I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in the MJ fandom and it makes me sad. (read first post)

[DarylJoel_B]

Hello, I am DJ. I am 17 years old. I have been an MJ fan for 7 to 8 years.

The MJ fandom is my favorite fandom ever. Being here was the first place where I felt like I had a voice. For years, my Michael obsession made me stick out like a sore thumb in the general public. Especially in 2019, I felt like I had no one to talk to about Michael. I felt extremely lonely and isolated. I thought I might've been crazy. And the only friend from school that I did tell about it, I always got the vibe that she thought the same. We stopped being friends later down the road for unrelated reasons. But that's beside the point. The point is, besides her, I literally told no one that I loved Michael. I kept it hidden out of fear and embarrassment. Until the middle of 2019. I made a fan account on Instagram. I had it until 2022, due to reasons I won't get into. There have been bad people I came across, but there was also an overwhelmingly large amount of good people, who loved my ideas, my art (which I now post on MJJC Media), my strange humor. The stories I wrote. Even non fans followed my account and loved my content! For the first time in my life, I felt truly understood. I didn't feel crazy or weird. And I knew I held in my hands the ability to give a humanized look at Michael once and for all outside of the fandom. My non fan friends always told me how when they heard Michael, they thought of me. How much they learned about Michael because of me, how much they enjoyed listening to MJ songs they never heard before because of me. Before I knew it, the days of feeling embarrassed about my love for Michael were long gone. I've totally embraced Michael as a part of me. Now everyone knows how much I love him. I still get negative comments from time to time about it, but Michael always helps me overcome it.

But now... things don't feel the same anymore. It all feels like a distant memory now. And instead of sticking out like a sore thumb in public, I now feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in the same place where I first felt accepted. I don't feel like I belong anymore. Like I'm not a "real" fan. But how can this be? I love Michael. I know so much about him. And I know he's innocent. I love him more than anyone else in this whole world. But I feel like the way I express my love for him sometimes just isn't enough. I have aspirations to do so much more. For example, since I was 14, I've had an idea in my head for a TV show made about Michael. I called it "MJ and Pals." I still think about it to this day. It was a goal to make a portrayal of Michael that was as funny and satirical as it was accurate. I wrote down a few scripts and have already developed the entire premise entirely in my head. But at the same time, I'm overly cautious and skeptical on whether it will even be enjoyed by fans. I've had people tell me within the fandom that Michael would be ashamed of me and that I'm not a "real fan" because how dare I make a joke about him.

I admit, my jokes can sometimes be very unconventional But the point is, making jokes about Michael is how I express my love for him! We all have different ways of showing our love for Michael. And to add to that, a quote from one of my favorite real-life shows ever (The Golden Girls), "You always tease the ones you love." However... Some fans can sometimes be too overprotective of him to the point where making even the smallest, lighthearted joke about Michael will make them pull out the pitchforks. Me and my old friend used to call these kinds of people "the sensitives." Every time someone got unreasonably angry at my dumb jokes, we would say, "Ugh, not the sensitives again!" Thankfully, I haven't had that experience here on MJJC as of writing this, but even to this day, I feel such a block in expressing myself sometimes. It makes me believe what people used to tell me, that I'm not a real fan, that I'm not worthy of being one. And it hurts. Even though many people loved my jokes and still do, I sometimes feel very isolated nonetheless.

I know this was a long read. But I want to know your thoughts? What do you believe constitutes a "real" fan?

 

[PurpleThriller]

What do you believe constitutes a "real" fan?

Writing a post like yours.
On a serious note,do not let people discourage you...especially not the ones who lack a sense of humour.

 

[Maxym]

I know this was a long read. But I want to know your thoughts? What do you believe constitutes a "real" fan?

A stand, a fan blade, a motor and possibly a power cord.
(That was a joke, don't bite, and I can explain further...)

I can relate to some of this... Things I was much older than 17 when I understood them... But whatever you post on the Internet, especially in front of a wide audience, there will always be people who will understand it a different way for whatever reason, who will disagree with good or bad intentions...
Jokes, when written, are even more inclined to lead to misunderstandings... (Can you tell some of these jokes? Just curious and may help understand...)
The thing to learn is what you can or cannot expect from this form of written communication (or whatever form of communication you will be using), and then, don't let some people hurt you because of disagreements and poor reactions, but at the same time, listen to what they say, there may always be some useful criticism...

Then, the part I don't relate to is I that just never define myself as a fan of anyone (hence my poor introduction joke), in a sense of not letting people who I don't actually know (like MJ or else) be some kind of compass in my life... Maybe I was a "fan" when I was a teenager... At some point I drifted away. Something weird happened a few years ago... I "rediscovered" Michael through all the contents I had missed on YouTube (including interviews)... And I was kind of surprised by all the parallels I could draw between Michael's life and mine, including some of the darkest sides (like undergoing family violence)... big difference was: in MJ's life everything was a million times bigger than in mine (including any artistic success)... So, while I possibly was a "fan" when I was younger... I would never have thought of meeting MJ... because I had no idea what I could have said to him and I would have felt stupid... now, I see him as someone I can relate to to a good extent (with many differences yet)... So yeah, now that he's dead, I would like to be friends with him... I actually listen to many other, completely unrelated artists without that kind of things happening, even some that I believe who be assholes in real life, simply because they have some talent (typically voice and/or writing for me) ... And I always admired MJ for his voice and for the positive image he almost always showed... But I would never express such a strong devotion as your seem to do to someone who I don't actually know.... Hence, I don't relate to the word "fan", and it doesn't matter who is a fan or not, you define yourself as one if you like that.
I drifted a bit away from the topic but that was to point at this: actually, try stuff, make mistakes, learn from them, and learn to let go the negative... If you're not sure about what you're doing, have someone you trust checking before making it public maybe? (I know, not always possible).
Sometimes, it's also good to refrain, and not make things public, and refine them until they're ready... Something Michael did quite often with his projects... as in saying "Speech is silver, silence is golden"...

Also, I very rarely talk about MJ with people, I don't want them to link me to Billie Jean or Smooth Criminal or such when for me MJ goes from Big Boy (1968) to Xscape (2014) (yeah I haven't assimilated Thriller 40 yet...) to Dream Away (2022). And when I meet someone who claims to like MJ, I'm often disappointed because they only know Thriller, Bad and Dangerous or such, and like they heard or I Want You Back and ABC.
I actually avoid talking about music at all, it's often a poor topic because as soon as people have some actual tastes, there are just so many artists that the probability they share one is close to zero, and discovering an artist that some else listens to often require the right mood and much attention so people don't often do that.

 

[zinniabooklover]

Awesome post. I could have written 99.9% of this although perhaps with less brevity (not my strong point, lol) and maybe not so much clarity - I do tend to get a bit tangled up in my thoughts. But I love all of this. So much to think about and reflect on. So many interesting layers and insights. Lots of good advice, as well.

Then, the part I don't relate to is I that just never define myself as a fan of anyone

Same. Can't think of a time when I have ever done that.

(hence my poor introduction joke), in a sense of not letting people who I don't actually know (like MJ or else) be some kind of compass in my life...

This is part of my own 'I'm not a fan' thing, for sure. Not the whole picture but definitely part of it. I'm just genetically programmed to never do this. Since I was a kid, I just don't do this. No matter how passionately I love 'my people' they are still people that I don't know in the truest sense. We could divert into a philosophical discussion about how much you can truly know anyone and how much you can know someone deeply just through their art. But we don't need to do that, lol. Your point is well-made and perfectly clear, imo.

Maybe I was a "fan" when I was a teenager...

I didn't even do it as a teenager. I did have a very brief period where I had a handful of photos on my bedroom wall but I was fairly lethargic about it. Can't say it ever really became a 'thing'. And then my cat destroyed half of them. After that I didn't bother and I didn't miss it.

At some point I drifted away. Something weird happened a few years ago... I "rediscovered" Michael through all the contents I had missed on YouTube (including interviews)...

I've had so many phases with my Michael thing. So much 'off and on'. It's hard to explain bc the devotion and passion is always there but it hasn't always been burning red hot. It's like the tide, ebbing and flowing quite naturally. It's kinda nice. Feels very organic.

And I was kind of surprised by all the parallels I could draw between Michael's life and mine, including some of the darkest sides (like undergoing family violence)...

I'm convinced this is a special part of Michael's appeal to certain people. Not necessarily the biggest part. You'd still have to love his art, obvs. But I'm sure this is an important part of the picture for many, many people who love him.

big difference was: in MJ's life everything was a million times bigger than in mine (including any artistic success)... So, while I possibly was a "fan" when I was younger... I would never have thought of meeting MJ...

Truly would never even have occurred to me to think this.

because I had no idea what I could have said to him and I would have felt stupid..

Exactly. It would be such a bizarre fantasy for me to have. My brain wouldn't know what to do with a thought like that.

. now, I see him as someone I can relate to to a good extent (with many differences yet)... So yeah, now that he's dead, I would like to be friends with him...

This only happened to me in more recent years. Nowadays I can appreciate much more just how fascinating he was and the endless fabulous conversations you could have with him.

I actually listen to many other, completely unrelated artists without that kind of things happening, even some that I believe who be assholes in real life, simply because they have some talent (typically voice and/or writing for me)

Same. It's never been about liking someone's art bc I think they sound like a lovely person. I usually don't know much about them bc I don't have a huge interest in autobiographies / biographies although I do love to read interviews. But only if they are about the work. If the journalist wants to focus on the person's private life I lose interest.

... And I always admired MJ for his voice

The art, yes. His voice and his dancing and general artistry and genius, that's where it begins and ends for me.

and for the positive image he almost always showed..

This has been much more recent for me.

Also, I very rarely talk about MJ with people

I don't talk about my stuff or, especially, my music in RL. I never have. Doing MJJC feels slightly odd. It's like an experiment. Have yet to reach any conclusions about it, lol.

, I don't want them to link me to Billie Jean or Smooth Criminal or such when for me MJ goes from Big Boy (1968) to Xscape (2014) (yeah I haven't assimilated Thriller 40 yet...) to Dream Away (2022).

Hadn't really thought of it in those terms although I can understand your point.

I actually avoid talking about music at all

Same. In RL I don't wanna talk about books or music at all.

it's often a poor topic because as soon as people have some actual tastes, there are just so many artists that the probability they share one is close to zero, and discovering an artist that some else listens to often require the right mood and much attention so people don't often do that.

Exactly. It's not that it can't work, just that it so often doesn't. I'm naturally inclined not to talk about this stuff but, when I do, it's mostly just frustrating.

 

[DangerousGal91]

Chris Tucker was one of Michael's best friends. He's also a comedian, of course, and in my opinion he's very funny. He has also made jokes about Michael, and I find those very funny too! The thing with his jokes about Michael is that he never trash-talks him, instead he often recalls funny anecdotes. And they have me rolling on the floor!! Especially that Rick Ross one. Now I wish I got to witness Michael doing the Rick Ross grunt.

Michael himself was also quite the jokester. He loved pulling pranks and making funny faces. And he was actually perfectly fine with parodies, as long as they weren't slanderous. To give an example, he seemed to have no issue with comedic imitations where someone grabs their crotch and goes "hee-hee!", he even laughed at several! But then you have pedo "jokes" and the like, and... Well, given the fact that he was haunted with that crap even after acquittal, heck even in death, that stuff absolutely will never be funny to me. Things that have legitimately ruined someone's life are simply not funny.

There's a big difference between light-hearted, surface-level jokes about his dancing, singing and/or funny anecdotes, and outright slandering and/or accusatory nonsense. Heck, I don't really watch his stuff, but isn't Michael Trapson one big affectionate parody too? And he loves Michael to bits. Truth be told, had Michael still been alive, I think he would've been a fan.

I do agree that some people have a tendency to see every joke as an attack on Michael, even when it's light-hearted and nothing slanderous. I don't think like that, personally... It's all about intent. I understand they're protective, so am I, but stuff like light-hearted imitations and parodies... Those are not offensive to me, and they weren't to Michael either.

 

[staywild23]

From reading this thread, I think it's clear the word "fan" means different things to different people. So trying to fit the mold of what some other person thinks being a fan should be, and therefore how YOU should be, is an impossible task. To me, a fan can be anyone from a casual listener who just enjoys the hell out of his music and that's it, to someone who devotes time and energy to making content about him, and loves him on a deeper level. It's a word that means many different things and ultimately is a word some people don't even identify with at all, as you see above. I don't think those people have less of an appreciation and respect for Michael than people who call themselves his biggest fan. It's really all semantics anyway. We attach ourselves to that word simply as shorthand for saying "I appreciate this person." Whatever else people add to the meaning of the word, that's up to them.

The bottom line is that no one can tell you how to enjoy Michael. Personally, I love Michael with a devotion that genuinely shocks me. I thought I was intense about Bob Dylan for years. He was the first artist I cared to learn personal details about, who I loved with a depth beyond the music, and who I was endlessly fascinated by. I thought that was the most intense it could get. But then I discovered Michael and it's on a whole other level. For me, it doesn't make sense. Often I think I am MORE than a fan, because I feel such a deep resonance with him. I've described myself as a fan of many artists in a more casual way, but the feelings I have about Bob Dylan and especially Michael Jackson are so far beyond that it feels crazy to use the same word.

So for me? "Fan" feels casual and I don't feel casual about Michael. However, I describe myself as a fan because it's the easiest and most available word and, frankly, I don't care that much lol. I know how I feel and that's all I really care about.

One thing I would try to focus on is that the fandom/fan community is NOT Michael and in a lot of ways is only marginally about him. It's mostly about the fans, their personalities, their hangs ups, their individual passions, and their projections. It's ultimately a group of people connected by ONE common interest. Ideally you will meet like-minded people, but Michael especially has fans of all ages, nationalities, genders, sexualities, religions, ideologies, etc. you are NOT going to get along with all of them. They are also not all going to get you, like you, or appreciate you, and you, them. I've taken breaks from the fan community a few times because even though there are a number of truly wonderful humans, just like any other group, there are a number of heinous ones as well (a strong word but I stand by it lol).

My point is if you are here for the fan community, that is understandable. Everyone needs community. BUT know who you are within that and find your people within that. Mutually having an interest in Michael is not enough to be friends. I have found the deepest connections with people in this community who love and value Michael in a similar way and for similar reasons that I do. This leads to amazing conversations and relatability well beyond just him. If I tried to connect with everyone in this community I would be absolutely miserable. I have no doubt there are a number of people on MJJC who don't like or get how I am about Michael, and therefore may not really like me. But I don't interact with those people lol. So my point is that if you want to be a part of the fan community and that's important to you, find your niche. Not in terms of age, gender, whatever, but in terms of how and why you love him.

Finally, your relationship to Michael, his music, his personhood -- that is just yours. It doesn't involve anyone else. You don't have to justify or explain it. It is just yours. You don't owe a certain kind of devotion to anyone, or a certain approach to your individual experience as a fan. Like I said, the word "fan" to me is practically meaningless. To others, it's too much. With such variation in how people interpret the words, you can hardly hope to please everyone, so ideally that shouldn't be an expectation! Let yourself be who you are. Filter out the bullshit criticism and sit with only the feedback that might help you grow.

 

[Maxym]

@staywild23 : I also get the casual sense of the word "fan"... I see two reasons why I don't like to use it though: mainly because it leads external people to put you in a restricted category that they don't necessarily understand... And the clichés that go with it. Secondly, I feel like it creates some kind of implicit hierarchy among artists one is fan of or just listens to, and I just don't like that. In a sense, I saw people who are so admirative of a given artists that they think that they all talents about everything in the world and seem quite ignorant (or even repulsive) of any other artists... (not only in MJ's community, but this can be strong here). (But I still use the word "fan" between quotes when writing here as it is an easy shortcut.)

 

[Maxym]

Heck, I don't really watch his stuff, but isn't Michael Trapson...

Yeah, while reading your first two paragraph, not haven't read the third one yet, I was thinking I'd like to see something like "MJ reacts to MT".
(We already know he's approved by at least some of the family members, like Brandi Jackson, not sure who else he knows.)

 

[Michaelounet]

Frankly, I love quirky humor. I am like you ! I already imagined him as a serial killer when I was 10 so I'm no one to judge x)

But I would still like to say that your story strangely reminds me of that of a French youtuber that I followed. She was doing gory, horrifying stuff about MJ and the whole fandom harassed her, insulted her. I really despise those people and Michael too I guess. Honestly, go for it! The art on MJ is gorgeous, horrifying, beautiful or not

 

[DarylJoel_B]

Frankly, I love quirky humor. I am like you ! I already imagined him as a serial killer when I was 10 so I'm no one to judge x)

But I would still like to say that your story strangely reminds me of that of a French youtuber that I followed. She was doing gory, horrifying stuff about MJ and the whole fandom harassed her, insulted her. I really despise those people and Michael too I guess. Honestly, go for it! The art on MJ is gorgeous, horrifying, beautiful or not

omggg i feel like i know exactly who you're talking about, but then again i'm not entirely sure so i won't say any names. but yes. also i noticed your location says "in michael's cellar in neverland" lkafjdkfhskjf

 

[Michaelounet]

omggg i feel like i know exactly who you're talking about, but then again i'm not entirely sure so i won't say any names. but yes. also i noticed your location says "in michael's cellar in neverland" lkafjdkfhskjf

Do you know she's French? In any case, the harassment she suffered from some extremist fans is just intolerable! They should rather defend Michael from all these assholes who insult him and treat him like a nobody.
Yesii, I love this type of dark humor x) Not too dark either but let's say that I dreamed at one time of living in his cellar xDD