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How's everybody doing?

i'm doing ok, getting ready to the funerals if it's only possible to get ready.
sometimes i have moments of peace. sometimes i see something and smile and i dont feel guilty - on the contrary i feel that Michael approves it. most of the time i just feel really quiet inside almost numb. i dont listen to the music, any music, because i just don't hear anything. i feel weak. i decided i just go with the current, take one step at a time. Today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow. But i'll think of tomorrow tomorrow. I'm trying to think of something that would make me forget for a while about what happened. But i'm not really successful because Michael is so much everywhere. watching movies? HE loved it. going for a walk? HE loved the trees. to read a book? HE loved books... but at the same time it's like "hi Michael" time after time ....
 
I think I have reached an acceptance of the situation.

I keep telling myself:

Death is nearly always shocking, heartbreaking and inconvenient. He nearly died at 25 and again at 37, but he lived to be 50.
I know 50 is not a lot in modern western society. But it was some eventful and hectic years. There were both a lot of tears and a lot of smiles. He experienced love, success, friendship and all the opposites as well. In the very end of his life he was happy, and overall the good outweighs the bad.

I just cant help wishing that he had surviced just another month. So that he would experience his big "comeback", performed his show and been on stage infront of his audience one last time.
But it seems that he truly is having a big comeback now. His children are being cared and are old enough to remember him. His family, friends and fans will always remember and love him.

By the way I remember a quate from somebody about Michael being a old soul and that Michael "had been here before". So maybe someday he grace our world with his present again, but for now is truly in a better place.
 
i want the funeral being over.
so that i can accept the whole thing to be OVER in order to deal with my feelings and my future..
i hope the media will leave him/us alone..
 
I have my moments ....Theses days I've been watching all Michael footages, concerts, videos so that I can feel him close..and alive....but again I keep crying every day, not so much anymore: Ican't focus entirely, I just can't handle the fact that he's gone too soon and that he could 've been saved - f*ck that's why he had his private doctor next door, isn't it???!!-
All I can say is that I'll still overwhelmed by emotions and that I can't accept his....leaving us.
Maybe once the funeral is over...
 
I am surprised by how much I realise I love Michael. How much connection there was.

But then again I'm not surprised, because I always knew what we had, before it was gone.

There are moments of numbness, moments of sadness, but also moments of happiness when you feel him alive. Its comforting to know someone like him doesn't die, never.

Certain things I used to do before he died, like look at the painting of him on my wall every time i walked in my room and click my fingers and say "you the man Mike", and shaking it on public transport every time I listened to his songs, and going crazy in clubs when they play his songs.

Well, I'll still do all those things, with 1000000x more passion now.
 
Up until teatime I was doing good today been busy trying to sort out transport and things to get to London on 13th even found myself laughing but now all of a sudden it has hit me hard again all the feelings are back the emptyness,unbearable sadness,the thought and feeling that Michael just cant be dead just absolutley devasted.
At one point for a few seconds I got excited about going to London as Ive never been and meeting all these other fans but then my heart and body sighed as I remembed he wont be there he will never be in England or on this earth ever again.My heart,soul and brain just can't come to terms that he has realy died.Im just so broken at the minute
 
I have been watching his videos and listening to his music and sometimes it just hits me, he's gone. He's not in this world. But it just doesn't seem real. Now, while watching one of my favorite videos and songs of his, Will you be there, it just grasped me that he is gone and tears came down. I try to live my life, keeping busy and whatever I'm doing during the day I think of him and think of what ways I could do today to be more like him. He was such an inspiration in my life and will be one forever. I can't even write his name. He wasn't supposed to go now. It's not real and he'll be back. My moonwalker will be back! I will never forget him. We all have our memories of him, the good ones and the bad ones and those will live with me forever. I will try to honor his memory the best way I can. I'm mourning now but I will celebrate later.

The pain will go away, in time...
 
Awful....I am not well. I miss him I want him to be here even if I won't see him again. I just want him to be alive and well!
 
sometimes fine, sometimes not. last night i was driving in my car with the invincible album. speechless was about 3/4 through and i just started sobbing while i was driving. i think i will be crying for the memorial - if they show it on our tv. i'm listening to the dangerous album now.
 
I have had a very rough last few months. I lost my job because of this recession crap - This was before Michael died. My partner lost his dog of 14 years 2 days after. I have a tremendous amount of shite to sort out in my life - but this news of MJ's passing has been another blow - I can't help but feel empty.

I think with grief - it is something that won't heal overnight. It is a long, slow, grueling process but I think if we pull together we will see it through eventually. I think we all need closure really. The memorial service isn't too far away. It will be so sad but I think it will be healing. Just as long as they televise it in Oz!
 
I've been doing pretty good today. Though I still have not been able to eat much. It is like I have totally lost the will to eat. After I had lost my great eternal love. I have been practically starving myself since I had heard the horrible news. But my MJ hating mother really angered me today because she told me that I need to get over Michael's death. And she is giving me 2 weeks to get over his death. Or she is putting me in to counsiling. Like another MJ hater is going to know what I am going through now. Right now I am feeling better right now by listening to The Jacksons Victory album. Earlier I had to watch Michael's Munich, Germany HIStory Concert. That really had me happy to see Michael wearing those tight sexy gold pants. I totally have forgotten how much I love Michael in them.
 
DanceOfZenab1994 said:
I'm glad you are better honey!

I'm doing good today, I can listen to Michael, watch footages, remember things and smile, laugh etc. But I feel soooo guilty!! Like I should still be crying my eyes out! Seriously.

.
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I've been feeling the same way. But please remember michael wouldnt want us to feel guily, hed wants us to remember him at his best!
Like when he was peforming and and as a father with his sweet beautiful children:D:wub:
 
Well at times i think i'm better but then something hit's me and i'm crying again i always hope Michael didn't struggle but then i heard one of his children say they saw him fall over i can't believe it i hope he didn't struggle i swear i hope he didn't.
 
MJSOPRECIOUS said:
Well at times i think i'm better but then something hit's me and i'm crying again i always hope Michael didn't struggle but then i heard one of his children say they saw him fall over i can't believe it i hope he didn't struggle i swear i hope he didn't.
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I honestly don't think he felt any pain. The accounts seem to indicate that he just fell asleep and didn't wake up. He was found on a bed, so I don't think there was any sort of "struggle?" I really, really don't think he felt pain at the end. . . no way to know for sure, but it doesn't seem like he did. . . .
 
I'm distant from family. I just want to be alone and I want it quiet all the time.
I'm contantly struggling to accept what has happen. to believe its real. I get so frustrated and will bang or hit things because I want to control the situation. I want him back so bad. Just thinking about it and having the feeling that I can't make him come back, I'll hit the couch pillows. Then I tell myself to stop! Doing that isn't going help. The same way with crying. I'll cry cry cry and be so sad, then tell myself don't because its not gonna being him back. That makes me angry and frustrated. I just hate feeling so powerless. I think I coulda save michael or he would be here if i were at that house over his retarded doctor. I keep going over what if scenerios. I just want him back alive. (This is gonna sound bad but..) When cnn was reporting coma I was praying let it be a coma over what the LA times was saying which was death. I could live with coma. I thought ok we have to pray and will him out of this coma. But death. You can't will him out of that. I hated death being attached to his name. Its so permenant. So hopeless. Now im just dealing with this constant struggle of saddness and frustration because I can't change his death. I just don't get why this happen, why he couldn't pull through this and wake back up. I see ppl and just think these ppl are alive, im alive but michael isn't. Sad yet again. Then I wonder what does it feel like to be death. How does his soul feel. I remember him saying he didn't want to die, now I wonder what does death feel like. I hate that is he's gone and never to return again. Then other times I don't believe it.

I can listen to his music and watch videos of him. They help me. Michael makes me laugh. He funny.lol so they help. But then I get sad because I feel he should be alive, yet he's not.
 
Maeflower86v2 said:
I have had a very rough last few months. I lost my job because of this recession crap - This was before Michael died. My partner lost his dog of 14 years 2 days after. I have a tremendous amount of shite to sort out in my life - but this news of MJ's passing has been another blow - I can't help but feel empty.

I think with grief - it is something that won't heal overnight. It is a long, slow, grueling process but I think if we pull together we will see it through eventually. I think we all need closure really. The memorial service isn't too far away. It will be so sad but I think it will be healing. Just as long as they televise it in Oz!
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Hugs to you and sending positivity. Somebody said they will televise it in Oz live at 3am on Wed morning. So I looked on yourtv.com.au and they have good morning america - so I guess it will be covered on that.
 
Mikejoefan said:
I'm distant from family. I just want to be alone and I want it quiet all the time.
I'm contantly struggling to accept what has happen. to believe its real. I get so frustrated and will bang or hit things because I want to control the situation. I want him back so bad. Just thinking about it and having the feeling that I can't make him come back, I'll hit the couch pillows. Then I tell myself to stop! Doing that isn't going help. The same way with crying. I'll cry cry cry and be so sad, then tell myself don't because its not gonna being him back. That makes me angry and frustrated. I just hate feeling so powerless. I think I coulda save michael or he would be here if i were at that house over his retarded doctor. I keep going over what if scenerios. I just want him back alive. (This is gonna sound bad but..) When cnn was reporting coma I was praying let it be a coma over what the LA times was saying which was death. I could live with coma. I thought ok we have to pray and will him out of this coma. But death. You can't will him out of that. I hated death being attached to his name. Its so permenant. So hopeless. Now im just dealing with this constant struggle of saddness and frustration because I can't change his death. I just don't get why this happen, why he couldn't pull through this and wake back up. I see ppl and just think these ppl are alive, im alive but michael isn't. Sad yet again. Then I wonder what does it feel like to be death. How does his soul feel. I remember him saying he didn't want to die, now I wonder what does death feel like. I hate that is he's gone and never to return again. Then other times I don't believe it.

I can listen to his music and watch videos of him. They help me. Michael makes me laugh. He funny.lol so they help. But then I get sad because I feel he should be alive, yet he's not.
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That is how i'm feeling right now, exactly. I still can't eat much and have to force myself to get out the house. I would rather just be left alone for the most part. I mean look at this it's July 4th here in the U.S. and I didn't go anywhere. Usually, during this time i'd be out partying but i'm not up to it. I told my friends and b/f I would go out with them tonight but couldn't make it. I've gone out several times drinking and partying after MJ passed and it didn't make me feel better at all, so I thought why go out tonite? It wont make me feel any better. I only feel comfortable when I'm in my room or talking about MJ online, listening to his music, watching video's,etc. I have been cutting people off these days and being very distant, the only people I feel like talking to is MJ fans. You guys understand. No one else does. Everyone else thinks i'm being ridiculous and need to move on. I know that one day it will get better, but there will always be a sense of emptiness that I just cannot explain. MJ's death is one that I will never get over completely.
 
another day has come and l am still alive even if l don't want to ,life without Michael is terrible.
 
I still don't seem to realise it.. When I talk about it with friends, it's just as if I'm talking about someone else, not MJ.
I think I'll realise it only after the funeral or after the concert dates we were going...
 
worse today. i tried to watch some videos and it made me feel worse. im ok in terms of work etc i can work and i go to work. but i'm numb and hurting. he is too beautiful... his voice, his personality...
 
feel like a zombi... force myself to go, to take shower, to do this and that...
can't eat today at all... on the street everything looks stranger for me.... went to the store just for water.... can't find a peace and place for myself... everything so different now :(
when i'm offline, far from you all, feel like i can't breath :(
i don't know what to do :(
 
i wanted to hear Michael's voice and watched LWMJ a bit, again, the part where he is climbing the tree and sit there *deep sigh* our Angel...... :(
we missing you, Michael and love you very very veeeeeeery much :heart:
 
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