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Uncertainty.

Severus Snape

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You will mostly remember a thread I posted a few months ago, regarding someone I care about. I don't really know what's wrong this time, and I know you will all hate me for being horrendously vague in writing this post...but, that's because I don't know anything. I didn't hear it from him, so I don't know if it's even true. But he wasn't there today, so that in itself is indicative of something being wrong. Moreover, the days prior to that, I could sense there was something wrong--but he wouldn't say anything. I asked, and he said he was fine. Of course, I know better than that, and the last time I saw him, he wasn't particularly well, even though he tried to appear the part.

This guy I talked to said that this other person told him that the worst had happened, regarding that prior thread. The link to that is here: http://www.mjjcommunity.com/forum/showthread.php?t=97306

I don't want to type in specifics because I really hope it isn't true.

I have already called him, but he wasn't really talkative. Didn't really tell me what was wrong, and that's ok, although I do wish he would have. It's not like I expected him to--I'm pretty much nothing to him, after all. I will try to see him tomorrow. =/

I really don't know what to say. Thanks for listening, as always.
 
I've just come across this...

Although it is a vague description of the state your friend is in... Is he gravely ill, if you can answer that?...

This sucks nonetheless. Fingers crossed.
 
Alma said:
I've just come across this...

Although it is a vague description of the state your friend is in... Is he gravely ill, if you can answer that?...

This sucks nonetheless. Fingers crossed.
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It is a vague description, but it's not my friend. It was his mother who was ill, and I heard it said from someone else that she passed, but I have no idea if that is true, hence the vagueness of my post. He didn't say anything about it today, and he looked fine, although I still don't know. I still get a feeling that there's something wrong, but I don't want to push it.
 
Alma said:
I understand...

Is he the type to bottle up emotions?...

Hope he'll stay strong.
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He says he isn't, but he's just like me in the end. I guess he's just in shock at the moment. But, like I said, I don't know if it's true. I haven't heard it from him--heard it from someone who also didn't hear it from him. So, I don't know for sure.
 
maybe you should ask him if he is ok...if there is anything that he would like to talk about..maybe then he would open up? It sure isn't easy when someone you can about it hurting
 
xthunderx2 said:
maybe you should ask him if he is ok...if there is anything that he would like to talk about..maybe then he would open up? It sure isn't easy when someone you can about it hurting
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I did, today, and he said he's fine. I reckon that he's still in shock, maybe. Like I said, I don't know if it's true. All I know for certain is that 1. he wasn't there yesterday, and 2. he looked and sounded completely awful today.
 
well give him a couple of days..and if he wants to talk about it..he will..if not...then there really isn't anything you can do. sometimes just being there for someone is enough....and sometimes saying nothing is best. I wish you luck and hope that your friend is ok..:hug:
 
xthunderx2 said:
well give him a couple of days..and if he wants to talk about it..he will..if not...then there really isn't anything you can do. sometimes just being there for someone is enough....and sometimes saying nothing is best. I wish you luck and hope that your friend is ok..:hug:
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Thank you. Yeah, I wouldn't bring it up until he's ready. Right now, I'm just feigning ignorance, because I heard, but since I didn't hear it from him, I don't know. =/
 
Hopefully, he knows he has people that care for him and his well-being, like you. It matters a great deal..
 
Alma said:
Hopefully, he knows he has people that care for him and his well-being, like you. It matters a great deal..
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So, it has been confirmed. He didn't tell me, still, but I asked the guy who told me about him, and he said that indeed, the worst has come to pass. He looked a little better today, but still the same, basically. =/

I wish there was something I could do to help, but... like I said, I'm not important enough to matter to him.
 
Bloodnofsky said:
I hope so too, but it's not looking too likely. Thank you all for your support--I really do appreciate it.

Now that I know it's true, I don't know what to say. I feel dead. So totally and completely lifeless.
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well I am so sorry that it was true..however atleast you know now. Maybe your friend is not ready to talk about it yet....all you can do is be there should he decide to in the future...and hugs to you.
 
You seem like a very caring person and that's one of the best characteristics to have. I think your friend might appreciate it if you let your heart speak. It can be great comfort, while silence is much more difficult to interpret when you're deeply sad and grieving. Show your friend that you care, I don't think it could do any harm. I wish you strength :heart:
 
Roosje said:
You seem like a very caring person and that's one of the best characteristics to have. I think your friend might appreciate it if you let your heart speak. It can be great comfort, while silence is much more difficult to interpret when you're deeply sad and grieving. Show your friend that you care, I don't think it could do any harm. I wish you strength :heart:
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Thank you. Yeah, I'm going to the mall to buy him a card soon. I really am speechless, though. I don't even know what to make of all this--I've never lost anyone I cared about [whom I personally knew], and I've never cared about someone so much. So, it's all so completely new. Especially since emotions aren't my forte, and I think that they're not his forte either. We're very similar, which ironically makes it all the more difficult to approach him regarding such a great loss. But I do care about him, and he's all that matters in the end, so I will risk perhaps having him be mad at me, if it means that my support will make him feel better.

I don't know what I will say if/when he asks how I found out. I really have no desire to compromise the person who told me, or the person who told him. It's all so complicated. =/
 
It sounds like this friendship could grow even deeper as your souls are so similar. I really don't think he will be mad, because your only motives are care and compassion. Don't think too much of what will be, just follow your instincts with matters like these.
 
Bloodnofsky said:
But I do care about him, and he's all that matters in the end, so I will risk perhaps having him be mad at me, if it means that my support will make him feel better.
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Try to approach him. ... I don't see how he could pull you away, especially given his unfortunate situation... Even if your emotions aren't your strong point, a sort of human closeness or support is always needed. .. If only just to know someone is there for you. ...


Bloodnofsky said:
I don't know what I will say if/when he asks how I found out. I really have no desire to compromise the person who told me, or the person who told him. It's all so complicated. =/
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It's rather late here, so my mind can't really work on scenarios right now.. But anyone needs/could use a friend in such sad situations... I'm sure.. or at least hopeful, he won't just pull you away. .. Fingers crossed, sorry I can't help that much. ..
 
Alma said:
Try to approach him. ... I don't see how he could pull you away, especially given his unfortunate situation... Even if your emotions aren't your strong point, a sort of human closeness or support is always needed. .. If only just to know someone is there for you. .. It's rather late here, so my mind can't really work on scenarios right now.. But anyone needs/could use a friend in such sad situations... I'm sure.. or at least hopeful, he won't just pull you away. .. Fingers crossed, sorry I can't help that much. ..
Click to expand...

I agree. I'm just afraid that he'll push me away, I reckon, and that the situation will somehow worsen. Sometimes, when in grief, people tend to push others away, and isolate themselves, which actually worsens things. But I will see him, and give him a card. Hopefully it'll make him feel a little better. =/

Roosje said:
It sounds like this friendship could grow even deeper as your souls are so similar. I really don't think he will be mad, because your only motives are care and compassion. Don't think too much of what will be, just follow your instincts with matters like these.
Click to expand...

Perhaps. I know I really care about him, and I hope he doesn't think it intrusive of me to show that. I will do whatever is necessary to make him feel like someone does care, because I do.
 
Bloodnofsky said:
Sometimes, when in grief, people tend to push others away, and isolate themselves, which actually worsens things.
Click to expand...

That's true... From personal experience, I can relate to this very much. ... But


Bloodnofsky said:
But I will see him, and give him a card. Hopefully it'll make him feel a little better. =/
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it's very brave and considerate of you to do that. Being there as a friend, card in hand, that wants nothing from you except being there for you (in such a rough time, esp) is very much to be appreciated, and I seriously doubt he'll push you away. You're witty with words, and your personalities are very much alike, as you say, so this symmetry has to click somehow.. I hope.

Bloodnofsky said:
Perhaps. I know I really care about him, and I hope he doesn't think it intrusive of me to show that. I will do whatever is necessary to make him feel like someone does care, because I do.
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That's wonderful... Really.

I knew there was more to Blood than.. say, pure redness. ^..

Seriously, though.. hope things will go well.
 
Alma said:
That's true... From personal experience, I can relate to this very much. ... But
Click to expand...

But?


Alma said:
it's very brave and considerate of you to do that. Being there as a friend, card in hand, that wants nothing from you except being there for you (in such a rough time, esp) is very much to be appreciated, and I seriously doubt he'll push you away. You're witty with words, and your personalities are very much alike, as you say, so this symmetry has to click somehow.. I hope.
Click to expand...

I hope he doesn't. Even if he does, the possibility that he might feel better through my efforts offers something worth sacrificing one's comfort over. I'm witty with words--in writing. When it comes to actually speaking, my utter fear of people takes over, and I am reduced to being a blabbering idiot, unfortunately. It's very uncomfortable for me to talk to people face-to-face, even people I esteem, but like I said, the most important thing right now is showing support, so my discomfort with face-to-face contact will just have to be put aside for the time being. I've been reading a lot about the process, so as to get a better understanding of what he's going through. The only thing I have to compare his loss to, in my own experience, is losing Michael, but it's not quite the same. =/


Alma said:
That's wonderful... Really.

I knew there was more to Blood than.. say, pure redness. ^..

Seriously, though.. hope things will go well.
Click to expand...

Thank you all for your well-wishes, as always.
 
Mikage Souji said:
But?
Click to expand...

^.. I actually continued after the 'but' conjuction with my saying "It is really brave of you to..." from the other paragraph tackling yours, it was in conjuction with what you said, and I joined it with your reply following my 'but'. ^...

Mikage Souji said:
I hope he doesn't. Even if he does, the possibility that he might feel better through my efforts offers something worth sacrificing one's comfort over.
Click to expand...

Right. ...

Mikage Souji said:
I'm witty with words--in writing. When it comes to actually speaking, my utter fear of people takes over, and I am reduced to being a blabbering idiot, unfortunately. It's very uncomfortable for me to talk to people face-to-face, even people I esteem,
Click to expand...

I hear you... Am in a way identifying with your persona. And it's a terrible thing to be going through...

Mikage Souji said:
but like I said, the most important thing right now is showing support, so my discomfort with face-to-face contact will just have to be put aside for the time being.
Click to expand...

That's right..

Mikage Souji said:
I've been reading a lot about the process, so as to get a better understanding of what he's going through. The only thing I have to compare his loss to, in my own experience, is losing Michael, but it's not quite the same. =/
Click to expand...

I understand... Just follow your heart in this situation, though, it's where you can find your sincerity and soul, and that's really anything that matters when being a friend to another. All that matters is that you care enough to be there for that respective individual. ...

Mikage Souji said:
Thank you all for your well-wishes, as always.
Click to expand...

No problem...

I can see you're back to being Mikage Sougi, the brilliant student.. ^ You're changing your usernames almost as you do clothes.. ^
 
Alma said:
^.. I actually continued after the 'but' conjuction with my saying "It is really brave of you to..." from the other paragraph tackling yours, it was in conjuction with what you said, and I joined it with your reply following my 'but'. ^...
I hear you... Am in a way identifying with your persona. And it's a terrible thing to be going through...

I understand... Just follow your heart in this situation, though, it's where you can find your sincerity and soul, and that's really anything that matters when being a friend to another. All that matters is that you care enough to be there for that respective individual. ...
Click to expand...

Ah, I see. I wasn't quite sure in the beginning, but thanks for clarifying. It is a terrible thing to be going through, yes. I talked to someone about it today--he said it was indeed true. We talked about him for a bit, but then he had to go teach a class, so that was the end of it. It's truly a shame, what happened. Like I said, I'll go and see him tomorrow for certain, and offer some words, and hope to help him. =/

Alma said:
I can see you're back to being Mikage Sougi, the brilliant student.. ^ You're changing your usernames almost as you do clothes.. ^
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Yes, for two reasons. One, everyone was getting confused as to what my identity was. I originally thought my signature would have provided clue enough, but apparently not, so I decided to change it back to cause less confusion. I'm bloodnofsky on another site anyway. :p

Two, given what's happened, I indeed do feel like Mikage at the moment, and I reckon that would make him my Tokiko. You'd have no clue what I'm on about, but basically, Tokiko's brother, Mamiya, was very ill, and she was hoping to obtain the power of eternity and miracles to help her brother live. Mikage, because he loved Tokiko, wanted to help her gain that power, but in the end, Mamiya died all the same. So, it kind of fits the situation I'm in at present.
 
Mikage Souji said:
Ah, I see. I wasn't quite sure in the beginning, but thanks for clarifying. It is a terrible thing to be going through, yes. I talked to someone about it today--he said it was indeed true. We talked about him for a bit, but then he had to go teach a class, so that was the end of it. It's truly a shame, what happened. Like I said, I'll go and see him tomorrow for certain, and offer some words, and hope to help him. =/
Click to expand...

Do that.

Mikage Souji said:
Yes, for two reasons. One, everyone was getting confused as to what my identity was. I originally thought my signature would have provided clue enough, but apparently not, so I decided to change it back to cause less confusion. I'm bloodnofsky on another site anyway. :p
Click to expand...

0..0 R u a guy?... Lol, goodness. Wouldn't have realized even if it hit me. .. I mean, I've seen your avatars and stuff, and even by reading your words and the way you write, but assumed nothing else except you're a tough cookie, not even a tomboy. Not even the, say, rather misoginistic (not saying that's who you are, just how it seemed like) porn talk made me wonder anything. Then, you mentioned your friend, and I really haven't realized it. ^ Nice to meet you.. guy, lol. Wow. 0..0 ^

Mikage Souji said:
Two, given what's happened, I indeed do feel like Mikage at the moment, and I reckon that would make him my Tokiko. You'd have no clue what I'm on about, but basically, Tokiko's brother, Mamiya, was very ill, and she was hoping to obtain the power of eternity and miracles to help her brother live. Mikage, because he loved Tokiko, wanted to help her gain that power, but in the end, Mamiya died all the same. So, it kind of fits the situation I'm in at present.
Click to expand...

Kay, thanks for explaining that. ^

Hang in there..
 
Alma said:
Do that.
Click to expand...

I certainly will.

Alma said:
0..0 R u a guy?... Lol, goodness. Wouldn't have realized even if it hit me. .. I mean, I've seen your avatars and stuff, and even by reading your words and the way you write, but assumed nothing else except you're a tough cookie, not even a tomboy. Not even the, say, rather misoginistic (not saying that's who you are, just how it seemed like) porn talk made me wonder anything. Then, you mentioned your friend, and I really haven't realized it. ^ Nice to meet you.. guy, lol. Wow. 0..0 ^
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No, lol. I'm a biological female, but mentally androgynous. I know that makes no sense, but that's basically how I think of myself--I've never thought of myself as female. When I was little, I thought of myself as a boy, but as I grew up, I reckon, I just became this mentally genderless blobby thing. Lol.

What I meant by people confusing my identity is, I guess they must have thought I was another poster on the forum, or something. :p

Alma said:
Kay, thanks for explaining that. ^

Hang in there..
Click to expand...

Danke!
 
Mikage Souji said:
No, lol. I'm a biological female, but mentally androgynous. I know that makes no sense, but that's basically how I think of myself--I've never thought of myself as female. When I was little, I thought of myself as a boy, but as I grew up, I reckon, I just became this mentally genderless blobby thing. Lol.
Click to expand...

Pfff... When I read the lines "I'm a biological female...", I, for one moment, thought you changed your gender or something. 0..0 ^^.. I flipped out for a moment. ^ I understand what you're saying, though, there are other similar cases out there that feel the way you do. Actually, when I was little, I too would be a little bit tomboyish at times, had my hair short most of the time, I was often asked at school by some kids if I'm a girl or a guy. Then, I've changed my style and let the hair grow and stuff. I actually have subconsciously considered you as being genderless, probably 'cause of your very neutral attitude on things oftentimes.


Mikage Souji said:
What I meant by people confusing my identity is, I guess they must have thought I was another poster on the forum, or something. :p
Click to expand...

No point in trying to explain yourself, the damage's already been done (as seen above)......


:p
 
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