my outlet and it hurts...

[Soso Deaf]

thank u guys! shaun, come in and post please.

shan, i can't even use that funny icon anymore. u know which one im referring to. so different. zac was dancing an di started singing dancing machine before i stopped. even my mom started crying.

 

[butterflies]

classic I so desparetely wanted to feel that aura to be in his presence even if I never met him. I wanted to feel and be in one accordance and just in the same room. Building with him. I never gave up hope that michael would tour again although I never wanted him to feel pressured into doing it. I just kept the faith in my heart.

When TII was announced and michael held the Press con. I thought this was my chance I would finally feel the magic the being of this wonderful man that I spent so many hours of my life thinking about. So then the rescheduling happened and I was just happy that my date wasn't moved to 2010. I would see michael soon. There was a count down thread. I got less then 3 weeks away. So close and then it just got snatched away from me (us, him, he was so hype for the comeback). I still can't believe this. It's not that michael just cancelled the shows and maybe I can hope for another time. It's that I can never hope for anything else. Never a laugh, a cry, a smile, an appearance, a mask and pj's, NOTHING! He's FOREVER GONE!

what I wouldn't do to just have a few more days back. we didn't get to say goodbye or anything. It just feels so unreal and taken away. I could care less if michael never ever sang another song or performed again. I just now want him here on earth. I want him to breathe and walk that walk of his just a little while longer. BUT the hope is gone.

Why right now! At 50? he had so much to give still. I had so much to give him.

:boohoo: I started to cry again reading your post. You said exactly the things I've been thinking and feeling too. I just want him to still be here and just know that he's somewhere making the world a better place. That's what he did. I'd give anything to be talking about his curls again and being excited over that. Even as Soso said about how bad we thought the trial was, and I'd almost hope for that again compared to this. This is just so final. There is no hope for things getting better for him because he's gone.

All we have is each other. I have no friends or family in my life who truly understand how I feel, even though they knew I would be very upset about it. They called me to see how I was doing after they found out, but they can't possibly comprehend what it's like for me.

Some people on myspace said they understood because someone they thought was a good singer passed away too, and I thought, "No, you don't understand! Michael wasn't just a singer to me." I chose not to say anything though because they were trying to be nice.

As you said, we didn't even get to say goodbye. At least when you know someone is sick or dying, you have that opportunity. I'm just so glad that I can at least talk to fans on here and on myspace who understand me.