Tiago, Qbee and everybody:
I'm a Michael Jackson fan since 1983.I belong to this forum since 2001,but before MJJC,i belonged to MJIFC and to MJJF forum (this one i still belong,and i can't describe how happy i am with it.).
People that know me,know that i'm someone who hates being the foccus of attention,and when it's really neeed help to do something,i do all i can,and nothing makes me more happy,than to feel useful.
Like it's also known here,my personal live is extremely hard,because of the brain aneurysm my mom has since the past 6 years.I will not use this an excuse,because it's not,but when you have limited time for yourself,you start to feel tired,and when you have to foccus your energy and patience in someone that is very sick,sometimes you end up doing or saying things without thinking.
I know it's wrong...very wrong,but i am only human.
I said what i said for several reasons:
First,and like i said,i had NO IDEA where the rumor came from,(when i read Ivy's post,i thought from my heart,she was trying to be nice to me,because that's how she is...a loving person that will help anyone,anytime).
Second,i don't have facebook to read what it is said.
Third,i had NO IDEA this forum had so many portuguese fans,because for years,it didn't,so i decided to explode and take it all out of my heart,without thinking,because to me,i would not hurt anyone,as noone would really care to read.(especially portuguese fans).
Tiago...i'm very sorry. You never heard of the OFICIAL Michael Jackson fanclub,named "The Michael Jackson family fanclub,created in 1996,and oficial since June 30th,1997.The forum was created by someone you might have heard,as he is kinda known here...Delfim Miranda.In fact,he is the one responsable for the forum,and he is the one who recently registrated the forum with the domain reidapop, because it used to be different.My contribution to this fanclub,was to come up with the name,(The Michael Jackson family fanclub),and to make it official.
When my Mother was healhy,i used to be a totally diferent person,and be much more active in the forum,as well as in having a social life.WHen in 2006,her brain aneurysm brusted,i saw myself having to change everything so i could be here for her all the time.
God knows how exausted i am...all the scares...all the ups and downs she has,but God also knows,my mom is the person i love the most in this world,so i wouldn't change a thing,as it has been paying off somehow.All this to try to explain why i have so much lack of information not just regarding Michael,but a bit of everything unffortunatelly.
I heard from Delfim,that some fans are creating pages and fansites,and believe me,i think its GREAT that is happening.
You have no idea how i always felt so alone here,because i used to think i was the only Michael fan here.When i started to meet more people like me,from MY country,it meant so much.I could finally meet people that share the same feelings and thoughts for someone that to me means a lot more than words can say,as Michael literaly saved my life!
(again,i am not trying to find excuses,because i know nothing justifies it.I'm just trying to explain things the best way i know,hoping it can make people understand my behavior a little).
About the German magazine,the reason i believed,was because it was a oficial magazine that covered the dangerous concert in Lisbon.(One of the happiest days of my life for sure...To see the one i love in concert and so near me...)...
Qbee sweetie you are so right in all you say about Michael,and shame on me not having thought about it.Thank you for putting things,the obvious,so clear.
With all this said,i hope people can see now that i NEVER EVER MEANT TO HURT ANYONE,and of course can excuse me.
I just wish people would not judge without knowing all the facts.Michael suffered so much because of this as well.Sometimes it is easier to judge i know.But i am only human,and since last saturday,i am completly out of countrol,because of a terrible situation i almost lived,that no woman should ever live,and again,even if i know this is not an excuse for my behaviour,i am finding it hard to control sometimes,even because yesterday i lived all of it again.
When i feel able to be more clear and specific i will,even because i keep being said,i need to talk.
Thank you all so much for taking the time reading this statement,that i wrote with my heart in my hands,hoping i was clear enough trying to explain what is not explanable,as well as genuially ask anyone,no matter what country,to excuse me for my comemnts,that were nothing but a bunch of unhappy senteces,written in a time of craziness.