"Michael Forever" and everyone, I know exactly the pain you're feeling. Please keep talking to us. I'll give the suicide hotline link here, and be sure and visit the Support Forum because that is where people go now to receive the most concentrated support and help. As far as the hotline is concerned, at least you'd be talking to a real voice on the phone, and it would be someone who could offer resources close to where you are?
http://www.mjjcommunity.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1980087#post1980087
One thing you can be sure of is that this is a community where we KNOW the pain you are going through. This loss is still very recent and raw, and the suffering is intense. I KNOW. Others outside the community might not understand that it feels as though we have lost a cherished family member. That's why it's important to keep talking to us here. There might come a time when some of you would want to seek professional counseling. The counselor may or may not understand the degree of your sorrow, but might be able to offer medications to blank out the pain for just long enough to be able to refocus, just a little?
One thing I'm sure of is that Michael would not want any lives lost because of him, and would not want people to suffer too much because of him. Individual pain may be so terrible to bear, but grief DOES get easier. I have lost both my parents, and I know that eventually the pain recedes and joy can be found again. First in small things, but it will grow. It's just going to take some time. So please don't make any irrevocable decisions at the height of grief! That will only spread the suffering around to family and friends. And maybe even to Michael? No one knows for SURE what happens after death, but I, personally, have the strong sense that his soul/spirit is aware of the love being beamed toward him, and the grief that so many people feel. Maybe he didn't realize how MUCH he was loved? And maybe he does, now? I hope so. He would want people to LIVE, and carry on his legacy.
As many in this thread have said, to make meaning out of this terrible loss, we can "use his gifts to find our own gifts and do our own important things." It's important to remember what he LIVED for, and perhaps to make meaning out of tragedy we can emulate his character, fulfill our talents, and make a difference in the world?
Right now, the pain of the loss feels like a severe illness. It literally feels like being SICK, at heart.
I have to believe that the pain WILL lift as we refocus our lives on the positive, and on the love that Michael shared with us. We need to keep his dream alive, and that task really does fall on US.
So get through today, and then get through tomorrow, and then go on.
Also please remember that Michael did not CHOOSE to end his life. This was no suicide, but some sort of terrible accident.
Please everyone, keep on taking care of each other. . . . . . .
all my love,
Victoria
