guy trouble. need advice. please help :(

[mjlovergurl003]

I hope its ok to post this here. i looked at a couple other sections of the forum and didnt see anything posted like this so this seems like the best place.

my problem is that i met this guy about year ago at a concert. he was really sweet, cute, and had just moved from out of state. he gave me his number that night. i waited a couple months before i got in touch with him because i figured he needed time to settle in only to later find out he had been moved in for a year already. so one night i decided i needed to find him online before i went and called him so i didnt look like a crazy person incase he didnt even remmeber me bc it was pretty brief when we met bc the concert was just starting. i found him online and got in touch with him on facebook. we talked all the time until he finally asked for my phone number. i gave it to him and we talked on the phone for hours until about 6 that night. we found out how much we have in common from music, movies, life, everything. it was like a dream that i didnt want to wake up from. after that we talked nearly every night. we finally made arrangments to see eatch other back in april. we got together and i had such a great time with him. i found myself falling for him and hard. he was just perfect! i have been so alone for so long that i was so thrilled to finally meet a nice guy. he does have a past that he told me ALL about and none of it bothers me. i dont see him as the person he was before at all. i just see who he is now and how much he means to me. even if he doesnt know it.

Now suddenly 2 months have pasted and i have had the worst time trying to contact him. I dont know why. ive called, emailed, messaged on facebook, sent him Instant messages online, texted god knows how many times, i even went to his apartment to check on him and he lives a hour away from me. no luck there at all. not even a responce from any of my attemps to talk to him. i was able to get in touch with a friend of his via twitter and facebook who he's told me so much about and i found out he was having issues contacting him also. so then i knew it wasnt anything personal which i already knew but it feels like it now. i talked to his friend and found out he was having some medical issues and he said he seemed to be doing better. i felt bad about being so upset with him so i let it go for a bit. i see him online from time to time and i tried to get in touch with him before we went to another concert that i told him about and we got tickets to. we werent going together bc he was taking his mom believe it or not who was flying in from texas where he's from for the show. so i had my fingers crossed that we would FINALLY get in touch with each other then. didnt happen. i tried days before the show, before the show, after the show and nothing. i knew he was there but he still didnt answer me at all. i wanted to go find him but there was no way i could bc the venue was so big and had my younger sister with me so that wasnt going to happen. tried calling him the day after and still nothing. ive tried everything and i dont know what eles to do. i have no idea what is going on. i saw a post on facebook from him to his friend saying to call him so that they could talk about this comic book they are working on. See he's a TOTAL comic book geek. he loves comics and he's working with his friend who is creating some and they are really cool! after i saw that i though finally i can get in touch with him since he's waiting for his friend to call and then maybe he woudl finally answer to me. still nothing. I know this all sounds nuts and maybe makes him out to be a jerk but he's really not. Im trying to give him the benefit of the dout here but thats soo hard to do when i cant even talk to him and find what the hell is going on. i REALLY like him and its killing me not talking to him. What can I do or what should i do?? just let it all go or keep trying? i know i didnt say anything mean or rude to him last time we talked so i know he's not mad at me or anything even though it feels like it. Please I really need some advice from a guy, girl, anyone. I hope i explained it good enough to understand the problem. Thank you.

 

[suzynyc]

Aww I'm sorry this is happening to you. A friend of mine (at the time) once reminded me when I was in a similar situation about the old saying "actions speak louder than words."

And here's my new saying that I just made up...love should not be hard work.

Find someone who truly wants to be with you and who you don't have to constantly chase. Not easy but it's worth the wait.

 

[mjlovergurl003]

thanks. im still hopping i hear from him. i know actions speak louder then words but its still all very confusing. i know he's not being mean or doing this on purpose at least i hope not but he's always been really nice to me and all of a sudden he just stopped answering his phone when i call. not just to me like i said in my 1st post so that had me thinking that it wasnt intentional and that something was wrong.I really like him and we have so much in common. i just talked to a online friend on twitter and she told me i need to be firm with him, but polite and decided i need to tell him how i feel about him. which i plan on doing as soon as i can. im doing it in person, not on the phone. she also said i dont deserve this and she's right i dont. ive just been sooo depressed over all kinds of things and this whole thing REALLY doesnt help.

 

[Ashtanga]

Find someone who truly wants to be with you and who you don't have to constantly chase. Not easy but it's worth the wait.

:agree:


God always saves the best for the people and puts in our lives at the right time. :yes: God will put your life in a much better person. Believe!

 

[0o0jackie0o0]

i think its really up to him now. but maybe u should let go. accept it so it doesnt get to u so badly. he obviously needs to be alone right now and its obviously not ur fault. it'll prob b hard but try and move on hun...maybe he just doenst want to get u involved and hurt in whatever he's going thru
hugs

 

[mjlovergurl003]

thanks. i dont know if i can move on from him since we arent even together we're just friends. he doesnt know how i feel about him which why im going to tell him as soon as i can. whatever he is going through if he is going through anything he knows he can talk to me. he has before. idk what makes this any different. Im going through things to. alot of things. so i need a friend to talk to and he's the only person i do talk to bc im no longer speaking to my other friends at all. Im pretty much all alone in this which makes it even harder.

 

[Daryll748]

Well, I understand Its hard when you try to 'contact' a friend an all he does is 'ignore' you...
BEST for your health and heart is to LET HIM GO... Sounds heartbreaking I know but a man that IGNORES you is NOT really 'the right guy' for you... If you love someone, you will always make time for them... NO matter what the medical sit is...

I was once 'engaged' believe it or not :tease: then he just 'diseappeared' for about 2 months and I got a 'lousy' letter telling me he had been in hospital and didn't want me to worry... Gee, 'engagement' is NOT really in his vocabulary though :scratch:
What did I do?
I 'dumped' him... as cruel as it sounds but someone that you thought you knew just 'evaporates' for about 2 months and 'resurfaces' like NOTHING has happened... Isn't 'marriage material' to me...

Anyway, the spark has to be 'both ways' then you can start a 'relationship' or even a 'friendship'... This is my two cents though...

Good luck hun and remember you don't need an 'idiot' in your life to be happy though...

 

[mjlovergurl003]

thanks. and your right i dont need a "idiot" and what happened to you is just sad and but glad u made it through and dumped his sorry ass. i dont know still what is going on with my friend but i know that as soon as i get back in touch with him im going to have a REALLY long talk with him about this. whatever his reason is cant be any reason to not talk to me for as long as he hasnt. i can understand maybe if he had a death in the family and just needs time to mourn or something like that but still to keep doing this and not take any of my calls is just rude. he's not a bad guy but ive been through enough to not have to deal with this bs.i want to make our friendship work and any furture relationship we may have but this has to stop. which is what im going to make clear to him as soon as i can. its just i havent been in a relationship for over 7 years. ive watched "friends" get married and have kids for years and its my time to finally find the one. i still think theres a chance he could be it but then again its stunts like this that really make me think. im just going to try and hope for the best i guess.

 

[Ashtanga]

Im pretty much all alone in this which makes it even harder.

:better: and :hug: :give_heart:

 

[mjlovergurl003]

awww thanks. *Hugs*

 

[Severus Snape]

Just forget him.

Whether it be medical issues, working on comic books, or trying to write (which involves feverish research, from what I've been told), these people will find any and every excuse in the world not to talk to you. This especially applies when you've come to hold the sniveling b--tards in such high regard. They will prompt you to "keep in touch," but will never do the same, promise to write back, and fail to do so, having no qualms about lying to your face.

Yes, there will always be mixed signals, those beautiful moments when you two were in sync, but at the end of the day he tossed you aside through no wrongdoing on your part, and the only thing you can do is leave, as he's already left. Who knows--perhaps to him you were just a passing fancy, perhaps it was all an act, a way to stroke his own ego by having such a devoted fool around. I speak these words more to myself than to you--as I've gone through the same thing. We were never "together" either--just friends, I reckon, as I never told that person how I felt. He was my Lily.

So, the only thing left to do if you don't want to grow to be a pathetic figure pining over the same failed love 19+ years later is to forget all about him. Easier said than done, but the more you lie to yourself and tell yourself you don't give a damn about what he thinks, or if he thinks, or very well whether he breathes or not, the sooner these words will become reality to you. Make them your mantra, and in no time you will not bat an eye if he were to drop dead in your very presence.

They speak truth when they tell you not to place your eggs in one basket. What you ought to do is take the little b-----ds and make some delicious scrambled eggs with mozzarella cheese.

 

[Daryll748]

I loved your reply Severus Snape :applause:
Indeed, just "experienced" stuff like that... I thought he was my friend and sometimes 'more' but he just gave 'mixed signals' like he was 'playing' with me...
Yep, some men "especially artists" are just "a$$holes wrapped in a pretty paper" and NOW I really had enough of them...
When you first meet a guy, you think he's different than all the other a$$holes you met and dumped and then... You get hit by the same BS... Its sad really but I'd rather love Michael though :wub:

 

[Severus Snape]

I loved your reply Severus Snape :applause:
Indeed, just "experienced" stuff like that... I thought he was my friend and sometimes 'more' but he just gave 'mixed signals' like he was 'playing' with me...
Yep, some men "especially artists" are just "a$$holes wrapped in a pretty paper" and NOW I really had enough of them...
When you first meet a guy, you think he's different than all the other a$$holes you met and dumped and then... You get hit by the same BS... Its sad really but I'd rather love Michael though :wub:

I'd amend your original statement and include self-centered academics who have their heads stuck so far up their own a--holes to notice anyone else's suffering. Of course, once you figure out their ploy, they'll accuse you of being "paranoid," and try to make it seem as though it is all your fault. Yes, your fault. Or else, once they tire of you, they'll accuse you of using them--with no specifications whatsoever as to the rationale behind this horrible allegation. In fact, anyone in their right mind would say it was the other way around--in truth, you come to realize they were using you. Once you've outlived your use, they cut your throat and leave you to bleed on the floor, slowly gasping for air, barely able to mumble out the phrase: "et tu, Brute?"

Yes, Michael was one of the rare ones who was human. I find men in fiction and history to be far more admirable than those currently in the flesh, truth be told. They're more real to me than society men, as I am able to understand them. There is a rhyme and reason, especially with literature men--historical ones are capable of pettiness also, but not to such gross extents as those who dwell within our world at present.

I've come to accept the fact that I will be alone forever, at least as far as the exterior reality is concerned, but in truth--I'm never alone. Not as long as I have a book near me.

 

[Daryll748]

I'd amend your original statement and include self-centered academics who have their heads stuck so far up their own a--holes to notice anyone else's suffering. Of course, once you figure out their ploy, they'll accuse you of being "paranoid," and try to make it seem as though it is all your fault. Yes, your fault. Or else, once they tire of you, they'll accuse you of using them--with no specifications whatsoever as to the rationale behind this horrible allegation. In fact, anyone in their right mind would say it was the other way around--in truth, you come to realize they were using you. Once you've outlived your use, they cut your throat and leave you to bleed on the floor, slowly gasping for air, barely able to mumble out the phrase: "et tu, Brute?"

Yes, Michael was one of the rare ones who was human. I find men in fiction and history to be far more admirable than those currently in the flesh, truth be told. They're more real to me than society men, as I am able to understand them. There is a rhyme and reason, especially with literature men--historical ones are capable of pettiness also, but not to such gross extents as those who dwell within our world at present.

I've come to accept the fact that I will be alone forever, at least as far as the exterior reality is concerned, but in truth--I'm never alone. Not as long as I have a book near me.

That was a COOl reply especially the 'BOLD' phrase...

I was shocked, angry but NAH NOT bleeding on the floor or heartbroken anymore... My heart is already glued together so...
Indeed, I'm the ONE with the problem NOW...
But I don't care... I came, I loved, I played and NOW the game is over

 

[Severus Snape]

That was a COOl reply especially the 'BOLD' phrase...

I was shocked, angry but NAH NOT bleeding on the floor or heartbroken anymore... My heart is already glued together so...
Indeed, I'm the ONE with the problem NOW...
But I don't care... I came, I loved, I played and NOW the game is over

Thank you. I let people "in" very rarely, but when I do I give them so much of my own soul that, when the inevitable betrayal comes, it does indeed leave me bleeding on the floor. However, those days are over.

Who needs a society person when I have Michael? :wub:

Who needs anything like that, when I am privileged to have the company of Claude Frollo, Severus Snape, Alexander Hamilton, the Marquis de Sade, Ludwig II of Bavaria, Julius Caesar, Atticus Finch, Voltaire, etc. Or, when I can analyze the likes of Humbert Humbert, Joachim von Ribbentrop, Heinrich Himmler, Josef Stalin, Goebbels, Vladimir Lenin, Napoleon Bonaparte, Nero, Voldemort, etc. It is really a much richer experience--society people are highly overrated anyway. I never understood the appeal. I've never found them to be very interesting--obviously there are exceptions. I thought he was interesting--otherwise I would have never bothered with him. He was like a drug to me, but like all drugs, one is best served not partaking, I reckon.

Yes, I really did care for him, almost died for him, but now...

"My heart is hard and I don't care, I'll leave you hanging out there." ~Fleur-de-Lys, Notre-Dame de Paris: The Musical.

 

[diana79]

My advice is to let it go. You've been trying to contact him for weeks, right? He contacted his friend about a comic book on facebook, so he's not in a hospital or something.

This guy is a horrible friend, and he'd be an even worse boyfriend. You said that you really need a friend to talk to, and this guy refused to take your calls or get back to you. I'm sorry, but there's no other way to describe him - he's a jerk.

Forget this guy. Stop wasting time on him.

 

[Daryll748]

Thank you. I let people "in" very rarely, but when I do I give them so much of my own soul that, when the inevitable betrayal comes, it does indeed leave me bleeding on the floor. However, those days are over.

Who needs a society person when I have Michael? :wub:

Who needs anything like that, when I am privileged to have the company of Claude Frollo, Severus Snape, Alexander Hamilton, the Marquis de Sade, Ludwig II of Bavaria, Julius Caesar, Atticus Finch, Voltaire, etc. Or, when I can analyze the likes of Humbert Humbert, Joachim von Ribbentrop, Heinrich Himmler, Josef Stalin, Goebbels, Vladimir Lenin, Napoleon Bonaparte, Nero, Voldemort, etc. It is really a much richer experience--society people are highly overrated anyway. I never understood the appeal. I've never found them to be very interesting--obviously there are exceptions. I thought he was interesting--otherwise I would have never bothered with him. He was like a drug to me, but like all drugs, one is best served not partaking, I reckon.

Yes, I really did care for him, almost died for him, but now...

"My heart is hard and I don't care, I'll leave you hanging out there." ~Fleur-de-Lys, Notre-Dame de Paris: The Musical.

WOW :agree: totally on the BOLD part... I'm like that too... When I love someone, I love him 'unconditionally' and I would go through fire for him... though, if he just wants to play and don't take me serious then its 'goodbye sweetheart' I'm NOT a player, sowwy... I'm HUMAN and I have feelings...

I did 'bleed' a little I must confess but its more 'disappointment' I feel and shock of Man, you 'covered' up your :devil: side so good that it took me all these years to reach the 'real' self of you...

True, Michael :wub: is all YOU NEED...
Thanks for this "heartfelt" post NOW I can move on... You unk:

 

[Severus Snape]

^I do not love him. The emotion does not exist. I cared for him--really just petty human attachment, I ought to better myself in that regard and not give in to the weaknesses most fall into. The thing is--I really don't care to form said attachments with people, but he was the exception to the rule. I intend to keep it as "was," however.

 

[mjlovergurl003]

thanks for all the advice everyone. im still a little confused but im hanging in there right now. its just still hard knowing that i have yet to hear from him or contact him. i havent called him since last weekend which was on saturday. even then i didnt call him much. still im hoping something trickers in his small brain and he finally calls. im trying to get ghim spend my birthday with me next month. so we'll see. still trying to seek out some more advice so anymore is welcomed. thanks again. *hugs to all*

 

[Severus Snape]

You ought not to think of him any longer. You won't be able to "get" him to come to your birthday. The only person who can do that is he, and it doesn't look too bright. Your birthday is supposed to be all about you, but via your statements it is clear you're directly correlating its success with his being present. There is something amiss with that for sure--I'm not judging you at all, I'm just trying to make you see how your statements reflect your thoughts inside, and the flawed nature of your thinking in this regard (something I've done many times).

I would recommend you log an entry in some journal every time you have a constant thought of him. Dr. Forward's method is a good way to do this:

1) What caused the thought?
2) What did I think?
3) What did I want to do?
4) What did I do?
5) What was the result?

It's a very simple, clear-cut manner of analyzing your thoughts as they come. It appears you think of him more than just occasionally, as you have yet to give up on your connection with him. If you care to go into further detail, feel free to PM me.

Anyway, regarding the entries--fairly simple, yet insightful. A sample set could look like this:

First Thought: Tuesday, 11:11 AM

1) What caused the thought?
A: The taste of chamomile tea.
2) What did I think?
A: He used to drink it as a small child--I remember him telling me about it once. He had fond memories of it from his childhood--that was back when everything was much better than at present, when he and I talked at length, when the world was complete.
3) What did I want to do?
A: Cry. I had brought this to his attention at an inopportune moment, and caused him great pain. Remembering this touched me quite deeply, and these feelings extended into sorrow over the now broken relationship between he and I.
4) What did I do?
A: I felt so sick I threw up.
5) What was the result?
A: I felt much better. Throwing up does that, though. It releases endorphins which make one feel better after the unpleasantness of feeling sick.

Second Thought: Tuesday, 6:36 PM.

1) What caused the thought?
A: Voltaire.
2) What did I think?
A: Ahh, he hated him, lol.
3) What did I want to do?
A: Laugh--I remember I used to tease him about it, saying he was just jealous of Voltaire because he didn't think of his ideas first, even though they had been born centuries apart. Then, I remembered how it was in the times before, and my previous joy turned sour, for now it was like looking into a paradise lost.
4) What did I do?
A: Ignored any such feelings, set the Voltaire volume down, and walked away.
5) What was the result?
A: Absolutely nothing. I neither felt better or worse. The usual emptiness ensued.

Tuesday, 11:11 PM
1) What caused the thought?
A: Checking my messages on the compooper. He wrote to me, not too long ago, telling me I was intelligent and different, and that people throughout history also shared this trait. It was rather random, to tell the truth. Of course, he did this right after not replying to my previous message, even though he promised he would.
2) What did I think?
A: If I'm as intelligent and different as he says I am, then why am I not good enough for him?
3) What did I want to do?
A: Cut.
4) What did I do?
A: Nothing.
5) What was the result?
A: Me not having to explain to my manager why I have to wear long sleeves in 90 degree weather. Learning to repress impulses is key. Go me.

You know, something like that. It helps to analyze your thought patterns/feelings/etc. Of course, the above are only samples (I'd be mental to post personal ones on a public forum). If nothing more, you'll gain insight into just how much he affects you, or how much time in your average day you spend thinking about some guy who probably doesn't grant you a second thought.

 

[suzynyc]

Makes me angry when guys behave this way. At first saying nice things to you and talking to you all the time and leading you to believe they really care for you and then one day they decide they want nothing more to do with you. Advice to guys: There are vulnerable women who will believe what you say and do and may even begin to have feelings for you based on these things but if you're words and actions are not sincere from the very start you will only end up breaking that person's heart and deeply hurting their feelings. BE HONEST WITH OTHERS AND WITH YOURSELF.

I speak from experience. Good luck!

 

[Severus Snape]

Advice to guys: There are vulnerable women who will believe what you say and do and may even begin to have feelings for you based on these things but if you're words and actions are not sincere from the very start you will only end up breaking that person's heart and deeply hurting their feelings. BE HONEST WITH OTHERS AND WITH YOURSELF.

I speak from experience. Good luck!

Or killing them. I speak from experience.

Anyway, this is really applicable to everyone--we shouldn't fall for the false and sexist belief that men are the only ones who do this. There are some women out there who do the same, except instead of the average "male" way of using (ego and sex), their average is using for money and sex. There are overlapping circumstances, of course, but those are by far the most common. Indeed--advice to keep in mind would be to practice sincerity in all one's dealings--never being anything less than honest, even if the intention was not to "hurt" anybody. Lies hurt more than the truth always, no matter how good they may sound at the moment--basing the dynamic of your entire relationship (for some people, entire lives) on a false positive is something nobody should have to suffer with--and to those who have knowledge of the truth and yet choose to continue dishing out lies, nothing in the world is crueler than that. Reality ultimately makes any castle in the sky plummet to the ground and shatter into a million pieces--just like the person's self-esteem after the lie is discovered.

It is uncanny how many people blame themselves when someone else set out to manipulate them from the very beginning. They question their self-worth, "why wasn't I good enough?", which brings us back to the primary relationship structure (between child and parent). If the person in question had a particularly bleak and painful childhood, of course, this further rejection and use could send them into a spiral of depression, at the very least, or drive them to attempt (or successfully execute) suicide in the most extreme cases.

However, despite all this on the other's part, we are still responsible for our own actions and for looking out for our own well-being. Calling some guy who clearly doesn't give a fig about you and is too chicken to admit it is not the best thing for your mental health or general state of being. Like I said in posts prior, this is all really easier said than done, but the sooner you cut off that toxic attachment, the sooner you will breathe the air of relief--even if after all that you have nothing left. What humans perceive as "love" (I won't get into whether such a thing actually exists, that's a discussion for another time I reckon) should be a pleasurable experience (this can really be applied to all attachments--the social animal's need for acceptance, validation, etc. is strong because fulfillment of these is crucial for survival), not one filled with anxiety and suffering in vain, like yours is and mine was. No matter how much you suffer, his sentiments towards you will not falter in their stance--if he cared, he'd show it. He wouldn't lie to you about being in the hospital, or about caring about you whilst simultaneously betraying your confidence and referring you to a bunch of idiots.

No, darling, run as fast as your little feet can carry you and get away from him before it is too late.

 

[mjlovergurl003]

Thanks. well i have finally spoke to him. and as it turns out he was in the hospital. he had some pretty major health problems and he was just not in the best of health. so after knowing what was going on Ive pretty much let it go bc i know he is a good guy and none of it was intentional. so he got lucky this time lol. and we are spending my birthday together which should be fun. i just dont any other friends to spend my birthday with bc im no longer friends or speaking to my other friends bc we had a fallen out and havent spoken since. sop its just going to be nice to have at least 1 friend to celebrate with. i wont say anything eles about his health problems bc its a long story and all i needed to know was what was going on and if he was ok. thats all. and to be honest ive been hurt by so many men in my life from friends, even family that i kinda need to finally have one i can trust. thanks again.

 

[Severus Snape]

^I still don't know. He was in the hospital, but not in a coma. If he could talk to someone about a comic book, there's really no reason why he couldn't at least try to contact you. It is clear you weren't even on his mind. By the way, did he contact you on this occasion, or did you try to reach him yet again? The answer should be interesting.

 

[Arklove]

^^ I agree....If the guy truly cared about you the way you seem to care about him, he'd make every effort to contact you...That's usually how guys show they like you and that they're thinking about you; they'll make sure you hear from them, or they make sure they give you the time of day....

Just be careful that you don't let yourself get hurt ...

 

[mjlovergurl003]

he tried to contact me over the weekend on facebook whic for some reason didnt send. but i called him later that night and we chatted and that was when i found out about all his health problems. honestly i woudl have much rather him focus on getting better then anything. ive seen the medications he has to take and it broke my heart to see him have to go through the things he has to everyday. whatever the reason was for not contacting me sooner is for now in the past. im just gald he's better now and we can finally talk again. as for the comic book he actually took a break from it for awhile. but he's getting back on board with it soon.

 

[Severus Snape]

^I really hate to be the one to put a cynical spin on this, but...do you have any proof that it didn't send, or is that what he said? He has your phone number, right? If he truly wanted to contact you, he would have found a way to do so immediately instead of sending a message through the most impersonal medium of communication (which "conveniently" didn't send). The medications he takes don't render him mute (that would be one serious side effect which would probably have them pulled off the market). The point is--it only takes so much effort to pick up the phone and at least tell someone you care about that you're alive--simply out of personal regard, consideration, and acknowledgement that the relationship is important to him.

Obviously, phoning every night or something equally obsessive would be undesirable, but the fact remains that you have no concrete way of proving whether he did indeed try to contact you (i.e. missed phone call notices, phone messages, unread emails, etc.) As someone else said earlier, any guy who gives a fig about you will go through any means to at least hear word from you (phone/text message, email, snail mail letter, owl mail (lol), morse code, whatever it takes, really).

Ah, see--YOU called him later that night, so his phone service wasn't shut off and he found enough strength to pick up the phone and chat, did he not? Then, why would calling you, for a change, prove itself to be more challenging? Well, he succeeded in shifting the focus from his failure to keep contact with you to his medical issues, none of which are debilitating enough to prevent him from walking five steps and picking up the phone. Despite whatever his health problems might be, you ought to stop making excuses for him, and more importantly do not fall into the trap of assuming you will talk again because he picked up the phone this time.

For your own well-being, you've ought to use your brain, and not your heart, in this matter.

 

[diana79]

Thanks. well i have finally spoke to him. and as it turns out he was in the hospital. he had some pretty major health problems and he was just not in the best of health. so after knowing what was going on Ive pretty much let it go bc i know he is a good guy and none of it was intentional. so he got lucky this time lol. and we are spending my birthday together which should be fun. i just dont any other friends to spend my birthday with bc im no longer friends or speaking to my other friends bc we had a fallen out and havent spoken since. sop its just going to be nice to have at least 1 friend to celebrate with. i wont say anything eles about his health problems bc its a long story and all i needed to know was what was going on and if he was ok. thats all. and to be honest ive been hurt by so many men in my life from friends, even family that i kinda need to finally have one i can trust. thanks again.

I still don't think this is a guy you can trust. The expectations that you have for this guy (he's your only friend, the only person you trust, etc.) are way out of line with the way he's acted. IMO, the hospital/medical issues aren't really an excuse for ignoring your messages and calls for weeks. He did contact at least one other friend, right? And, did he go to that concert?

Even if he didn't feel comfortable talking to his friends about his medical issues, he could have sent you a message letting you know that he was just too busy to get together or talk.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't hang out with him, I just think you should keep your expectations in check. Hang out with him, have fun with him, but keep in mind that this is most likely not a guy you can depend on.

 

[Severus Snape]

^I agree. You don't have to cut off all contact with him (although that would be preferable), however, he's proven himself to be unreliable, so putting all your eggs on his basket is truly not the best of ideas. I would hang out with other friends on your birthday, even if he comes along--you don't want to make him the object of your obsession--this is a very dangerous life.

 

[No-Body]

he tried to contact me over the weekend on facebook whic for some reason didnt send. but i called him later that night and we chatted and that was when i found out about all his health problems. honestly i woudl have much rather him focus on getting better then anything. ive seen the medications he has to take and it broke my heart to see him have to go through the things he has to everyday. whatever the reason was for not contacting me sooner is for now in the past. im just gald he's better now and we can finally talk again. as for the comic book he actually took a break from it for awhile. but he's getting back on board with it soon.

Hey homegirl.....i'm really wonderin' how you are doin right about now. I remember reading this thread sometime ago and it kinda rang some bells because i went through a similar situation. Although, at first i might be tempted to agree with Diana and Darryl, i do have to applaud you for your stance. Hopefully, your trust and understanding weren't misplaced and you had a great time on your birthday and you and the guy you mentioned are still in touch.

Makes me angry when guys behave this way. At first saying nice things to you and talking to you all the time and leading you to believe they really care for you and then one day they decide they want nothing more to do with you. Advice to guys: There are vulnerable women who will believe what you say and do and may even begin to have feelings for you based on these things but if you're words and actions are not sincere from the very start you will only end up breaking that person's heart and deeply hurting their feelings. BE HONEST WITH OTHERS AND WITH YOURSELF.

I speak from experience. Good luck!

Very true.

^^ I agree....If the guy truly cared about you the way you seem to care about him, he'd make every effort to contact you...That's usually how guys show they like you and that they're thinking about you; they'll make sure you hear from them, or they make sure they give you the time of day....

Just be careful that you don't let yourself get hurt ...

In most cases guys will demonstrate their interest in you through concrete gestures and constant presence and support. There are however, the few exceptions where that interest may be expressed in some very awkward, downright cruel ways. It may sound weird, but that can happen.....and now it is my time to speak from experience. As long as you can see through their little games and schemes, it's alright though.

Btw of my own experience – there is this fellow MJ fan that i've been attached to for more than two years now. He has put me through a lottt of ish during this time, more than i can or should get into the detail of, but in spite of all that crap, i'm still hangin' in here cause i really have no choice.

During what came to be only the first and actually the least serious of our 'incidents' i did tell him that Michael would have been the only man i would've cheated his shaddy behind with, but since that wasn't exactly an option i would go for whomever came first. I have since learnt that the world has plenty of MJ fans in store able and willing not only to put up with my MJ fixation, as he had, but also to give me the time, attention and care that he wouldn't. And in that scenario, his sense of humor may not be enough to get him out of that situation. I'm really hoping with all my heart and soul we won't get to that point. I really wish he would give a good listen to A woman's heart from Chris de Burgh. And i by that i mean not only hear, but actually listen....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZUs5ltgqZI

As strange and as crazy it may sound, i do actually believe we are goin' to make it. Many times i've lied to myself that i am strong enough to leave behind all the pain he has caused me and move on, but the truth is that i can't. He knows that and takes advantage of it. I do wish he would stop taking me for granted though because contrary to his initial suspicions and to his own dismay i am indeed 'a typical human' after all and although i can take a lot and forgive a lot, i also have my endurance limits.

I know that deep, down inside he really is a very good guy. I just wish he would bother prove that to me and say and do certain things a bit more often and better than he has done in the past. I don't think i'm being unreasonable or over demanding. I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, nor the smartest, and Lord knows i can act and be a total pain in the derriere, but i was really hopin' he wouldn't mind and have me anyway. We sure can have lots of fun together.....

Wanna see some pictures of us???? We got this thing about animals, and there are all kinds of them in our little private collection and ants are among the most special for us....

It can get really painful many times, but LOVE sure is worth every battle and every scar.