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Am I the only one who thinks of nothing else but joining him?

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'Life is the most precious and the most sacred gift our there.'

This is so true. MJ has said it himself. Listen to Heal The World, Planet Earth. MJ treated life as a previous gift, and so should we.
 
Yes it is, xsmooth criminalx. It definitely IS difficult. In fact the past year has coincidentally been probably the worst year of my life. Job changes, car breakdowns, a nervous breakdown and a hospital stay, and now I'm pretty sure I'm about to be fired from my day job on Tuesday, plus I was just told last night that I'm going to have to take a paycut at the nightclub I dj at because our crowds aren't as big as they used to be even though I'm doing and playing everything I'm supposed to. Life can REALLY suck.

BUT....even with that said.....I look at my situation and I think.....yaknow.....even losing my job and all my possessions and moving in with a family member or into a shelter (God forbid) would STILL be better than ending it all. Even the worst case scenario would still be better than not existing here on earth. Seriously. I mean, even if absolutely everything falls apart for us, we can still find purpose in life....we can still find meaning. Not to be preachy or anything, but I believe we were all created by a Higher Power. I think his name is God (or Jehovah) and I think He loves us and has purpose for us.

But even if you may have skipped or skimmed over anything I just said regarding God, I'm telling you that you DO have meaning in this world. Michael was and is an excellent inspiration for sure. Even in the darkest, bleakest times..Michael didn't give up. He kept pushing and trying to make his life the best it could be for him and his children.

Michael did NOT give up. And neither should any of us. There is ALWAYS another option, no matter how bad things seem.
 
defdave said:
Yes it is, xsmooth criminalx. It definitely IS difficult. In fact the past year has coincidentally been probably the worst year of my life. Job changes, car breakdowns, a nervous breakdown and a hospital stay, and now I'm pretty sure I'm about to be fired from my day job on Tuesday, plus I was just told last night that I'm going to have to take a paycut at the nightclub I dj at because our crowds aren't as big as they used to be even though I'm doing and playing everything I'm supposed to. Life can REALLY suck.

BUT....even with that said.....I look at my situation and I think.....yaknow.....even losing my job and all my possessions and moving in with a family member or into a shelter (God forbid) would STILL be better than ending it all. Even the worst case scenario would still be better than not existing here on earth. Seriously. I mean, even if absolutely everything falls apart for us, we can still find purpose in life....we can still find meaning. Not to be preachy or anything, but I believe we were all created by a Higher Power. I think his name is God (or Jehovah) and I think He loves us and has purpose for us.

But even if you may have skipped or skimmed over anything I just said regarding God, I'm telling you that you DO have meaning in this world. Michael was and is an excellent inspiration for sure. Even in the darkest, bleakest times..Michael didn't give up. He kept pushing and trying to make his life the best it could be for him and his children.

Michael did NOT give up. And neither should any of us. There is ALWAYS another option, no matter how bad things seem.
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All that you said is very true and very beautiful, although I do not believe in a god or anything like that. Michael is the biggest reason for my continued stay on this planet. I must admit, however, that one of the biggest deterrents is the fear to survive an attempt. As you know, if done incorrectly, suicide attempts can cause permanent brain damage, among other things. The fear of literally losing my mind has always been present. My mind has been the source of my sanity during everything I have been through, and I could not imagine living life without Michael and without it. I fear losing my will so much, losing my ability to read, write and draw. I fear not being able to understand Michael (or anyone else for that matter).

So there you have it. My only (non MJ related) reason for staying: fear.
 
Billiejean, I hop you dont take this the wrong way... but I was one of those who sat by thier computer through a whole night desperately trying to comfort you and stop you from taking an overdose at teh end of last year... I think if you are still feeling like that, you REALLY need to find someone to talk to. I dont just mean a doctor, but any flesh and blood human being you can talk to about this. Sometimes, support forums and fan forums can do more damage than good. I know how hard it is believe me i do...but this has been going on for too long, you need to speak to someone that isnt just a string of text on a computer screen xxxxxxxxx
 
This may sound a bit harsh.

But there is more to life than Michael Jackson. You may love him but he shouldnt be your entire life.

His death was devastating to me of course, but there are other things in my life which I love. Maybe not as much as Michael, but there are still lots of other things.
 
L.T.D said:
This may sound a bit harsh.

But there is more to life than Michael Jackson. You may love him but he shouldnt be your entire life.

His death was devastating to me of course, but there are other things in my life which I love. Maybe not as much as Michael, but there are still lots of other things.
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Not everyone's life is like yours. I have already said that he is the only reason why I live. Him and my own fear of a failed attempt are what keep me here. There may be more to life than Michael for you, but this isn't the case for me. He's the thread that keeps me hanging. Curiously, even though he's no longer here, he's what keeps me here. Against all logic, but here I am.
 
D.Electric said:
Billiejean, I hop you dont take this the wrong way... but I was one of those who sat by thier computer through a whole night desperately trying to comfort you and stop you from taking an overdose at teh end of last year... I think if you are still feeling like that, you REALLY need to find someone to talk to. I dont just mean a doctor, but any flesh and blood human being you can talk to about this. Sometimes, support forums and fan forums can do more damage than good. I know how hard it is believe me i do...but this has been going on for too long, you need to speak to someone that isnt just a string of text on a computer screen xxxxxxxxx
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I appreciate the concern, but I never said I was going to end my life. I just simply said I don't want to be alive. There is a difference. I wont actually do anything. But I am just so tired of this grieving. I just want it to end. Just when I start moving forward I take two steps back. I just miss him so much. :weeping:

I have spent the whole day reading posts and crying, especially when reading something that hits the nail right smack on the head with what I am feeling. Some of the things I didn't even know I was feeling until I read it and it just clicked. I don't have anyone to talk to - not really. Everyone is busy with their own lives. I feel like I am supposed to suffer in silence most of the time.
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I have no fear of death anymore. Sometimes I go horse back riding and lately I find myself leaving my helmet behind (which I would never do before) but I really wouldn't mind if I fell off and died of a head injury. It is horrible but I can't stop thinking about those things. Is this normal? How will I ever go on? He was my first love, and will be my last. I just want to scream. Please somebody tell me how you got through this because I don't think I can take much more. It hurts so much. Sometimes the pain is too much, too much, that I am not always sure what to do. I dread life every time I wake up, I dread seeing people around me being happy, I can't handle going on with each day, knowing that the world around me is moving so fast, going on with every day life, that I can't seem to do. I just feel my whole life has been crushed, torn from underneath me and how unfair it is to have your love of your life, your best friend, and your soulmate all take from you in a heartbeat. It is just all too much and I am just not sure how to go about each day without screaming out loud, screaming at the top of my lungs, WHY MICHAEL!! I am screaming, but only within.
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Oh Fran... :weeping: I have the same thing with horse back riding! I used to be very afraid to fall of my horse. But not anymore, I just don't care, I'm not afraid anymore... :no: I'm screaming on the inside too and sometimes when the pain is too much I take painkillers. I don't know what to do and/or where to go. I have been reading about depression a lot lately. And from what you describe it could be depression? Are you seeing a doctor about it? I took some tests on the internet and it came out that I have a mild depression. But I'm afraid to go to a doctor, I'm still hoping to solve things myself... But I'm not sure I can do it... :(
But it's not only Michael that you have to deal with. You have all these health issues too... Sending over lots of love and strength for you! :huggy: :heart: Take care! :give_heart: Diana xx
 
xsmooth_criminalx said:
I have thought of it far too many times, for many different reasons, Michael's death among them. What runs through my mind is, "Why go on living when I could just die and be with Michael?" I want nothing more than to be with the person I love, to finally be at peace and away from the mess humanity has created. It seems so unfair to me that he is gone and we are all left behind. I love him so much, and sometimes I feel as though I have nothing to lose by going. I haven't anything to live for, for myself, and I never have.
I know the feeling. Our situations are obviously not exactly the same, but the feelings are present.

I want you to know that you don't need to die to join Michael. He is always with you, with me, and with the rest of us. All you need to do is just stop for a moment and feel it. He would want you and I to live and love like he lived and loved. He had so much strength in him. We can follow through and do the same, even if it is difficult, even if the grief tears our hearts apart. We can't give up, even if at times these feelings of despair arise like a shadow. We have to go on, you and I and all of us, and heal the world. If we were all to die, no one would be left to spread the L.O.V.E. and heal the planet. Michael didn't mean to die. He would never hurt us that way. We must live and live and live and do what needs to be done. That's what Michael lived for, and that's what I live for, if nothing else.

I am not going to give you the talk about how it's not worth it, etc. I am sure you've heard it all before, even if it wasn't directed at you. I just told you what I think and what I feel.

I really hope that you get through this. You will never forget Michael and he will never forget you, or us. There are things that are yet to be done in this world, though. There are places far too beautiful which are in need of our help, and we must do this in Michael's place. We have to make that change, like Michael said.

Just know that he loves you so much, and I love you so much. Even if you say you would never do it out of fear, I think you need to know this. -hugs-
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This is so beautiful, and is so true. He is with us all, every day. Every day we remember him with love, remember all of the things he did in the name of Love, he is still alive....
 
Hocus said:
Oh Fran... :weeping: I have the same thing with horse back riding! I used to be very afraid to fall of my horse. But not anymore, I just don't care, I'm not afraid anymore... :no: I'm screaming on the inside too and sometimes when the pain is too much I take painkillers. I don't know what to do and/or where to go. I have been reading about depression a lot lately. And from what you describe it could be depression? Are you seeing a doctor about it? I took some tests on the internet and it came out that I have a mild depression. But I'm afraid to go to a doctor, I'm still hoping to solve things myself... But I'm not sure I can do it... :(
But it's not only Michael that you have to deal with. You have all these health issues too... Sending over lots of love and strength for you! :huggy: :heart: Take care! :give_heart: Diana xx
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I know how you feel, Diana. :hug: I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety. I am taking Xanax. I have tried Ativan, Paxil, klonopin/Rivotril, and finally they put me on Xanax. Feel a little 'better'. Still tears, praying for a heart attack or something like it, but seem a little more stable. I feel so miserable without my beloved Michael, I can't imagine being without it. I think it really helps. I use it to get past those times when I can't stop crying. It calms me down almost immediately. It is important to know that it doesn't stop the hurting, but it helps you function through the day. Please ask your doctor to prescribe an antidepressant. I tried to fight the need to take meds for depression, but it is the right thing for me. Please take care of yourself. :heart:
 
I want to join him. soon I hope. nothing makes me happy anymore I swear I've been traumatized
 
BillieJean84 said:
I want to join him. soon I hope. nothing makes me happy anymore I swear I've been traumatized
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You must go on. The two of us must go on, BillieJean84...

I want to join him just as bad. Sometimes, it's all I think about. I am unsure of what your specific situation is, but I know you are strong enough to overcome. Michael would not want to see us suffer, and as hard as it is, even though we suffer still, we must not give up. Even if you have nothing left to live for, live for the sake of living as I do. We must live and live and live until death claims us in the end. It is tempting to accelerate that process, and it is difficult to go on, I know, but you must.

It will never be easy. Some of my posts refect my specific struggle, an opposing relationship between the highs and lows that come from living without my love. The lows are ever so natural and I won't ever judge anyone who goes through them, for I go though them too. The important thing, however, is knowing that we will persevere until the end. You must know that you'll go on until the end.

Go on for Michael, for the sake of living. Even if you don't think you have it in you to take your own life, whether out of fear (like me) or otherwise, you must know these things. You must know that, although I don't know you in person, I care for you. Michael cares for you, and if life goes on, I am sure he is watching over and so proud of everything you are. Even if no one in your world cares, we will be there, and Michael will always be there too.

So I send much love your way and remember, Michael is always there.
 
Billie Jean I am just like you in away. Especially since just like you I had have no one to talk to. My mother had practically threatened me a couple of times if I didn't snapped out of my depression that I still am in over Michael. I know I need to be on medication for my depression but my mother doesn't believe in taking medicine for depression. And she won't take me to see a psychiatrist. So this whole year I have been suffering alone. It is no wonder why I am still always thinking about death and dying all of the time. Because that is where I want to be so badly now. But because of Michael and me being a Brethren (German Baptist) suicide is something I can not commit. No matter how badly I want to end my life. All I can do is just live with this and just wait until the world ends in 2012. Which I so badly hope it does. :boohoo:
 
Michael wants us all to live - how else could we be his messengers and how else could we change the world to make it a better place?

where there is Love, there is hope - you're full of love, so fill yourself up with hope for a better tomorrow -

Write down your favourite poem of Michael and hang it above your bed - so you can see it always -- and fill yourself with love and hope and the will to carry on in his way.

Take care,
Betty

(pm me if you like, you are welcome)
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7, you might find a helping hand somewhere outside of your family, keep your eyes open and accept help

*hugs*
 
To all fans who feel this way and have these tendances, i think you should all continue to follow Michaels example. By this I mean, when James Brown died, Mike was heartbroken, you could see that clearly. I'm sure it affected him a lot - but he kept going, he stayed strong and he battled through it.

We can't feel responsible for what happened - nor should we feel like we should just throw the towel in.

Look at Michael's kids - lets all be strong for them and be an added backbone in their life for whenever they need it - if they choose to turn to us at any time.
 
Reading some posts here I feel like I've written them. Not that I am gonna do sth to myself - I couldn't because of my faith and because of respect to my mother. But I am really waiting for it to come.... I just stuck with my feelings somewhere and can't move on. My mom is living abroad, I am seeing here once in a time, but since last year she's controlling me, keep on calling more than ever. A few times, she told me straight: she's afraid I am gonna hurt myself. I am const. on meds, but still feel that way. I'm just vegging out...
I know, he wouldn't want us to feel that way... I now realize how many strengths he was giving me, now without it I am just down. I am ashamed looking at MJ3, seeing they smiling, being strong. I am much older and cannot cope with this, they're his children...
Anyway, I can imagine what you're going trough... :hug:
 
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xsmooth_criminalx said:
Not everyone's life is like yours. I have already said that he is the only reason why I live. Him and my own fear of a failed attempt are what keep me here. There may be more to life than Michael for you, but this isn't the case for me. He's the thread that keeps me hanging. Curiously, even though he's no longer here, he's what keeps me here. Against all logic, but here I am.
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I really hope this doesnt come across as insensitive, but make more of your life then.

He really really shouldnt be the only thing in your life, perhaps this is just temporary for you and things will get much better.

To me, Michael is my idol. I practice his teachings and live my life by his teachings and am in love with everything he has ever done and love him because of that.

But I also have love in my life, I want to go on and get a good job and have a big house. I still have many things in my life that I enjoy doing. You can find things like this too.

I dont know what your life is like, but I do know that you can find other things in your life aside from Michael. ALL OF YOU CAN.

Please dont take all this the wrong way, im just trying to help and motivate you to carry on.
 
Thanks L.T.D.! :huggy: But how can I explain... I think there are quite a number of Michael fans that are suffering from depression. :( With depression you can't experience "joy" like others. It feels like looking from the outside through a window where others just go on with their lives. One has to battle the depression first...
I hope I have explained it the right way... :blush:
 
I want to thank the people who post in this thread for your help.
It gives me a lot of support to read this and helps me to think differently.
 
Hocus said:
Thanks L.T.D.! :huggy: But how can I explain... I think there are quite a number of Michael fans that are suffering from depression. :( With depression you can't experience "joy" like others. It feels like looking from the outside through a window where others just go on with their lives. One has to battle the depression first...
I hope I have explained it the right way... :blush:
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Hocus you have explain my depression a lot better than I could have. I have been suffering from clinical depression ever since that horrible June day of last year. And because of that depression I can no longer feel joy or happiness. It has been over an year now since I last felt happy and joyful. And because it has been so long since I last felt happy. That I actually forgotten what it is like to be happy or any other feelings like them again. Now I can only wonder and wish I could feel those feelings again. :sad:
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
Billie Jean I am just like you in away. Especially since just like you I had have no one to talk to. My mother had practically threatened me a couple of times if I didn't snapped out of my depression that I still am in over Michael. I know I need to be on medication for my depression but my mother doesn't believe in taking medicine for depression. And she won't take me to see a psychiatrist. So this whole year I have been suffering alone. It is no wonder why I am still always thinking about death and dying all of the time. Because that is where I want to be so badly now. But because of Michael and me being a Brethren (German Baptist) suicide is something I can not commit. No matter how badly I want to end my life. All I can do is just live with this and just wait until the world ends in 2012. Which I so badly hope it does. :boohoo:
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Oh how sad I feel for you, for all of us that are struggling to make it through each day without the person who matters most to us. Nobody seems to understand. Well, my family is concerned about me because, I guess, they think that I should be doing better by now. While my brain says that they did this to help me, I can't help feeling angry about it. I know that I am not dealing with the things that I am supposed to, but I just can't. I can't concentrate, can't sleep, don't feel like eating, don't even want to leave the house or be bothered with anything. I just wish they would understand that the one thing that will make me "normal" again, I can't have. No one can give me back my Michael. I really just want to crawl in a hole and wait until God calls me home. I don't want to pick up the pieces and go on. I have lost the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate. How can I even think about going on with life? There's nothing left inside of me but pain. :weeping: All I want is Michael, he was the most important person in the WORLD to me. I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone ever. Take care everyone. :hug:
 
Your signature says it all--1958-Eternity. He's not gone. Also, remember everything Michael went through. The last 15 years of his life were often tortured to say the least. But he didn't give up on it. If you truly want to be with Michael, the easiest way to do that is to live life to the fullest and try to spread his message of hope and love to the world. With all due respect, choosing to end your life would make it clear that his message didn't get through to you all those years of fandom.

I'm with LTD--I sincerely hope that being a MJ fan doesn't completely define anyone's life here. It's one thing to be upset, depressed even. But there is so much wonder and beauty in the world that you have to be deliberately ignoring it not to see it.
 
anthontherun said:
I'm with LTD--I sincerely hope that being a MJ fan doesn't completely define anyone's life here. It's one thing to be upset, depressed even. But there is so much wonder and beauty in the world that you have to be deliberately ignoring it not to see it.
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YES!

Get out there guys, get more from your lives.

You have to make the effort to make more of your lives, dont just sit there complaining about MJ being the only thing in your life. Go out and find more.

Besides, even though he isnt here physically anymore he will allways be a part of your lives.
 
Reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes. I am still hurting and I still cry, but I think a year on I'm doing better than before. I can't and wouldn't tell anyone what to do, but here are some things that helped me:

1) I found a psychiatrist, and for the first time, I began taking a medication, and I believe in my case it has helped. I was afraid to seek help initially, afraid of the stigma of mental health issues, afraid I would be laughed at, afraid the medication would make me feel strange or unlike myself, but none of those things happened and I'm very glad I went. Seeing a medical psychiatrist or a talk therapist is nothing to be ashamed of, and if there are logistical reasons preventing you from trying it, I urge you to find a way around them. If your family doesn't approve, is there a way you can ask for help without them knowing? If you lack insurance or money, are there any low-cost clinics in your area? Your primary care doctor should also be able to help or at least refer you. You don't have to begin by saying the name "Michael Jackson" -- just that you think you may be depressed or are grieving the loss of someone very dear to you.

2) I visit regularly on another board for support, and I've also met up with other MJ fans in person. There is an aspect of the grief that a medical professional can help you with, and also a piece of it that only a true fan can understand -- the magic and the beauty of Michael. I am really glad you all have the strength to share your feelings here, and I think you should keep talking, keep sharing, even if it's sad -- we are hear to listen and support. MJ fans are some of the best people in the world; there is so much love here and other places where fans can meet and talk. You and I have never met, but we have a strong bond, and I love you.

3) I found ways to help others. I know this may sound too difficult when you are hurting so bad that you can't even help yourself -- it felt that way to me. But then I volunteered at a nursing home, a cat shelter, I spoke to at-risk youth -- and just through the giving of myself, even though I thought I had little to give, made me feel better. I thought I needed to receive something to feel better, but in fact I actually needed to give my love away in order to feel it come back to me. Additionally, helping others is the thing that makes me feel closest to Michael.

4) Physical activity has also helped me. When I run through Central Park listening to "Can You Feel It" the endorphins just pump through my body and chemically make me feel better than any drug I've ever tried.

These are just some things that I have tried. I acknowledge how hard it is to try something new. It's hard to break a pattern, to change your mood or emotions; I totally get that. It took me a while to do all of the things listed above.

I am glad that no one in this thread has said they are in immediate danger of ending their life. I am glad you have the commitment to stay here and journey on. For different reasons, whether religious, family-related, or Michael-related you can see that you are supposed to be here with us right now. But also I believe that all of those forces (God if you believe, your family, your community, and Michael himself) also want you to feel the joy in life: stop existing and start living. I know "joy" might seem unattainable at the moment, but please know you can get there again, I guarantee it's possible.

One last thing from my experience: at times I felt almost afraid to stop being sad about Michael for fear that somehow he would lose an important place in my heart. I thought if I wasn't crying constantly it meant that I didn't really love him. But in the last year I've learned that he will always be in my heart and that he wants me to feel happiness and experience life.

Whew, this is more personal than I've gotten on here in a long while! Anyone in this thread, please don't hesitate to write to me if there is anything I can do to help you. I'm always here to listen or to give a virtual :hug: Please remember that you are loved, by me, by others here in the MJ community, and by Michael. I am positive that he still loves us and if he could hug you and say "I love you more", he would.
 
I like to say to everyone who is not keen on living on.


There is every reason to continue living in this world !

I used to feel the same way too but then I asked myself.
"What is the point to wish that my life would end sooner so I could be with Michael? Am I selfish?"

Michael is being well taken care of and is happy in another world but his passion will always be in the world we live in. The world he is living now is perfect and beautiful but our world is not.

Michael needs us to continue healing this world more than us being there with him. He is never selfish, he sacrificed everything he had to help people who are in need and create awareness to help the enviroment. We are his angels on a mission. Our mission is to share the love Michael had given us, educate people to be kinder to one another and care for our planet.

We need to live a long as possible to complete this mission. So don't let him down.
 
The world is not gonna end in 2012. What 2012 means is end of the mayan
calendar. The planet will go through a shift to raise people's consciousnesses.
We may even go in periods of darkness, but nothing scary will happen.
 
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