Latest on MJJC

I feel lonely and fear I will end up alone

JenAndMichaelForever

Proud Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
8
Points
0
hi i fear that i am going to end up alone in my life. i am 21 years old and live with my parents. i am working a low paying retail job because i cant find anything else. i only have 3 friends from childhood but they are off in college now so we dont see each other often anymore.

i dont have a boy friend because i am very shy and dont go out often. i hate going out to clubs and things and i hate meeting new people. i like the company of my old friends and i enjoy being by myself a lot. but i fear that if my parents die i will be left alone and wont be able to cope. my parents are basically my best friends as i do a lot with them and have a great relationship with. i would be so heartbroken without them and i always hurt myself when i think about them not being here. it makes me unhappy.

i dont really know what i want. i love being on my own but i fear that if i dont have others in my life i will end up so alone and afraid in the future. i cant easily go out and meet people because part of me doesnt want to and the other part doesnt know how to. am i abnormal for how i live or want to live? even though i feel lonely in the way i WANT to live...strange i know but it scares me.

does anyone else feel the same way or similar?
 
Hey girl. I am an only child as well! I also work a low paying retail job, but I am in college as well. All of my child hood friends have married and have children and I do MANY things alone. I do have a boyfriend, and we are fairly serious, but he lives about an hour and a half away from me.

I know how you feel! I feel that if I do not marry into a loving, big family when my parents die I will have no family but my own immediate one if I marry and have children. It is a scary thought, and it does make you feel lonely! I have tried to get closer to my extended families on both sides but both sides push me away. One side because I am not 'good enough' for them, the other side because I think I am 'too good' for them. Go figure!

Anyways, although it is lonely and somewhat depressing, you have to not focus on that! Find things that make you feel 'whole' and like you matter. If you pick up a hobby, or start working towards a goal it will distract you. I do this a lot! That is how I make the most of the time that I spend a lone. I DO like to spend a LOT of time alone, because I was an only child and that was what a majority of my childhood consisted of, a LOT of alone time! Do you go to school? Maybe you could start doing independent studying...join Big Brothers Big Sisters...start some sort of community project? Learn an instrument...that helps to take your mind off of a LOT of things!

The best thing that I have learned through my own experiences with this, is that you will never REALLY be alone because you will ALWAYS have friends that love you. You may not even know them now, but you will meet people all along the road of your life that will inspire you, delight you, make you laugh, smile and grow as a person. You just have to remember that from where you're standing now you can't see completely down the road. Just try to keep your eyes, mind and heart open and be as optimistic as possible!

OH! And it's WONDERFUL that you value your parents so much! I am the SAME way! My mom truly IS my best friend in the world and I can't imagine what I will do without her when she is gone. She has instilled the best values and life long lessons and skills that I have needed to grow into the person that I am today. I give her the ultimate full credit for it all! I do not go out to the 'clubs' either. There is SO much to do and look forward to than going out at night.

I hope this has helped!!
 
Aw, you're not alone dear.
I understand how you are feeling and your situation is not as abnormal as you think.

I'm also 21, also an only child. I live away from home right now, but I visit my parents, with whom I'm extremely close as well, almost every weekend.
I grew up with no brothers and sisters and I was a child of divorce. My mother was a single mom for a long time, as a result of which, she is my best friend in the world.

I have grown apart from most of my friends as well. Either because they have moved across the country/the world, or because we just don't connect like we used to.
I rarely connect with anyone else my age, mostly because I don't feel like I have much in common with them - I have been like this since childhood. (I don't like going to clubs either, I hardly ever drink, listen to older music, etc. so I find it hard to relate to people in our generation, you know?)

I also work in a low-end retail job, but what can you do?

I have a number of casual acquaintances, but no real friends (besides my boyfriend). I spend a lot of my time alone. I think a lot of people like the three of us who grew up as only children are like this. I've always been independent. And I've always been very shy as well. But I'm comfortable on my own. Like strawberrypie said, finding something you love to occupy your time is helpful. I've started doing volunteer work and I find that very fulfilling.

I do have a boyfriend, who I will likely end up marrying, but he lives 3,000 miles away from me and has for almost four years.

I have also suffered from depression and anxiety for the better part of my college years.

Sorry for the long, overly-personal post, but I said all that to say this: You are not alone. There are so many people feeling what you are feeling right now.

You are still young. If I could give you any advice, it's something that I am learning to do myself: be grateful for little things and try to focus on the good. In time, things will start to look up. Don't get down on yourself - that's the most important thing.
If you love yourself and realize that you are someone worth loving, others will see that and follow by example. :)
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Bee
D.i.t.t.o. everything you all have said. 21, only child, divorced parents, close to mom, not too many friends (just don't meet people I connect with), shy, loner (yet lonely...), history of anxiety/depression....yep, circle all of the above. Sorry I can't offer advice, just a "You are not alone" shout out. =P Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or anything.
 
i already did end up lonely ...a long time ago ...don't worry you'll get used to it...
 
I can relate as well... It scary to think about the future sometimes but I take it day by day
 
24, only child, parents separated not long after I was born. I was a loner all through Primary & High school just didn't fit in or was teased. Suffered depression/anxiety from the age of 6 till last year.
What you need is something to brighten your day? Church, voluntary work. If there are any groups in your community. You need to get out of your shell.
My mum is in a shell & has been most of her life. She doesn't like visiting people or having people over. Doesn't talk to people unless they talk to her. Kinda shuts herself away. Its very hard to see cause she's depressed to. I don't want that life for you.
There are many girls & guys just like you who just sit back & take the ride but never get off. Get off the track explore your options.
Feel free to pm or email me cosima.t@hotmail.com
 
aagh I feel the same way, the fear of being left alone in this world...my father died when I was 13, and I have a brother who only cares about himself and is a jerk and a older half-brother who virtually denies my existence. and the other few relatives I had left passed away
if something happens to my mother I'm all alone, she always tells me that, I think because she's scared for me
reading your words was like reading my own thoughts...I think friends are very important in life true friends it's very important to try to make friends, you can try with people who are just like you who are quiet and keep to themselves
 
worry when u get to 30 like me and feel like that! your stil la baby. dont worry to much
 
hey we should all meet one day, then we wont be lonely anymore :)

I feel like you exactly, dont really get close to ppl though often end up bored at home weekends. Enjoy the time with your parents if your so close thats sweet you have a good relationship, try not to worry about bad things just enjoy your time with them.
 
i always found it hard to make friends. being on your own isn't all that bad. You enjoy time by yourself so that's great...just slowly let a few people in, give it a chance and see if you enjoy that also. I also thought i'd be alone but sometimes things work out when they need to. when you are ready it will happen.

being on your own (i don't want to say alone because you are not) isn't all that bad, think of the arguments you don't have, and people can be great but can also be mean...it's hard to live in this world if you are a sensitive person. Just be proud of yourself and whatever happens, happens. Don't be scared, you are 21 and still learning about life, love and people. And that journey never ends no matter how old you get.

you will find your place.

just enjoy the ride and try not to take anything to seriously.

xx
 
and i'd like to add that yes, lonliness is horrible....but just because you are in a relationship or have lot's of friends, it doesn't mean you won't be lonely. Being alone is different to being lonely. I've been alone and happy, and i've been surrounded by people yet lonlier than i could ever imagine.

however you find your own peace is ok.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I'm a only child and 21. I don't go out much, when I do it's normally with my mum.
 
You're only 21 you have a whole life a head of you!! I do feel the same way though. Except I have a boyfriend (or common law husband whatever you want to call it). But he's a musician and on the road 6 months out of the year and when he's home he's at his record store or recording studio. We have 2 kids under the age of 3 and those are the only people I really ever have around. My friends are all in college, moved away and living life. I'm wanting to start going to school for a class or two soon, and I'm hoping to make some friends who are in the same position. It really just sucks.
 
I feel lonely most of the time. It's very hard. I am not an only child. I have a brother and a sister. I'm close to my sister, but not as close to my brother as I would like. I have a great family, but it's still hard for me to talk to them because they seem to be too busy with something else to even listen. I think that's the real problem. I don't have anyone to just listen and understand where I am coming from. Therefore, that's when I feel most alone. I'm 28 years old and I don't have a job or a relationship with anyone special. I guess you can say that I am a loner, but it's not always fun. Sometimes, it feels good to be alone, but it's not too often. It's like I'm "overlooked" at times. I've had this feeling since I was 15 years old. I just stay strong and keep moving ahead. That's what we have to do and we must remember that we always have to keep the faith. I remember that I used to say that there should be a "Lonely Hearts Club."
 
I notice how many people here are so similar like that, i can relate alot too.
I'm not an only child, but i really do not have any friends. Well, not friends that i can easily go to. My real friends live in another town, basically a two hour driving distance. I live on my own, with my dog and i manage fine. I actually don't think i can relate to the loneliness feeling...well, maybe i am but i just don't mind it much. But i don't think i am.

But i can relate with the other things...home is where it's safe, it's known. Meeting people is something completely different...neither i do make friends easily....well..not entirely true, it's more like that i haven't tried it really.
Going out and all that, i used to stay home and not go. But now more and more i just visit one club, where they sometimes have musicians, i just go there, stand around and watch the musicians play. Order a drink and just chill alittle...nothing more.

Last week i made a thread about this too, maybe you can find some helpful tips there.
 
This is weird.........................

It seems like a whole load of me talking to each other...........

I'm also 21, with just a weekend retail job and I find it very hard to meet new people........usually because I feel that people judge me before they know me and I never know what to say to anyone!!
 
Krshna28 said:
This is weird.........................

It seems like a whole load of me talking to each other...........

I'm also 21, with just a weekend retail job and I find it very hard to meet new people........usually because I feel that people judge me before they know me and I never know what to say to anyone!!
Click to expand...


I know how you feel when people judge before they get to know someone. I got that a lot growing up and sometimes I get it today. It used to bother me a lot, but not as much now. It's all ignorance and I figure it would be a waste of time to let that ignorance get the best of me. We can only be who we are and be proud of it.
 
Goodbye Michael said:
and i'd like to add that yes, lonliness is horrible....but just because you are in a relationship or have lot's of friends, it doesn't mean you won't be lonely. Being alone is different to being lonely. I've been alone and happy, and i've been surrounded by people yet lonlier than i could ever imagine.

however you find your own peace is ok.
Click to expand...

That's very true. I have a few friends, but I'm still so lonely. Just on Wednesday I had a great time with a friend that I hadn't seen in a long long time, but afterwards I've been feeling more horrible and more lonely than I've felt in months. Having been lonely and alone for such a long time has made me feel like I am not good enough, that no one can actually like me, that there's something wrong with me. I keep going over the things I said and did on Wednesday and thinking that I shouldn't have said/done this and that, because now she noticed that I'm actually not a nice person and she doesn't want to see me anymore. I'm lonely, but meeting people seems to make things even worse.
 
Latinodude007 said:
I know how you feel when people judge before they get to know someone. I got that a lot growing up and sometimes I get it today. It used to bother me a lot, but not as much now. It's all ignorance and I figure it would be a waste of time to let that ignorance get the best of me. We can only be who we are and be proud of it.
Click to expand...


Really? That's stupid as hell, i really don't get why people do that.
In what kind of way do they judge you, if you don't mind...could you explain alittle bit?

I wish i had advice to give back to people here, but the thing is..i am dealing with the same problem as well. And this is not meant to sound mean at all..but in a way i am relieved i'm not the only one without friends closeby. It's a relief to know that the problem is not all because of me for some reason...others have it too. It really sucks that my real friends live so far away...if they didn't...i am pretty sure we'd be hanging out much much more.

I am also pretty sure when you have true friends, you don't worry one second to find a new friend or even care, you don't need it. You are fine that way.However, if you are in the 'need' of a real friend....i can understand how peolpe find that hard. I do too. Of course i know there are all kinds of things to do that make the chance of finding a friend bigger...but you still DO gotta go out and do it, it sounds easier than done. Because you gotta go out and figure out what you are going to try out and you should also not force yourself too much...and most of all...you should always enjoy it and have fun doing it.

It's like a friend of my mom's friend said...'young man, you can try all you want. But don't go out to clubs for only one reason...being that; to find a nice lady that might become your girlfriend, it just doesn't work like that. Of course there are exceptions, but most of the time it's not like that" . And i really believe he's right about that. It's basically how lately i am trying to go out more, by myself. I go to a club or a concert (Harlem gospel choir yesterday) and while it's enjoyable...i still do have the most joy and fun when i get back home to my dog and do my usual things again.
 
JenAndMichaelForever said:
hi i fear that i am going to end up alone in my life. i am 21 years old and live with my parents. i am working a low paying retail job because i cant find anything else. i only have 3 friends from childhood but they are off in college now so we dont see each other often anymore.

i dont have a boy friend because i am very shy and dont go out often. i hate going out to clubs and things and i hate meeting new people. i like the company of my old friends and i enjoy being by myself a lot. but i fear that if my parents die i will be left alone and wont be able to cope. my parents are basically my best friends as i do a lot with them and have a great relationship with. i would be so heartbroken without them and i always hurt myself when i think about them not being here. it makes me unhappy.

i dont really know what i want. i love being on my own but i fear that if i dont have others in my life i will end up so alone and afraid in the future. i cant easily go out and meet people because part of me doesnt want to and the other part doesnt know how to. am i abnormal for how i live or want to live? even though i feel lonely in the way i WANT to live...strange i know but it scares me.

does anyone else feel the same way or similar?
Click to expand...

well I'm 24 have disabilities so can't work I feel like a heap of useless junk my parents are horrendous & I have to live with them I have no friends in this area (sadly they all live abroad) and also I come from a broken family too so I have absolutely no one in my life (except for those I chat to online) I feel my life is going nowhere fast & i'm so lonely & hurt inside I've had a horrendous life & have been lonely for most of it

I did fall in love with a guy but he turned out to be gay :( it broke my heart severely!! I'm still in so much pain now!!!

I fear i'll never have friends or be loved, I fear most people think I'm a freak 'cause i've not had a "normal life" and I'm always trying to "recapture" my childhood

part of me would like to make friends in my area but i have little money there's hardly anywhere decent for me to go to around here & I as i have mentioned i have disabilities & to top it off i'm painfully shy & nervous around new people I never know what to say & i'm always expecting them to reject me & call me names & such like

so yeah I kinda get how you feel!

if you wanna pm me feel free too (in fact anyone can) if they want someone like me to chat to!
 
Staffordshire Bullterrier said:
Really? That's stupid as hell, i really don't get why people do that.
In what kind of way do they judge you, if you don't mind...could you explain alittle bit?

I wish i had advice to give back to people here, but the thing is..i am dealing with the same problem as well. And this is not meant to sound mean at all..but in a way i am relieved i'm not the only one without friends closeby. It's a relief to know that the problem is not all because of me for some reason...others have it too. It really sucks that my real friends live so far away...if they didn't...i am pretty sure we'd be hanging out much much more.

I am also pretty sure when you have true friends, you don't worry one second to find a new friend or even care, you don't need it. You are fine that way.However, if you are in the 'need' of a real friend....i can understand how peolpe find that hard. I do too. Of course i know there are all kinds of things to do that make the chance of finding a friend bigger...but you still DO gotta go out and do it, it sounds easier than done. Because you gotta go out and figure out what you are going to try out and you should also not force yourself too much...and most of all...you should always enjoy it and have fun doing it.

It's like a friend of my mom's friend said...'young man, you can try all you want. But don't go out to clubs for only one reason...being that; to find a nice lady that might become your girlfriend, it just doesn't work like that. Of course there are exceptions, but most of the time it's not like that" . And i really believe he's right about that. It's basically how lately i am trying to go out more, by myself. I go to a club or a concert (Harlem gospel choir yesterday) and while it's enjoyable...i still do have the most joy and fun when i get back home to my dog and do my usual things again.
Click to expand...


Well, ever since I was in school at the age of 5, kids used to pick on me because I was always too nice and quiet. Some kids used to call me "gay". Back then, I didn't know what that was. When I found out what it was, it bothered me because why would someone say that to me? As I got older, people used to say that I act feminine because I'm real nice and I am soft-spoken. People wondered if I was gay because of that. I don't think there is anything wrong with being gay, but it bothered me that people judged me before getting to know me. They just say those things to hurt me and to make me feel out of place. As far as the feminine thing, I don't see that in myself. I just act how I feel as a normal and kind human being would act. All that taunting started making me doubt myself as a person who was not worthy of anything. My self-confidence went down tremendously. I'm working on getting my confidence back up every day. It's not easy. I still struggle today.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bee
elusive moonwalker said:
worry when u get to 30 like me and feel like that! your stil la baby. dont worry to much
Click to expand...

I totally can relate to you. I am 30 as well. I have been an old maid for a long time now. Most of my friends are married or have children. My sister and I, who are both single,
sometimes ask ourselves, what is wrong with us? I can't believe that soon i'll be middle aged and will not have accomplished anything I set out to do in my life.

I'm sorry this is depressing me too much. I cannot afford to be depressed until later when I get home from work. I hate getting this way at work and crying and having to make up some excuse like I don't feel well to hide what I really feel.

But I hope it gets better for everyone. I guess you always have more time as long as you are alive. I guess.
 
Last edited:
Latinodude007 said:
Well, ever since I was in school at the age of 5, kids used to pick on me because I was always too nice and quiet. Some kids used to call me "gay". Back then, I didn't know what that was. When I found out what it was, it bothered me because why would someone say that to me? As I got older, people used to say that I act feminine because I'm real nice and I am soft-spoken. People wondered if I was gay because of that. I don't think there is anything wrong with being gay, but it bothered me that people judged me before getting to know me. They just say those things to hurt me and to make me feel out of place. As far as the feminine thing, I don't see that in myself. I just act how I feel as a normal and kind human being would act. All that taunting started making me doubt myself as a person who was not worthy of anything. My self-confidence went down tremendously. I'm working on getting my confidence back up every day. It's not easy. I still struggle today.
Click to expand...

Its a shame you were bullied, I wish there were more people in the world like you :better:
 
Wow I can relate to that perfectly.
I live on my own, I'm 25 years old, don't have a job right now, have no friends, spend a lot of my time with my parents I see my mom as my best friend.
I had a relationship with a guy for 6 years (and lived together for almost 6 years) but I'm glad that's all behind me.
I feel lonely most of the time and I'd like to have just one or 2 close friends to share things with.
Since I registered at this forum I met some very nice people and maybe I will be friends with them in the future I don't know.

Like MJStarlight said I just take it day by day.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top