Before and after the half-a-decade Girl interlude, I went by Antwort, which is German for 'answer'. Most of it is quite ironic actually, given the fact that I'm a person riddled with insecurities, doubts and questions.
Just to be clear - my doubts haven't got much to do with God. I know very well who my Lord and Savior is. He is THE certainty in my life. The questions are mostly about myself and other people, but I suppose that reverberates also into the spiritual life, since I cannot help but wonder what His plan for my life is. Same as other misfits, I have yet to find my true place in the world. I am convinced that some of my questions cannot be answered on this plane of existence, but it would sure be nice if at least some of the more tangible ones would find a resolution.
Not sure if we are allowed to steal Michael's lyrics and/or paraphrase them, but I'm really feelin' a line in Stranger in Moscow
Take my [user]name, use it and let me be. Obviously, Michael's circumstances were very different from mine, but that's the great thing about art, right? Anyone can take lyrics and poems and see themselves, however partially, reflected in them.
Well, the reason why I relate so much to that one line isn't exactly logical or reasonable, but that's beyond the point. Life is a question of perception, rather than reality, is it not? If I thought
girl was universal enough to allow for ease of 'movement', it turns out
answer is an even scarier word lol. Everybody and their granma can invoke it; so much so, that it feels like three quarters of the universe are talkin' about me without actually speaking to me. Crazy daisy, right?
And when I don't talk to myself (usually, in the car), I talk to the computer and funnily enough, it never really answers back. I wonder why..........
I have such a frought relationship with technology it's not even funny - on the one hand, I am thankful it allowed communication which had otherwise been impossible. But, on the other hand, I abhor it because it can induce a most unhealthy confort zone and favor inhuman distancing. At times, I wish I was born in earlier times, when technology was less advanced, but human interaction was far more natural. Alas and woe, as some would say,,,,,,,