does anyone else feel guilt?

[loyalmjjfan]

YES i do a bit the bloody concerts, i hope he never pushed himself to much to do them, but if we fans think about it, what would have happened if michael cancelled? he would have been ripped to shreds, not only by the media but by some fans.
Look what happened when some dates were changed, it was uproar on some boards and i hope that didn't push michael further, to get these shows done. I know he loves perfoming but my god i really wish he would have just turned round and said BOG OFF i'm not doing them

And i know what you mean about it suddenly hitting you. some days i feel ok you know, getting on with life and such then boom it hits me he is DEAD, my idol the man i have loved since i was 12 years old is bloody dead and that is it, can't control the tears any more and i KNOW this feeling will never go. and i want justice for michael if it is the last thing i want xx

 

[snowhite]

YES i do a bit the bloody concerts, i hope he never pushed himself to much to do them, but if we fans think about it, what would have happened if michael cancelled? he would have been ripped to shreds, not only by the media but by some fans.
Look what happened when some dates were changed, it was uproar on some boards and i hope that didn't push michael further, to get these shows done. I know he loves perfoming but my god i really wish he would have just turned round and said BOG OFF i'm not doing them

to be honest I didn't want him to do the concerts I thought why make a tour before a new album? but when I heard he was gonna do it I hoped he'd be able to pull through all the dates. but he was suppose to go around the world I thought why are they killing him with such a strenous london schedule? but then again money...I was sure they added 20 more dates without asking him, and I was angry when they said they were gonna throw him on stage if they need to I thought they were so blinded by their hunger for money, and most fans were too excited to see anything wrong. when fans said he talked to them in april I believed them but most people didn't want to hear anything negative at that time, and he couldn't say anything publicly because the media was waiting prepared with knives! he started to use that drug just a few weeks after that, it was his last desperate resort...and the stupid lawsuits, and the family with their reunion, he had so much going on but people must've thought he was made of steel
the biggest irony is ultimately that I relied on his doctors to help him pull through and Michael relied on them too. I was thinking no matter what happens he can count on them to not let it get too worse...I still can't believe that fool killed him I'm so f*cking pissed every day but it's not gonna solve anything I have to live with it

oh yes and the concerts, I was hoping he'd cancel a few if it gets too much even with the risk if being sued and ridiculed I was sure he could recover from it. and being the man that he was he would've made up somehow for the fans affected by it

 

[Dangerous21]

I remember when the whole concert thing came out, I couldn't believe it! After the trial, I felt even if Michael doesn't release another song, at least he has his freedom and his family, and we have Michael somewhere out there....

But when he announced the tour, I went crazy! Soooo excited and I stayed up all night to get tickets! I think the demand of the tour most definitely gave him stress, but we were just doing what came natural to us. We are in love with this man!

This could just as easily have not happened, because it wasn't the one and only time he used propofol. Propofol is just an unpredictable medicine and we all were unlucky that night. But had it NOT happened....would any of us be different today? (except for having the night(s) of our lives at the concerts:cheeky

My opinion on that is we all are who we are. And that's great because WE were the ones to stand by Michael through everything! Nothing to be ashamed or guilty about. Michael thrived on our fandom just as much as he relied on our support. It was and always will be the most unique relationship between one man and millions...

Whenever I hear "Will You Be There" I think Michael is talking to me at the end.

"In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow"

I almost wish we had more tribulations to go through because I feel so much of my life was spent fighting alongside Michael. He's like the only fight I ever truly cared about....

But we were there for Michael, so no more guilt! =)

 

[144000]

to be honest I didn't want him to do the concerts I thought why make a tour before a new album? but when I heard he was gonna do it I hoped he'd be able to pull through all the dates. but he was suppose to go around the world I thought why are they killing him with such a strenous london schedule? but then again money...I was sure they added 20 more dates without asking him, and I was angry when they said they were gonna throw him on stage if they need to I thought they were so blinded by their hunger for money, and most fans were too excited to see anything wrong. when fans said he talked to them in april I believed them but most people didn't want to hear anything negative at that time, and he couldn't say anything publicly because the media was waiting prepared with knives! he started to use that drug just a few weeks after that, it was his last desperate resort...and the stupid lawsuits, and the family with their reunion, he had so much going on but people must've thought he was made of steel
the biggest irony is ultimately that I relied on his doctors to help him pull through and Michael relied on them too. I was thinking no matter what happens he can count on them to not let it get too worse...I still can't believe that fool killed him I'm so f*cking pissed every day but it's not gonna solve anything I have to live with it

oh yes and the concerts, I was hoping he'd cancel a few if it gets too much even with the risk if being sued and ridiculed I was sure he could recover from it. and being the man that he was he would've made up somehow for the fans affected by it

well..the last thing you wrote is a lot for one man. it's the kind of fodder that gives naysayers the idea of saying, fans treat him like he was some kind of superhuman. if he cancelled, so many people who worked with him, could hide behind him. and he would take all the missiles.

 

[ThunderPower]

I feel guilt for an entirely different reason.

Back in the days of late elementary school/early middle school, around the trial and some time after it, the "cool thing" to do was to bash Michael with as many cruel jokes as possible.

I hate to say it, but I wasn't an avid listener back then. I was just somebody who followed the "w*cko j*cko crowd" and their campaign to destroy MJ. I said the jokes. I laughed.

It was only in 2006, after finding out that Michael composed the music for Sonic 3, did I start listening to him and finding out what kind of person he was. I feel ashamed because of those times.

I'm sorry.

 

[MicHil]

I blame myself.

maybe if i didn't love him, he'd still be here.
maybe if my one and only fear wasn't losing someone i love, he would still be here.
maybe if i didn't think/talk about him so much, he'd still be here.

maybe if i wasn't blind sighted by the excitement of the 02 concerts...
and ignoring the possibilities of something going wrong when 40 more dates were added... i knew but i ignored it.
I chose to ignore it.

he meant more than life to me and i failed him.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

Yes i was so much wanting him back on stage so I, MYSELF could see him... i didnt saw him as a human being, i always thought he was super fine, healthy, i never thought in a million years that he was going under so much pressure.... all i was thinking was "how could this super talented man be wasting his talent all this time, not touring, to e sincere, i was even mad at him how stupid of me, how insensible) but i do know what bothered him the most was the bad press that I KNOW IT WELL, I KNOW IT.
but we as MJ fans tend to be like him, we are so perfectionists too, he knew that, he knew it.

BUT The media, they, they destroyed his soul, i HATE THEM!

 

[MicHil]

to be honest I didn't want him to do the concerts I thought why make a tour before a new album? but when I heard he was gonna do it I hoped he'd be able to pull through all the dates. but he was suppose to go around the world I thought why are they killing him with such a strenous london schedule? but then again money...I was sure they added 20 more dates without asking him, and I was angry when they said they were gonna throw him on stage if they need to I thought they were so blinded by their hunger for money, and most fans were too excited to see anything wrong. when fans said he talked to them in april I believed them but most people didn't want to hear anything negative at that time, and he couldn't say anything publicly because the media was waiting prepared with knives! he started to use that drug just a few weeks after that, it was his last desperate resort...and the stupid lawsuits, and the family with their reunion, he had so much going on but people must've thought he was made of steel
the biggest irony is ultimately that I relied on his doctors to help him pull through and Michael relied on them too. I was thinking no matter what happens he can count on them to not let it get too worse...I still can't believe that fool killed him I'm so f*cking pissed every day but it's not gonna solve anything I have to live with it

oh yes and the concerts, I was hoping he'd cancel a few if it gets too much even with the risk if being sued and ridiculed I was sure he could recover from it. and being the man that he was he would've made up somehow for the fans affected by it

i remember that. when i used to lurk around here, i didn't want to believe that he wasn't happy with the dates... and that he was (as stated) "nearly in tears" while confronting the fans about it. i didn't want to believe it but i figured he would have canceled some shows.... the fans that would have hold a grudge against him by small matters as "canceling concerts" obviously have the brain the size of a peanut, they don't care for his health or his reason... they are ones who only cares for his music and nothing more so i myself couldn't care less about the negative remarks he would have gotten.... and Mike's been there, done that with the media... and i believed he would recover from it too.... it would have hurt him but the pain wouldn't have lasted.

... the bitterness he got from some so called fans [that I've read before the 25th] for pushing back some of the July shows.... i understood why he couldn't have raised his true voice about the damn concerts in public at the time.

damn damn damn.

 

[MicHil]

@FedoraHatGirl2058
i will not quote what you said to ThunderPower but

that was uncalled for and unnecessary.
i don't like your post or your attitude.

he/she was ignorant before but changed after getting to know more about Mike.

their past mistakes are not for you to judge.

not everyone was born an MJ fan, some became one.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

Fact is, i was not even going to see him, cause im from America, but i wanted the world to KNOW HE WAS THE BEST, cause the media treated him so bad, so so so SO bad, i wanted him to show them he was THE MAN, i thought he was that strong man he showed to be, i personally think he THOUGHT he was ready for the comeback, you can see he was happy on the This Is It documental and the preparatives, but the media haters, the haters themselves lead him to the insomnia, i didnt know anything about it, to me, im sure he never thought he was gonna die, i think that those so called friend/doctors took him for granted and he believed them, they would say to him, "OK MICHAEL, this would get you sleep", they would just do whatever they wanted to him, he was helpless, HE THOUGHT HE WAS WELL TAKEN CARE, HE TRUSTED THEM he NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE, and thats what hurts me the most..., i still dont know if he realized whether he died or not .... cant believe it. And where was his family, i dont understand it.... what a tragic unnecessary loss. This was NOT NEEDED, just not needed, not his time to go, not now. He was full of life.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

@FedoraHatGirl2058
i will not quote what you said to ThunderPower but

that was uncalled for and unnecessary.
i don't like your post or your attitude.

he/she was ignorant before but changed after getting to know more about Mike.

their past mistakes are not for you to judge.

not everyone was born an MJ fan, some became one.

But you know what those people where the ones who finally drove Michael to the state he was, wheter you like it or not, and many of that people still does, you dont like my attitude and thats ok, but let me tell you i was not a fan when that trial started either, so i was NOT BORN A MJ FAN, though i wish i would.

 

[MicHil]

But you know what those people where the ones who finally drove Michael to the state he was, wheter you like it or not, and many of that people still does, you dont like my attitude and thats ok, but let me tell you i was not a fan when that trial started either, so i was NOT BORN A MJ FAN, though i wish i would.

it cuts to the bones every time someone made a cruel joke about Mike even before his napping so i can imagine a fraction of how much his feelings were hurt but....
what do you mean by finally drove michael to the state he was? what kind of state did they drove him to? what do you mean by it?

telling someone "i hate you" and "fck you" over something they are ashamed of and admitted that they were wrong and apologized for it was crossing the line and that line was pretty damn thick.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

it cuts to the bones every time someone made a cruel joke about Mike even before his napping so i can imagine a fraction of how much his feelings were hurt but....
what do you mean by finally drove michael to the state he was? what kind of state did they drove him to? what do you mean by?

telling someone "i hate you" and "fck you" over something they are ashamed of and admitted that they were wrong and apologized for it was crossing the line and that line was pretty damn thick.

State??? are you serious???? did you know how much this man suffered???? I tell you, he DIED, thats how much his mind was affected, thats the "state" im talking about... Michael is dead, he is dead, he was not ok, he had to had anesthesia to sleep, you know, he was not that ok... all the comedians, were the reflections of all the kids, which i was a kid too, you know, but i wasnt born cruel, then i did became cruel, some things in life make you cruel if you wanna call me cruel

when a person openly and deliberately comes in and says with no guilt whatsoever "OK i was laughing of him, i used to go with the w**** J**** stuff", seems like she/he certainly does NOT feel ashamed or guilty or whatever, but again, im Justice person, and i can forgive certain things but some i just dont.

And seems we dont get along so Goodbye

 

[MicHil]

State??? are you serious???? did you know how much this man suffered???? I tell you, he DIED, thats how much his mind was affected, thats the "state" im talking about... Michael is dead, he is dead, he was not ok, he had to had anesthesia to sleep, you know, he was not that ok... all the comedians, were the reflections of all the kids, which i was a kid too, you know, but i wasnt born cruel, then i did became cruel, some things in life make you cruel if you wanna call me cruel

when a person openly and deliberately comes in and says with no guilt whatsoever "OK i was laughing of him, i used to go with the w**** J**** stuff", seems like she/he certainly does NOT feel ashamed or guilty or whatever, but again, im Justice person, and i can forgive certain things but some i just dont.

And seems we dont get along so Goodbye

wowwww did you not know that he's been going through a lot of cruel things before the whole w****J**** thing even started? Michael did not napped because ignorant and heartless human called him names. have a bit more faith in him... he did not have sleep insomnia because of the name calling or the cruel jokes. those are irrelevant. yes he was not happy about it and his feelings were hurt, that should not be hard to acknowledge.

:doh: WOWWWWW [the red part] now this really makes me say "wtf?". maybe you should take a a little nap and read her/his post again. kk?

and no i don't find you cruel... it's just the things you said were rather childish, dense and a bit senseless in a way.

your post really makes me fart and goodbye have a great day, child.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

wowwww did you not know that he's been going through a lot of cruel things before the whole w****J**** thing even started? Michael did not napped because ignorant and heartless human called him names. have a bit more faith in him... he did not have sleep insomnia because of the name calling or the cruel jokes. those are irrelevant. yes he was not happy about it and his feelings were hurt, that should not be hard to acknowledge.

:doh: WOWWWWW [the red part] now this really makes me say "wtf?". maybe you should take a a little nap and read her/his post again. kk?

and no i don't find you cruel... it's just the things you said were rather childish, dense and a bit senseless in a way.

your post really makes me fart and goodbye have a great day, child.

No, you obviously just dont understand me, of course i know he had a bad childhood and youth, but i do recognize his baddest time were those fake allegations

All he wanted was affection, and people like the person in question who was going with the flow were just laughing and just treating him as an insect which he was nothing like it, he was a good person, not saying perfect


w**** J**** was not the only thing they would say, they were heartless and cruel.

And for the part in red i wonder who is the child, bye, have a nice wonderful day.
God bles you

 

[*Jacy*]

does anyone else feel guilt over MJ's death? like you should've/could've done something to avoid it? I mean his death was so avoidable
I'm not talking about new fans I know they were not around when he was alive, I'm talking about the older ones....today I was walking down the street I had a happy day today, the first in like...6 months, and I was so happy for a moment I forgot about anything negative in my life, and then Boom - I remembered MJ is gone. in that moment I was so grief-stricken. he has been a part of my life for so long, when he was happy I was happy, when he was sad I was sad, he was like a friend or like family to me and now I just can't believe he's gone, I still have those moments when it hits me like a train
today I felt so overwhelmed, then I was like "why didn't I do something?!" I'm just so angry because his death was so avoidable...me as a fan I did worry about him, I was wondering is he sleeping is he eating well, and I believed those fans when they said MJ spoke to them. even though I live half a world away I still feel guilt I feel like I have no excuse and I take it out on myself

I feel all this guilt and I didn't have anything to do with it, I have no idea what Murray or anyone else involved feels like, or if he feels anything at all. I still can't believe someone killed our Michael, I don't think I'll ever get over it...it's like an open wound that never stops bleeding

think you shouldn´t feel gulty for the things that happend.
I belive in something like macig
and I told it *Billie Jean* also...I think that MJ would be said if he would knew
that someone of you feelt gulty about his death or being sad 4 a long long time ...
you shouln´t give Mike that feeling causy I´m sure it would cry
do you wanna make him cry???? :hug:
you´re all so sweet :hug: :heart: :snuggles:. I think you have to remember the thinks he does 4 the world
and with this Haiti song were on the best way to achieve his dreams :hug:
lots of love and faith :heart: :heart:

 

[MicHil]

No, you obviously just dont understand me, of course i know he had a bad childhood and youth, but i do recognize his baddest time were those fake allegations

All he wanted was affection, and people like the person in question who was going with the flow were just laughing and just treating him as an insect which he was nothing like it, he was a good person, not saying perfect


w**** J**** was not the only thing they would say, they were heartless and cruel.

And for the part in red i wonder who is the child, bye, have a nice wonderful day.
God bles you

woah this is killing my brain cells so i'll leave it at that, child

ha... and yes of course adults never farts...


kk may God bless you too :')

 

[Ramona122003]

No, you obviously just dont understand me, of course i know he had a bad childhood and youth, but i do recognize his baddest time were those fake allegations

All he wanted was affection, and people like the person in question who was going with the flow were just laughing and just treating him as an insect which he was nothing like it, he was a good person, not saying perfect


w**** J**** was not the only thing they would say, they were heartless and cruel.

And for the part in red i wonder who is the child, bye, have a nice wonderful day.
God bles you

Michael had sleeping problems since the 70s and this was way before all the name calling. He was known to walk around his family home at 3am and stay in the recording studio till all hours to the point that he crash. So, he was not driven to not sleeping, the problem was always there.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

michael had sleeping problems since the 70s and this was way before all the name calling. He was known to walk around his family home at 3am and stay in the recording studio till all hours to the point that he crash. So, he was not driven to not sleeping, the problem was always there.

thanks, i knew that, what i didnt know is that he had to use anesthesia (which i think he started after the 2003 or 2004 or something i read, he couldnt stand all the bad thoughts) and now cause he felt he needed to sleep, may be he thought he'll be in better shape for the concerts

 

[colla]

they should

 

[astridbjonness]

It is very touching to read your comments and I am happy to see how many people around have so strong feelings and conscience.
I am more ashamed than feeling guilt as I am a fan only after his death. I am ashamed not to have read about him before, not to have listenend to his music and coming to understand who this beautiful man really was. Then I could have done something with it like talking to people, giving them advice and writing about him for the papers. Now I keep on talking and writing but it is difficult even though many more people now understand who he was and love him. That is really great. But, as I have heard from many (also very young people): why did I not know him before?
We must keep on talking about him, showing to people how great he was. I think many more people will understand in the future and that the future is his with a lot of love.

 

[Ramona122003]

thanks, i knew that, what i didnt know is that he had to use anesthesia (which i think he started after the 2003 or 2004 or something i read, he couldnt stand all the bad thoughts) and now cause he felt he needed to sleep, may be he thought he'll be in better shape for the concerts

Actually, he used anesthesia during the History Tour which would be 96-97. It was never confirm that he used it during 2003. However, since his house was raided several times in 2003 and 2004, I think the LAPD would had found the anesthesia and it would had been front page news along with the porn.

From what Michael himself said about his sleeping problems, it was mostly cause by him always having new ideas about music. This was somewhat confirm by Kenny when he said Michael would call him a 3am with ideas for the concert.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

Actually, he used anesthesia during the History Tour which would be 96-97. It was never confirm that he used it during 2003. However, since his house was raided several times in 2003 and 2004, I think the LAPD would had found the anesthesia and it would had been front page news along with the porn.

From what Michael himself said about his sleeping problems, it was mostly cause by him always having new ideas about music. This was somewhat confirm by Kenny when he said Michael would call him a 3am with ideas for the concert.

It was confirmed that he used anesthesia during the History tour too??? wow, i didnt know that, that must have been tiresome, stressful and aweful to say the least and just my God, poor Michael... cannot believe it...

I did read he was using anesthesia during the trial days, Grace will sleep by his side and she would control everything. Thats what i read, but yes it was not confirmed, i tend to believe he did used it, but i dont know, all i can say is i feel terribly bad, that must have been a HELL for him... i have insomnia issues since i was 9 years old, but i never had to tour... and yes it was cause many ideas comes to ones mind... i wonder who gave him that idea of the anesthesia... thats the one.. cant believe it

 

[Ramona122003]

It was confirmed that he used anesthesia during the History tour too??? wow, i didnt know that, that must have been tiresome, sressful and aweful to say the least and just my God, poor Michael... cannot believe it...

I did read he was using anesthesia during the trial days, Grace will sleep by his side and she would control everthing. Thats what i read, but yes it was not confirmed, i tend to believe he did used it, but i dont know, all i casn say is i feel terribly bad, that must have been a hell for him... i have insomnia issues since i was 9 years old, but i never had to tour... and yes it was cause many ideas comes to ones mind... i wonder who gave him that idea of the anesthesia... thats the one.. cant believe it

I highly doubt he used it during the trail. His family was staying with him the entire time and I find it hard to believe that he used anesthesia for five months without any of them noticing.

Also, Michael always had a doctor to give him anesthesia. He actually had a train anesthesic with him during the History Tour. Murray is a train doctor, if you can call him that, who should had been train to perform CPR correctly if things went wrong. So, Michael never had some random person or helper give him anesthesia.

 

[FedoraHatGirl2058]

I highly doubt he used it during the trail. His family was staying with him the entire time and I find it hard to believe that he used anesthesia for five months without any of them noticing.

Also, Michael always had a doctor to give him anesthesia. He actually had a train anesthesic with him during the History Tour. Murray is a train doctor, if you can call him that, who should had been train to perform CPR correctly if things went wrong. So, Michael never had some random person or helper give him anesthesia.

i guess we will never know for sure. I do know Michael had people coming and going to the ranch all the time, may be some doctor was there and we didnt even know... but thats only me speculating, may be one day some one will say what happened, may be not.

 

[BunnyHead]

In some ways I feel guilt because even though I adore, admire, and loved the guy since I was a kid, it took me so long to actually realize how much he meant to me and to truly understand him.

When I was a kid, I danced to his music, watched on tv all of the time but my absolute love for him was kept bottled up because I was so shy about crushing on him, not because people called him weird but because I was shy about guys.

Sometimes I said "He is crazy" but not for the same reasons the media labeled him as "***** *****", I just couldnt figure out after 1993 he allowed children into his bedroom, I mean I believe 100% that he was innocent and just because they were in same room that doesnt mean that anything innappropriate went on, I know nothing went on , I think people were going overboard and thinking the worst of things due to society brainwashing ,but I just said "how could he put himself in this situation, now they are going to do whatever they can to put him in prison" and I was so afraid the jury was going to send an innocent man to jail, that day of the verdict I ran into my sister's room, plopped on her queen sized bed and buried my face full of tears because I was so afraid.

When the whole balconey situation happened I hit myself on the head, I mean I know that Michael was not treating Blanket like a toy and he would not try to put his child in harm's way, but I was like "Why is he doing this, now he's gonna get the heat" It was kinda like dealing with a family member's habits and that urke you.

But I finally realized why Michael did those things, it's because Michael
didnt think like everyone else because believe or not Michael is the closet thing to a perfect human being and me as well as the majority of the world are far from it which is why so many people hate him with a passion, it's because they felt threated by his perfection, I could never think Michael was a horrible person and I was never apart of those hateful bandwagons, infact they made me so angry since I was a kid, when I was younger my cousin lied and told me Michael Jackson died and I wanted to punch him because he almost made me cry, when the "Why" video came out a stupid girl in my class made a disguisting remark and I was so angry by it, I even was starting to dislike people like Kelly Ripa (whom I adore) for saying smart remarks, it just hurts my heart when people rip him apart, I want to create enemies when people dog him endlessly. I cannot stand Billy from Greenday anymore after his comment about him kissing Lisa Marie at the 94 VMA'S.

Speaking of the two I was upset when he married her and I had cut him off for awhile (typical fangirl mode) because I felt she prolly didnt love him...but I was wrong and I'm glad I was wrong because he was glowing at that time and he had a confidence I never saw before.

The one thing I feel guilty about the most is that I never even made an effort to reach out to him, I've made two efforts to reach out and grasp the attention of two of my favorite korean artists whom I never thought I would meet in 10000 years because of where they were from...and it worked, I was able to meet him. When I'd talk about meeting MJ I'd say "That's something that would just have to happen, I'd never go to a fan signing or an appearance because he's too huge and I'd get trampled"......After meeting those two korean artists I used to say "I can't believe I met them" and now after Michael's passing I don't even think about it because my life doesnt feel complete, I feel like as a fan I let Michael down, he loved all of his fans deeply and I feel like I wasnt good enough, I feel like I let him down, I could have reached out to him via youtube, a drawing, a letter etc etc and I didnt even make the attempt because I didnt believe it could happen. Maybe he'd still be here if I had reached out.

This is pain I will have to live with forever

:no::no::no::no::no:

 

[stineLOVESmichael]

I feel guilty for never gone to see him SOMEWHERE
MY STUPID AGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND WHY DO I LIVE HERE???
so far away from him, always!!!!!

the closest I've ever been was I had just visited my friend in London to go around london to see places Michael has visited..we even went to the lanesborough..
I went back home and 2 days later MJ ARRIVED IN LONDON FOR THE PRESS CONFERANCE!!!!!!! wtf????
My mum refused me to go as I've JUST been in london and spent thousans of norwegian kr.. and now my school holiday was over and I had to go to school..

and besided she told me to save my money as he was probably gonna announce concerts anyway so I was gonna see him ANYWAY. which was true!!! so I didn't go to the press conferance.. *cries*
and I've been saving since I was 7 to see him... I should have just gone to London..AGAIN. I had the chance.

 

[xoxHannaHPYTxox]

I wish he hadnt said he was going to tour and the strain he was under. I feel guilty for being so excited, i feel guily because i feel selfish that i so badly wanted to see him while he was under so much pressure to perform for the fans, for me.
I feel guilty for buying the tickets.
I feel angry that i never got to tell him how much i loved him.