HumanNatur3
Proud Member
As some of you know, my husband and I were expecting our very first child this year. I made a thread several months back about me conceiving and so I was very elated. It felt so magical. Nervous I was, but the unconditional love that my husband and I felt for our child, was just out of this world. I took PreNatal Vitamins, I took care of myself, and did everything that I was supposed to do. I had a very sensitive pregnancy. You name all the pregnancy symptoms, and chances are, I probably had it. Nausea, vomiting, sore gums, back ache, joint pains, my vision got worse, sensitive nose that turned me into a recluse because I couldn't stand any odor, so I stayed in my room. I had to resign my job because I couldn't drive. I had the worst migraines.
So I just read up on anything pregnancy related. One thing that still stands out to me the most was that, if an expecting woman has pregnancy symptoms, chances for her miscarrying are slim. I was very happy to have known that since miscarriage runs in my family. Anyway, I was supposed to have been 16 weeks when I found out. I spotted a little and thought that was normal but asked my sister who's a nurse and she told me to go to the ER just in case. So my older sister took me to the ER and my husband met us there. We were all so nervous the whole time. They took blood samples, urine, vital signs. 3 1/2 hours later, I was finally admitted inside the ER.
The whole time we were waiting for the doctor, my husband just kept quiet and I the same. Doctor came in and asked us if we had any kids and I said, "no, this is our first, and we planned it." She then lightly put her hand on my leg, and I knew. I lost it. She told me that she was very sorry and that my baby had passed away at 11 weeks and 3 days. Yes, my baby had been dead inside of me for 5 weeks. I just remember breaking down and I saw my husband sobbing and we just hugged. One nurse, came in and sat down with me and she said, "I don't have any kids yet and I don't know what you are going through but I just want to hug you." So she did and she cried with me. The doctor prescribed me Vicodin and Ibuprofen since I chose to miscarry at home. I didn't want to have a D&C (where they take the fetus and remnants out of your uterus) because, I wanted this to be personal. So off we went. That was May 19th.
I was told by my older sister, who also had a miscarriage that I will be bleeding alot. So we bought pads, and I brought out towels. We waited and waited. Nothing. I was cramping a little and thought that my body will be able to handle it. No, I was wrong. That is actually an understatement. I started having contractions the night of May 20th, every 20 minutes but I just kept telling myself that I'll be able to do this. The contractions got worse, they were on top of each other to the point when I was biting my pillow. I got on the floor, did all types of position to relieve the pain, but nothing. Nothing helped. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. So my husband finally just said, that's it, I'm taking you back to the ER. The whole time that I was going through this, I kept thinking to myself, maybe my baby is still alive, maybe he/she is still kickin and smilin. Got to the ER, they did an ultrasound, 2 abdominal and 1 vaginal. All with the same results. I saw my baby, just lying down there. No heartbeat, no movement. I couldn't think of anything more painful than seeing your baby like that. So I was pumped with Morphine which didn't help the pain, so they used, Dilaudid, an even stronger one. I was so groggy but my body could still feel the contractions.
The doctor came and told me that my cervix is dilated but my body is not expelling the baby. So then, I opted to do the D&C. I was sent home for a few hours. May 21, went to the hospital and got prepped up for surgery. I asked the doctors and nurses to stop asking questions for a while and to give us a few minutes. So then, my husband and I said our final goodbyes to our Little Angel. I told my husband that I would want to see our little baby and he said, "no, it might traumatized you." So, I agreed and off I went to the surgery room. I woke up with more pain after, more Morphine, more bleeding and more of everything. I felt so empty. Physically and emotionally. I was no longer pregnant. My baby was no longer with me. It hurt the most. I cried everyday for weeks following that event. I cried morning and night. Then it just dawned on me that maybe this isn't the right time yet. That maybe God has far better reasons for me not to have the baby yet. My husband and family have been very supportive and though I know my husband is hurting just as much as I am, he's been my rock throughout this whole ordeal.
We nicknamed our baby "Peanut" because he/she looked like one on our first ultrasound. So Baby Peanut, wherever you are, I hope you know that Daddy and Mommy loves you very much. You will forever be missed.
So I just read up on anything pregnancy related. One thing that still stands out to me the most was that, if an expecting woman has pregnancy symptoms, chances for her miscarrying are slim. I was very happy to have known that since miscarriage runs in my family. Anyway, I was supposed to have been 16 weeks when I found out. I spotted a little and thought that was normal but asked my sister who's a nurse and she told me to go to the ER just in case. So my older sister took me to the ER and my husband met us there. We were all so nervous the whole time. They took blood samples, urine, vital signs. 3 1/2 hours later, I was finally admitted inside the ER.
The whole time we were waiting for the doctor, my husband just kept quiet and I the same. Doctor came in and asked us if we had any kids and I said, "no, this is our first, and we planned it." She then lightly put her hand on my leg, and I knew. I lost it. She told me that she was very sorry and that my baby had passed away at 11 weeks and 3 days. Yes, my baby had been dead inside of me for 5 weeks. I just remember breaking down and I saw my husband sobbing and we just hugged. One nurse, came in and sat down with me and she said, "I don't have any kids yet and I don't know what you are going through but I just want to hug you." So she did and she cried with me. The doctor prescribed me Vicodin and Ibuprofen since I chose to miscarry at home. I didn't want to have a D&C (where they take the fetus and remnants out of your uterus) because, I wanted this to be personal. So off we went. That was May 19th.
I was told by my older sister, who also had a miscarriage that I will be bleeding alot. So we bought pads, and I brought out towels. We waited and waited. Nothing. I was cramping a little and thought that my body will be able to handle it. No, I was wrong. That is actually an understatement. I started having contractions the night of May 20th, every 20 minutes but I just kept telling myself that I'll be able to do this. The contractions got worse, they were on top of each other to the point when I was biting my pillow. I got on the floor, did all types of position to relieve the pain, but nothing. Nothing helped. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. So my husband finally just said, that's it, I'm taking you back to the ER. The whole time that I was going through this, I kept thinking to myself, maybe my baby is still alive, maybe he/she is still kickin and smilin. Got to the ER, they did an ultrasound, 2 abdominal and 1 vaginal. All with the same results. I saw my baby, just lying down there. No heartbeat, no movement. I couldn't think of anything more painful than seeing your baby like that. So I was pumped with Morphine which didn't help the pain, so they used, Dilaudid, an even stronger one. I was so groggy but my body could still feel the contractions.
The doctor came and told me that my cervix is dilated but my body is not expelling the baby. So then, I opted to do the D&C. I was sent home for a few hours. May 21, went to the hospital and got prepped up for surgery. I asked the doctors and nurses to stop asking questions for a while and to give us a few minutes. So then, my husband and I said our final goodbyes to our Little Angel. I told my husband that I would want to see our little baby and he said, "no, it might traumatized you." So, I agreed and off I went to the surgery room. I woke up with more pain after, more Morphine, more bleeding and more of everything. I felt so empty. Physically and emotionally. I was no longer pregnant. My baby was no longer with me. It hurt the most. I cried everyday for weeks following that event. I cried morning and night. Then it just dawned on me that maybe this isn't the right time yet. That maybe God has far better reasons for me not to have the baby yet. My husband and family have been very supportive and though I know my husband is hurting just as much as I am, he's been my rock throughout this whole ordeal.
We nicknamed our baby "Peanut" because he/she looked like one on our first ultrasound. So Baby Peanut, wherever you are, I hope you know that Daddy and Mommy loves you very much. You will forever be missed.
