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Communicating with people hostile to MJ

I do have to say I think there are people out there who say things about Michael just to get a person worked up or to purposely make you angry, espeically if you try and change the subject and they just keep on. Then it gets to a matter of not respecting your feelings and so on.

It doesn't seem like anyone is getting lectured to me and I think the whole thing was to non fans in general, not necessarily ones who are friends and family. I agree though, people shouldn't leave family or friends over not liking Michael.
 
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lovelymj said:
I can't deal with people being hostile to MJ, guess I have a temper....
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I did one time, lost my temper. After that I vowed to self I would not ever let anyone control me like that again, but I must say, there is one thing that still annoys me - pure unadulterated stupidity - that I have zero patience/tolerance for. If they don't know better and don't want to know better, they're really not worth it.
 
I personally find it difficult at times to even hear Michael's name pop up in a conversation. If it does - and there's someone involved in the conversation who I know isn't a Michael fan and a joker.. I will IMMEDIATELY change the topic. I just can't cope with hearing bad things said. It hurts.. And yes I do stand up for Michael. I've stood up for him many times in the past against what people has falsely said; even more so now after his death. I just find it difficult to cope with.
 
It's not an either-or... there's usually a middle road. I've had no problem combining the following: a) standing up for Michael, b) changing the subject, c) maintaining mutual respect with others.

I was at a gathering the day Michael died, keeping my feelings to myself as I knew my group would probably contain some outspoken opponents. Someone rose his glass and said, "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died? Let's toast to his memory... NOT!" And he started laughing. I quietly and firmly said, "I'm sorry, but I LOVED Michael Jackson. I think it's best we change the subject." And I did. The man felt chastened and will, I know, be more sensitive in the future. Other people stopped laughing. Then I helped restore the mood by helping people into a different topic quickly before the "toaster" or anyone else dragged us back into it.

I've been able to do this several times successfully.
 
Bo G said:
Never. friggin. mind. I've deleted the post, so all can relax.

This post CLEARLY said it was a discussion of responses when OTHER people raise the issue of MJ's appearance or the allegations, and you WANT to respond to correct tabloid-driven misperceptions. It did NOT say anyone HAD to bring ANYTHING up or defend ANYTHING that you don't wish to discuss.

Commenters who didn't really read my post have twisted it into something beyond recognition.

Instead of folks writing, "Well, I've found that responding with X or Y is helpful..." I was attacked as if I ORIGINATED these ideas!

I really despair of trying to discuss anything calmly and sensibly here.

(A link to the post, where it's buried under a different topic, remains downthread if anyone's curious).
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I think you wanted to share your ideas about how to communicate with people hostile to MJ, right? Your ideas are really good and reasonable. You are kind and warmhearted to correct(or other word? hehe) some hostile oppinions about MJ in a polite and honorable way. But there are also kinds of different haters(I call "haters" just because the name is easy to type). I am afraid your idea is only effective to a small people. No offense.
To me, I happened to meet at least 3 different kinds haters. One is those who only following the media like one of my friend. Then I explained to her patiently with undeniable facts, like some of what you said. Now I can hardly say she is a MJ fan, but at least she is friend to and interested in MJ. One is other singers' fans, many of them won't admit our fact though they clearly know it was plain true. So I don't really expect to have a rational discussion with them, but sometimes I also love to point out their obvious and ridiculous falses about Michael and tease them lol. The third kind of ppl are the worst haters and real haters. They spend their time on putting Michael down and even attack MJ fans day after day, year after year. They deny Michael's every merit. Never hope to communicate with them sensibly. Their craziness are out of your mind.
Imho true reasonable and educated people won't discuss and laugh at others' appearance and plastic surgery in publc, what are totally boring and senseless. True reasonable and educated people won't only know to follow media without any research. Bottom line, they will say "I think""my personal idea" etc instead of "sure""must" when commenting the allegations or other stuff. I will like to talk to and respect them even if they disagree my oppinions about MJ.
Anyway we are all Michael's fans, we are a FAMILY, just let's agree to disagree.
 
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Bo G said:
It's not an either-or... there's usually a middle road. I've had no problem combining the following: a) standing up for Michael, b) changing the subject, c) maintaining mutual respect with others.

I was at a gathering the day Michael died, keeping my feelings to myself as I knew my group would probably contain some outspoken opponents. Someone rose his glass and said, "Did you hear that Michael Jackson died? Let's toast to his memory... NOT!" And he started laughing. I quietly and firmly said, "I'm sorry, but I LOVED Michael Jackson. I think it's best we change the subject." And I did. The man felt chastened and will, I know, be more sensitive in the future. Other people stopped laughing. Then I helped restore the mood by helping people into a different topic quickly before the "toaster" or anyone else dragged us back into it.

I've been able to do this several times successfully.
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Yep that's what I prefer to do too, try to change the subject before people drag me into talking about MJ.

Here's another one, when I go on youtube and see an offensive comment on MJ I ignore it, seeing as many people are trying to stir the pot or get a angry reaction to them. And one time there was a "Troll" (because everytime I see the username, It's the same comment copy and pasted over and over agian) that wrote the same comments on Youtube and when I look in there, I couldn't believe how many people actually fell for it reaction wise. If a troll did the same thing like that, I would ignore it because, that is what the person wants, to anger people.
 
STATEofSHOCK said:
He just lives his in a fishbowl and they don't. I ask them if they've ever thought of getting any changes to their face - someone honest says, 'well yes, but '...and before they can follow that 'but' with something prejudiced, I'll say, 'ok and you didn't because you didn't have the money and Michael did okay end of story', I'll ask them, 'so have you ever wanted to share your child with people who wanted to see your child? and they say, yes, but .. and before they can finish that 'but' I'll say, 'and so did Michael Jackson and since he had to hold the child up for thousands to see instead of the three people YOU had to worry about, that makes his situation different and that is the ONLY thing that makes it different, and I'll ask them, 'don't you have your favorite way of rejuvinating your spirit, restoring your soul?' and they'll say something like, 'yes I go to the park but' ... and before they can finish I go, "woah, ok so you go to the park, Michael invites zillions of little angels to his fairytale home, what's the difference'...and on and on I could go. The only thing that really upsets me is when people dare to presume that Michael is somehow different from them, or inferior in some way just because "bashing" of anyone is the quick fix for so many peoples' self esteem issues and ego trips. I don't let them get away with that because its a lie from hell. They are telling themselves a lie imho if they feel they do not share the exact same humanity as Michael Jackson.
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Haha, it's a really smart and good idea. Next time I will try it.
As for "different from them", I remember I ever saw a TV special and the host was
commenting on MJ on TV. Then he said some words that I will never forget. He said like "we always say and believe someone(MJ) is strange. In fact, it's not the truth or fact. It's because we are FAR AWAY from him, it's because we DON'T live in the same class rank, it's becase we seldom put OURSELVES in MJ's shoes. Actually those who are more close to MJ all praise and think highly of MJ. " That's also what I think.
 
there's no point right now. waiting in my FB messages is a long, erratically-worded, vitriolic email from someone who absolutely hates Michael. I got so angry reading it that I postponed replying. I have a horrible temper when roused and I figured I'd wait until I stopped seeing red and then respond. well, I haven't responded as yet. it just seems so pointless now. even more so than before. how many minds can we change, really?

still, I probably will respond, for the children's sake if nothing else. Michael's above all this now, but I owe it to his kids to carry on. maybe we need to ask some of the folks over in the Legacy Project their opinions about this kinda stuff.

(I haven't read the rest of this thread so please excuse me if I am repeating some things that have already been posted).
 
On any issue one cares about, for which you hope to sway other minds, it's CRITICAL to choose your battles. You certainly need to recognize those who are far too committed and fervent in their beliefs, and find a quick way to just move past them without doing damage to your cause. It's definitely not worth getting sucked into expending 90% of your effort on 1% of your conversations. All you can hope to do instead is influence those who might be listening to this person.

Again, before I get flamed again, let me repeat I'm not saying anyone is obligated to defend MJ if they don't want to. This thread is solely for those who ARE in a situation where they must communicate with anti-MJ people, and want to discuss best ways to handle it. Anyone really interested in this -- I do hope you will read earlier in this thread, including my initial essay "On sharing the love" for which there is now a link.

We get it that some of you are too angry to do this. Then this thread is not for you.

Indranee, I know what you mean about for the children's sake -- that's what I usually have in the back of my mind.

Ladymarie, yes, you've got the idea --don't feed the trolls!

Veromca, my example won't of course be for every setting. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this problem. My original essay that started this thread addressed a far wider group of issues for some of the situations you describe; you may want to take a look at that. You're smart to categorize your potential audience in your mind to tailor your approach for each.
 
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Krshna28 said:
Its usually ugly people who complain about Michael's face............

And It's usually people who attempt to get darker skin by getting a tan who complain about Michael's skin.

People who are bad parents complain about Michael relationships with children.

-> People who can't sing complain about Michael's singing.
--> People who can't dance complain about his dancing.
--->
---->
----->


My list could go on forever, but you get the drift!
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i get the drift. and i like it.
 
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