This is from my blog, I wrote this on 11th July... Thought I'd share, because it looks like I'm not the only one with thoughts like that...
The sounds...music... It's still out there.
I can hear it sometimes - reaching my ears from the neighbouring building, or from tv downstairs...
But... I don't care anymore.
It was such a massive part of my life, it was everywhere, it was with me, at all times, there was nothing without it, and now... I just don't care.
I was tidying up my upstairs room earlier today, and I picked my iPod up - to move it somewhere else. I noticed it was dusty - I haven't touched it once for two weeks now...
I've been leaving it at home lately.
My radio at work doesn't come on anymore, either. I work in silence.
And even when the music plays, even when it reaches my ears - I don't listen.
I push it out of my head, close my ears to it.
I can't bear music. It makes my heart ache.
So I don't want it.
It's not the same. It's never going to be the same.
The Music is DEAD!!!
It has been in my life since I was a little girl.
It was mum that gave it to me. (Because dad, apart from the soldier choirs, couldn't care less really.)
One of my earliest memories is of music playing really loud, and mum - holding my hands in hers and teaching me to dance.
"Move your leg to the side. Now put the other one next to it. Bend your knees... Okay. And now do the same, but in the other direction. And again..."
She showed me, danced with me...
I remember listening to crappy dance songs when I was very young...
It was late 80s - Poland was still very much a communist country, and not much of the Western beats were reaching us. But some were...
I remember this tv stand we had in our big room... There was a drawer in it, where all the music was kept.
And one day - I was seven years old - I had a friend over. We were searching that drawer for something to listen to. I was getting aggravated, because whatever I proposed, he didn't like.
And finally, from the very deepest bottom of the drawer, I pulled out a cassette.
I knew it was there, I had it in my hands before, but never listened to it once - I didn't know what it was, and was not interested to find out. This was "mum's music".
And that day I would have put it right back, too, if it wasn't for my friend, who suddenly came alive...
"Oh, put that one on, put that one on, this is good!" - he exclaimed.
I looked the cassette over a little dismally. It was a dodgy, pirated copy - those were the only ones we ever got in the country at the time - but the picture of a man that looked a little like a woman to me on the cover was surprisingly good - clear, sharp.
The writing next to the picture said: Michael Jackson. Bad.
"Okay. If you want." - I agreed, happy to have finally settled on something, and shoved the cassette into the player.
And a few seconds later the first, oh-so-characteristic, and so immediately recognizable nowadays "doom-doom-doom-doomdoom" of the song "Bad" sounded...
And at that moment, to me - the Music was born.
That cassette got the truest of workouts in the next few weeks...and years.
It took a few more years for Poland to fully open up to the West.
It took a few more years for me to discover who Michael Jackson was, but when I finally did - I loved him.
And I loved music.
Not just His music, although His I always liked the best of all.
To me, truly - Music was Michael Jackson.
Other singers, bands...okay, sure - but He was The Ultimate.
I never anticipated any other music as much as I waited for His.
Throughout the years, my ears were open. I always looked out for sounds.
My iPod tally is slowly closing in on a thousand - and that's just my favourites.
The music would play throughout the days. At home, at work, on the train while I was on the way to school, in the car... My music was always ever-present.
There was a soundtrack to every single important event in my life.
I loved music. I felt music. I appreciated it.
But on the 25th of June 2009...suddenly...unexpectedly...the Music died. Suddenly...unexpectedly...shockingly... It was no more...
I still remember the day it was born to me...
And I will never forget the day it had gone.
