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I Though I Was Coping With His Death.. Until...

ArabianGirl~AllTheTime

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I really thought that I had come to terms with MJ's passing. The fact that I watched TII and only cried twice in it was surprising, as I was expecting that i would cry so much that i would need back up eye contacts. But after reading the "Curls for My Girls" shirt thread I sure as hell am not over it and dont think i ever will be. I cried like a little baby reading that thread and the story behind the shirt. Its sooooo sad!!! Hes wearing the shirt a fan gave him and he is so healthy and making everything perfect for us in that last rehearsal and then going home and........ gosh this is horrible.. I watched the movie twice so far and did not know the story behind the shirt and he looked great in thriller and earth song!!! wat happpened??? :( :( :(
 
I'm sorry Arabian girls, i didn't mean to make you suffer. Think positively, that the shirt was a secret between us, his girls and him. And only we know how much Michael loved and appreciated us. Be strong
 
ArabianGirl~AllTheTime said:
I really thought that I had come to terms with MJ's passing. The fact that I watched TII and only cried twice in it was surprising, as I was expecting that i would cry so much that i would need back up eye contacts. But after reading the "Curls for My Girls" shirt thread I sure as hell am not over it and dont think i ever will be. I cried like a little baby reading that thread and the story behind the shirt. Its sooooo sad!!! Hes wearing the shirt a fan gave him and he is so healthy and making everything perfect for us in that last rehearsal and then going home and........ gosh this is horrible.. I watched the movie twice so far and did not know the story behind the shirt and he looked great in thriller and earth song!!! wat happpened??? :( :( :(
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I'm sorry you are having a hard time. What happened? Dr. murderer happened.
 
ArabianGirl~AllTheTime said:
I really thought that I had come to terms with MJ's passing. The fact that I watched TII and only cried twice in it was surprising, as I was expecting that i would cry so much that i would need back up eye contacts. But after reading the "Curls for My Girls" shirt thread I sure as hell am not over it and dont think i ever will be. I cried like a little baby reading that thread and the story behind the shirt. Its sooooo sad!!! Hes wearing the shirt a fan gave him and he is so healthy and making everything perfect for us in that last rehearsal and then going home and........ gosh this is horrible.. I watched the movie twice so far and did not know the story behind the shirt and he looked great in thriller and earth song!!! wat happpened??? :( :( :(
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I smiled my way through the movie until I saw that shirt and then everything just hit me.. :cry:
 
juss teared up reading ur comments!! this is so hard! :( i know that shirt is something special the fans share with MJ but right now its juss a lil hard.. but thanks guys! means a lot! :)
 
In some strange, twisted way, This Is It brought some sort of closure for me. I'll never get over it, but it helped.
 
Campari said:
I smiled my way through the movie until I saw that shirt and then everything just hit me.. :cry:
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I know what you mean, I did the same thing. I saw TII a few hours ago, it was my fourth time seeing it since it was released... but the first time since I read the thread about Curls For My Girls... I was really enjoying the performances and all and then I saw him in the pj pants and that tshirt and it was like........ WHAM!....he had so much love directed at him and he did so much to make us happy...and now we'll never see him again. :(

This all really sucks.... :no:

I was talking with a friend about him today and she was like, I'm still refering to MJ in present terms, I just can't seem to get my mind around that he's not alive anymore.... then of course she looked at me, and I was just like :cry:
 
Reghead121 said:
we'll never see him again. :(
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you're wrong
i know you're tired of hearing this but..........listen to me death isn't the end
but ALL what you have to do is waiting
EVERYTHING gonna be SOOOO FINE at the end
i mean at the very end
OR the begining of the end
^ huh
what i mean is (HEAVEN) < michael's REAL home
 
the title of this thread really hits me hard. makes it so real i guess
 
i cried about MJ for the first time last night myself! I was watching the end of this is it for the second time (the bit after the credits) and the bit where the little girl is hugging the earth and it says heal the world it made me really miss him :(! i feel like such a loser for that! lol
 
if ur a loser then all of us here at MJJC are losers right there with u! ur feeling just right, its actually beautiful! he makes such an impact on people, he's such a BEAUTIFUL person! :heart:
 
I feel your pain. Its hard to put it in words, it seems it gets harder as each day passes. My heart is broken into a million fragments. Just over four months now and I still cant believe what has happened. I still miss him just the same or more than I missed him when I received an e-mail at 2pm on June 25, 2009 saying that he had a heart attack, and an email nearly half an half later saying that he had passed. I feel so hurt & lonely. I don't know what to do sometimes.. the pain is excruciating. This will hurt for the rest of my life. I want to die. And I wanna be with him, now. I need him more than my life.. :weeping:
 
BillieJean I am so sorry that your pain is so intense..:hug:....please remember that we are all always here for you...we WILL all make it through this together.....If you are not finding the support that you need with those around you or here at MJJC ..then please do not hesitate to speak to a professional about your pain....it does help so much to speak to someone who may be able to help you through a very difficult time in your life such as what you are going through now....feel free to pm me if you need to.
 
I understand. When we went back to the theater to see it again (ok, and then again) it was after I had realized that the Curls for my Girls shirt was June 24th. It's so hard to watch now. It just breaks your heart. God, why can't I have a freakin' time machine???? And the irony of Thriller... I mean, watching Michael and then hearing "... but no more sun you'll ever see, for evil reaches from the crypt to crush you in its icy grip". Oh God. :cry: But then I remind myself of all the other times he performed Thriller and was fine. Just that was the first time with all the costumes and effects for TII. And wearing a shirt that was a gift from a fan. I know, it's .... you know, at this point I don't even have words anymore after having written the same words of pain over and over for four months. What more can one say? I am doing much better overall, yes, like I think the vast majority of us are, but sometimes I get really emotional still...
 
xthunderx2 said:
BillieJean I am so sorry that your pain is so intense..:hug:....please remember that we are all always here for you...we WILL all make it through this together.....If you are not finding the support that you need with those around you or here at MJJC ..then please do not hesitate to speak to a professional about your pain....it does help so much to speak to someone who may be able to help you through a very difficult time in your life such as what you are going through now....feel free to pm me if you need to.
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Oh God! You don't understand. Nobody understands.. :weeping: But thank you for your support.
 
im sry guys if this thread is resurfacing everyone's sad feelings!! but we are all here for each other and we need to support each other! Billie Jean please understand that!! talk to us if you need help getting through this !!
 
Has anybody really and completely overcome this loss? Honestly, I don't think the ones who have loved and treasured MJ for so long will overcome this soon. It's been more 4 months and some of us still cry out of nothing. I saw TII last night and cried again... I have seen it 6 times already and at some point last night I thought I was doing wrong, for this is killing me. Sometimes I feel scared of this pain, for it seems neverending and so deep as not understandable for most people around.

But to be honest... it is even hard for me to understand why I am suffering so much. I have many reasons to be happy, but after that terrible day, things have changed. I have changed. And I feel lost. I was grown with Mike around, everywhere, always. His music is the music of my life. I have memories of his music in special moments of my life and I was so much looking for July 2009... but now... :'-(
 
Cris123 said:
I'm sorry Arabian girls, i didn't mean to make you suffer. Think positively, that the shirt was a secret between us, his girls and him. And only we know how much Michael loved and appreciated us. Be strong
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I love that feeling...That we are his girls...Such a deep connection to him...
 
PCR said:
Has anybody really and completely overcome this loss? Honestly, I don't think the ones who have loved and treasured MJ for so long will overcome this soon. It's been more 4 months and some of us still cry out of nothing. I saw TII last night and cried again... I have seen it 6 times already and at some point last night I thought I was doing wrong, for this is killing me. Sometimes I feel scared of this pain, for it seems neverending and so deep as not understandable for most people around.

But to be honest... it is even hard for me to understand why I am suffering so much. I have many reasons to be happy, but after that terrible day, things have changed. I have changed. And I feel lost. I was grown with Mike around, everywhere, always. His music is the music of my life. I have memories of his music in special moments of my life and I was so much looking for July 2009... but now... :'-(
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My husband is also a fan and we've both found that we go up and down a lot at this point. We'll be feeling alright (and I know we're blessed to have a spouse that's a fan) for a few days and then something will come to mind for one or both of us and we're back to sadness and crying. I don't know if any of us can ever "get over" anything. We just have to find some way to incorporate all of it into our lives somehow, which takes a lot of time. There have been times when I'm on a low/sad cycle and I've thought about how my usual way to deal with something like this would be to avoid anything to do with that person, for my own sanity. And I've thought about putting away all my MJ stuff and staying off the board and not listening to him ... and there's just no way I can do that. He's been a part of my life for over 25 years and will always be, but sometimes I just don't know what to do, you know. At times I think, "Now what? What do I do? How do I go on with everyday living now?" I can't let the pain overshadow the joy, so somehow there has to be a way for both to co-exist without making me crazy. Does that make sense. Well, I'm rambling now, but I guess the point is that it really takes time. And even then it will never be the same. We should be happy, though, that the internet exists. Imagine this had happened in like 1989 and there was no way to be in contact with other fans like this. We just need to keep supporting each other and remember that we are simply not alone. Others do understand. We're all going through it together.
 
mjbunny said:
I can't let the pain overshadow the joy, so somehow there has to be a way for both to co-exist without making me crazy. Does that make sense. Well, I'm rambling now, but I guess the point is that it really takes time. And even then it will never be the same. We should be happy, though, that the internet exists. Imagine this had happened in like 1989 and there was no way to be in contact with other fans like this. We just need to keep supporting each other and remember that we are simply not alone. Others do understand. We're all going through it together.
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I totally agree. I have also thought of the old days, when being a fans meant depending 100% on the media of your country. I live in Chile, so you can have a clue of how often (if ever) we would receive updated information back in those days. Now things are 100% different, for the better in this particular case. We can use the Internet to meet, to talk, to share our pain... just to think facing this alone.... oMG, that would be to turn crazy! For besides fans like us... who else can understand? I even have problems trying to understand myself about this, so I can't blame anyone for having problems understanding this. And people around us do care about us and they are worried to see us so sad... they usually mean well when they tell us to let go...

... but... how can we? :-(
 
It's soon going to be 5 months and sooo hard to get over..... honestly don't think it ever fully will.
 
lovelymj said:
It's soon going to be 5 months and sooo hard to get over..... honestly don't think it ever fully will.
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Lovely Mj......and the other billie jean.and everyone..........we are in this pain together..........:(
Let's try to be strong together................
God knows how bad I have been regarding MJ's passing..........BUT...........MJ is still around.........ask him.talk to him.........he will answer you.........dream of him.ask for a sign.......
This is not some airy fairy cheesy remarks.........but MJ is still very much about in our hearts.............not just there...EVERYWHERE!!! :wub:

Plz know this..............MJ is in another realm..........he still IS........

Love you all xxx
 
it always will be a hard time to get over the loss of a loved or admired person in ones life,,,i find myself crying when i read something beautiful or true about MJ.....a couple of the threads here have made me cry,,,
 
PCR said:
I totally agree. I have also thought of the old days, when being a fans meant depending 100% on the media of your country. I live in Chile, so you can have a clue of how often (if ever) we would receive updated information back in those days. Now things are 100% different, for the better in this particular case. We can use the Internet to meet, to talk, to share our pain... just to think facing this alone.... oMG, that would be to turn crazy! For besides fans like us... who else can understand? I even have problems trying to understand myself about this, so I can't blame anyone for having problems understanding this. And people around us do care about us and they are worried to see us so sad... they usually mean well when they tell us to let go...

... but... how can we? :-(
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I know, I have few people in my life, and they are upset that I can't get over this. They don't support me, they make me feel crazy. I don't understand either how my grieving process works. I felt a bit better in the aftermath because I could still feel his lingering presence and because I was numb. Now I'm just sad and lonely and without any purpose in my life.
 
Cris123 said:
I know, I have few people in my life, and they are upset that I can't get over this. They don't support me, they make me feel crazy. I don't understand either how my grieving process works. I felt a bit better in the aftermath because I could still feel his lingering presence and because I was numb. Now I'm just sad and lonely and without any purpose in my life.
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Oh, Cris... what a crazy world this is. There are just so many, so many of us suffering at this very same moment. I know that, for in a way I can feel it. But we are all spread over the world, here, there, everywhere. I wish just for one hour all of us could get together in just one place, one time... just to hold each other and to feel him, or feel his love through us.... how can this be? how can this be such a devasting feeling?

I was just watching the "Man in the mirror" documental and I just ended crying again and wondering WHY? WHY? WHY? How is it possible that Michael is not here? What was I doing all this time? What else should I have done besides sitting here waiting for all things to go right and see him once again shinning on stage? we were so close... almost there and now... oh my... Yes, I do know he is in a far better condition, I know he is safe, he is just resting and I do know God DOES know and does BETTER.

But then... this pain is so strong... that I even feel selfish for feeling this. Selfish because I understand he is protected and sheltered. So maybe this pain is just for me feeling lonely and lost. Ohh.... I just don't know.

Maybe it is not even healthy to write all of this... I do have a life, I do have my job, my few good friends, my dear family and many projects ahead. I hold to my faith and to my hope and I hope God will gide me, but even then.... I can't deny this is killing me.
 
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