How do I get out of this black hole of grief?!

[ForeverKOP]

Any advice on getting past the mourning?

I'm beginning to think I have a problem. Since New Years for some reason, I went into HEAVY, HEAVY depression mode. I had felt nothing like this in the past 6 months, it's as if a storm just came and hit me in the face real hard. I felt this emptiness and just couldn't stop crying. I think the video of the fans taking the Christmas tree to forest lawn helped trigger this out pour of grief, as well as other things I read and heard. I have no idea why this is happening to me, and it’s beginning to bother me a lot. I'm trying to stay away from Michael related things right now, but it's not working. ='(. I don't understand why I can't let go. People keep telling me, you never knew the guy, why are you still crying over him 6 months later. I HAVE NO IDEA why he's constantly on my mind. When I woke up on New Years Eve, I felt this unbearable pain of emptiness. Just pure emptiness. June 25th ruined my life, I wish it never happened. I'm honestly finding it really tough to get over. From August to October, and some of November, it was all excitement because of This Is It, but now when everything is quieting down, I'm back to square one. While watching the Jackson Family reality show, I couldn't help noticing how content they were in episodes 2 & 3, as if nothing had happened and they were moving on with their lives already. It's a heartless question to ask....but were they even mourning?

It’s like I'm stuck in a black hole of grief. I wasn't even an MJ fan before June 25th and yet this has hit me so hard!!

I know a lot of people are over the actual “death” and have moved on to enjoy MJ the musician and the human. TBH, I hadn’t mourned AT ALL since June 25th for some reason, I could watch and listen to MJ without being sad. The memorial moved me a little bit, a few tears here and there, but nothing to the extent of what I’m feeling now. My question is, is this even normal?! Emotions hitting you SO HARD 6 months later??

Are there others feeling as helpless as me? Any advice?

 

[L.T.D]

Im suprised it has hit you so hard if you werent even a fan before his death!

Watch more of his videos, listen to more of his songs. Read his Moonwalk biography, even if you have read it before.

I feel doing things like this make it feel as though he is still here. Especially reading Moonwalk, you get so unvolved in the book and in his life that you kind of forget about everything else!

Try not to think of it as him being gone. Hes not really, he lives on through his music, which is how he intended it.

 

[Dutchie]

Im suprised it has hit you so hard if you werent even a fan before his death!

Same. :mello:

It can help to start a new project for yourself. Something to focus on that makes you happy. Are you creative? Start working on a painting, a drawing, a melody, anything. Can you cook? Develop a new recipe. Anything that keeps you busy, helps. For me, I am finally moving out and my new flat is keeping me occupied most the time :yes:

 

[ForeverKOP]

I think school is more than enough to keep me busy (highschool), but it's winter break right now so maybe I will get back to normal when it starts again. But my question is, has this happened to anyone before? Like emotions hitting you extremely hard waaaay AFTER they were supposed to? Like I said, I didn't mourn at all the days/weeks/months after his death, but 6 months later I am...?

 

[suzynyc]

Well, it took a few days after Michael's passing for the reality of it to hit me. Maybe even up to a week. I felt sadness at the time but the real depression set in a little later. I just realized the enormity of what we (my country, the world, his kids and family) have lost. So I just got really depressed and angry and then denial set it and these emotions just kept going in circles. I was not a "super fan" prior to his death. I didn't follow him everywhere or go to concerts or collect memorabilia or join fan clubs or message boards. I just feel like I grew up with him since I've seen him on TV since the J5 years and watched him blossom into this global superstar. It's still a tremendous loss that I am trying to come to terms with. And the circumstances under which he has died (at the hands of another and just before his "comeback" concerts were to kick off) makes it all the more more sad and heartbreaking.

My advice is to just go with it. Let yourself grieve. Look at all the MJ videos available on the internet. Listen to all his music. Come to this board and talk about him with others who feel the same. No matter how sad it is or how much it makes you cry, allow it to happen. I believe allowing yourself to grieve is like a cleansing process that we all must experience. Eventually you will begin to feel better. Everyone is different and heals at different times.

 

[souldreamer7]

Any advice on getting past the mourning?

I'm beginning to think I have a problem. Since New Years for some reason, I went into HEAVY, HEAVY depression mode. I had felt nothing like this in the past 6 months, it's as if a storm just came and hit me in the face real hard. I felt this emptiness and just couldn't stop crying. I think the video of the fans taking the Christmas tree to forest lawn helped trigger this out pour of grief, as well as other things I read and heard. I have no idea why this is happening to me, and it’s beginning to bother me a lot. I'm trying to stay away from Michael related things right now, but it's not working. ='(. I don't understand why I can't let go. People keep telling me, you never knew the guy, why are you still crying over him 6 months later. I HAVE NO IDEA why he's constantly on my mind. When I woke up on New Years Eve, I felt this unbearable pain of emptiness. Just pure emptiness. June 25th ruined my life, I wish it never happened. I'm honestly finding it really tough to get over. From August to October, and some of November, it was all excitement because of This Is It, but now when everything is quieting down, I'm back to square one. While watching the Jackson Family reality show, I couldn't help noticing how content they were in episodes 2 & 3, as if nothing had happened and they were moving on with their lives already. It's a heartless question to ask....but were they even mourning?

It’s like I'm stuck in a black hole of grief. I wasn't even an MJ fan before June 25th and yet this has hit me so hard!!

I know a lot of people are over the actual “death” and have moved on to enjoy MJ the musician and the human. TBH, I hadn’t mourned AT ALL since June 25th for some reason, I could watch and listen to MJ without being sad. The memorial moved me a little bit, a few tears here and there, but nothing to the extent of what I’m feeling now. My question is, is this even normal?! Emotions hitting you SO HARD 6 months later??

Are there others feeling as helpless as me? Any advice?

My advice is just grieve. It is a normal process. It dosen't matter if you were a 'fan' before or after. what matters is that you understood what Michael Jackson was about. To me it seems that you 'got it' or you wouldn't be so heart broken. Sometimes we all grieve in different stages. Myself for example - I grieve what I call 'Late' or 'Backwards' at times. I've lost 3 close family members so I know death. Sometimes it takes awhile for it to hit you...because you are in shock. You may not cry for many months. You think to yourself.. that something is wrong with you because everyone around you has cried very much right away.. and by the time you cry others seem to be moving onto a different stage. It's normal. It's a healthy process - so along as the process keeps moving into stages till it is complete..although the pain dosn't ever go away,but the constant cry and emptiness does. Soon you will heal. It just takes time...go with your own emotions and do things to help you get through it. After awhile and you feel that this has not let up,that's when it is not as healthy and you would need professional assistance,like a counselor to find out the root of the problem. So far it sounds to me that nothing like the latter is wrong. I hope that helps you somewhat. --It Is fine that it has hit you now and not at all... like I said if it dosen't ease up that's when you should talk to someone.

 

[MJMarty]

I haven't hit where I hit in the week after Michael's death because I wont let myself. I exhausted myself then, the whole time all I would do was sit online getting information, making myself more upset, not sleeping or eating. I didn't shower for six days. I didn't leave my house.

I don't like the idea of "celebrating the artist" at all. It's so impersonal. It's so cold. Different times, when I see certain videos and tributes, I do get a bit depressed again. But I think the best thing to do is firmly believe that this isn't the end. Today, a new (and amazing) MJ song leaked, we have tones more bonus features coming on the This Is It BluRay, we got out Opuses, we can expect more unheard music to be released and/or leaked soon, we can expect more documentaries, interviews and video clips to be produced or unearthed, etc...

I like to think of it as Michael leaving us with a treasure of gems that we will get one by one over the next decade or so.

The helplessness you feel, only you can overcome. Watching the lighter videos help with that I think. Most importantly, believe in Michael being strong enough to still be with us wherever he is now...

 

[jfleenor2]

To me, there are some very good suggestions already mentioned. Go with it, let it happen naturally. We all grieve in stages and everyone is different. Keep yourself busy, try to have a positive outlook. One thing I think is really important !!! --- don't allow yourself to become "totally engulfed" in depression, if you start to think irrationally, death, suicide, for yourself -- say to yourself "Whoah!! No way!" Immediately take a walk outside and look at things, focus your attention on objects to get yourself "in the moment", go to the mall, hang with other people. If you can't get out of the "dangerous depression" call your local fire department or police for a hotline to talk to someone. You can't allow yourself to "wallow" in the really low depression, it's just too dangerous. Know what I mean?

There are some people on this forum that, to me, seem to just make things worse for themselves, I'm worried about them!

 

[Yeezy]

First things first is we all deal with things like this differently so nobody else can make the judgement of it being weird or normal for that matter. What you have to do really is just have a few cries over it. Let it all out as much as possible. And with time things become easier and youll start to move on. Just got to remember people deal with it differently and your doing it your way. Time will ease the pain. Every single last member here has been through this pain so your not alone.

And tbh I can't believe you asked did Michael's family mourn his passing. Was Heartless to ask that. There a family that shows the media they are as strong as anythin.

 

[sweetheartMJ]

Xonedon,
you need to find someone that realy helps you find some colours for your life... :girl_pride:ride_flag:

 

[Billie_Jean09]

Im suprised it has hit you so hard if you werent even a fan before his death!

Watch more of his videos, listen to more of his songs. Read his Moonwalk biography, even if you have read it before.

I feel doing things like this make it feel as though he is still here. Especially reading Moonwalk, you get so unvolved in the book and in his life that you kind of forget about everything else!

Try not to think of it as him being gone. Hes not really, he lives on through his music, which is how he intended it.

Sorry but have to say..............''surprised it has hit you so hard if you werent a fan before his death''?
Something unexplainable has happened to so many people since MJ's passing......
We all get asked WHY has his death affected you? You didnt appear to love him that much before.........so why now?...........they ask?
All I can say is I simply dont know............noone can say how each of us as individuals feel......only we know..........MJ's passing has had a huge impact on so many people.........even those who apparantly didnt love him before his passing!:no:
Agree anyone?:doh:
He has had an impact on us.............
xxx

 

[souldreamer7]

Xonedon,
Yes, sometimes the mourning process isn't regular.. but it becomes pathological when it's not done at all or when it takes more than 2 years to end... so.. you are doing it, so it's ok. What is not regular is that suddenly a person's death hits you when before that person had no significance to you... as a specialist and as MJ fan friend, i advice you to seek for a psychologist (it is a very good thing when we care for ourselves and decide to invest in our well being and development as persons)... i think now your grief can be dislocated... and transfered to this situation and MJ thougts that you identify with...there is something in Michael's personality that makes you feel for him... and i think the roots can be more deeper and hidden than you think...please take care of yourself... emptyness is when we have nothing to colour our life with... you need to find someone that realy helps you find some colours for your life... :girl_pride:ride_flag:
"The meaning that fullfils the emptiness of a hole can only be found within the realtionship with others." (Sweet)
Hugs and L.O.V.E.
Sweet

that's not abnormal..because obviously they have significance with him or they wouldn't be upset.

 

[Nivea]

Well hold on now people, why is it surprising the person took his death so hard even though they weren't a fan before june 25th? I have plenty of friends who broke down even though they weren't his fans. It's known by now that his death affected milions of people, not just his fans.
I think we all felt it, whether we were fans or not, that when he died, a little piece of our childhood went with him. Something that had been there for so long but went unappreciated, and now it was too late to do anything about it.... I dunno.. am I making any sense?

Anyway! People grieve in different ways, so I can't tell you how to do it. Just take some time, listen to yourself and do what feels right. I'm sure you'll figure out your own way soon enough.

Just don't hold it back, that never helps

 

[ForeverKOP]

Well, it took a few days after Michael's passing for the reality of it to hit me. Maybe even up to a week. I felt sadness at the time but the real depression set in a little later. I just realized the enormity of what we (my country, the world, his kids and family) have lost. So I just got really depressed and angry and then denial set it and these emotions just kept going in circles. I was not a "super fan" prior to his death. I didn't follow him everywhere or go to concerts or collect memorabilia or join fan clubs or message boards. I just feel like I grew up with him since I've seen him on TV since the J5 years and watched him blossom into this global superstar. It's still a tremendous loss that I am trying to come to terms with. And the circumstances under which he has died (at the hands of another and just before his "comeback" concerts were to kick off) makes it all the more more sad and heartbreaking.

My advice is to just go with it. Let yourself grieve. Look at all the MJ videos available on the internet. Listen to all his music. Come to this board and talk about him with others who feel the same. No matter how sad it is or how much it makes you cry, allow it to happen. I believe allowing yourself to grieve is like a cleansing process that we all must experience. Eventually you will begin to feel better. Everyone is different and heals at different times.

My advice is just grieve. It is a normal process. It dosen't matter if you were a 'fan' before or after. what matters is that you understood what Michael Jackson was about. To me it seems that you 'got it' or you wouldn't be so heart broken. Sometimes we all grieve in different stages. Myself for example - I grieve what I call 'Late' or 'Backwards' at times. I've lost 3 close family members so I know death. Sometimes it takes awhile for it to hit you...because you are in shock. You may not cry for many months. You think to yourself.. that something is wrong with you because everyone around you has cried very much right away.. and by the time you cry others seem to be moving onto a different stage. It's normal. It's a healthy process - so along as the process keeps moving into stages till it is complete..although the pain dosn't ever go away,but the constant cry and emptiness does. Soon you will heal. It just takes time...go with your own emotions and do things to help you get through it. After awhile and you feel that this has not let up,that's when it is not as healthy and you would need professional assistance,like a counselor to find out the root of the problem. So far it sounds to me that nothing like the latter is wrong. I hope that helps you somewhat. --It Is fine that it has hit you now and not at all... like I said if it dosen't ease up that's when you should talk to someone.

To me, there are some very good suggestions already mentioned. Go with it, let it happen naturally. We all grieve in stages and everyone is different. Keep yourself busy, try to have a positive outlook. One thing I think is really important !!! --- don't allow yourself to become "totally engulfed" in depression, if you start to think irrationally, death, suicide, for yourself -- say to yourself "Whoah!! No way!" Immediately take a walk outside and look at things, focus your attention on objects to get yourself "in the moment", go to the mall, hang with other people. If you can't get out of the "dangerous depression" call your local fire department or police for a hotline to talk to someone. You can't allow yourself to "wallow" in the really low depression, it's just too dangerous. Know what I mean?

There are some people on this forum that, to me, seem to just make things worse for themselves, I'm worried about them!

I think that what what was bothering me the most, worrying if I wasn't "normal" anymore or not. I thought letting it all out, crying and actually going through the process would further project me into this dark hole. I thought it would make me feel even worse. But I guess I should let it all out, maybe that's the only way to get through this? Like stated above, the timing of my grief got me worried also. When everyone was going through the "crying" stage, I was perfectly fine...now when everyone is over that stage, I have hit the "crying" process. I guess I'm grieving backwards??

that's not abnormal..because obviously they have significance with him or they wouldn't be upset.

That post also caught me off guard, should I not be mourning for a celebrity I never met or known?

 

[Billie_Jean09]

are you mourning Xodenon?
xxx

 

[Nivea]

I think that what what was bothering me the most, worrying if I wasn't "normal" anymore or not. I thought letting it all out, crying and actually going through the process would further project me into this dark hole. I thought it would make me feel even worse. But I guess I should let it all out, maybe that's the only way to get through this? Like stated above, the timing of my grief got me worried also. When everyone was going through the "crying" stage, I was perfectly fine...now when everyone is over that stage, I have hit the "crying" process. I guess I'm grieving backwards??



That post also caught me off guard, should I not be mourning for a celebrity I never met or known?

No, grief can hit you at various times, some people go months before grieving the death of a loved one. Maybe the impact of it all took a little longer to hit you, nothing abnormal about that at all. Don't worry about this, just let it out.

And why shouldn't you be able to grieve the death of someone you didn't meet? You knew him through his music, I think he had an impact on you without you even knowing it, and maybe that's why this is so hard to deal with now.

 

[Yeezy]

That post also caught me off guard, should I not be mourning for a celebrity I never met or known?

Its Michael. Its different. As a non fan before you should of noticed there is a different connection that MJs fans have with Mike. MJ fans are known for it I think. lol your a fan now.

 

[Billie_Jean09]

Well hold on now people, why is it surprising the person took his death so hard even though they weren't a fan before june 25th? I have plenty of friends who broke down even though they weren't his fans. It's known by now that his death affected milions of people, not just his fans.
I think we all felt it, whether we were fans or not, that when he died a little piece of our childhood went with him. Something that had been there for so long but went unappreciated, and now it was too late to do anything about it.... I dunno.. am I making any sense?

Anyway! People grieve in different ways, so I can't tell you how to do it. Just take some time, listen to yourself and do what feels right. I'm sure you'll figure out your own way soon enough.

Just don't hold it back, that never helps

Absolutely!!:yes:

A piece of our childhood can SO identify with that!

I loved MJ since I was 12 yrs old! that's 1979.............I remember as a child just about to start senior/ secondary school as we call it in the UK.......Off the wall came out................Ben............it was only as an adult that I really appreciated Ben.............
MJ...........he has had an impact on young and old..........new fans and old timers...........
No one can say how we feel......
we are all individuals.......

 

[Billie_Jean09]

Its Michael. Its different. As a non fan before you should of noticed there is a different connection that MJs fans have with Mike. MJ fans are known for it I think. lol your a fan now.

I am curious! ................whats the difference?

Sent and meant with love

xxx

 

[L.T.D]

I said, im suprised it has 'HIT YOU SO HARD' if you werent a fan before his death.

I can understand anyone grieving. Its just that there are people who have been fans for over 40 years who havent been hit as hard as Xodenon apparently has.

 

[Yeezy]

MADONNA... the biggest star out there right now, Michael said it himself, she was jealous of the fans he had.

MJ fans are just on a different level when it comes to love shown and passion. I aint just sayin that coz I am one. Its different I think on other communities compared to others. The fans are loving on here because Michael was sooo loving. Its the connection.

I think. In my previous post I said it more as an absolute written in stone fact lol. I shouldnt have. I believe it is like I say though. Let me know though when there is vigils held all around the world when there idol is stuck in troubled times (2005) and let me know when vigils are held in the bitter cold temperatures through the night when there idol has passed. That right there is love.

I am curious! ................whats the difference?

Sent and meant with love

xxx

 

[Billie_Jean09]

I said, im suprised it has 'HIT YOU SO HARD' if you werent a fan before his death.

I can understand anyone grieving. Its just that there are people who have been fans for over 40 years who havent been hit as hard as Xodenon apparently has.

Well I have been hit hard.

 

[L.T.D]

Well I have been hit hard.

Most of us have.

Do you guys ever sit there and just realise that hes gone? I am amazed that after 6 months I can think about it and be in slight shock. Its so strange.

 

[sweetheartMJ]

What I was saying is:

Xonedon,
...there is something in Michael's personality that makes you feel for him...

and that identification, that "something" is what Xonedon needs to discover and heal to have relief, find that piece. Of course he has meaning...of course he can cry and feel it but other meanings are needed and healthy to fullfil emptiness when we feel down. It's not only about Xonedon, it's about what all of us need to go on on life... many meanings...cause when we only have one meaning and we loose it..life becomes empty and we feel lost. Well i guess it's a generalization... not only about you Xonedon.. about many of us, about people in general.

 

[sweetheartMJ]

that's not abnormal..because obviously they have significance with him or they wouldn't be upset.

,....

 

[*MissChanel*]

Any advice on getting past the mourning?

I'm beginning to think I have a problem. Since New Years for some reason, I went into HEAVY, HEAVY depression mode. I had felt nothing like this in the past 6 months, it's as if a storm just came and hit me in the face real hard. I felt this emptiness and just couldn't stop crying. I think the video of the fans taking the Christmas tree to forest lawn helped trigger this out pour of grief, as well as other things I read and heard. I have no idea why this is happening to me, and it’s beginning to bother me a lot. I'm trying to stay away from Michael related things right now, but it's not working. ='(. I don't understand why I can't let go. People keep telling me, you never knew the guy, why are you still crying over him 6 months later. I HAVE NO IDEA why he's constantly on my mind. When I woke up on New Years Eve, I felt this unbearable pain of emptiness. Just pure emptiness. June 25th ruined my life, I wish it never happened. I'm honestly finding it really tough to get over. From August to October, and some of November, it was all excitement because of This Is It, but now when everything is quieting down, I'm back to square one. While watching the Jackson Family reality show, I couldn't help noticing how content they were in episodes 2 & 3, as if nothing had happened and they were moving on with their lives already. It's a heartless question to ask....but were they even mourning?

It’s like I'm stuck in a black hole of grief. I wasn't even an MJ fan before June 25th and yet this has hit me so hard!!

I know a lot of people are over the actual “death” and have moved on to enjoy MJ the musician and the human. TBH, I hadn’t mourned AT ALL since June 25th for some reason, I could watch and listen to MJ without being sad. The memorial moved me a little bit, a few tears here and there, but nothing to the extent of what I’m feeling now. My question is, is this even normal?! Emotions hitting you SO HARD 6 months later??

Are there others feeling as helpless as me? Any advice?

OMG I'm feeling the EXACT same way literally word by word except I was a fan before June 25th. I was a fan since 2003.

 

[*MissChanel*]

Well hold on now people, why is it surprising the person took his death so hard even though they weren't a fan before june 25th? I have plenty of friends who broke down even though they weren't his fans. It's known by now that his death affected milions of people, not just his fans.
I think we all felt it, whether we were fans or not, that when he died, a little piece of our childhood went with him. Something that had been there for so long but went unappreciated, and now it was too late to do anything about it.... I dunno.. am I making any sense?

Anyway! People grieve in different ways, so I can't tell you how to do it. Just take some time, listen to yourself and do what feels right. I'm sure you'll figure out your own way soon enough.

Just don't hold it back, that never helps

Yes, you make sense hun. My friends who weren't fans were devastated, crying over his death. My male cousin left his work place to cry in the toilet. It hit millions of people, all over the world.

 

[Sophielo]

We all mourn in different ways, we're all different. There is no step by step guide on how to manage it. When Michael passed I was fine for a few days as I just couldn't comprehend it, it took a few days for it to sink in and when it did it did hit me really hard. I worked all the hours I could as I just didn't want to think about Michael, it was too painful. Coming across this place was an absolute god send and it really helped as there are so many people feeling your pain and want to support you. Every member here I am proud to say is my friend. Meet ups are a great way of helping as its amazing when you get there, you feel you have known these people for years and are all united by love for Michael. It does get easier and whilst I will never get over it it is easier to deal with. Befriend people here, PM them, and talk. Don't keep things bottled up, that never works.

 

[StephluvsMJ]

There is no normal/abnormal way to grieve. We all grieve differently. Just make sure you let it all out when you need to... don't let your emotions get bottled up inside. If you need to talk to someone, we're always here for you :huggy:

 

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

It is still very hard for me at times. Yesterday I really tried to have a good birthday. I had turn 30 years old yesterday. But I couldn't because all I did was just cry and thought about Michael constantly. Especially since I have been a fan of his since the early 80s. If someone would have told me over 25 years ago would have told I will be losing Michael in about 25 years. I would have never stayed a fan of his this long. Because I knew the pain of losing him will be intense. But I didn't think it would be this intense. The only 2 things that I had found that takes my mind off of Michael even for a little while. Is playing any of my Sims games. Thank God for those games. And I had sort of gone back to making friendship bracelets. Those are the only 2 things that I can find right now that has taken my mind off of Michael. Well those 2 things and sleep. Unless I have a dream about Michael which would cause me to start thinking about him again. Fortunately for me my constant dreaming of Michael has stopped. I don't dream about him as much as I used to. But I still kind of wish that I did though.