MJsBollywoodGirl,
I read some of your recent posts on other threads. Since then, I think a lot of you. Because I’d like to do something for you if possible. I cannot stand the fact that you are locked in a world without light for over than three and a half years.
As we all know, it is not easy to find a miracle-solution, but it may come, believe me. In the past, I've always managed to help people in distress, which was my work, but I used to do the same in my everyday life with everybody.
What is not 'normal' in your case, or in other words, what is different from major cases of depression caused by the loss of a beloved person, is that in your case your pain does not diminish with time, we might even say it’s getting worse. Generally, in a process of self-healing, there is always improvement over time. A year later, two years later, three years after the event, people get to manage better.
I did a little analysis from ‘few things’ I had read. It’s quite possible that I am wrong. Because my knowledge about you is very limited. It’s also possible I would say something that would hurt you, despite of my intention. It could happen that you cannot understand what I intend to say, because of my poor English skill. Nevertheless, I try to tell you what I thought.
It seems that deep in yourself, or more exactly, in your unconsciousness, there might be a refusal to get out of your grievances. (Excuse-me if I’m wrong. I thought about this as
a possibility, that's all.) It is not impossible that you don’t really want to get out of your current state : depression, hopelessness, sorrows, grieves, pains... In other words, you’re not so unhappy with what you’re.
If so, it means you’re okay with yourself, and that’s not as bad as we think in general. At least you are in peace with yourself, even if you got other problems.
I think it is important to be agreed with oneself, whatever might be the situation. Because, at least, you have not really lost yourself, you have not destroyed yourself. For example, even if one feels unhappy, but if he or she accepts the fact, there is no real problem. Problems appear only when you don’t agree with situation, and that you want to get out of, to change the situation or yourself, but that you are not able to manage it despite of your will and effort. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? I feel like poorly expressed.
Just one question I’d like to ask you is whether you wish change something, or not as much, for the moment.
If you want to change, if you cannot stand your current life, so we are going to find a solution. But if you’d like to stay for a while – not forever – with what you are right now, we may think it is not yet time to go ahead, and if so, you need more time to be ready, but sooner or later, you’ll do nothing but move ahead, you won’t stay there you are, that’s life. You have your strength inside yourself, even if you are not aware of, and your inner forces are not lost, there is just something that prevents them to come out, and it seems like it’s you who do. (As I’ve said already, I think of this as
a possibility. The truth might be something else.)
We need the time that suits each of us. Each person has his needs. I think you need more time than others. But surely you will go out of darkness and find light here on earth and you will again be able to listen to his music, watch his dance and communicate with him in your heart, not somewhere else you are referring, but here on our planet. Believe in your inner strengths. Maybe light would not be so far.
As we all know, our universe is in a constant evolution from the beginning. It is still in evolution and it will be, with everything in it, including us. The Universe needed billions of years to reach its current state. But we don’t need billions of years to change ourselves. ;D
I have not studied astronomy in a faculty of science. But my professor of philosophy directed me to scientific studies, such as astronomy, biochemistry and biology. My favorite reading was in the field of the evolution of the Universe and of the living species : Henri Bergson, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Claude Tresmontant
It's not only music or art which heal us, but also scientific and philosophical studies. Right? ;D
Do not feel obliged to answer. Finding an answer to the question would not be so easy, because it would be hidden in your unconsciousness and in addition, it could not be black or white.
I wrote all this, just because I wish something changing in you. Because, by reading your posts, I didn't feel you are in peace with yourself or your current state, but you suffer a lot.
