this is one of those awkward moments where I feel like, 'oh god, everyone's going to think I'm just copying sw23'. Because I kind of had a similar thing going on - although much lower key than yours.
lol I would never think this! I feel like it's totally normal and a common experience to be in emotional ruin about Michael. Either way, I'm sorry you had this feeling too! Maybe it's the anniversary coming up. This is my first time having to experience June 25th as a fan. Maybe there's just some energy in the world that is touching us both this way, right now. Also, this might sound truly unhinged, but I have to go to a birthday party for my nephew on Saturday and I feel slight resentment about it because I was hoping to dedicate the entire day to mourning. Yes, as I type that out, I realize it sounds insane...in reality, it's probably good for me to be distracted.
I was posting photos and realised I just wasn't feeling it. Don't get me wrong, the photos are fine. If I post something, it's def an image that I like. But I wasn't into as I normally would be and, in fact, was feeling more and more melancholy so I stopped way earlier than I had expected.
This happened to me last night when looking at the photos. I loved every single one of them, but I couldn't
feel them the way I normally do because I was too sad. This is not at all a problem today, but I'll get to that in a bit lol.
Sorry that you had a rough evening, both to you and
@zinniabooklover . I can totally empathise. Sadness for Michael is always just below the surface for me, which is insane give that I knew nothing about him 6 months ago.
I think about this all the time. And I actually agree - the sadness is definitely just below the surface at all times. But I am a raging optimist most of the time, so I can put myself in a good headspace a lot and have gotten better at it the longer I've been a fan. But like you, I am amazed at how deeply I care about this man, and the entire universe around him, when I didn't know the first thing about him 6 months ago. It's also fascinating to me that we found him around the exact same time. Sometimes it feels insane, but most of the time it feels like the only rational way a compassionate human would respond to him.
But, I know I am also processing my own feelings through him. Him entering my life was also a turning point for me. It was like - oh you can't process your own life, now go and process his instead which BTW is 10x bigger than yours!
Oh, that is so interesting. That makes
a lot of sense though!
Sometimes I feel that if he was well and alive, all the unfairness in the world would be righted. I get those total feeling of desperation too, how unfair the world was to him, how I absolutely cannot do anything about how things turned out.
I think about this ALL THE TIME. I have never fallen into the world of thinking he's alive (I know that's not at all what you are talking about here, btw) but I have wanted to sometimes, just because it would ease that sadness. More I can say about this, but I don't want to get into it. Needless to say, I just really understand that impulse.
(2) Thinking about the fact that he was not some helpless child who world just pushed around, he was a brave and powerful individual who lived his life, made his own decisions.
Thank you for this. This is so great and so true. I hate when people talk about him like he was childlike in a way that made him an eternal victim, or something. He was childlike in the beautiful ways all adults should be, imo, but not in a helpless way. He was extremely brave and extremely strong.
He definitely had people in his life who loved him and cared for him.
I think we often make a mistake of assuming a lack of celebrity support meant a lack of friendship and I don't think that's true. Listening to the Brett Barnes interview the other day, they were absolutely friends until the end. He also said in the Geraldo Rivera interview that he had support systems of people we wouldn't know, as in non-celebrities. I know he was lonely in life, but I also know he had friends beyond what we realize. Not to mention family and his children.
His life was not all despair and grief, he also got unparalleled success, lot of love and many of his dreams came true. I don't mean to disregard the fact that world was unfair to him. He absolutely did not deserve any of the bad things that were being constantly thrown at him. But at the same time not forgetting that there were good parts, and the good parts also need to be celebrated. Don't know if that is making sense to anyone else, but it helps me.
You're so right about this. I don't think Michael would want us to be mourning the life he lived. I think he'd appreciate our compassion, but I don't think he'd want us to all feel the way we do. I do think he had a lot of wonderful things in his life and dreams that came true. Often there was a huge sacrifice involved, but he still achieved what no other person really has.
Now coming to this thread, it's a total therapy, all sort of therapy. I think its all about the last thing I said above - celebrating all the good stuff. How out of the world sexy he is, how he commands all the attention,
how we - grown reasonable women just melt by looking at him drinking water 
and want to give up this human life and turn into inanimate objects like straws and mic stands!
whew...truer words have never been spoken!
PS: I hope this does not appear to preachy. I just wanted to say I a absolutely empathise with your feeling, and though I try with different methods, I usually don't have my shit together, almost any day!!
Nothing about this was preachy at all! Thank you for it. And thank you
@zinniabooklover for your kindness and compassion too. We are all in this Michael lovefest together and I'm glad we can support each other
. I died a little right there!
but we're all over here doing the same thing...here go the crazy eyes from us all lol
