank each and all of you,for all the love,all the prayers,and all the support you are giving especially to me,and asked me to send a big hug in her name.So,((( Elisa holds our mjjc family,all of you one by one,and me too)))).
We don't know that!We know Michael visited this forum and I think he read this thread and was praying for your mother at least once.
He was a man who wanted to know things and I believe he wanted to know more about his fans and read more posts than our love for goldpants and curls.
More hugs and love
We don't know that!
Nice thought though.