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Sorry...I have to open up

MariaJo. My deepest and sincerest prayers go out to your mother at this difficult time. Feel the power of our combined love here in this thread....you and she will make it through this.
 
mjjfan4ever...i always thought i could never deal with something like this like you.Believe me dear,if you see someone you love deeply in pain,you feel like you can do anything.
Where does the strengh comes from?i have no idea honestly.But i think it might come from God and yourself.hugs

claire64...thank you so much for your kind words.I do what i can to make my mother feel well and very loved because she is the person i love the most in this world and there's nothing i wouldn't do to save her.

Carol...Warm hugs to you too my friend.I'm here for you and everybody really.

LindaC781...I do feel your love and the love of this forum that to me is like my home,more than you can imagine.
If it wasn't this place,if it wasn't you,if it wasn't everybody in here,i have no idea how i could be handle all this still.hugs
 
My dear ones thank you all so much for your love and support that it means way much motre than i can say.

My Mother went finally today to the family doctor.

If frustration killed,i would be death and dust for sure.

We went to show my Mother's exams and the answer we got,was the last thing i expected to hear...

"There's nothing we can do"."better to let things the way they are,because trying to do something,could kill her"

I am completly exausted and have no idea what to do to help my Mother feeling a bit better.
WE still don't know when she will have her embolization,because the doctor didn't say a thing till today.

The only thing that my family doctor is going to do,is trying to make an appoitment to a neurologist,because my mother can't go on almost not sleeping at all.

What scares me a lot,is that sometimes she says that she wishes she had a doctor that could take care of her the same way Michael was!
Also she keeps saying that she wants to go see the movie of her friend,and just an hour ago,she told me that if it dosen't rain a lot,she wants to go tomorrow!
I pray so hard that tomorrow it rains like hell all day.
I'm so scared of my reaction and of hers seing the movie!

I am so so tired of my life!
 
Oh Maria....are you absolutely sure about this? Can you go to another doctor for a second opinion? My heart goes out to you my friend. I will continue to meditate and pray for you and your mom. Take care. And please, keep us up to date here. Even if it's painful. We're here for you.
 
I'm so sorry, Maria :( My prayers go out to you and your mother.. I know how it feels..you must be strong for your mother..
 
Thanks Michael,Linda and Johanne...yo0ur support means a lot more than words can say.

Linda dear,i asked my family doctor to help me find a new doctor so i can have a second oppinion.
She sent a letter to another hospital,telling the all story and asking to have an appoitment as soon as possible,but she also told me not to have many hopes.
Right now i am so tired of all this,that i don't know anymore what is the best for my mother.We are in november,and till today,we haven't heard a thing from her doctor.I wonder when and if shewill have her sugery...
If it goes on like this,i fear the surgery will not be needed anymore,nor any other appoitment as well.
 
I'm so sorry to hear all this.. I will pray for you both and god bless you for being such a good daughter. Hopefully, none of your efforts will go to waste. My prayers go out to you and your mother.I hope she heals...
 
Maria...praying and thinking about you and your Mom...

you-are-in-my-thoughts-and-prayers-.jpg
 
Linda...God bless you my friend!

Thank you and everybody,for all the love and support.
 
Sorry for not updating this thread when i first got the news,but more important stuff happened in between to people here that i love a lot and i thought it wouldn't be fair for me to say anything.

I found out on November 18th,that my mother needs a lung biopsy.

The worst of all this,is that she refuses to do so,because she says that it's not going to be her lungskilling her,but this never ending wait,that i fear that when the call my mom for surgery,it will not be needed anymore.

I feel like someone made a curse for me,and a very strong one.When i think that worst than it is,it's impossible,something always happen and i am so exausted of all this.

The moment my mother dosen't need me anymore,it will be my moment as well.If i can't be happy,i am tired of being unhappy.
Sorry people,but i had enough.
If life is always going to be a nightmare,than i give up.
But do not worry.As long as my mother needs me,i'll go on taking care of me.
 
awww Maria, you're in my prayers. There are more people who need you as well. Please remember that. We all need each other.
 
Thank you all so much for your love and prayers...

I wish i had some good news for a change...

Sometimes i avoid this thread because i get tired of saying only bad news.

We are all going through so much...and i hate to be the foccus of attention.I really do.

But sometimes it gets very dificult to deal with all this alone and i open up here so i can be under control near my mom.

Today,when i called the hospital to know if my mother should have the h1n1 vaccine next thursday,i got the news that tomorrow i will know for sure if next friday,nov 27th,my mom will have her surgery or not.

When my mother heard the news,she started to think about all lots of things like her death,and although i am strong near her,although i am positive,i am very scared with that fact,because there's a big chance that she dies during surgery.

On friday 27th,My granny,(her mother),would turn 91 if she was alive.
The idea of loosing my mother on my grannie's birthday,makes it all worst.

My mother didn't even had the chance to go to Fatima...
I don't know if it is best for my mother to have the surgery next friday or not,but i sure wish it wasn't,and i am praying for it,because i need time to try to prepare to myself for worst.
Not only tomorrow is the 25th (i hate 25ths since june),i will also have a very important news!

I'm sorry for all this...i really am...

Thank you so much,with all my heart.
 
my prayers are with you maria, and never apologize for asking us for moral support in times like these, i'm sure everyone here is more than wanting to give you as much support to you as possible.

Never lose hope, you are a good daughter and you should know that you are loved even in the middle east. I hope all goes well the surgery and please keep us updated :)

HAVE FAITH!!
 
Thank you Asis so much for your kind words...but believe me that keeping the faith under these circunstances is so so hard.

Some people are so unhuman,that it is scary and sad.

If yesterday i was told that my mother would maybe have surgery friday,
Today,when i called to know what to do,and if it was really going to happen,the doctor said that it couldn't be on friday,because she didn't have a room in the ICU as she thought she would have,and now she dosen't knows when she will have.She also said that i should call her again next wednesday to see if it can be on friday december 4th.

Now i wonder...how can someone as unhuman as this person,be a doctor?
She knos that my mom's illness is dangerous,and that stress can kill her.
She was the one saying to my mother that she should know that she will never get better.She said that my mother would could get worst,needing me more than she does already,or,that she could die in surgery!
All night my mom was talking about dying,she hardly slept,and for what??

Now she is saying that she wants to give up treatments,and i have no idea what to do?
You know what my friends,the more i get know how things work here,and how people really are,the more i hate my country,my nationality,and my life!i'm so tired of this never ending nightmare!...

Jenny...tight hugs
 
Hey Maria!

I'm so, so sorry I haven't been in touch for a while. I have no excuse, so not going to try and make one. Just wanted to say that you're still in my prayers every day - I think about you and your mother a lot. I lit a candle for you tonight and prayed that God would lessen the stress that you are going through, and I felt Him say that He loves and is taking care of you always. When you feel lost, don't forget to reach out to Him for comfort.

You're a wonderful lady Maria, and I really admire you. All my love xxx
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Thank you Asis so much for your kind words...but believe me that keeping the faith under these circunstances is so so hard.

Some people are so unhuman,that it is scary and sad.

If yesterday i was told that my mother would maybe have surgery friday,
Today,when i called to know what to do,and if it was really going to happen,the doctor said that it couldn't be on friday,because she didn't have a room in the ICU as she thought she would have,and now she dosen't knows when she will have.She also said that i should call her again next wednesday to see if it can be on friday december 4th.

Now i wonder...how can someone as unhuman as this person,be a doctor?
She knos that my mom's illness is dangerous,and that stress can kill her.
She was the one saying to my mother that she should know that she will never get better.She said that my mother would could get worst,needing me more than she does already,or,that she could die in surgery!
All night my mom was talking about dying,she hardly slept,and for what??

Now she is saying that she wants to give up treatments,and i have no idea what to do?
You know what my friends,the more i get know how things work here,and how people really are,the more i hate my country,my nationality,and my life!i'm so tired of this never ending nightmare!...

Jenny...tight hugs
Click to expand...

You're incredibly loving, caring, and strong, Maria. And everything you're feeling right now is absolutely justified. I've prayed for your Mom, and I've prayed for you. My heart goes out to you.
 
................((((((warm hug for Maria and Mother))))))))))))))))))))))
 
It's completly heart broken,that i have to tell all of you that my mother will not have surgery this year.

I think that her doctor is waiting for things to happen in a normal way,so she keeps making excuses to postpone the surgery.
For the past month,we have been living in a complete ckaos,because of my mother's doctor that was saying every week,that my mother would have surgery in the end of that week.

Yesterday i gotvery scared with my mother because she woke up not being able to moove her hands,and in pain.I called my family doctor that told me that she needed to go to the hospital imediatly,and that her doctor from the hospital,should know what was happening as well.
I should know how to say no to my mom and make her do things the way i am told.But because i am weak,and no one takes me serious here,everything i tried to do or said,was ignored,and i was even screamed at,by my brother,and my sister in law.

At one point i lost control of me,and told them all to go to hell,and that if they knew better,that their mother could go with them,to be taking cared of.
Of course they didn't say another word when i said this.cowards...
Anyways...with all this,i was not able to do what i wanted,and i had to wait till today to call to the hospital doctor,and see what she would say.

As i thought,but no one ever listens to what i say,the stupid doctor,said it was no big deal,and that shecould only do the surgery next year.
My mom has to go to an appoitment on jan 6th,to schedule the surgery.

Yeah right...see if i believe this hypocrite,selfish,cold doctor!
But what can i do alone?no one believes a word i say.

I swear that if something happens during this time that we must wait,that i will punish myself very badly if noone does,because i should be able to make others listen to me,and to to things.
Of course...when i said this,i had people screaming again...but see if i care.

When my mom closes her eyes,this family will have a big suprise from me.
What will happen,only God knows,but i can tell you that this bunch of fake people will rememeber me for a very long time.oh yes...but than it will be too late!

Sorry people for this mesage...but i am so tired of everything!
I'm tired of having to be strong for my mother!
I'm tired of having to hang in here!
I'm so tired of not having a life!

Does my family cares?of course not!
 
god maria... you've been yelled at.. by your sister IN LAW? WTF gave her the right to speak? I was so happy that you stood up to her this time, NEVER give in, this is your mother we are talking about here. BTW why can't you get another doctor to check on your mom other than this cold hearted one? I think it would be for the best no?

Seriously, I think it's time to stand up for yourself and for your mom. Stand up to anyone who apposes you, even for silly stuff. Don't give in. God bless you :)
 
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through! Im in tears reading this.

Seeing people you love in such pain and them being so helpless is the worst thing in the world. My Grandad and i were so close and the past few years of his life he was so ill, we watched him slowly deteriorate in his bed.
One day he died i couldnt have been prepared for it, i dont think anyone can be prepared to deal with death, but the truth is, even through i was unbelieveable sad (and still am) and i miss him beyond beliefe, there was a sense of reliefe that he was no longer in that pain.
I realized my Grandad had gone long before he died, the pain had took his life, he wasnt the same man and i missed him long before he left.

I pray for you and i pray for your mum, hopping all can get better, hope you can continue being as strong as you are! X
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
It's completly heart broken,that i have to tell all of you that my mother will not have surgery this year.

I think that her doctor is waiting for things to happen in a normal way,so she keeps making excuses to postpone the surgery.
For the past month,we have been living in a complete ckaos,because of my mother's doctor that was saying every week,that my mother would have surgery in the end of that week.

Yesterday i gotvery scared with my mother because she woke up not being able to moove her hands,and in pain.I called my family doctor that told me that she needed to go to the hospital imediatly,and that her doctor from the hospital,should know what was happening as well.
I should know how to say no to my mom and make her do things the way i am told.But because i am weak,and no one takes me serious here,everything i tried to do or said,was ignored,and i was even screamed at,by my brother,and my sister in law.

At one point i lost control of me,and told them all to go to hell,and that if they knew better,that their mother could go with them,to be taking cared of.
Of course they didn't say another word when i said this.cowards...
Anyways...with all this,i was not able to do what i wanted,and i had to wait till today to call to the hospital doctor,and see what she would say.

As i thought,but no one ever listens to what i say,the stupid doctor,said it was no big deal,and that shecould only do the surgery next year.
My mom has to go to an appoitment on jan 6th,to schedule the surgery.

Yeah right...see if i believe this hypocrite,selfish,cold doctor!
But what can i do alone?no one believes a word i say.

I swear that if something happens during this time that we must wait,that i will punish myself very badly if noone does,because i should be able to make others listen to me,and to to things.
Of course...when i said this,i had people screaming again...but see if i care.

When my mom closes her eyes,this family will have a big suprise from me.
What will happen,only God knows,but i can tell you that this bunch of fake people will rememeber me for a very long time.oh yes...but than it will be too late!

Sorry people for this mesage...but i am so tired of everything!
I'm tired of having to be strong for my mother!
I'm tired of having to hang in here!
I'm so tired of not having a life!

Does my family cares?of course not!
Click to expand...

Honestly, Maria - your sister-in-law sounds like the bitch from hell. Really. And you can tell her that. I hope she rots in hell. NOONE has helped you. I wish I were there....I feel so bad for the stress you've been going through...
 
I don't know what to say other than I hope you and your mother get the support and care you need to move through this. I will keep you and your mum in my thoughts and prayers xx
 
Thank you all so much for your love and support.

Thank you for all the prayers...Be sure that if it wasn't all your love,help,suuprt and prayers,i have no idea where or how would i be...

Today my mom went to make an X Ray to her back.will get the results next wednesday...
Oh well...don't know what to say at all...
Thank you all from the botton of my heart.

God Bless You.
 
anytime maria, my prayers are with you :)

Don't forget to keep us updated. Hopefully by sunday you will have good news to share :)

EDIT: ROFL my mistake i meant wednesday :p
 
Last edited:
Maria, I'm so sorry about what you and your mother are going through. Others have said it but your sister in law has no right to say anything. She's not a family member by blood, but by marriage so she needs to keep her mouth shut.
Anyway you and your mother are in my prayers.
 
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