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How has Michael dying changed your life?, and how does he fit into your life now?

How My life changed?...My God so much...Till today it is still so hard to believe this really happened...
I know it's more than 2 years now...but for some reason that i don't know,it's all so surreal.
Michael Did so much for me...He saved me when i tried to put an end to my life.He made me dream again,he gave me the strengh and support i couldn't find,he allowed me to meet people that understand me,because they feel just like me...he made me find true love...To me he was/is,a true Angel,that would always be here for me.(He still is,and sometimes that makes it so painfull...but at the same time,it feels so good and peacefull to feel him...this is all so confusing to me).

I always felt so close and related to him...Mainly because of his problems with his father...i so much felt his pain.I always had the same kind of problems with my father.Only big difference would be the fact that my dad never hurt me phisically speaking.But psicologically speaking,i was/will always be i guess,very much abused.

When June 25th happened,i froze.I rememeber doing what i had to do in a automatic away.I kept having the words "Michael Jackson died" on and on in my head,and all i could say or think was that it was a very bad joke.
People were asking me how i was,and i kept saying fine,because to me all was so surreal!Then i become aware that some fans were killing themselfs,and i felt i had to do something.I felt that if i ignored my pain,it would go away.
Truth is...pain was never gone.

In my country,its not easy to be a MJ fan.So the idea of asking for help never came to mind.Sometimes i thought asking for that help here,because it takes an MJ fan to understand another,but again i never did,because i don't have the right to worry anyone,and who am i to ask for attention?who knows if there's not many more fans here in way more need than i am?
So i live my life day-by-day.No projects,no dreams or goals...Just want to do what i have to do,because when i busy,i don't think that much.
Pain comes in waves for me.But i miss Michael so much!I keep my feelings for myself a lot.I only cried 2 times,and part of me thinks that i need to open up and cry like crazy if i want.But i think i only be able to do so,when and if i can go to Forest Lawn,because then i will have to see the reality of things.
It's so weird...mentaly i know he is gone...yet i feel him so alive in me...sometimes i have to remember myself he died...

My MJ items are very precious to me.I have them all over in my room.And his music...well...sometimes i can't listen at all.Others i have to listen,and it feels like me and him are together again.It feels so good...i can see him singing...i rememeber how it feels being at his concert....now i don't go to concerts anymore,and music is dead to me.It died with Michael.

How am dealing?i would say that the only thing alive in me,it's my body.My heart,my soul,my dreams,my hopes,everything was stolen for me when that MURDER killed me by killing my love...Michael Jackson.
 
qbee said:
I understand Ashtanga :hug: I find it very hard to express myself, what is different, how I feel inside. Its just so painful is all I know to say. I guess I just keep doing what ive always done before when it concerns Michael and the fans but with a lot less joy :cry:
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:cry:



Hey >
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Michael's passing has changed my life completely.
I should confess that my intense interest in all things MJ started for the most part after his death.
I grew up with J-5, The Jacksons and then solo Michael. I loved all their music esp MJs Off The Wall. By the time Thriller came out, though I liked it, I had kinda moved on and was more into Prince ...(please don't hate me...) I always liked anything Michael put out but I was more a casual fan. As years went by I drifted further away only thinking of him when I saw some news story. I never believed all the accusations and charges and I defended him in conversations with haters but mostly I was busy and he rarely crossed my mind. Then came June 25th.
I was working and away from any radio or tv. A student texted me the news but I disregarded it imediately, thinking this kid is just trying to get me to answer back. It never even occurred to me that it might be true. There is NO WAY Michael Jackson could be dead! It was incomprehensible.
As shocking as his death was my reaction was also suprising. I couldn't stop thinking about it, about him. I found myself first at the library reading every book they had. Then onto Amazon and I bought books dvds cds as much as I could save up for. I had and still have this insatiable quest for knowledge about this man. After seeing TII I was really floored. I was sobbing and thinking how did I not know how truly amazing Michael Jackson was? I felt so sad that I didn't realize the full extent of his gifts till after he was gone.
My life has really changed. The fact that I am here slowly tapping this post is a testament to the power and magic that is Michael. I am completely computer illiterate I don't own one and never used one till my Michael obsession forced me into the 21st century...I now have a smart phone. Besides the whole internet thing my life has changed because I am inspired by Michael to try to do better,make a difference and be more positive I know it sounds so corny and cliche but the more I learn the more inspired I feel. He has made me want to be a better human.
The way he fits in my life now is just that he is with me every day. I seriously don't go a day without thinking of him which in turn makes me think more about how I'm living my life. I have at times questioned my sanity cause I have never experienced anything like this before. What kind of power does that man possess that I am still captivated by him? That I listen to his music everyday and that I get on youtube and mjjc every chance I get just to get my Michael fix!
I don't totally understand it but I feel like my Michael thing is a very powerful and positive force in my life now so I will continue to carry him with me everyday and try to spread the peace love and joy he has given me.
Wow sorry this went on and on but damn it felt good to tell someone!
 
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WOW at the heartfelt things I'm reading here... :blush:
I do wish I could HELP you and HUG you MJsBollywoodgirl :better:

My 'strength' now is only 'skindeep' though... as 'selfish' as it must sound... I NEED that Michael 'energy' just to get through the day.... I NEED that hour of Michael's music every morning... its like you 'charge' your phone as if you 'deprive' me from it... I'm in soooo much pain, I can't concentrate and above all I'm in a BAD and :evil: mood then...
I've TRIED to live without Michael but I FEEL like I'm 'dying inside' :blink:

Indeed, Michael is like a 'security blanket' ...
Michael right now is my 'driving force' .... The one who makes me 'come alive' in the morning.... The only one who puts me in a HAPPY mood... Comfort me and make me BRAVE to 'venture' out in this ever cruel and dark world...

I'm so BLESSED to have Michael in my life as he makes me SHINE and I'm so glad I had the 'courage' to come back here as I just found my HOME again...
I was LOST and NOW I'm HOME again...

Indeed, it does feel good to 'babble' here...

People say I'm 'strong' but I'm only strong cause of Michael :love:

Then they start by 'bursting' your bubble... I know Michael is NOT here anymore.... He's NOT dead though... He lives in HEAVEN, okay...

I just can't stop loving you, Michael and if I stop.... Then just tell me what I should do???
 
His death didn't change my life. It just saddens me to think he's dead and we'll never be able to see him perform live.
 
It's been more than two and a half years since his death, and until now, I just could not bring myself to listen to his music. I did not know him personally, or ever have the privellege to meet him or see him live, and I wasn't a fan for as long some of you (I was 9 or 10 when I first bought a CD, and I'm 20 now), but he was a very influential figure in my life. The way he genuinley cared for the suffering and the way he helped so many was touching. I wish more people were like him. It was upsetting to see him go to court day in and day out, staying strong, smiling for the fans, even though he must have been terrified. I don't know anyone who deserves to go through that, but Michael really did not deserve to be put through that hell. It clearly took it's toll on his health, and I believe it contributed to his death.

The fact that he was a genuinley good person and had to suffer so much still makes me wonder why when I think of him. As I said before, I didn't know him personally, and I didn't really cry or go into depression when he died, but I felt very empty. I still feel his absence. No one else's music touches me the way his still does, and never will. His songs came straight from his heart, and I often had a clearer head after hearing a few. I used to listen to him at least once a day, but when he died, I just stopped until now.

One song I still find very difficult to listen to is Gone Too Soon. He dedicated it to his friend Ryan White, completely unaware that the song would one day be about him too...

I still think of everything he went through when I have a bad day. It just reminds me that whatever is going on with me, he went through much worse, and still put on a brave face in front of the whole world.
 
I don't really like to talk about his death. Still sad to think or talk about it. I'll go with the short verson, When my friends tld me Michael Jackson had died I couldn't believe it. After I heard about his death I jumped online to check the news etc. His family and kids were on my mind that day, I also thought about his fans (You all) I had to find a forum/board to send my condolence. When I found a board and this board too I was just going to send my condolence and leave. But something told me to stay. I knew it was Michael telling me to be friends with his fans. Also, since being around you and the rest of MJ's fans I never have always said to anyone (Apart from my Family of course) that I love them. Never use to say it. I know why cuz I am wanting to continue on spreading the message for MJ.

Thanks for reading :)

Love and Miss you Michael
 
I've been an admirer...a soldier in his Army of Love...and fan... for 30 years now. I've said repeatedly that Michael and I have had a love affair for that long, but he never knew anything about it.

I loved him madly in the 80s all because of Thriller and...he was always in my life in various ways musically (the cliched 'soundtrack of my life' I guess) and quite honestly, he wasn't as important to me while I was graduating college and getting married and having children. But...I still bought his music, watched his videos, and I would tell people that I was so in love with him when I was a teenager.

But, hearing of his death on June 25, 2009...at first, I thought it was some crazy joke. Surely, he couldn't have died, not Michael Jackson, he's just terribly ill, he'll be alright. But...it took my Mom calling me at work (something she never does) for my mouth to drop open in complete shock. 'Have you heard that Michael has died?' she asked. My mom knew all too well how infatuated I was with him back in the 80s, all the music, posters, memorabilia in my childhood room...watching the Thriller video and Bad tour performances with me that I taped on VHS...she had to tell me about this. Mothers just know.

Now...2 1/2 years later...I think of him constantly and frequently share my memories and thoughts on several MJ forums, YouTube, FB...it's like his death brought everything back why I loved him so in the first place. It is my hope to one day publish a serious and objective biography about his life. That is what I think of more than anything when I read and remember and learn all about him all over again through sharing with his worldwide fans. That he deserves a beautifully written, true account of his life. He was, is, and will remain a treasure. I want to document for everyone just how incredibly beautiful he was, as a musical genius and human being.
 
I think I can define my mental situation after June 25, 2009 with the definition of standby.
My life still stuck in that day, in the heart and mind there is total darkness.
I am incredulous.
Michael has saved my life when I wished that it would end.
I feel that God has sent that day to me when Michael MJ whispered to me. "Go home, I'll be there 'for you always .."
I believe that God sent MJ 'cause he knew that he alone could keep me here again.
His childhood, a violent father Michael, a mother violent to me ..
I felt the pain of never healed MJ and felt that he could hear my sofferenza.Quando MJ talking with Bashir (A big Davil) imitates with his voice that frightful hiss that has terrorized Institute for the rest of his life, I felt that throughout the world, no one could understand me like Him
Michael was my refuge, my hope, my sense of peace, he has accompanied 23 years of my life, my life that still stuck in the starting blocks by June 25, 2009.

Here where I live, always been hard to love Michael, he was and is always been the victim of prejudice, people only hear what 'the media is saying.
My world then was that just me and MJ, nothing else.

I really thought he would stay here forever, like a sort of dream, an illusion, HE WAS MY wonderful fairy tale ..
I guess it's like when you have everything you need with you and you deceive yourself that dream in your heart that will never end.

When Michael was taken away from us in this way, my world is collapsed.


I love you Michael, yesterday, now and forever my light.




I love you Michael, yesterday, now and forever my light.
 
Well... How has Michael going to heaven changed me?
It has made me STRONGER and I have now 'acquired' the "DO NOT MESS WITH ME" attitude especially concerning Doctors :beee: When they spot my MJ 'buttons' they are ever so nice and helpful... I wonder why?

How does Michael fit in my life now?
I still wear my MJ buttons with pride... They give me wings ;) and his music can really calm my soul and make me feel save...

Just needed to tell you here :blush:
 
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