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Feeling worse every day

MichaelMySoul said:
Helps alot, thank you. Im so glad I have fans to talk you... It makes things so much easier. I dont know why Ive been dwelling with the memorial service, and the coffin and the sad songs.. I guess Ive just convinced myself that I need to be depressed over his death. No body needs to be depressed over his death... Instead celebrate the good life he lived. Its hard.. But I'll give that a try because how it is now is not fun at all..
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Last week was the first week that I felt the cloud lifting. So far, I have made it through "Childhood" w/out crying. I'll try Human Nature next :) I think I'm finally at accepting his absence and think of his creativity, generosity and spirit to get me through.
 
I thought I would not cry anymore for him because I know he's in better place but I'm crying now. Michael I'm so sorry. I don't know how to deal with all the problems I'm facing. Michael was like a father to me who led me to the world.
 
hugs to you loopy.i feel the same,i am married and i am the same age as you 34yrs old,my husband said to me the other day ,you should be over it by now,you didn,t even know him,i just don,t feel like doing anything anymore,i wake up every morning and go on the internet and hope there is news thats it has all been a big mistake and michaels alive,
the not knowing anything makes you feel worse too,
my concert was on the 10th august,that was a bad day for me,all i can say is that we are all feeling you,and here is the right place to come and get support,
if you wanna pm me feel free,
 
Me too. The grief took me completely by surprise, and I know it's real grief because I've experienced it before :(.

I keep telling myself how silly this is, feeling so bad for a person I only know from such a distance. I'm not someone who generally follows celebrities or takes such a loss so personally. But Michael's story is SO tragic and so real to me. My husband is tolerating my obsession and allows me to talk, but I know he must be wondering why this has affected me so badly?

Michael's music has been the backdrop to much of my life. I'm in my 40s and remember the Thriller era like it was yesterday. I had a keen interest in music during my teens and 20s and much of it was Jackson family related. So many stories I could tell, but sad to say I never made it to one of his concerts and that is something I regret...

Sigh. It will get easier. I find it best to go with the feelings, or they will just come back at some other time. I'm dreaming about him now... or rather, he's there in my dreams, often in the background. I think that's a good sign :)
 
dangerous2000watts said:
I thought I would not cry anymore for him because I know he's in better place but I'm crying now. Michael I'm so sorry. I don't know how to deal with all the problems I'm facing. Michael was like a father to me who led me to the world.
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me too, me too :cry:
 
Thanks so much everyone - especially Sarah. Still not really feeling any better - didn't listen to him atall for a couple of days which seemed to help. but the felt like i was missing him even more. Have started listening to him again but only the faster songs - certainly can't listen to any of the sentimental ones, especially speechless, you are my life, gone too soon, stranger in moscow, heaven can wait, etc...etc... I listened to Morphine the other day and nearly died of shock - he is singing about demerol all the time and is clearly asking for help - why didn't someone do something about it especially when they heard that song???!!!!!!!! Am glad that he is going to finally be laid to rest on his birthday - just hope he is at peace now. Am dreading the day i was supposed to be seeing him - that is going to be a really horrible, empty day. :-( Has anyone else noticed the Demerol reference???? Just hope the real truth does come out, and that the relevant people are punished for taking him away from us.
 
thank goodness there are others feeling the same as me. i thought i was alone in my feelings. like others here i keep my grief hiddn for fear of being ridiculed but it hurts so much.
i have had MJ tattoos done and for some odd reason they bring me great comfort, like he is with me always now.
how do i post pictures on here?
 
Hi everyone. I am so happy to find this thread, I thought I was the only one feeling worst and worst everyday. At the beggining it was like waves of emotions. I was crying, then happy, then angry in like 5 seconds. Now I am just plain sad. I wake up crying and fall sleep crying. I am affraid I wont get better, but the worst part of all is that I dont want to be better, cause I will feel I am letting him go, and I dont want ever let him go. If I dont feel sad for him how I am going to be close to him?? I am also tired of everything, all the news, all the rumors all the fights. I want this to be over and yet NOT. :hug: Hugs to everybody.
 
i can kind of give good advice ideas to help you heal the pain
1. try not to bleme yourself -there is nothing you could have done to help michael
2.have some kind of faith and do one good thing like giving money to charties
3. its healthy to clean eyes i mean its ok to cry while listen to michael's music
4. if you can't go to sleep after midnight don't watch michael's scare music video clips this will just give you give nightmares
the only thing to do is to light candle or say a pray
5. its ok to day dream about michael just keep to yourself and if you have nice dream about michael while fall asleep you can share or talk about your dream( if you can rembmer it?) with others
6. on the internet /forums you share your good or bad feelings with others or make yourself a michael page for other michael fans
 
walkaway said:
Me too. The grief took me completely by surprise, and I know it's real grief because I've experienced it before :(.

I keep telling myself how silly this is, feeling so bad for a person I only know from such a distance. I'm not someone who generally follows celebrities or takes such a loss so personally. But Michael's story is SO tragic and so real to me. My husband is tolerating my obsession and allows me to talk, but I know he must be wondering why this has affected me so badly?

Michael's music has been the backdrop to much of my life. I'm in my 40s and remember the Thriller era like it was yesterday. I had a keen interest in music during my teens and 20s and much of it was Jackson family related. So many stories I could tell, but sad to say I never made it to one of his concerts and that is something I regret...

Sigh. It will get easier. I find it best to go with the feelings, or they will just come back at some other time. I'm dreaming about him now... or rather, he's there in my dreams, often in the background. I think that's a good sign :)
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I feel the same. It is something I didn’t expect to happen. I never follow celebs. It is just VERY weird what is going on.... .
 
Asedora said:
I feel the same. It is something I didn’t expect to happen. I never follow celebs. It is just VERY weird what is going on.... .
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Yes, it's so strange. He touched a lot of hearts that's for sure. I keep thinking there must be a reason for why so many have been affected this way :-/
 
Loopy said:
I just wondered if anyone else was feeling worse every day?? I am a 34yr old married woman with a 7 yr old, but i just cant stop thinking about Michael all the time. I can not concentrate in my work and really feel pretty low. My husband keeps asking me what is wrong but i am just saying i am dont know. I really feel llike i have lost a close relative. I cant tell anyone as they will just laugh at me and say -oh you didn't even know him - whats wrong with you?! I am unable to listen to any of his more sentimental songs, and speechless came on yesterday and i dissolved in a fit of tears and had to pull the car over! I am also unable to sleep. I was supposed to be seeing him at the O2 next month, and am absolutely dreading that day as i am going to feel so very sad. I really feel that he had such a rough time and did not deserve what happened to him. I have always been a big fan for as long as i remember and feel completely empty. It just seems completely irrational to me but i cant help it. Is anyone else feeling this bad?? Thanks.
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I've already been to the o2 on what was my concert date. If you fancy a chat anytime about the scenerio on MSN then don't hesitate to add me: ayumu@hotmail.co.uk

I went through so many emotions that day and only once I signed the wall, had my moment of breakdown, had the "heart shaped cloud" moment I felt relieved and much better about it :)

But saying that I did start crying during MITM which hasn't happened since last month :(
 
about 2 or 3 weeks ago i had very strange day?
that i was home alone just listen to michael music
round 12pm in the afternoon i could hear footsteps (and my door opens by its self) but therewas no-one here? secs later i see( a spirit of) michael
dancing in my bed singin' to me '' somebody dance with me ?''
i like the purple suite michael was wering ?
i wanted to get up and dancing with michael?
but i was to numb it made feel happy just to see michael again
michael say goodbey to me around 1pm( in the afternoon ) disapear
its easyer for me to talk to a dead person/ghost
then someone who just prents to care about your feelings
 
witchanna said:
about 2 or 3 weeks ago i had very strange day?
that i was home alone just listen to michael music
round 12pm in the afternoon i could hear footsteps (and my door opens by its self) but therewas no-one here? secs later i see( a spirit of) michael
dancing in my bed singin' to me '' somebody dance with me ?''
i like the purple suite michael was wering ?
i wanted to get up and dancing with michael?
but i was to numb it made feel happy just to see michael again
michael say goodbey to me around 1pm( in the afternoon ) disapear
its easyer for me to talk to a dead person/ghost
then someone who just prents to care about your feelings
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oh wow that is really amazing :)
 
i feel like part of me died the day michael died?
things for me are getting better as days go on but i feel like i lost soulfriend or something
i just 31 years young trying to enjoy life?
advice to myself maybe i need find a person who can always talk to a dead persons
so other persons don't think im going crazy?
 
My girlfriend keeps saying its not like a member of your family died. I know that and she's trying her best to understand but I sometimes wish she'd not say things like that at all because it does feel that way :(
 
Loopy said:
Thanks so much everyone - especially Sarah. Still not really feeling any better - didn't listen to him atall for a couple of days which seemed to help. but the felt like i was missing him even more. Have started listening to him again but only the faster songs - certainly can't listen to any of the sentimental ones, especially speechless, you are my life, gone too soon, stranger in moscow, heaven can wait, etc...etc... I listened to Morphine the other day and nearly died of shock - he is singing about demerol all the time and is clearly asking for help - why didn't someone do something about it especially when they heard that song???!!!!!!!! Am glad that he is going to finally be laid to rest on his birthday - just hope he is at peace now. Am dreading the day i was supposed to be seeing him - that is going to be a really horrible, empty day. :-( Has anyone else noticed the Demerol reference???? Just hope the real truth does come out, and that the relevant people are punished for taking him away from us.
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i meant what i said if you need to talk any time,p.m me.
 
i was kinda depressed and a loner before he passed away,ever sicne he's gone.i felt im at the point of no return falling downward into a dark endless abyss.there is not any room left in my mind and thought as long as im conscious for anything else except thinking about him.i even force myself into sleeping for as long peoriod of time as possible.so that i would nt be botherd to be tortured by the lost feeling and suicidal depression.the first thing comes to my mind when i wake up everyday is dame reminder of he's gone .i never felt a pain to this extent in terms of time length and intensity.locked inside my room,i keep checking his news ,watching his video,reading mag about him,listening his music,namely,everyrhing related to him makes my day.

the more i know him,the more i love this man.letting go of him is becoming harder and harder as time elapsing.time didnt heal anything.it kills me inside thinking that hes gone away,he isnt not with us ,this is a world without michael,this is a world that im gonan spend the rest of mylife living in .every joy and happiness in my life would be incomplete as a result of his passing.
it almost destroy my whole philosiphy coz when at thought of what a man as kind ,generous,pure,angelic as mike has to suffer through his life ,and the tragedic way he was deprived of the right of living crackdown all my faith in good and brightness.all in all,darkness prevails .the evil nature of our humanity manipulates the world.maybe i sound like a little extreme,but that's the way i was made to be ,i hate it !!!i hate myself for being full of pessimistic thoughts and negative attitude !!
english is not my first lauguage,so i hope iv made my point clear.
 
sylvia88 said:
i was kinda depressed and a loner before he passed away,ever sicne he's gone.i felt im at the point of no return falling downward into a dark endless abyss.there is not any room left in my mind and thought as long as im conscious for anything else except thinking about him.i even force myself into sleeping for as long peoriod of time as possible.so that i would nt be botherd to be tortured by the lost feeling and suicidal depression.the first thing comes to my mind when i wake up everyday is dame reminder of he's gone .i never felt a pain to this extent in terms of time length and intensity.locked inside my room,i keep checking his news ,watching his video,reading mag about him,listening his music,namely,everyrhing related to him makes my day.

the more i know him,the more i love this man.letting go of him is becoming harder and harder as time elapsing.time didnt heal anything.it kills me inside thinking that hes gone away,he isnt not with us ,this is a world without michael,this is a world that im gonan spend the rest of mylife living in .every joy and happiness in my life would be incomplete as a result of his passing.
it almost destroy my whole philosiphy coz when at thought of what a man as kind ,generous,pure,angelic as mike has to suffer through his life ,and the tragedic way he was deprived of the right of living crackdown all my faith in good and brightness.all in all,darkness prevails .the evil nature of our humanity manipulates the world.maybe i sound like a little extreme,but that's the way i was made to be ,i hate it !!!i hate myself for being full of pessimistic thoughts and negative attitude !!
english is not my first lauguage,so i hope iv made my point clear.
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don't feel like this becareful and be hard on yourself
just think about of michael's sisters and how they feel?
i know its hard but days will get better ok do something for michael
like write him a letter or say a prayer light a candle
if that don't help your pain you can trying doing something for yourself
you can try something new to do or buy yourself new cloths
a change is agood start you can try to give your old cloths to a charty
or can try to help if they ask for advice from you
maybe can get out more just enjoy life more in few years you give money to charties

as for me i like give advice to persons and i don't ask any one if i need help
i like giving money to charties just like been friendly to persons
its cool talk to you nice ladys on here
 
sylvia88 said:
i was kinda depressed and a loner before he passed away,ever sicne he's gone.i felt im at the point of no return falling downward into a dark endless abyss.there is not any room left in my mind and thought as long as im conscious for anything else except thinking about him.i even force myself into sleeping for as long peoriod of time as possible.so that i would nt be botherd to be tortured by the lost feeling and suicidal depression.the first thing comes to my mind when i wake up everyday is dame reminder of he's gone .i never felt a pain to this extent in terms of time length and intensity.locked inside my room,i keep checking his news ,watching his video,reading mag about him,listening his music,namely,everyrhing related to him makes my day.

the more i know him,the more i love this man.letting go of him is becoming harder and harder as time elapsing.time didnt heal anything.it kills me inside thinking that hes gone away,he isnt not with us ,this is a world without michael,this is a world that im gonan spend the rest of mylife living in .every joy and happiness in my life would be incomplete as a result of his passing.
it almost destroy my whole philosiphy coz when at thought of what a man as kind ,generous,pure,angelic as mike has to suffer through his life ,and the tragedic way he was deprived of the right of living crackdown all my faith in good and brightness.all in all,darkness prevails .the evil nature of our humanity manipulates the world.maybe i sound like a little extreme,but that's the way i was made to be ,i hate it !!!i hate myself for being full of pessimistic thoughts and negative attitude !!
english is not my first lauguage,so i hope iv made my point clear.
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we all understand you ,
 
i still keep feeling like what it would like if he was here still... and how much hes missed for his kindness and stuff
 
thx for your advice ,WITCHANNA,you are a wonderful person ~and thx to all the nice people in this thread .i know i am not alone.hope everything will get better .
 
sylvia88 said:
thx for your advice ,WITCHANNA,you are a wonderful person ~and thx to all the nice people in this thread .i know i am not alone.hope everything will get better .
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but i do have a strange feeling come over me
it has nothing to do with the future as i know it
but i did get a feeling that someone is about to accidently get buried alive?

i know how i feel but hide my real feelings and try to move and do new things
 
I find Michael still consuming my thoughts at the moment. I still feel deeply saddened by his death and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier to deal with. I just think what I feel I am lacking is closure. Knowing how this happened. We may never know for sure.
 
Loopy said:
It just seems completely irrational to me but i cant help it. Is anyone else feeling this bad?? Thanks.
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Oh yes. It's strange but with my 46 years of age I am feeling right now like I was when I was brokenhearted as a teenager.

A few days ago I was out shopping in a supermarket and suddenly the inevitable background music played Human Nature ... can you imagine that I nearly ran out screaming? :blink: I felt so silly but everything inside was tensing up, there was such a deep sadness inside I rarely have felt before ... :no: To be honest, I didn't expect to react that emotionally.

I am still not able to listen to the quieter MJ songs. But I love titles like Bad. They are giving me back some kind of energy I desperately need ... :dancin:
 
I'm glad that I found this thread. Same with me. I was shocked when I heard MJ was dead but I didn't cry. I was weeping during the memorial, I couldn't get ready to work after watching heartbreaking memorial. I called in sick. As soon as I saw his coffin only it hit me he was really gone. :( since then, my grieve increase everyday. I've been listening to only MU's songs for two months now. Especially when I listen to J5, and hear him singing in his little cute voice, it breaks my heart. :( I never realized that I loved MJ this much. I wish I had met him and hugged him. :(
 
Linda74 said:
I don´t know if this makes you feel any better but I feel exactly the same. I am 35 years old and I don´t have any children but I am having a really hard time concentrating at work. I guess it is partly because of everything he has been going through that I feel like this becuase I really wanted him to be publicly exonerated and the he would live to see it. I also find it really annoying when people say "will he be remembered for his music or for his weird behavior". He was falsely accused and what about everything he did for charity. Is there anyone who has done more? Maybe somebody but MJ sure did a lot and he should be remembered for that as well. I will never give up though and I think that (or hope) that when some time has passed people will be more fair to him.
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yeah, we should tell all those people talking about his wierdness to drop us a line when THEY plunk down 300+million dollars for charitable causes.

idiots.

to the OP: I feel you, girl. I feel you. hold on tight... it'll be okay at some point.
 
I feel worse again. I was OK kinda for a few days. My mind is taking this loss more deep. The worth thing is there is no hope for me anymore. When he passed it was a complete shock for two month but now it feels like there is no miracle will happen and Michael is not coming back. It starting to hurt different way now.
 
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