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I feel lonely and fear I will end up alone

Angela_MJJ said:
Wow I can relate to that perfectly.
I live on my own, I'm 25 years old, don't have a job right now, have no friends, spend a lot of my time with my parents I see my mom as my best friend.
I had a relationship with a guy for 6 years (and lived together for almost 6 years) but I'm glad that's all behind me.
I feel lonely most of the time and I'd like to have just one or 2 close friends to share things with.
Since I registered at this forum I met some very nice people and maybe I will be friends with them in the future I don't know.

Like MJStarlight said I just take it day by day.
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damn !! described me a little too well :( hugs:better: honey. i'm going thru the same hell ...:(
 
Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world! It can be uterly crippiling on people!
Only by opening your heart and letting people in can you over come loinliness.
I am only 14 but have felt loinliness like this most of my life. Ive had people around my but ive always been a terrible shy person and covered myself up, and not allowed people to see the real me!
Michael has helped me to open myslef up, express myself and showed me how to love and let people love me! Its only now in learning this i dont feel lonely, even when it is just me.
You have to find away of letting yourself be enough for you and soon you will find other who will love you and people who will join you in your life!
 
i can definitely related to this I'm a very shy person when it come to people especially guys because guys always seam to be playing game with me and then turning around and braking my heart i remember one time back in JR high this one guy named Ron i use to like at school one day he ask me to be his girlfriend out of the blue and i said yes i was at cloud 9 believe me the next day he told me in a letter that all his friends beat $20 to him to date the ugly girl at school ( me )that he was sorry and he gave me a teddy bear well a t lunch in front of whole the school and in front of his friend i got a chocolate milk out of the lunch room went to the trash can open the milk and Said " Ron thanks the teddy Bear it was really nice but i think you teddy bear is soooo GAY!!!!!!! " pored the milk on the teddy Bear and throw it in the trash and walked out you should have seen his face !!!!lol OMG it was the talk of the school that he got burn soooo bad after that his friends dint even want to talk to him because every one every were he went were laughing at him i felt bad about it but i had to do it to show him that i was better then him that i might not be HOT but i did have a heart and it hurt that he did that to me because he knew how much i liked him i saw him recently at the mall were my mom lives and we've talked for a bit and he said that he still remembers that he said he was really sorry for what he did back then and he said that i look pretty now then i did back then but you know what if that would never happen to me i would still be a girl that let men play with her that made me stronger and thanks to that i got to meet the man that is now my husband you know around him i was not shy at all it was like the first time i talk to him it was just countable we became best friends and then we started dating and I'm so glad that i meet him because right now i would still be living at my moms house
 
Ohh :(
if you need to talk..I am here :huggy: if you wanna talk with a 15 years old girl :)
 
do_re_mi said:
That's very true. I have a few friends, but I'm still so lonely. Just on Wednesday I had a great time with a friend that I hadn't seen in a long long time, but afterwards I've been feeling more horrible and more lonely than I've felt in months. Having been lonely and alone for such a long time has made me feel like I am not good enough, that no one can actually like me, that there's something wrong with me. I keep going over the things I said and did on Wednesday and thinking that I shouldn't have said/done this and that, because now she noticed that I'm actually not a nice person and she doesn't want to see me anymore. I'm lonely, but meeting people seems to make things even worse.
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wow that is so much like me. i beat myself up over everything. there is not a social event i've had that i don't look back and cringe and feel embarrassed about somthing i said or did. And making friends...forget it!! i did a course recently and everyone seemed to pair up or find little groups from the start except me!! was on my own the whole time. I think sensitive people have a really difficult time in this world.
 
Latinodude007 said:
Well, ever since I was in school at the age of 5, kids used to pick on me because I was always too nice and quiet. Some kids used to call me "gay". Back then, I didn't know what that was. When I found out what it was, it bothered me because why would someone say that to me? As I got older, people used to say that I act feminine because I'm real nice and I am soft-spoken. People wondered if I was gay because of that. I don't think there is anything wrong with being gay, but it bothered me that people judged me before getting to know me. They just say those things to hurt me and to make me feel out of place. As far as the feminine thing, I don't see that in myself. I just act how I feel as a normal and kind human being would act. All that taunting started making me doubt myself as a person who was not worthy of anything. My self-confidence went down tremendously. I'm working on getting my confidence back up every day. It's not easy. I still struggle today.
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That reminds me alot of myself too man. My time at school never were fun. They did too call me gay for exactly the same reasons. I always tried to avoid a fight. Soft spoken and maybe too friendly..not really standing up for myself enough. On top of that...i wore a MJ shirt during the time of the 93 allegations. So pretty soon they said 'He's that dude who got raped by ......' and so on. I am glad as hell that i'm not in school anymore.
When i hear stories about what the youth does nowadays...it's ridiculous.
Much worse than when i was in school.

It's ignorant and stupid as hell of people to think you are gay if you are very friendly and soft spoken. It's the typical thing of alotta people in general, always judging someone else when in fact they don't know shit about you. But i had expected when you turn a certain age...that people of the same age won't use prejudice anymore..that they accept you , no matter what. But then again...look at MJ. How many many 'adults' kept using prejudice against him. Keep your head up..listen to MJ's music and his words and don't take no crap :clapping:
 
On some level I can really relate to you guys, but not on other levels. See, My thing is that I don't know how I got to this place. I don't know how I allowed myself to get to this place...

I've always been extremely extremely shy, but extremely social (not outgoing, but social.) I had no problem finding friends. I would never ever approach someone, but it seems somehow, for some reason, people just always started conversations with me and tried to get to know me, so I didn't have to make the effort. I got along with and was well-liked by everyone at school. I had tons of friends and was always invited to sleepovers and parties and movies and stuff, from pre-school up throughout my first year or so at college.

However, I was raised by a hippie single parent, went to Performing Arts schools and grew up doing professional theatre, so I was brought up in a very non-traditional, albeit open-minded and accepting, environment.

I think my problem started when I left that environment. I got sick in 2007 and started withdrawing from my friends more and more and had to leave school and a show I was in at the time. A few months later I was doing better enough to start working a part-time job, but that's when this reclusive behavior started. My old friends all got jobs and had moved away and I couldn't relate to the people I worked with. So, I started spending all of my time out doing things by myself. Then, I started running out of money and couldn't find another job and things got worse. That's how I started this cycle of going to work and coming home. That's all I do. On days that I don't work, I don't even leave the apt. I don't talk to anybody anymore except my mom and I literally sit here all day on my futon, on the computer... I've like backed myself into a corner where I'm afraid to come out. It's like I'm so lonely that I'm afraid to be around people. I feel like I live in a secluded bubble and I just don't understand how I ended up here...

I've always been the sensible one, making good decisions in life, with a passion and drive for what I do. I went from graduating high school, moving to New York on my own at 18, receiving a scholarship to study Musical Theatre at a prestigious conservatory in Manhattan to... practically destroying myself through my aim for perfection, pushing away everyone who cared about me, and basically cutting myself off from the world, leaving me in a depressive, isolated, fearful state - how did this happen to me?


It's embarrassing... I wouldn't want anyone I know to find out that this is what my life is like now. It's just really embarrassing.

[Sorry for the uber long post.]
 
Goodbye Michael said:
wow that is so much like me. i beat myself up over everything. there is not a social event i've had that i don't look back and cringe and feel embarrassed about somthing i said or did. And making friends...forget it!! i did a course recently and everyone seemed to pair up or find little groups from the start except me!! was on my own the whole time. I think sensitive people have a really difficult time in this world.
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It's so hard to try to maintain your relationships when you feel so insecure. I hardly ever contact anyone because I'm afraid that they have better things to do than to be with me, or that they don't even like me. I always feel like I like others much more than they like me. And yes, I'm also always the outsider, wherever I go. There have been times when I've been friends with person A and person B, but they don't know each other. Then A and B meet and become good friends, and suddenly I'm all alone again. and it really hurts. That there's always someone better than me.
 
do_re_mi said:
It's so hard to try to maintain your relationships when you feel so insecure. I hardly ever contact anyone because I'm afraid that they have better things to do than to be with me, or that they don't even like me. I always feel like I like others much more than they like me. And yes, I'm also always the outsider, wherever I go. There have been times when I've been friends with person A and person B, but they don't know each other. Then A and B meet and become good friends, and suddenly I'm all alone again. and it really hurts. That there's always someone better than me.
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Me too! If someone asked me who is my best friends and I'd say these few people but if someone asked them who are their best friends I doubt they would include me in their lists :( Of course I can be wrong, though.

I just hate the feeling when I'm alone on Friday night, thinking all the stuff all the others are doing. I like being by myself but it would be nice sometimes to hang out with friends and I don't do that very much. And all my friends are from school because I don't have any hobbies and I feel so stupid because my school friends are my ONLY friends but they have other friends too and I never do anything if I'm not with them.

Everytime I'm trying to make new friends it ends in the certain level, that we say "hi" if we meet but not that closer. For me it's difficult to make good friends, that I would give my number and start doing things with them like going to cinema or have conversations.
 
The One. said:
Me too! If someone asked me who is my best friends and I'd say these few people but if someone asked them who are their best friends I doubt they would include me in their lists :( Of course I can be wrong, though.

I just hate the feeling when I'm alone on Friday night, thinking all the stuff all the others are doing. I like being by myself but it would be nice sometimes to hang out with friends and I don't do that very much. And all my friends are from school because I don't have any hobbies and I feel so stupid because my school friends are my ONLY friends but they have other friends too and I never do anything if I'm not with them.

Everytime I'm trying to make new friends it ends in the certain level, that we say "hi" if we meet but not that closer. For me it's difficult to make good friends, that I would give my number and start doing things with them like going to cinema or have conversations.
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Sounds sooo familiar, everything that you wrote. And one of the most horrible thoughts that I get every now and then is that I'm supposed to be having the best time of my life now that I'm still young. And almost every night I keep thinking what others are doing, how much fun they're having with their friends, and how I'm sitting at home all alone by the computer. I feel like my life is going to waste. And there's nothing wrong with being alone from time to time, everyone needs that, but I'm alone almost all the time. It's not my own choice.

What I'd like to know is how do you guys cope with your feelings? What do you do when you feel lonely? Go for a walk? Listen to music? Watch movies?
 
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WOW! I'm am SOOOO glad that I found this thread, I was almost considering starting a similar one weeks ago but I thought it might have been a little too personal. I feel like I can relate to so many of the things you all have said, but at least I now know that I'm not the only one.

I am also 21. I still live with my parents (sort of), and I have very few friends. I can relate a lot to what the OP said, except I can't even call my parents my best friends because as much as I've expressed to them how much I enjoy doing things as a family, they generally would rather not have me around. both of them share the attitude that I should have my own friends and do things on my own all the time. They can be very judgmental sometimes and they always try to compare me to themselves at my age and tell me what typical people my age are "supposed" to do. I have a 19 year old brother who has chosen to waste his life on drugs and has had a few run-ins with the law, and an 11 year old sister, who is really the only one in my family that I'm close to. I live in a stand alone efficiency apartment type thing that's basically an extension of our house, It's in our backyard but it's not connected to the house. I also have Asperger's Syndrome. for those who don't know what it is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_Syndrome, It Sucks.

I find it very difficult to make friends because many of the other people my age that I've met tend to be very immature and judgmental, and I don't really connect with at lot of them at all. I also don't drive, and I don't currently have a job, although I have worked 2 previous jobs. I tend to get along with girls more for some reason though, especially older women. I don't exactly know why but they tend to be more understanding and I find it easier to talk to them when somethings bothering me, at least most of the time.

I dream of having a wife and kids of my own someday but my biggest fear will always be dying alone. I've never had a real girlfriend before and I'm deathly shy when I meet a girl that I really like. I've had many friends that are girls that I've considered dating but I've never been in a real relationship with anyone. It seems a lot of them that I've met want men who treat their women like shit and are only after sex. It bothers me so much the way a lot of the men I know treat women, but unfortunately it seems that a lot of girls have just come to expect men to act that way. it really makes me sick.

Out of any girl I've ever met in my life, there is one particular girl that I really like and I just want to get to know her more, but every time I try to it just seems hopeless because we're both so shy.

I knew this girl from a class I had with her in high school and we never really talked to each other much because I was so shy and I never knew what to say, but I have always admired her from the first moment I saw her and I've always regretted not getting to know her better in school. after I graduated, I initially dismissed her as a crush that I would get over just like any other girl, but I eventually realised there was something special about her, something so special that I can't even describe it.

Soon after, I found her on Myspace and after I found the courage to add her, we started talking a little and I came to find out that we shared alot of the same interests and had more in common than I had ever realized before. I eventually asked her out to the movies, but it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. I probably only said about 2 words to her the entire time, and I felt like an idiot for not having anything at all to say. I really want to get to know this girl more than anything, but I just don't know how to tell her the way I feel about her.

I also suffered from anxiety/depression a lot for the last couple of years but whenever I tried to talk to my parents about the way I felt, They always tried to send me to counseling so they didn't have to deal with me. I was always feeling extremely depressed and alone until finally, I started this internship program last year at out local hospital that is meant to provide employment and education opportunities for individuals with developmental or physical disabilities. It was there that I discovered I really enjoy working with children, so for the last year I have been volunteering at the child development center there, which is a preschool/daycare for children of people that work there at the hospital. I've been far happier there than I can ever remember being in a long time, and I'm hopeful that it will eventually lead to a paid position there.

I just really wish I could have more friends to talk to.


I'm terribly sorry for going on for so long, I just had to let it out.
 
well do re mi, i still have the same problem, i don't fit in and like you i'm willing to stay in the background because i'm sure my friends would rather be doing something else. Try doing something for yourself. Not because you want to please anyone else. People like you and me seem to be preoccupied with what other people think and want and the reality is they often don't deserve the time we waste worrying about them.

I hate when people say "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you"..well it's not that easy, when you have self doubt and self loathing issues how the hell are you suppose to love yourself. I always get told "your such a nice person, everybody likes you" but then why am i the one who gets treated like crap all the time.

As you get older you get thicker skinned. I'm still a sensitive, emotional wreck most of the time, but i've also learned to just smile and say "oh well" whenever there is a get together that i'm not invited to, or when a friend treats me differently to the way they would treat their other friends.

I still haven't worked it out...but i think accepting the way you are and your lot in life might help. I read somewhere that there isn't really anything that can hurt you, only your thoughts on what happened can hurt you. If someone says something horrible about you, life goes on, thinking about it, dwelling on it, believing it, that does all the damage, the words themselves have dissapeared but what you hold onto and the way you think about it and interperet it is what hurts. Its called cognitive thinking, there are alot of books on it. If you are anything like me you will read one of these books and think "that's me, thats exactly me". It's just about altering the way you think. For instance...if someone doesn't say hello to me i think they hate me, there is something wrong with me.....these books try to teach a different way of thinking......maybe that person was preoccupied, or didn't see you....if you think of it that way then that incident wont hurt you...

and if there is something you don't like about yourself, like perhaps you don't make friends easy....it's the thoughts in your head that hurt. If you accept it that's part of the battle won. Ok so people don't warm to me very easily, i accept that that's the way i am and i'll do the best i can. I accept that i'm not Miss Popular, it's ok.

Anyway....i'm sorry that you are feeling this way but remember there are lots of us out there like you. Be proud of yourself, however you are. Accept your short comings and embrace them because that's how you were made and there is nothing wrong with that. I can't be everything, i may not be popular, but i'm empathetic...i may not be anyones best friend, but i'm a good friend to have...and remember, people probably like you a lot more than you realise.
 
Goodbye Michael said:
Anyway....i'm sorry that you are feeling this way but remember there are lots of us out there like you. Be proud of yourself, however you are. Accept your short comings and embrace them because that's how you were made and there is nothing wrong with that. I can't be everything, i may not be popular, but i'm empathetic...i may not be anyones best friend, but i'm a good friend to have...and remember, people probably like you a lot more than you realise.
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Thank you so much for your post! Like you said, it's so difficult to like yourself when you feel like no one else does. Over the years I've started to think that there's something wrong with me, because if there wasn't I'd have more friends. And it makes it really hard to like, let alone love, myself.

But I guess I just have to try to change the way I think... For instance, now that you mentioned it, I do think that I'm a good friend to have, I'm loyal, caring, and loving among other things. But it's so hard not to dwell on the negative things when you have so much time to think about it. I sit at home all the time with nothing to do, so I keep thinking about things that make me sad. And I'm sure that it's mostly in my head, others probably don't spend much time on thinking about the things I said or did. And I do have a tendency to interpret things in ways that aren't favourable to me. Maybe I should read one of those books, they sound really interesting. And maybe they'd help me change the way I think.

And maybe I'll one day become more accepting of my situation. Maybe it just takes time, but right now it feels really horrible. It is really comforting to know that there are others like me (although I wouldn't wish this for anyone), because I often tend to think that everyone else has a lot of friends, that I'm the only 'loner'.

Once again, thank you for your post! It really made me think.
 
do_re_mi said:
Sounds sooo familiar, everything that you wrote. And one of the most horrible thoughts that I get every now and then is that I'm supposed to be having the best time of my life now that I'm still young. And almost every night I keep thinking what others are doing, how much fun they're having with their friends, and how I'm sitting at home all alone by the computer. I feel like my life is going to waste. And there's nothing wrong with being alone from time to time, everyone needs that, but I'm alone almost all the time. It's not my own choice.
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Yep, sounds familiar.. I'm just so TIRED of being always alone. I always say to myself that once I move to my own apartment (I still live with my parents) I'll start living and having fun but.. really, am I going to just suddenly change like that?
And because basically I have one friend that I regularly see outside school, I'm very often sooo bored I just don't know what to do. So I'll just spend my days on the computer or watching tv shows that I don't even like. Like you said, it's not my own choice but what else could I do? I've always been myself and I'm not going to change so I could get more friends so if this is my life when I'm myself.. ok. Though I don't necessarily like it all the time.

But anyway, I'm optimistic person and I've never really scared that I'd end up alone. Don't know if that's wishful thinking but I still believe that someday I will meet my man and that I'll have at least those few friends of mine.
do_re_mi said:
What I'd like to know is how do you guys cope with your feelings? What do you do when you feel lonely? Go for a walk? Listen to music? Watch movies?
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Sometimes I go for a walk but usually I'll just lock myself into my room and listen to music or radio and stare at the empty street outside, lol. :timer:
 
PrincessMichaela said:
On some level I can really relate to you guys, but not on other levels. See, My thing is that I don't know how I got to this place. I don't know how I allowed myself to get to this place...

I've always been extremely extremely shy, but extremely social (not outgoing, but social.) I had no problem finding friends. I would never ever approach someone, but it seems somehow, for some reason, people just always started conversations with me and tried to get to know me, so I didn't have to make the effort. I got along with and was well-liked by everyone at school. I had tons of friends and was always invited to sleepovers and parties and movies and stuff, from pre-school up throughout my first year or so at college.

However, I was raised by a hippie single parent, went to Performing Arts schools and grew up doing professional theatre, so I was brought up in a very non-traditional, albeit open-minded and accepting, environment.

I think my problem started when I left that environment. I got sick in 2007 and started withdrawing from my friends more and more and had to leave school and a show I was in at the time. A few months later I was doing better enough to start working a part-time job, but that's when this reclusive behavior started. My old friends all got jobs and had moved away and I couldn't relate to the people I worked with. So, I started spending all of my time out doing things by myself. Then, I started running out of money and couldn't find another job and things got worse. That's how I started this cycle of going to work and coming home. That's all I do. On days that I don't work, I don't even leave the apt. I don't talk to anybody anymore except my mom and I literally sit here all day on my futon, on the computer... I've like backed myself into a corner where I'm afraid to come out. It's like I'm so lonely that I'm afraid to be around people. I feel like I live in a secluded bubble and I just don't understand how I ended up here...

I've always been the sensible one, making good decisions in life, with a passion and drive for what I do. I went from graduating high school, moving to New York on my own at 18, receiving a scholarship to study Musical Theatre at a prestigious conservatory in Manhattan to... practically destroying myself through my aim for perfection, pushing away everyone who cared about me, and basically cutting myself off from the world, leaving me in a depressive, isolated, fearful state - how did this happen to me?


It's embarrassing... I wouldn't want anyone I know to find out that this is what my life is like now. It's just really embarrassing.

[Sorry for the uber long post.]
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:eek:

I identify with your post the most. I hate myself so much because I am the one with the problem. I've started college this year straight from High School and I've completely changed as a person. With MJ's death over the summer nothing's been the same. I used to love school. Loved learning. I had so much drive and ambition. it seemed unstoppable. I wanted to go places. And then it all stopped. I don't even know who I am or what I want out of life anymore. All I know is that if I stop now alot of people who have invested in me will be very disappointed. I'm at a point where other's dreams are guiding me.

I push people away from me. I remember in the start of the year so many people that just wanted to introduce themselves to me and be my friend. I was so cold. I was so indifferent. :no:. Now I have nobody. My previous friends went to other universities and I just don't feel like I want to start over again. I hate change. I don't adjust well to it.

But yeah my family and God are my best friends. MJJC is helping a bit too.

What's painful is that I enjoy being lonely deep down somewhere. I don't want anyone to understand me. Nor do I want to move on.

I am such a lost bean right now.
 
Krshna28 said:
This is weird.........................

It seems like a whole load of me talking to each other...........

I'm also 21, with just a weekend retail job and I find it very hard to meet new people........usually because I feel that people judge me before they know me and I never know what to say to anyone!!
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Im 19 and I feel the same way.
 
The One. said:
Yep, sounds familiar.. I'm just so TIRED of being always alone. I always say to myself that once I move to my own apartment (I still live with my parents) I'll start living and having fun but.. really, am I going to just suddenly change like that?
And because basically I have one friend that I regularly see outside school, I'm very often sooo bored I just don't know what to do. So I'll just spend my days on the computer or watching tv shows that I don't even like. Like you said, it's not my own choice but what else could I do? I've always been myself and I'm not going to change so I could get more friends so if this is my life when I'm myself.. ok. Though I don't necessarily like it all the time.

But anyway, I'm optimistic person and I've never really scared that I'd end up alone. Don't know if that's wishful thinking but I still believe that someday I will meet my man and that I'll have at least those few friends of mine.

Sometimes I go for a walk but usually I'll just lock myself into my room and listen to music or radio and stare at the empty street outside, lol. :timer:
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Well, I always tried to be optimistic and I thought that when I moved out I'd meet new people and make new friends. And a little over a year ago I moved to a completely different city thinking that now my life is going to start. But now, a little bit over a year later, I'm back home, didn't really make friends, and I didn't even like the subject I was studying. So I feel like I failed again, and it's hard to be optimistic anymore.

But yeah boredom is something that I feel very often. Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my days trying to come up with something to do, something to make the time go a little faster.

But I'm glad that you're happy with yourself! And I'm sure you'll make more friends eventually :)
 
do_re_mi said:
Well, I always tried to be optimistic and I thought that when I moved out I'd meet new people and make new friends. And a little over a year ago I moved to a completely different city thinking that now my life is going to start. But now, a little bit over a year later, I'm back home, didn't really make friends, and I didn't even like the subject I was studying. So I feel like I failed again, and it's hard to be optimistic anymore.

But yeah boredom is something that I feel very often. Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my days trying to come up with something to do, something to make the time go a little faster.

But I'm glad that you're happy with yourself! And I'm sure you'll make more friends eventually :)
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Aww, thanks and I hope you'll find that light to your life too.

Though I must say, I might not be happy with myself right now, I'm just optimistic.. that future will be better :smilerolleyes: *fingers crossed* hah
 
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