then i see fans outside UCLA and the hollywood walk of fame (i think), dancing and singing and i really did not, and still don't understand how they could do that so soon after he died.
I couldn't comprehend that either, unless they were just the fans in the looser sense... like the ones who 'like that Thriller song' or something. I think the rest of us were too devastated to get off the floor, let alone dance
Here we didn't get the news until late at night. I had virtually no sleep the night before because of a super early doctor's appointment. I tried to take a nap when I got home, but couldn't sleep. Stayed up all day the 25th in a horrible tired daze, researching DVD recorders (so that I could finally begin the work of getting my years of MJ videotapes digitized... a project I'd planned for this summer). The whole afternoon into evening I read online while listening to
nothing but Michael on my headphones. I just let every album, J5, Jacksons, everything just play on random, over and over, all day long.
At 21:21 (I know, because I looked at the clock) I had just heard Smile (God, the irony) and got up to make us dinner. Little did I know that the
911 call had just been made at that very moment. We then ate while watching some show about the history of airports on BBC. I jumped online for an ebay auction at 22:30 and won my DVD recorder. I felt quite happy about this, not having seen a news site or the forum, totally clueless. At some point near midnight (2:30-3pm Los Angeles time) we were getting ready to head to bed and my husband wanted to check his email one last time. He re-opened the browser and Drudge Report loaded with this headline: "Michael Jackson Dies".
He: What?!!! What is this???!!!
Me: (thinking something's wrong with the computer)... What?
He: No! No, it can't be! Let me check something..... oh God...
Me: (thinking of
Michael then, my heart beating wildly with fear)
What?
He: It's Michael. His heart stopped.
I'll never forget those words. I began shaking immediately and flipped to CNN. At that point it wasn't confirmed. I just collapsed back onto the couch, my hand over my heart, GOD NOOOO, NOOOO, please don't take Michael, please don't take Michael. Then they said reports that he'd died, reports about a "coma", which gave a hint of hope and I was begging in my mind, "Michael, hold on, oh Michael, wake up, please don't leave, hang on..." But then Wolf Blitzer said the words and that terrible headline appeared on the screen.... confirmed. I screamed, "Turn it off!!!!!!!" I couldn't take it. Just couldn't hear those words, see those words. Noooooooo. My worst nightmare since I was a child. God, no. I cried, just wailed. It's the worst day of my life. We both cried and sat in the total silent dark for like 3 hours, rocking back and forth, crying, dying, before we got up the guts to turn the TV back on in time to see the helicopter and Jermaine's statement. Not Michael. :no:
For 3 days I barely slept a wink, couldn't eat, had to hold ice packs on my eyes just to get them open, had chest pains that made me think I was about to die myself. If God had wanted to take me right then he'd have gotten no argument, I must say. I was too devastated to care. This year was my "25th fan anniversary"... we had 7th row to the O2... it all just... collapsed into oblivion. Like my heart.
Jesus. I'm sorry for continuing this depressing thread. Come here, you guys.... :angel::better::angel: