Guys on this board..I hope you don't mind my asking...

[Mechi]

I mean just that- too much importance is placed on sex in relationships- often without knowing or thinking why it's important in the first place- therefore, it's taken far too lightly. People often just say "it's an important part of the relationship"- without a reason behind that.

I often feel like asking- Why is it important to you in a relationship? Because it's fun / you can't do without it or because it's an expression of love toward another person?

I am talking strictly relationships- not one night stands or anything.

Well I don't know about other ppl and what they do in their relationships but I can answer that easily for myself. While we certainly can do without sex, we don't want. We both love to express our love for eachother this way, it's fun we share and it's something we only share with eachother. Mostly it's what just happens, it just comes out a beautiful natural way of sharing intimacy, desire, tenderness and an incredible closeness with eachother, giving up controll resulting in a beautiful feeling of being together like one. Only he knows me this way and only I know him this way cuz faithfullness is for both of us important. That makes it extra special.

 

[browneyedgirl]

lol in those years I've studied statistics I've learned a lot about lots of 'kind of ppl'.
Honestly I'm quiet sure that 'these kind of ppl' do have an amiss perception of themselves as often as 'all other kinds of ppl'.
Prejudice is ignorance. You're pronouncing what some ppl want some ppl do believe. If you seriously would start to question it you'd see there's nothing behind it.
Basically I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with sex.
If ppl can't be honest that's a complete different problem. If ppl can't be faithfull although they have promised that's a complete different problem. If ppl do something only cuz they think it's expected from them and not cuz they want it, then it's a complete different problem (and it doesn't matter if they do have sex cuz they think their partner expects it or if they do refrain from having sex cuz they think society thinks that's the only apropriate to do).
There's no sense in categorizing ppl cuz of having sex into other categories than maybe 'having sex' and 'not having sex'.
There's no sense in judging ppl only on this basis, well to me.

It's the same as with everything... there's something 'going on' (and I'm intentionally not saying 'wrong' here) with ppl if they don't trust themselves in just being themselves and maybe handle sex without responsibility towards others and themselves.
It's maybe the biggest challenge to let children learn about themselves, to give them the self conciousness and the self esteem to trust themselves. I personally think what children need is education and then the freedom to decide. Children need it to become responsible adults.

Maybe everybody can notice out of my arguments that my advice is not to just go for it no matter what and also is to not have sex if they do not completely feel it's the 'right thing' for them. If they don't feel completely sure about it, it's clearly too early for them.

Oh no, I'm not disagreeing with you. Sex is very important in a relationship, but one has to bond emotionally before they can physically. But if you're just looking for a bit of fun, that's all good if both parties involved want that and that only. I still don't agree with that behavior for personal pride's sake, but again, that's me.

If the skank girl wants to sleep around, I don't see how that's going to benefit her. She's probably hoping for a long-term relationship and he wants a fling. Buttt, if all she wants is a fling too, that's cool. I just usually see women around me get emotionally attatched regardless if they went into it with serious thoughts or not.

 

[L.J]

why is a woman who enjoys the occasional fling considered something unsavoury, yet a guy usually isn't?


I hate this double standard and I think one of the reasons why I hate it so much is because often it is women who degrade their own gender. (Please note I'm talking in general and not refering to any posts in here, just an observation).

 

[browneyedgirl]

(Please note I'm talking in general and not refering to any posts in here, just an observation).

Yes you were! =P

Well, for me, I'll call a guy out too. But I'm usually harder on females b/c I'm a female as well.

Also, it goes back to society's value of virginity from generations ago and how a women is able to get pregnant, unlike a man would.

 

[Mechi]

If the skank girl wants to sleep around, I don't see how that's going to benefit her.

If that is what she wants then that is what she wants. Doesn't make her a good or bad person. Maybe she just likes sex?! nothing more nothing less.

She's probably hoping for a long-term relationship and he wants a fling.

Maybe... that
but maybe they're just doing it cuz both like to do it?
Maybe he wants a long-term relationship and she wants just a fling?
You're leaving out other possibilities as possible as the one you mention... by intention?

Buttt, if all she wants is a fling too, that's cool.

if both agree on anything that's cool.

I just usually see women around me get emotionally attatched regardless if they went into it with serious thoughts or not.

Yep we all tend to see the world as we experience it and as we develope to look at it... that doesn't mean the reality is how we see the world cuz there's all those others with their maybe different experiences.

 

[browneyedgirl]

^ Well, of course, experiences mold your mind. I do agree with a lot of what you're saying. I think our only difference comes down to sex too soon. That's the only thing I'm disagreeing with at this point, lol. Like I said earlier, different strokes for different folks.

 

[L.J]

Yes you were! =P

Well, for me, I'll call a guy out too. But I'm usually harder on females b/c I'm a female as well.

Also, it goes back to society's value of virginity from generations ago and how a women is able to get pregnant, unlike a man would.

:blush: ok yes your post sparked my response but I wasn't trying to come at you :flowers:
I just have an issue with the fact that more often than not the biggest critics of women, are women :lol: we want equality but then we often resort to "traditional values or roles" which sends us back to square one (which is a floor tile in front of the kitchen sink). :lol:

^ Well, of course, experiences mold your mind. I do agree with a lot of what you're saying. I think our only difference comes down to sex too soon. That's the only thing I'm disagreeing with at this point, lol. Like I said earlier, different strokes for different folks.

... and there goes my dirty mind kicking into gear :trish:

:lol:

 

[Mechi]

^ Well, of course, experiences mold your mind. I do agree with a lot of what you're saying. I think our only difference comes down to sex too soon. That's the only thing I'm disagreeing with at this point, lol. Like I said earlier, different strokes for different folks.

Yep I think also we mainly do agree.

Well I just like taking responsibility for myself... I do not give it away to artificial rules by an as much artificial public which is might not even existing only pronounced.
I'm doing what I'm doing cuz I like doing it.

Either I do have sex cuz I want it, or I don't have sex cuz I don't want it.
Whatever it's certainly ME deciding. If the guy wants or not... comes somehow... well I don't know that's the SECOND step to find out. lol

So what are the girls here really complaining about? That THEY can't find the right matching guy for them? Or that they don't really know what they want? well then it's simply really toooooo early for them to have sex! If the do have sex although it wasn't what they wanted... it was still their decision to agree into it. it was still their decision not to take enough time to find out about the guy.

I mean it's really simple... but me as a girl I would never blame guys or giving them bad names for them just being the way they are.

I am also the way I am.

Geeeez it's all up to the girls involved.

 

[browneyedgirl]

^ Well again, you're right. It's each to their own at the end of the day.

:blush: ok yes your post sparked my response but I wasn't trying to come at you :flowers:
I just have an issue with the fact that more often than not the biggest critics of women, are women :lol: we want equality but then we often resort to "traditional values or roles" which sends us back to square one (which is a floor tile in front of the kitchen sink). :lol:

Knew it! :lol:

I agree with you, though. I know it's wrong, but it's kind of like a bad habit, for lack of a better term. I think what it comes down to is the fact that I grew up with women all around me in that "traditional role."

 

[Scorpio]

I'll say it again. By no means have I stated that sex is some kind of evil, or that its a bad thing. I think quite the opposite actually. I think its great if it actually means something.

My drugs comparison was simply based on peoples' addiction to it. People are addicted to some things (like drugs) and there are plenty of people that are addicted to sex. They just fail to realize thats exactly what they are. And there are people that do admit it, actually a friend of mine gladly admits hes addicted to it.

Let me give an example so that people finally get my analogy. The girl I was talking to online that said she wanted me to sleep with her. She later said that she has a bad rep because she gets around way too often. She said she feels like she addicted to it. I asked if shes ever just said "no". She said that she simply couldn't. That when it is there, she takes it. Now if that doesn't sound similar to a person that is addicted to drugs then I guess I dont know what im talking about lol.

Again, I wasn't saying that I felt it was on the same level as drugs. And I dont mean for sex to be or appear "evil". Look past the comparison and look at the meaning in which it was intended for. :yes:

 

[arXter]

i understood what you meant from the beginning; i just don't see a problem with having a higher-than-"normal" sex drive. no problem at all lol unless of course it's associated with a physical or mental disorder, but that's quite rare within a population.

 

[Foxy..]

Without sounding too 'taboo' I personally believe that in an adult relationship, the psysical act of love is something which is mandatory for a couple to express their most paramount emotions, desires and feelings toward each other. The difference between having Sex and Making Love, although phsyically identical is in fact very different emotionally.

I also feel that without having sex with your partner there is no chance of ever making love to them either, as love comes with dedication, time, romance, hard work and connection. There is nothing wrong with having concented sex, it is the primary.. if not the singular reason the human race is here anyway! In addition, humans are one of the few species who have sex for pleasure..so why not enjoy it?

Back to the question though, I would never pressure anyone into sex, as it is a big deal for some people more than others, whether them being male of female is irrelivant imo.. However, you wait, and after time want to physically express themselves to someone they really like, and if sex is something the other person is not interested in giving you, then you either keep waiting or 'dump' that person.. That is something that has happened for generations and generations.

I think 'men' get a hard and unfair deal considering we are stereotyped to be walking genitalia. This is more often than not, not the case. However, I do apologise on behalf of the Neanderthols who ruin it for us gooduns!

 

[arXter]

sir i salute you,,,

 

[Foxy..]

sir i salute you,,,

I was literally about to log off thinking there was nothing worth posting on and as my eyes drifted, I noticed this. I guess guys like you and I feel quite disheartened by our stereotype.

This guy is applauded for his boyish, galavanting and certainly unprotected sex with various women.

Seriously though, maybe films (such as James Bond), celebrity gossip and propogandic media has this negative effect on the male and female sexual relationship..

 

[Roxanne]

I think 'men' get a hard and unfair deal considering we are stereotyped to be walking genitalia. This is more often than not, not the case. However, I do apologise on behalf of the Neanderthols who ruin it for us gooduns!

sorry but i honestly dont think its an unfair deal at all. maybe u personally differ and yes there are a few exceptions like urself apparently but men in general are exactly what they're stereotyped to be.

 

[arXter]

sorry but i honestly dont think its an unfair deal at all. maybe u personally differ and yes there are a few exceptions like urself apparently but men in general are exactly what they're stereotyped to be.

siggy alert

dun dun dundun.

that's like me saying that every woman is as superficial and blank as those Sex In The City characters.

 

[Foxy..]

siggy alert

dun dun dundun.

that's like me saying that every woman is as superficial and blank as those Sex In The City characters.

I just had a major 'lol' at the irony too Arx.

 

[Roxanne]

no comment lol

 

[Mechi]

sorry but i honestly dont think its an unfair deal at all. maybe u personally differ and yes there are a few exceptions like urself apparently but men in general are exactly what they're stereotyped to be.

:rofl: OMG that's certainly the best laugh I had for long!!! :lmao:


you're right Roxanne as exactly as women are exactly what they're stereotyped to be uh?! :lmao: :rofl: :lmao: :rofl:

 

[Michaele]

yeah.

 

[Zith]

Personally for me I've found that when I'm with a girl I really want to be with relationship wise, it all just sort of happens at the right time. Sure sometimes you might get those awkward moments (which I always find similar to those moments when you're trying to walk through the door at the same time as someone else and then there's that little dance where you both try to work out who is going to pass first), but mostly it all just sort of rolls on into something physical eventually. Maybe I've just been really lucky? yet to really deal with a relationship where there wasn't a physical "event".

 

[snowhite]

Excuse my frankness, but when I'm in love with somebody that is all I think about ...and I'm a girl

I can wait...the anticipation makes it so much better...but to not get physical at all that wouldn't make sense

 

[DenisRS]

The answer is "yes"; however, I would not mislead woman's anticipations about the "marriage" or "serious relationships" just to get her.

 

[L.J]

Some posts have been either deleted or edited....

Please refrain from sexist and offensive remarks, respect for community members is paramount.

 

[Jabz]

Aaah man, missed all the fun.

 

[LindaC781]

Do you guys think that a woman who is VERY attracted to you and has sex with you is a slut?? Why or why not? And please, keep it clean. I think women have just as much of a sex drive as men do.

 

[DenisRS]

No, because sluts do this for money, and people do this for pleasure.

 

[snowhite]

Real gentlemen don't call women "sluts"

 

[lil_miss_mj]

I can't date because I'm just not normal lol. If the guy expects something, and WORSE, ASKS me for it, I want to run away. That's the Gods honest truth as well. A friend of mine a long time ago once asked, "Can I kiss you?", and I wanted to run away. Don't ask the girl, guys! If you want to kiss her I think just do it. It's so awkward if you ask, believe me!! Especially afterward if you decline, God... :bugeyed

 

[Scorpio]

I can't date because I'm just not normal lol. If the guy expects something, and WORSE, ASKS me for it, I want to run away. That's the Gods honest truth as well. A friend of mine a long time ago once asked, "Can I kiss you?", and I wanted to run away. Don't ask the girl, guys! If you want to kiss her I think just do it. It's so awkward if you ask, believe me!! Especially afterward if you decline, God... :bugeyed

True. It is better to just do it, asking is just odd. Besides, if the other person didn't like it they'll either move away before you get the chance or you just apologize afterwords. Of course it also depends on the situation and your relationship with that person. I'm not saying to just kiss people by any means lol.

But if you are on a close level with that person and you feel it can be take to the next one and you're afraid to kiss them...just do it.