Almost no one and nothing except all dear fans around the world. But still I can`t recover and I think I will never succeed. Without it, I'm half a person. He is my soul, my everything. I can`t get over him.
A friend sent me this. It's not about MJ specifically, but it was another thing that helped me some.
As I stood frozen, absorbing the news,
I inwardly pleaded, don’t let this be true,
I’m not ready yet, he can’t be gone.
We can’t be through.
I need him everyday, he always
helped me in everyway,
He can’t be gone.
God, please don’t let this be true.
How can I go on?
But oddly no tears would come.
No answers either came, and friends all said the same.
Time would make the difference to end the pain.
Each day drifted by, then a year was gone, and
then two years had floated away.
But everyone was wrong, the ache was still there, and
I realized never would there be relief from despair.
But still no tears would come, they seemed all inward,
and I just didn't care.
Another day drifted by, then another year was gone,
and then two years had floated away.
And then it happened,
On one glorious night, he was there.
I knew I was dreaming, but this was
the first time I'd seen him in four years.
It was wondrous, until I fully saw his beautiful face.
It was streaked in tears.
I was overwhelmed and confused.
In the last year of his life, I had seen
him suffer unbearably,
but no tears from him ever came.
My own throat constricted. and I felt that
flood about to burst from inside.
Why, why are you crying? I asked.
And he said. You brought me so much joy,
and I am bringing you only so much pain.
No,no…I said, you have been my only joy.
And then he asked, then why are you not living?
Why are you not being all I want you to be.
Why is everything I taught you about appreciating life
being forsaken and you are living in complete disdain.
Because I miss you daddy, I miss you so.
Then, live for me. Please don't let your life go.
I awakened then, and cried and cried,
because he was again gone.
But I swore I would not disappoint him again,
I would live my life as fully as he did and would
want for me.
I took one step at a time, starting
with looking at that photo of us laughing so hard
that tears from both of us flowed.
Every day, I took another step toward fully living again
and each day drifted by, and soon a year was gone, and
then more years floated away.
I still carry the ache of losing him everyday,
But I always rejoice now for having had him in my life,
and respect his wish for me to live in everyway.
