How do you get through those rough days?

[Daryll748]

Now i need to get lost in my MIchael-world every day. I listen to him driving to and from work, i need to visit mjjc every day, i need to watch MJ videos. I've found out, that doing that keeps the hard and heavy days away. I love this thread :wub:

I :wub: it too cause this is however part of how we 'survive' now, 5 years to date! GOOD days start with MJJC radio and spending time here too and then I'm 'ready' for the BIG Bad world :cheeky:

Have you looked at all to see if there are boards for what you've dealt with, often you can find boards when you get together and talk about the struggle which is nice because they are all in different parts of the healing process and you learn from each other and relate..

Gee, thanks for reminding this! I exactly have :blush: I did find a Pysch Consult 'on line' who's been so kind to me but I haven't talked to her in about a month or so cause I'm doing GOOD now so... :blush:

Whatever you experienced Daz, I am very sorry. But I am happy to hear you say that you didn't allow it to break you. It takes a strong person to overcome abuse, of any kind, and the fact that you say it helped you become more resilient and independent, I applaud you for that! It's not an easy thing to do :huggy:

Thanks :blush: I know, people keep telling me I have a STRONG will though I sometimes feel like 'melting' chocolate inside :smilerolleyes:

There I go again, I was 'cast out' too at a previous job which I lost some odd 12 years ago cause my colleagues envied me so much that I 'connected' to the kids in a way they couldn't reach 'em. You're seen as a treath then, not an asset which was a bleeped up thing but I never let them get me down. When I left there eventually after 5 tough years, parents would meet me in the street and say they've pulled their kids away cause they didn't like that I was 'sacked' there :blush:
Anyway, NEVER let anyone get you down and indeed always FOCUS on the job and let them 'envy' you :beee:

Now, was this easy to do? No, but it had to be done otherwise that dark cloud was going to continue to hang over my head and control my life. I didn't want that for myself, and I know Michael would not have wanted that. He would want you to be happy. He would want you remember and celebrate all the good things about him. Remember, the "bad stuff", it was all lies. Why focus on that? Why give your power away like that? Michael's spirit lives on inside each and every single one of us who appreciated him, respected him, understood him and loved him. The best f*ck you that you can give to those who spent 16 years tearing him down is to allow his legacy to live on. Celebrate him. Celebrate Michael's life. Don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. He did so much for this world and he touched and changed so many lives. Celebrate that!

:agree: Wonderful written here... That's HOW I 'healed' exactly!

I 'forced' myself to forgive and to work through the whole progress. It was indeed tough but I'm glad I did it cause the NEW me emerged now.

So, I hope MJS Bollywoodgirl that ONE fine day, you can get rid of this dark cloud :beee:and see the 'silver lining' again.

I did have awful nightmares even in 2008 cause I had 'premonitions' of what would happen to Michael but life is unfair. It's a roller coaster ride with hills and valleys. You just gotta learn how to ride it, that's all!

 

[Spyce]

I :wub: it too cause this is however part of how we 'survive' now, 5 years to date! GOOD days start with MJJC radio and spending time here too and then I'm 'ready' for the BIG Bad world :cheeky:

There I go again, I was 'cast out' too at a previous job which I lost some odd 12 years ago cause my colleagues envied me so much that I 'connected' to the kids in a way they couldn't reach 'em. You're seen as a treath then, not an asset which was a bleeped up thing but I never let them get me down. When I left there eventually after 5 tough years, parents would meet me in the street and say they've pulled their kids away cause they didn't like that I was 'sacked' there :blush:
Anyway, NEVER let anyone get you down and indeed always FOCUS on the job and let them 'envy' you :beee:


:agree: Wonderful written here... That's HOW I 'healed' exactly!

I 'forced' myself to forgive and to work through the whole progress. It was indeed tough but I'm glad I did it cause the NEW me emerged now.

So, I hope MJS Bollywoodgirl that ONE fine day, you can get rid of this dark cloud :beee:and see the 'silver lining' again.

I did have awful nightmares even in 2008 cause I had 'premonitions' of what would happen to Michael but life is unfair. It's a roller coaster ride with hills and valleys. You just gotta learn how to ride it, that's all!

I am going through the same thing with my job now. My supervisor is just... I truly believe she is a terrible person from the inside out, and I don't generally speak or even think of people in that way, so that's really saying something. When I started there in Sept 2012, we had a meeting with one of the guys who oversees all of the dorm students and he said something that really stuck with me: "Our students come not just from all over the state, New England and even the country. They come from all over the world to attend school here. Many of them have problems at home and have been sent away simply so their parents don't have to deal with them, and many of these students suffer severely from homesickness. It is both my job and yours, to bend over backwards for these kids and do whatever you have to do to make them happy and to make them feel special. Make them feel like a million dollars." His words really hit home for me, and I took him very seriously. After that meeting, I took an interest in the students. I would ask their names, where they are from, if they play sports, what they want to go to college for... and they loved it. It made them feel like somebody in this world cares about them Nobody had ever done anything like that before and I started it.

The students loved me and I began to form a bond with some of them, and my supervisor hated that. She would mock me behind my back, then blame it on others and say "Oh but I was sticking up for you". Sure, she has more cooking experience than I do, but my relationship with the students is a threat to her and she hates it. She hates they would rather see me and talk to me, than to her. I left during the summer of 2013 and started working as a domestic violence counselor (I actually ran the homeless shelter). When that job didn't work out, I went back the the Academy and I was shocked at how many people (students and teachers) remembered me and said they missed me and were happy I was back. I didn't realize I meant that much to them and to be honest, I didn't think they really even noticed me that much :dntknw: It makes me feel so good that they do feel that way, and I think that just makes me even more of a threat.

Anyway, my point is, I'm not letting her get me down. I did at one point, but not anymore. I know I'm better than she is and it's funny.. now that we have a new boss, she's going to end up hanging herself. It's already started to happen. So I just sit back and watch and laugh. Haha- karma, b*tch!


----------------

And thank you for your kind words regarding my last post. Everything you said put a huge smile on my face, especially the comment you sent along with my reputation. I respect the things you have to say, and to hear you say what you did, you literally made my day. Thank you

That whole post is essentially my "story", the one I've been talking about wanting to share. It was easy to write because every bit of it is true, and what I believe to the core of my soul, but hard to share because it is something that is very personal, and I never allow myself to be so vulnerable. Anyway, I just hope that the things I have said, and the things everyone else has said, helps MJsBollywoodGirl. I really do want her to feel that same sense of peace and happiness. She can feel this, too, she just has to allow herself permission to feel it

@MJsBollywoodGirl- If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a private message. You can even look for me on Facebook. I have the link my signature. If you do add me on Facebook, just make sure you let me know who you are. Otherwise I might not add you. I'm very selective about the people I befriend.

:heart: :heart: :heart:

 

[Spyce]

Oh, and I just wanted to share something that was a big step for me...

Ever since I started out on this journey last month, I have been scared to talk to anybody about it- like my mom, my sister and my best friend. Anyway, I had a conversation with my friend about it the other day and she was much more supportive and understanding that I thought she would be, so that made me feel good (and I told her everything,I held nothing back).

Then I was driving around with my mom this afternoon and "The Way You Make Me Feel" came on the radio, so I left it on that station. A few seconds later, she asked it. The question I have been dreading for weeks: "So, what's with your current obsession with Michael Jackson?" I tried to brush it off and initially I just said, "It's nothing really. I just really like his music." But she sees what I do and say on Facebook, so I knew that kind of answer wasn't going to fly, and I just spilled it. Not entirely, I did keep some stuff back- like how his music and his stories touched me to the point of tears- but I did tell her that basically I'd done some research and his story really touched me. Anyway, we ended up talking about him for a few minutes and she surprised me with some of the things she said. She was much nicer about him than I was thinking she would be. She did say she thought he was weird, and I just shook my head at her... but she had some very nice things to say about him, so that made me smile

Anyhow, I know she doesn't fully agree with me, but the fact that she didn't make me feel bad or guilty just sent me over the moon, because it's what I was expecting. I feel like a huge weight has just been listed from my shoulders

All in all, I have to say, today has been a great day

 

[Daryll748]

You're welcome, Spyce :blush:

Making someone's day makes me happy too! :agree:

Sometimes, the worst enemy is hidden inside our own mind...
I always say 'You got a NO and if you dare to open up and ask stuff... You're able to get a YES so why hold back on that? '

To boldly "answer" the question of what this topic is all about :cheeky:

Schedule is what gets me through every day now. I get up at a fixed hour ( yeash, at 7 AM) and my whole day is neatly 'planned' so I won't have time to let the monsters roam free in my mind :smilerolleyes:.

Another neat thing is 'rewards' or what I call 'the evaluation project' :cheeky:
One of my 'pet peeves' is 'planning'! Every project has a name and a 'colour code' so every time I do one,
I mark it on a chart. It's a wonderful 'booster' at the end of the day when you see what you all achieved!

This one I'm doing now is called "MJJC" :wub: and has the colour code GOLD.

Nature and a brisk walk is also wonderful to drown the 'sadness' in your day! ;D
Oh and shopping but TOO BAD, that's NOT good for your bank account :swoon:

Have a nice day you all :dancin:

Daz.

 

[Mechi]

Sometimes when I do have a bad day or only moment... I make myself think what Michael or my fiance or my mom *sigh* wow some wonderful ppl had to leave already... well I make myself think what they would say when they see me fighting... fighting with myself... and then suddenly I find myself smiling. It's my heart telling... it's the love which still is so alive inside me for these wonderful ppl which is still so warm and well so alive... honestly even in my darkest hours when I make it to focus on that... it's the love which makes me smile!

Sometimes in these moments it makes me think that Michael must have known these moments and that's where 'You're not alone' came from.

See when I was still in the actual suffering process after losing my fiance and Michael (which was only 4 days apart from eachother)... I think I was in panic when I would allow myself to feel the actual pain of these tremendous losses... I felt it would drive my crazy... I literally felt I wouldn't survive that if I would tell about the pain and that way make myself feel it as real and as cruel as the loss of the love of your life can make you feel... it was like I had to lock it up inside cuz if it would come out it would undoubtfully kill me somehow or at least make me lose my mind. So I locked it up inside and literally didn't allow myself to feel anything. It felt I was running around like a living but also dead person what like a devils circle made me more scared and less able to talk or only think about it... cruel... it was like I was scared to live but also scared to die... yes I was very close to go crazy... or maybe I was crazy...
I needed months of therapy before I gained trust in myself back to confront myself with the pain and finally allowed it to come up, started to talk about it, started to also suffer the full darkness when you mourn the loss of a loved one... and it was the hardest, darkest and most difficult time in my life... however the pain didn't kill me, to notice that was a good thing to learn, to realize... and going through it made me find that love back. It was like the healing spirit to feel the love again. So yeah I've survived and I'm still here... I honestly do not feel stronger no really not a bit... I still feel the loss... but I feel proud I've survived and I am myself again. Michael, my fiance, my Mom would only want to see me happy again. I feel very blessed cuz all the love is still here with me.

 

[Spyce]

Mechi, I am so sorry for your losses :better:

Losing a loved one is never easy, and losing 2 (3 counting Michael) within a short period of time... I can't even imagine how hard that was on you. You say you don't feel stronger, but you are. You made it through and you are here today to share your story. Of course you will continue to feel the loss. It never goes away and it never gets any easier. Those who say "time heals all wounds" have no idea what they are talking about. Time heals nothing. It's what you do with that time that makes a difference. Generally what happens is people just find new ways to cope with their loss.

I think 2009 was just an all-around crappy year. At least for me it was. First Michael passed, then my grandmother passed away in September, just one week after her 77th birthday- I never even got to say "goodbye" or "I love you" to her one last time. We knew her health was poor (only about 10% of her heart was working, and she was an alcoholic), but we never expected her to pass so suddenly. Then in November, due to my depression and some financial troubles, I was forced to leave college for good. I also had a boyfriend who I had to ditch just a day or two after my grandmother's passing because he was just not supportive. He never even bothered to call or ask how I was doing. Pr*ck :lol:

Anyhow, like you, I thought I was going to go crazy. I was angry and depressed for months... years even. But I survived it. Now I look back on the good times, and I smile. It's all I can do. There's no use dwelling on the past because I can't change it.

Sometimes, the worst enemy is hidden inside our own mind...
I always say 'You got a NO and if you dare to open up and ask stuff... You're able to get a YES so why hold back on that? '

To boldly "answer" the question of what this topic is all about :cheeky:

Schedule is what gets me through every day now. I get up at a fixed hour ( yeash, at 7 AM) and my whole day is neatly 'planned' so I won't have time to let the monsters roam free in my mind :smilerolleyes:.

Another neat thing is 'rewards' or what I call 'the evaluation project' :cheeky:
One of my 'pet peeves' is 'planning'! Every project has a name and a 'colour code' so every time I do one,
I mark it on a chart. It's a wonderful 'booster' at the end of the day when you see what you all achieved!

This one I'm doing now is called "MJJC" :wub: and has the colour code GOLD.

Nature and a brisk walk is also wonderful to drown the 'sadness' in your day! ;D
Oh and shopping but TOO BAD, that's NOT good for your bank account :swoon:

Have a nice day you all :dancin:

Daz.

That's always been an issue for me in the past. I get "burned" when I open up and allow myself to be vulnerable. I guess I'm a bit naive in that sense. Ever since I was a little kid to even now as an adult, when I allow myself to open up to others, they take what they know about me and use it against me. Unfortunately and as a result, I just stopped socializing. I found I was much happier alone than miserable with company. Thankfully though, I have a new outlook now. I still have trouble opening up and trusting, and probably will for quite some time. We're talking 30 years of damage I need to work through, but I am working through it and so far in this last month, I've had nothing but positive results

I'm happy you've been able to find something that works for you. Schedules, routines, lists... they're all very helpful because they can keep you focused on one thing at a time and, like you said, help to keep your mind from wandering to places it shouldn't or you don't want it to go. Everybody is different though and in the end, it's all about finding what works for you

 

[Mechi]

Thank you Spyce!

Well I can imagine where 'time heals everything' comes from and my experience is that it does get easier.
There is other positive ppl and things which does fill my life now and the ppl are so wonderful too. Honestly I might would have never found those without going through the losses.
It is just simply hard to learn not everything is in our hands there's things simply out of our controll. Bad things happen to ppl all the time. And to learn that the very hard way didn't make me stronger. First of all because I was already pretty strong before and when you learn that life can change completely and not really for the better cuz it pretty much felt my fundament was ripped apart under my feet without that I had any influence... it didn't make me stronger now that I got up on my feet again with a new fundament standing on... it made me if anything more respectful and more humble and more thankful for the good things... somehow... but also it did change me a way... it made me more realistic and less dreamy about the future... don't know if those are the right words... I'm just not endlessly understanding anymore and I'm also not endlessly helpfull anymore.
I'm still willing to help everybody and everything always of cuz if there's what I call a true willing for change... that's what I focus on... I'm not willing to help anymore where ppl seem to expect me or or expect others or life or even God to make changes for them cuz that adds up to the frusteration in me about the things in life which one simply can't change.
Before I was a bit careless with myself, my own energy as if I could help and change life for everyone for the better. I learned that energy is not endless, I learned I'm only human and vulnerable and only to live a loving life doesn't make me a superhero who can't be hurt or defeated... to focus better on myself and leave other ppls lives to them made me find back on my feet.
I now do focus more on things sensefull in my life and for me somehow and I've learned to be less stubborn and give up after several efforts on others complaining about theirs... maybe one can call it also less naive. There are things in life we can't change. However I learned not to give up on myself and my health and my life which I am still sharing yes but not as careless as before.

I am pretty aware that those losses did take something away from me but that is not really for the better or the less good... it is a change... and it is just the way it is and I feel it simply is life. Nothing is neverending not even life itself is... well but love. And yes I'll always feel the losses but it gets less painfull over time. I've learned to accept changes in life which are simply not in my hands. I honestly do feel very thankful I was able to share my life with those. Many ppl never had such a chance and never will. But there is still the love. Love is always changing, it doesn't stay the same from day one. Everyone who was in a relationship for several years knows that. Love changes all the time it somehow has billion forms and faces and colors... neverending. Love truely is neverending.

All I can say is that one needs at times to focus on oneself and work... work hard... to find a way and find back to positive ppl and things. Life is worth it. There is happiness out there... lots of. I wish it to everyone and hope many here will find back to it cuz I feel in my heart that's what Michael would want to give everybody here! But that's the point, that's not possible... ppl have to find it for themselves.

 

[Spyce]

Thank you Spyce!

Well I can imagine where 'time heals everything' comes from and my experience is that it does get easier.
There is other positive ppl and things which does fill my life now and the ppl are so wonderful too. Honestly I might would have never found those without going through the losses.
It is just simply hard to learn not everything is in our hands there's things simply out of our controll. Bad things happen to ppl all the time. And to learn that the very hard way didn't make me stronger. First of all because I was already pretty strong before and when you learn that life can change completely and not really for the better cuz it pretty much felt my fundament was ripped apart under my feet without that I had any influence... it didn't make me stronger now that I got up on my feet again with a new fundament standing on... it made me if anything more respectful and more humble and more thankful for the good things... somehow... but also it did change me a way... it made me more realistic and less dreamy about the future... don't know if those are the right words... I'm just not endlessly understanding anymore and I'm also not endlessly helpfull anymore.
I'm still willing to help everybody and everything always of cuz if there's what I call a true willing for change... that's what I focus on... I'm not willing to help anymore where ppl seem to expect me or or expect others or life or even God to make changes for them cuz that adds up to the frusteration in me about the things in life which one simply can't change.
Before I was a bit careless with myself, my own energy as if I could help and change life for everyone for the better. I learned that energy is not endless, I learned I'm only human and vulnerable and only to live a loving life doesn't make me a superhero who can't be hurt or defeated... to focus better on myself and leave other ppls lives to them made me find back on my feet.
I now do focus more on things sensefull in my life and for me somehow and I've learned to be less stubborn and give up after several efforts on others complaining about theirs... maybe one can call it also less naive. There are things in life we can't change. However I learned not to give up on myself and my health and my life which I am still sharing yes but not as careless as before.

I am pretty aware that those losses did take something away from me but that is not really for the better or the less good... it is a change... and it is just the way it is and I feel it simply is life. Nothing is neverending not even life itself is... well but love. And yes I'll always feel the losses but it gets less painfull over time. I've learned to accept changes in life which are simply not in my hands. I honestly do feel very thankful I was able to share my life with those. Many ppl never had such a chance and never will. But there is still the love. Love is always changing, it doesn't stay the same from day one. Everyone who was in a relationship for several years knows that. Love changes all the time it somehow has billion forms and faces and colors... neverending. Love truely is neverending.

All I can say is that one needs at times to focus on oneself and work... work hard... to find a way and find back to positive ppl and things. Life is worth it. There is happiness out there... lots of. I wish it to everyone and hope many here will find back to it cuz I feel in my heart that's what Michael would want to give everybody here! But that's the point, that's not possible... ppl have to find it for themselves.

Absolutely. It's my belief that there are necessary evils in life. There are things we must experience, as much as we might not want to, that are necessary to helping us grow. You keep saying you're not stronger- and I realize I've never met or spoken with you, but when you say that your experiences have made you more respectful, more humble and more thankful, I think that is strength. Not everybody has such abilities. It's far easier to be greedy and ungrateful and bolster yourself, that's why- I think, at least here in the States anyway- people have such an issue with entitlement (which is another story altogether, haha). Anyway, what I'm saying is, it takes courage and strength of character to put your ego aside and have respect, be humble and be grateful

 

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

So, I hope MJS Bollywoodgirl that ONE fine day, you can get rid of this dark cloud :beee:and see the 'silver lining' again.

I really hope that too. But I don't think that is going to happen any time soon for me. Especially last night my mother had to go and remind me about this new MJ album that is coming out in May. And I told her I really could care less about it. After that I went back in to this room I am in now. It is called the computer room. But I like to call it my cave or my 2nd MJ shrine. But without the MJ posters up on the walls. I keep most of my MJ items in this room. Any way I just shut the door. I sat back down at my desk top computer and just really cry. Over how much I hated this feeling over a new MJ album. I was even angry over the fact that there another new MJ album coming out. When back when we still had him. I used to get so extremely happy and excited over the news of a new MJ album coming out. And I just couldn't wait to get it. Never did I thought I would ever see a day come. Where I feel this way over a new MJ album. And I can't even begin to tell you just how horrible it is to feel this way. I will eventually get that new album. But there is just no way I will be listening to it. In fact I have both the Michael album and the Immortal album still wrapped in the plastic wrap that they came in. And I had gotten both of those albums around the time that they first came out. If I can't bring myself to listen to those albums. How can I bring myself to listen to this new one? It is all thanks to one evil nameless monster who made me feel this way now.

 

[Spyce]

Okay- the therapist in me is coming out :lol:

MJs- Do you enjoy feeling the way you do? Are you happy? If you're not happy, do you want to change how you feel? Do you want to be happy again?

 

[Albion]

Just watched Oprah talking to Lisa Marie and I broke down and cried. Just want everyone who posts on this thread to know that you all give me so much strength. So proud of my MJ family. Thank you for being there. L.O.V.E.to all

 

[Albion]

I really hope that too. But I don't think that is going to happen any time soon for me. Especially last night my mother had to go and remind me about this new MJ album that is coming out in May. And I told her I really could care less about it. After that I went back in to this room I am in now. It is called the computer room. But I like to call it my cave or my 2nd MJ shrine. But without the MJ posters up on the walls. I keep most of my MJ items in this room. Any way I just shut the door. I sat back down at my desk top computer and just really cry. Over how much I hated this feeling over a new MJ album. I was even angry over the fact that there another new MJ album coming out. When back when we still had him. I used to get so extremely happy and excited over the news of a new MJ album coming out. And I just couldn't wait to get it. Never did I thought I would ever see a day come. Where I feel this way over a new MJ album. And I can't even begin to tell you just how horrible it is to feel this way. I will eventually get that new album. But there is just no way I will be listening to it. In fact I have both the Michael album and the Immortal album still wrapped in the plastic wrap that they came in. And I had gotten both of those albums around the time that they first came out. If I can't bring myself to listen to those albums. How can I bring myself to listen to this new one? It is all thanks to one evil nameless monster who made me feel this way now.

Grief is the price we pay for love. You feel it more because you loved him more. In time it will pass but that won't make you feel any better now. All I can say is keep posting and believe that some of us really care. You are in my prayers x

 

[Daryll748]

Just watched Oprah talking to Lisa Marie and I broke down and cried. Just want everyone who posts on this thread to know that you all give me so much strength. So proud of my MJ family. Thank you for being there. L.O.V.E.to all

You're welcome and all we have is each other now :blush:

Take care Albion :angel:

Indeed MJsBollywood :ciao: take care :better:

I just shrug off the dark cloud that comes over me now when I think about the NEW album and I spend more time gardening, shopping, spending time with family, getting lost in my stories.

I also go out into the BIG BAD world more often just strolling through town or to the park to get my mind from eating itself 'alive' :blink:

I thought a NEW album would make it okay but it doesn't... NOTHING will ever make it okay again... That's indeed the 'price' we pay for loving someone so dearly and so deeply :sigh:

I would never change it though... Michael is still blessing... it's just how other peeps treat him hey? :doh:

Take care you all :wub:

 

[Spyce]

Just want everyone who posts on this thread to know that you all give me so much strength. So proud of my MJ family. Thank you for being there. L.O.V.E.to all

GROUP HUG! :group:

You're welcome and all we have is each other now :blush:

Take care Albion :angel:

Indeed MJsBollywood :ciao: take care :better:

I just shrug off the dark cloud that comes over me now when I think about the NEW album and I spend more time gardening, shopping, spending time with family, getting lost in my stories.

I also go out into the BIG BAD world more often just strolling through town or to the park to get my mind from eating itself 'alive' :blink:

I thought a NEW album would make it okay but it doesn't... NOTHING will ever make it okay again... That's indeed the 'price' we pay for loving someone so dearly and so deeply :sigh:

I would never change it though... Michael is still blessing... it's just how other peeps treat him hey? :doh:

Take care you all :wub:

You said it! The best thing you can do to keep a positive attitude is to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! :lol: Especially if it's a nice, sunny day, the fresh air and especially the sun, does wonders for your mood. Sunlight boosts serotonin (the "mood" chemical) and dopamine (the "feel good" or "pleasure" chemical) and also creates vitamin D which helps to improve brain function (memory, cognition, etc). Sitting in a dark, confined room just wears you down, makes you sleepy, makes you think negative thoughts, decreases your energy levels... I could go on forever. And you don't need to be outside for long periods of time- even just a 5 or 10 minute walk can do wonders

As for the album, you're right on that, too. (Like you needed me to tell you? :lol. Nothing will ever be the same again. It just won't be. But I do think that what we do have is the next best thing. And for me, I love that this album has been getting such rave reviews. It's nice to see and hear the media saying good things about him for once. Yes, there are still skeptics out there- but screw them. Who cares what they think, really.

All in all, yes. All the pain, all the anger, all the hurt, all the sadness, all the emptiness... as much of a b*tch as it is to deal with and work through... it is a good thing. Because it comes from a place of love. If we didn't love him, we wouldn't feel the way we do

 

[wendijane]

GROUP HUG! :group:






All in all, yes. All the pain, all the anger, all the hurt, all the sadness, all the emptiness... as much of a b*tch as it is to deal with and work through... it is a good thing. Because it comes from a place of love. If we didn't love him, we wouldn't feel the way we do

This is so true :flowers:

 

[Daryll748]

GROUP HUG! :group:
You said it! The best thing you can do to keep a positive attitude is to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! :lol: Especially if it's a nice, sunny day, the fresh air and especially the sun, does wonders for your mood. Sunlight boosts serotonin (the "mood" chemical) and dopamine (the "feel good" or "pleasure" chemical) and also creates vitamin D which helps to improve brain function (memory, cognition, etc). Sitting in a dark, confined room just wears you down, makes you sleepy, makes you think negative thoughts, decreases your energy levels... I could go on forever. And you don't need to be outside for long periods of time- even just a 5 or 10 minute walk can do wonders

Indeed, I couldn't have explained it better :clap:
I'm eager now to stroll into town or nature :blush:

The BAD thing is my Sites and Books are 'suffering' now
So, NOW I kind of 'wish' for a 'cooler' day so I can catch up on them too

Then again, after my brisk walk, it's gonna be "Butt in chair, Missy" ;D

 

[Spyce]

Trying so hard to keep a positive mood this morning, but it's just... it's not happening. Why did I have to read that poorly written, poorly researched article? Ugh. This is all I have to say to all the haters out there:

Sorry, I know I put this on Facebook already, but I'm just so angry I had to vent twice :lol:

 

[Pimboli]

yesterday i visited a local church. I just sat there in the quiet, empty church and poured out my heart to God h34r:
He got quite a few :black_eye: for taking MJ from us. But it helped. A lot.
Im approaching the "bad days". 2009 was a killer year for me May 18th 2009 my beloved aunt lost her battle with lung cancer, and about one month later, Michael was taken from us A few months later, another close family friend died, and on Christmas Eve (well, dec 24th - that's christmas eve here in Denmark) my grandma died I was hit with loss after loss. I feel the familiar sadness starting to creep over me. Im so glad that i've found that "visiting the church and scolding God a bit" way of dealing with everything.
Im sure he dont mind :lol:

 

[Spyce]

I'm sorry for all you had to go through Pimboli :huggy:

 

[Spyce]

yesterday i visited a local church. I just sat there in the quiet, empty church and poured out my heart to God h34r:
He got quite a few :black_eye: for taking MJ from us. But it helped. A lot.
Im approaching the "bad days". 2009 was a killer year for me May 18th 2009 my beloved aunt lost her battle with lung cancer, and about one month later, Michael was taken from us A few months later, another close family friend died, and on Christmas Eve (well, dec 24th - that's christmas eve here in Denmark) my grandma died I was hit with loss after loss. I feel the familiar sadness starting to creep over me. Im so glad that i've found that "visiting the church and scolding God a bit" way of dealing with everything.
Im sure he dont mind :lol:

I wanted to say more earlier, but I was at work and it's hard to type out longer responses on my tablet.

Anyway, I'm sorry that 2009 was such a bad year for you Pimboli, but it's great that you've found that going to church is helpful to you. It's an outlet and we all need those from time to time. I write a lot, which most people don't know because I don't talk about it much, and the stuff I do write is really personal so I don't share it. I tend to write a lot of no-send letters when I'm angry with a particular person, for example. I will just go off and say what's on my mind without holding back. It's therapeutic for me. Is there anything else you do that helps you get through your "bad days"?

Anyway, back to 2009, you're not alone in that it was a bad year. It was for me, too. My own "bad days" tend to come right at the end of August- the 31st and Sept 1st. That's the anniversary of the worst day of my life. I've worked through it, but it still affects me and I get very sensitive and emotional on those days every year. That actually happened in 2005, but in 2009, my grandmother also passed away, on September 9th. We all knew she wasn't going to be around much longer, but we had no idea she was going to leave so soon. And so unexpectedly. She was only 77 So yeah, every year, that whole week/week and-a-half, is pretty rough on me.

Then something less drastic, but still pretty bad happened- I had to drop out of college in November (2009) because I just could not afford to go anymore. The only reason I could afford to go in the first place is because my grandmother co-signed all my loans, and since she passed away... no co-signer means no money which means no school. I never got my degree, and I will never be able to go back. I can apply for scholarships, but I cannot depend on them as there is no guarantee I'll get them. I even called my school last year to see what my options were and they said the only way for me to go back is to take out a private loan for $20,000/year. That's just tuition. That doesn't include the cost of books and other materials. There is no way in hell that is ever going to happen. I don't have credit good enough to get me a loan for that much. So at this point, my only hope is to win the lottery :lol: I still get upset from time to time- I hate that I'm stuck in these low-wage, dead-end jobs, but oh well, such is life I suppose -_-

 

[Pimboli]

Im sorry to hear that Spyce Not only did you loose your grandma, you also lost your future (job wise i mean). When i hear about the American educational system, i tend to get so fond of the danish income tax rate :lol: We pay, i believe, the highest tax income rate in the world. I pay 42%. It's a lot, but on the other hand, im used to it, you know. The perks of paying that much is that education, surgery, doctor's visits, hospitalization, work at the hospital (such as x-rays and stuff) are free. Well, "free". They're pre-paid. We all contribute through taxes, so we dont have to fork over a lot of money when we get sick, in an accident, or have to study.

Im a nurse. I work in a psychiatric hospital. I was working night shift the past 2 nights, and will have to again tonight and tomorrow night A patient died while in my care last night. I've always taken pride in caring for our patients, but after we lost Michael, it has become the HIGHEST priority to be there with the dying patient. I only leave their side when i absolutely have to. I've had so many nightmares of him laying there, all alone, dying Yes, i know he was drugged beyond belief and didnt notice anything. But....still He.had.to.die.alone. No one was there to hold his hand. No one was there with any good intentions for Michael. He didnt get the privilege to die with his children and other loved-ones around him. He didnt get the chance of the last good-bye. He was given NO grace in death. I've taken that as a cruel example of what nurse NOT to be.

 

[Spyce]

Oh no- I am so sorry about your patient Does it ever upset you when that happens? Do you ever feel like you are somehow responsible?

For me, the line of work was different- I worked at a domestic violence program almost all of last year and it was very tough. Women would come in looking for help, then you'd hear that they're back with their abuser and although I understand why some women make this choice (for others, it's not a choice; being away from their abuser was literally a life or death situation), I would always feel like I was somehow responsible- maybe I said the wrong thing, or maybe I wasn't helpful enough. I even had a woman who I had been working with during my last two months there, and one night when I was on call, I had to go with her to the hospital/emergency room because she was drunk out of her mind and threatening suicide. I stayed with her all night and my boss got upset with me for doing so. She said I should have just left the woman there, but I couldn't, in good conscience, do that. I would feel, knowing the state she was in mentally, being her only support person, the only person who cared for her, that if anything happened to her after I left, it would be my fault. I would be responsible.

Sorry went off there a little bit, but it just brings me back around... do you ever take such hardships personally or is it really more just "the nature of the job"? If you don't take it personally, how do you do it? How do you keep your job and your emotions separate from each other?

And I agree with you about Michael. What happened with him that day is just... there are no words, you know? I'm glad, though, that you have been able to take such a tragic turn of events and turn it into something positive. Your philosophy on refusing to leave your patients' side is beautiful and inspiring. You care, and it shows

 

[Mechi]

Pimboli I think you've found good words for what Paris probably is going through... it's not only her much beloved Dad was taken away from her... it's so incredible cruel what was done to him and also his children and everybody who loved Michael... it's incredible painfull and it can't be take back ever... also let's be honest it doesn't help this narcistic fool is running around free again... I have moments it makes me wanna puke honestly.

Spyce I hope with all my heart you'll win the lottery... but well... are you playing? *giggle* you know I'd say if I'd ever win the lottery I'll pay for your studies but then again I don't take part in any lottery game! lol
Well seriously... I hate when that happens. Education should be available for everyone... it's pretty ok in Germany here... I think in Denmark it's organized through the social system even better... but it's ridiculous if you can't finish because you can't pay for it. Ppl with good education are needed all over the world!

 

[Pimboli]

Oh no- I am so sorry about your patient Does it ever upset you when that happens? Do you ever feel like you are somehow responsible?

this particular patient died of a physical illness. It was not suicide, or otherwise self inflicted. Does it bother me? Hmmm no. I guess that death is an inevitable part of the job i do. Not that you get used to people dying, - but in a sense you DO kinda get used to it.... if that makes sense? :lol:

A few weeks ago, my hubby ordered 3 MJ books for me, and they arrived today :wub: He knows that the months to come are hard on me, and he wanted to do something for me in an effort to cheer me up. :wub:

 

[Spyce]

Spyce I hope with all my heart you'll win the lottery... but well... are you playing? *giggle* you know I'd say if I'd ever win the lottery I'll pay for your studies but then again I don't take part in any lottery game! lol
Well seriously... I hate when that happens. Education should be available for everyone... it's pretty ok in Germany here... I think in Denmark it's organized through the social system even better... but it's ridiculous if you can't finish because you can't pay for it. Ppl with good education are needed all over the world!

Thanks, me too! :lol: No, I don't play. I'll splurge on scratch tickets once in a while, and if the jackpot is big enough (anything less than $500,000,000 just isn't worth it :lol, I'll buy a ticket for that. But still, that's maybe once or twice a year. I won't allow myself to play more than that because I don't want it to become an addiction.

this particular patient died of a physical illness. It was not suicide, or otherwise self inflicted. Does it bother me? Hmmm no. I guess that death is an inevitable part of the job i do. Not that you get used to people dying, - but in a sense you DO kinda get used to it.... if that makes sense? :lol:

A few weeks ago, my hubby ordered 3 MJ books for me, and they arrived today :wub: He knows that the months to come are hard on me, and he wanted to do something for me in an effort to cheer me up. :wub:

That's make total sense- my boss kept saying that to me, "You just get used to it," but I'm Ms. Fix-It... gotta fix all the world's problems, ya know? So that "you get used to it" mentality just never set in. I always took it personally and took on the responsibility, never keeping personal and professional feelings/emotion separate. If that makes any sense at all, haha.

That was awesome of your husband to get you those books Nobody can mend a wounded heart like Michael