Hey folks *waves kinda shy and embarrassed at everyone* i know i said i wouldn't post here anymore, but before i do what i must, i feel the need to explain a few things. I gotta apologize in advance for the mostly o/t character of this post, but y'all used to it by now. The length shouldn't come as a suprise either. The only problem - this time around it's gonna be
even more irrelevant than usually. Truth be told i don't really like to talk that much about myself and i've used more
is than i'd like in this post already, but i'll be forced to use some more. Also, i believe my issues are exactly those – my own; i'm turnin' into one big whinehead and i don't like it in the slighest. You guys are almost family though, so i feel the need to open up a bit.
To get to the gest of the matter – i've been a member of this message board for 8 long years now; i'm probably the 'veteran' of this thread when it comes to being on MJJC. The fact that i've posted in the last year more than in the 7 previous ones might have something to do with the fact that i do believe this past year to have been the longest ever. In any case, what i'm tryin' to say is that Ossie Davis (God rest his beautiful soul) was oh, so verrry right in that scene in
Get on the bus, a Spike Lee joint and masterpiece i highly recommend –
All this Shabuya has got to stop.
I won't get into the details of it cause i don't wanna completely bore you all, but a couple of months ago i was involved in a very serious car crash. In that instance i've seen what airbags look like and i never wanna see that ever again in my life. It involved people shouting at me (most probably i was unconcious for a few seconds) to get out of the car because there was danger of an explosition. The mercy and grace of the Lord are the only reasons i am still here. All is well when it ends well as the good ole boy Shakes said, and nobody was hurt except for some rose scratches i had on my legs and a really big scare that i'm not sure i've entirely overcome.
One of the main causes for the accident was the fact i was very, very tired. It is common sensical not to drive while tired, but commitments don't always allow it. The fact is i am one tired and exhausted human being, drained and depleted of most resources (physically and mentally, thankfully the spiritual reservoire is still ok) and being online ain't no longer an option, it isn't really sustainable. I need time and space to breath. I do not like to do things just for the sakes of it and if i cannot give proper attention to people - like reading and posting on message boards, i'd rather not do it at all.
If there is one song and video which perfectly reflects my current state, it would have to be
the world is outside
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For far too long now i've had too special an attachment to my computers, tvs and phones. Although i try to enjoy the fresh air and the beautiful skies, i do not do it nearly enough. I haven't read properly in ages. Just yesterday i was sittin' with mom watchin' a movie on tv, i hadn't done that in years. I've never been too stable a creature to begin with, but lately i'm becomin' even more unstable.
A couple of days ago i was on the subway and there was this young man doing some tricks juggling several balls in the air. It was embarassing and painful at the same time to watch him drop some of them after a while. I do feel like him in many senses – i can no longer keep up in the air all the balls, and i think it's safer if i put down for the time being the ball which says 'online life'. I cannot help but agree with Michael and Freddie
'there must be more to life than this', there just has to be more. This other song fits pretty well also -
You gotta start doing whats right for you,'Cause life is being happy yourself. I cannot really be of true service to anyone if i ain't ok myself.
I'd like to share now some pictures and i'd like to make it more personal than usually. For as long as i can remember i've had this crazy habit of buyin' objects with heart shapes from all of my travels and not only. The Snow white cartoon version i saw in my chilhood inspired me for the colors and shapes in my house i would have decades later. These windows are streight out of that memory.
Here are some other hearts around my house. I apologize if some of the images and words in all of this are familiar to some of you.
And the world really
is outside my door
The sign says – 'herzlich willkommen' which is German for 'heartfelt welcome'. It is my honest wish that one day i will be able to open the door to my home to many of you here. I truly mean that. On MJJC i've had the pleasure of 'meeting' some of the nicest people ever and some of my closest friends are right here in this thread. As much as i love both my house and that of my folks, neither of them is truly home for me. I cannot help but think of the beautiful
Temporary home song and video by
Carrie Underwood.
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And as if i hadn't posted enough hearts already, here are a few more from last year, two days before Christmas when i was cleanin' up my room over at my folks.
All that mess sums me up pretty well, today and everyday. Same as my bed sheets – i've got everything from golden satin ones to Snow White and Tweety and some others in between. If there is anything i truly are that is a breathin, walkin', talkin' contradiction. There is this very smart man i admire a lot who says our country shouldn't exist considerin' how messed up it, he marvels that we are still on the map. I can say the same for myself. I probably shouldn't even exist lol.
Some time ago i was actually thinkin' how pathetic it was, psychologically speakin', to gather all these objects. But i guess the explanation was simple – by accummulating heart shaped objects i was tryin' to compensate for the kind of love that i lacked. I've been blessed with awesome parents, very many good friends and i've achieved enough (nothing outstanding though) in terms of acadmic and professional satisfaction, but there was always something missing. Thankfully, after a reaaally long wait, albeit in some non-conventional ways love found its way to me and i cannot truly express my gratitude to the Lord for it. Life is complicated for everybody, but seems to me things always gotta be a bit more special when it comes to me and my life lol. Oh well...
Here are some 'gifts' for all of you. The first three are from my own garden and the last one is from my mom's. They were taken in the autumn of 2009.
And now.....to make some sort of return to this topic, here are some songs y'all might enjoy. Yesterday on MJTunes, that great MJ online radio (different from the other i've mentioned in this thread), there was this song
Alright now written in 1990 by Michael and John Barnes for
Ralph Tresvant, an artist unknown to me, i must admit. Do you all think it might tie up in this whole story? It could very well considerin' the 'timeline' proposed here. Maybe by 1990 they had gotten back together.
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The new album has been talked about as has the song
Best of joy. Do any of you remember the gorgeous
Joy by
Blackstreet written by Michael? Maybe he could be our best of joy cause she was his? The song was written in 1994, so maybe Lisa Marie is the litd after all.
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I remember some time back
Notting Hill the movie (Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts are really wonderful) being mentioned in this thread. How bout this beautiful song by
Elvis Costello? Maybe Michael found that she for him. That would be really, really nice and comforting.
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Some of the lyrics in This is it '
I never heard a single word about you, darling please understand' seem to be some sort of plea on his part to make her see that he simply wasn't aware of her. They kind of remind me of '
If I'd only known you were there all the time, all this time' from
Richard Marx's
Now and forever
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Also the '
feels i've known you for a thousand years' might also mean that he hadn't known her for all them decades after all and she was someone he came to know in recent years. In any case, all that matters is that he had found her.
Maybe the one he had been looking and waiting for all his life had finally made it there.
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It would be a true shame if she was only in his dreams like in
Marc Anthony's song –
even though she's not real, it's all right. I think Ash agrees *wink* I guess we'll never know.
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Ashtanga;3162541 said:
:blush:
Shabuya >
:give_heart:
Ash – that was a great card/letter
Thank you my friend. I actually got quite a special relationship with Hello Kitty lol (i got pieces of clothin and i even had a mug, but i gave it away to a little girl at our Christmas party at work cause she needed it more than i hahaha) really nice stationary u got there. I told ya – this is the easiest way to send wishes and spare time and money on postal services hahaha.
Sdeidjs;3163178 said:
"When "One (s)" have "GOD" and the "TRUTH" - HIStory by "OUR" side...There is "NO" STOPPING US..!"
PSALM 37~~~
Aaaamen
Suz - you don't need me to tell ya this again, but i will nonetheless
Keep it up wit ur bad self homegal and don't let anyone or anything eva get cha down
Shila;3147470 said:
Shabuya, thanks for helping FT out with the quote feature. :flowers: It's fun to see you here now and then by way of your generous "Thanks" that you give to others who post in here. Kind of you, and it lets us know you still care about us.
Shila – you will always be
queenie to me, you know that
I am humbled by your words. Please know that even if i'll stop reading, doesn't mean i'll stop caring. You will all be in my heart, in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Favoritetune;3146484 said:
By the way ladies Shabuya encouraged me with explicit instructions on how to quote posts so those quotes I dedicate to her. In the future I may revert to my primitive , expedient ways
FT – you are most welcome, my friend, you are most welcome. I see you are indeed back to ur primitive ways :doh: j/k, ya know i'm only teasin' ya
Justus;3152817 said:
Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone. God bless you and I love you all. so much MORE than you know.
God bless
you. Nice to see you around here. Hey
Just, honey – how u doin' these days? Or should i say how's music cause i've been told that music is Justus. The question is who's there when there's no Justus?
http://justusmusic.com/ Nice bus btw j/k
I actually left one final heart picture aside for the end. It is
the most important heart in my house –
the sacred heart of Jesus. I got this beautiful peace of pottery last year from El Escorial in Spain which goes
God bless every corner of this house.
May the good Lord bless every corner of the house of each and every one of you and especially every corner of your heart.THANK YOU from the bottom of my soul for all your love and kindness.
If i am a failure and i am being selfish, if i am disappointing anyone, i truly apologize, but this is what i gotta do now. I do hope to return one day, but Shabby has got to make an exit. You are all very special, kind, wondeful people. If you could keep me in your prayers i would kindly appreciate it.
As Shila said –
Merry New Year everybody. God bless you everyone – i truly mean that, from the heart. And don't forget -
life on earth is only a temporary home, a journey to our true home, the House of the Lord. May we all be worthy of Christ's promises, as the prayer goes. And like Suz said - keep healing the world, even if it is one person at a time.
This last pic i took a few days ago in a central p
erk (nope, not the caffee in the Friends series lol) close to where i work. Couldn't help but take the pics, it was a glorious scene.
:salut:
...May every snowflake bring Christ to mind and in every bit of white may you find a reason to celebrate anew and a reminder of His love for you. -
Holley Gerth
Snowflakes are like human beings, right? None identical to the other. May each and every one of you be the best snowflake possible, the one He intended you to be
*on her way out throws a bunch of mushy peas and popcorn at everyone, glad that she missed the last round; the mashed potatoes fight might have been a different story though since her mom basically raised her on them as a child* :cheeky: