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~ * ~ do u guys feel You are changed since Michael's left us?

MarriedtoMichaelinmyheart

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lost, lonely & scared... wanna live with Michael i
well... i feel alot more lonelier. problems seem huger now... i give up easily. i don't try hard. things are a lot more hurting now. little things tortures me, which once none used to.



and i am a lot more sentisive.
i cry easily... everything to this loss can makes me weep wherever, whenever.


like etoday at university, the professor was teaching about... massive numbers of corpse in a disaster like earthquake and what paramedics and first aiders should so with them and treat the family who has lost one.

since that topic started i started to feel weirs and awful... if was as if i had just noticed that i have lost :heart:Michael and all the images of Him beign taken to autipsy and the pictures of Forest Laen, Him in the kasket, them emorial... alll came flashing.... torturing my heart.



my teacher explained how not to get scared by dead bodies and that most people are repeled by corpse... then he mentioed that sometimes some dead people are jut worshiped and people die to see them... he mentioed our ex-leader! and that was when one of my classmates from no where suddenly piped up "and some artist"!
and before i could lift my head up, my teacher said, "yes :heart:Michael Jackson" some people very much like Him!" an


i started to cry and that was when he noticed and asked if i was okay. he assumed i was disgusted by the corpse topic.
i said i was okay and then walked out but they all saw the tears in my eyes.
i sat on the stairs and cried till one of my clasmates came and took me to the yard, i stayed there and went back.


the topic was the same and gee... just got into what hurt me most...
how hard is it to loose someoen and what a person goes through when they loose a loved one and ....
i began to ... but suddenly, my teacher said soemthing like, "oh stop it. u wanna cry, go out or i ..." can't recall well.

i don't know if he was feeling guilty that his words were hurting me and meant symphaty or he was mad at me!

i felt pathertic somehow.
i am sure... none realized what was going on with me. some have no idea i am a fan and those who does surely couldn't get it why.



and there has been more situations like that when i can't stop the tears.


i don't want such thing to happen again. they don't understand it at all.






soo.... tell me about You, how You are changed? in a good way or bad way?
and you may share your "teary-moments"
 
:hug: doesn't seem like your teacher was all that sympathetic to you, or at least didn't know how to act. I don't think it was right of him to tell you to stop crying and leave. I think for me personally, my life has changed for the better, only because I wasn't following Michael's life closely when he was still here. It took his passing to remind me of his messages, and now I want to be a better person and try to make the world a better place. He has completely changed my focus. And I had been in a really dark place before truly discovering him. I still really miss him a lot though and wish he could have been here still when I was fully awakened, but sometimes that's just the way it's meant to be. I've gotten more sensitive about what's going on around the world too.
 
*Hugs, ForeverBeInPeace*...

For me, I've become stronger.. I suppose. Definitely a bit more. It takes a lot to make me cry these days, hard to draw a specific reaction from me at times, because I'm able to control my emotions and swallow the pain.. practice, I suppose. I'm able to watch horror movies without fear, even see dead people in their coffin etc, I am not that terrified of death, but am very interested in it and the afterlife... Sorry for sounding so graphic...

There have been a lot of things crushing me before, and I do feel as though I'm crushed many a time these days, but through the simple joys of life. .. Only thanks to God have I been able to slowly heal from Michael's abrupt passing and I am still trying to heal, still struggling to not feel pain at watching something on him or listening to a song, in fact, I rarely do it... Am still on medication, because I was impossibly close to a close myself that time (not in that way, but naturally, for my heart was this close to giving up to the pain), I've felt life getting sucked out of me after June 25 and many many months after.. The worst of hell imaginable I've felt. So.. yeah.. it could only have been God.
 
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His music gives me a drive to succeed. It did that when he was around, but since he left, I've felt it more.

I do on the odd occasion have a random feeling of guilt when I listen to another artist, I can't seem to get rid of it for some reason.
 
Alma said:
*Hugs, ForeverBeInPeace*...

For me, I've become stronger.. I suppose. Definitely a bit more. It takes a lot to make me cry these days, hard to draw a specific reaction from me at times, because I'm able to control my emotions and swallow the pain.. practice, I suppose. I'm able to watch horror movies without fear, even see dead people in their coffin etc, I am not that terrified of death, but am very interested in it and the afterlife... Sorry for sounding so graphic...
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the same for me. i used to fear death but now i somehow embrace it if it calls me.
and i am not afraid of dead people eiter, not repelled either.
and the same with horror movies!

interesting.



and i am so happy that u r trying to heal. :)

thanks for sharing.
 
think for me personally, my life has changed for the better, only because I wasn't following Michael's life closely when he was still here. It took his passing to remind me of his messages, and now I want to be a better person and try to make the world a better place. He has completely changed my focus. And I had been in a really dark place before truly discovering him. I still really miss him a lot though and wish he could have been here still when I was fully awakened, but sometimes that's just the way it's meant to be. I've gotten more sensitive about what's going on around the world too.
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good changes for You.
 
My life is not the same. I have a constant pain in my heart.
I do things in my life...but then I stop and think : " Oh, Michael....I miss you so much. "
Little things can easily make me cry sometimes. I miss him and everything about him terribly.
They are announcing Bon Jovi concert in my country this summer...and it makes me so sad and jelaous. I can"t stop thinking " why....why..I wish Michael came to my country so that I can expirience his magical presence..." :(
He is always in my heart and in my thoughts. Always.
 
ah thanks for this thread dear "foreverbeinpeaceMichael" I was pondering on making one like that too... couldn't decide how I was gonna do it though... I'm never been so 'emotional' since lately... It hits me in waves... I can have weeks acting 'normally' and 'healed' and just one stupid remark from a friend of a 'place' I have to go to and yep... I'm back at square one... PHEW...

I'm definately changed... I'm much more 'emo' and easy go 'ballistic' over silly things...
Like On Saturday I went to a store where they sell all kinds of stuff from cookery, household, clothes till toys... I spend awhile in the toy's section though... I love browsing there... as I feel 'closer' to Michael then... They have some hightech toys these days... This 'elephant' toy just melted my heart... Its part of my toy collection now with the name "Gypsy"...

Every Sunday, my mum and I watch the "Eastenders" omnibus already since I've been a child... I used not to be bothered by the 'storylines'... Its just a soap...and now hey... I sit there crying my eyes out every week and cursing at their actions...

Indeed, life has gotten more tougher...
I'm keeping my head up as I know I have you guys... Bless you all...

In fact when Michael was still here... I was known as a 'tomboy'... a 'dare devil' ... without fear... without pain... always having an answer... crying was for woolies...
Right now, I've turned into a 'wooly' pfffff.... I'm even 'broken' fysically now... having a 'titanium' friend in my spine...
Though, I'm NEVER giving up... I'm gonna live my life to the fullest and sooth my scars...

We have a duty to honour the one who sacrified his own life for us only to make us happy, only to make this world a better place... I intend to make our Michael PROUD...
 
zpredra5 said:
My life is not the same. I have a constant pain in my heart.
I do things in my life...but then I stop and think : " Oh, Michael....I miss you so much. "
Little things can easily make me cry sometimes. I miss him and everything about him terribly.
They are announcing Bon Jovi concert in my country this summer...and it makes me so sad and jelaous. I can"t stop thinking " why....why..I wish Michael came to my country so that I can expirience his magical presence..." :(
He is always in my heart and in my thoughts. Always.
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i do understand.... that contant pain... and the crying. and the jealousy. *sigh*
 
ah thanks for this thread dear "foreverbeinpeaceMichael" I was pondering on making one like that too... couldn't decide how I was gonna do it though... I'm never been so 'emotional' since lately... It hits me in waves... I can have weeks acting 'normally' and 'healed' and just one stupid remark from a friend of a 'place' I have to go to and yep... I'm back at square one... PHEW...
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yeah i know what u mean... all okay, then BOOM! u r thrown allllllllllllllllllllll days back to the first one... all the pain, everything comes back.
 
I still feel awful ´cause Michael has left us. There are days when I feel better and I actually think that I´m over the mourning. But then there come these days again when I just wanna cry my eyes out. My family don´t understand that and - mostly of all - when Michael has passed I´ve stopped to make music. Since today I haven´t sung a single note ´cause I know that I would burst into tears. It´s like a big ball sits inside my chest - it´s hard to breath and the tears are rolling down my cheeks. I feel so empty inside myself and I just wanna forget what has happened. Michael will always be with me - I know that - but I miss him so badly - it´s such a big hurt.
Yeah, it has changed my life completely.
 
for me some days are better, some days are worse... I can be doing something, or watching tv (something totally MJ unrelated) but then they can say something that will remind me of Michael and I'll start crying. The pain is still there, it will always be there. I miss him terribly. For the most part I hide my feelings from my family and friends, because even though they know I am an MJ fan and they respect that and they know that I still grieve, they don't know the extent of it and I prefer for it to stay that way.... I don't want to explain my feelings to anybody.... That's one of the reasons why I am thankful of this forum, here I can be open about my feelings...
 
Oh, girl. I know what you mean. I would be glad if you could send me a pm. Maybe if we share our feelings we will feel better? :)
Please, don´t give up. We´re all here for you. :)
 
I'm definitely not the same and my fiancee has commented on that fact a few times :( Her reason for wanting MJ back is to see me more happy again. Whenever I listened to his music before it had a healing quality that always lifted me somehow. But now I get the same enjoyment out of hearing it but it is starting to feel like that the same healing power is no longer there and I am left feeling sad and crappy when I go a few days without hearing any Michael :( :( :(
 
ForeverBeInPeaceMichael said:
the same for me. i used to fear death but now i somehow embrace it if it calls me.
and i am not afraid of dead people eiter, not repelled either.
and the same with horror movies!

interesting.

and i am so happy that u r trying to heal. :)

thanks for sharing.
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Aww.. Interesting to know you feel the same about all of the above...):

How is everything going with you..? Hopefully better... *hugs*
 
Initially when he passed I felt like all the light had gone from the world and I didn't know how it would ever come back. I could not see the world the same way, it felt an almost pointless place without Michael. I found I was able to heal a bit by spending time with other fans who felt the same way I did.

After a while though I felt that I was making my grief worse by listening to Michael all the time and decided to have a sort of shut-down period, then came back slowly, but only listened to happier songs.

I again take comfort these days in being around other fans, and for the first time in a long time I actually felt elated at AND after a fan gathering at Fulham FC last week and realised Michael really does live on within us if we want him to. It was one of those days when our love for Michael just took over and shined through, and although it was a little emotional it was a joyful time too (especially getting a level of understanding from those outside of the community). These are moments I treasure these days.

I am lucky enough to be in a relationship with another fan so I can share both my grief and my joy with someone who truly understands and feels the same way.

In some ways I am changed in that I get emotional at random times when thinking of how unfair it is that Michael is gone but I have also learned a valuable lesson; NEVER TAKE ANYTHING OR ANYONE FOR GRANTED. I have lost people in the past, including 2 of my friends in very sudden circumstances, but with Michael...he was one of those people I just always assumed would be there, he WAS always there, even when he wasn't hugely in the public eye he was still always there, and I never EVER thought that someday he wouldn't be (as crazy as that sounds).

As a person I am somewhat changed, I have found myself becoming more involved with charity work (although on the quiet as I don't like to draw attention to it - I do it for charity not the praise, this is pretty much the first time I've even mentioned it lol) and I have tried to be a more understanding and forgiving person. This can be hard at times when you get the odd one or two who are just out to make trouble or be spiteful but I wish NOBODY any ill even if I feel they are behaving badly.

So yes, I guess I have changed to a degree.
 
yes guys.... it's alll that "WE MISS :heart:MICHAEL" so so much. thats the main problem... and this is unbearable... literally UNbearable.
and people can't understand that for as time goes on and on, most people forget but for us.... not only we can't do that but the pain of missing Him grows deeper... everyday, we miss Him more and ... there is just nothing we can do about it.



why can't earth and heaven both have :heart:Michael?
 
but with Michael...he was one of those people I just always assumed would be there, he WAS always there, even when he wasn't hugely in the public eye he was still always there, and I never EVER thought that someday he wouldn't be (as crazy as that sounds).
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i do do do do do do understand that with all my heart.


and gee... oh my.
it's just sadly magical when i read about Your feelings.
so different people, from different countries... but feeling so much same.

it feel so so great to know someone understands :yes:












Thank u for sharing ur feelings, emotions and ur heart. :huggy:
 
I went through a similar period after Michael passed, but I realised that I couldn't spend my life wishing things had been different or he didn't pass or whatever. Michael might've been special, but that doesn't mean you're not or that you can't make a difference in the world. Why be upset and cry every day when you can realise what an amazing message Michael carried with him, and that you too can carry it on? You can be a part of his legacy and do good in this world, it only takes strength within yourself and knowing that Michael would be proud of each and every one of his fans. I don't think he'd want us to spend our days crying and wishing that we could be taken away to be with him. Don't wish away your life like that, you have SO much to live for.

And you know what? There are plenty of people out there in the world like Michael, they're just not necessarily famous. There are so many wonderful guys out there, so many wonderful people making a difference in the world. Don't close yourself off to possibilities because Michael's gone, think of it as a way to discover new things and become inspired by him.
 
I went through a similar period after Michael passed, but I realised that I couldn't spend my life wishing things had been different or he didn't pass or whatever. Michael might've been special, but that doesn't mean you're not or that you can't make a difference in the world. Why be upset and cry every day when you can realise what an amazing message Michael carried with him, and that you too can carry it on? You can be a part of his legacy and do good in this world, it only takes strength within yourself and knowing that Michael would be proud of each and every one of his fans. I don't think he'd want us to spend our days crying and wishing that we could be taken away to be with him. Don't wish away your life like that, you have SO much to live for.
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kindofdsico
i know what u mean and i have heard those again and again from so so many people but

it's just that..... I miss Him and that is really killing me. there ain't nothing i can do about it. I simply miss Him :cry:
and although i know i must be strong and carry on His message, His legacy ... still i miss Him so so much that i wish to go to Him.
 
Never, EVER wish your life away, okay? Do you think Michael did that when James Brown passed? Or somebody he loved dearly? No, he'd know that he had many people around him that love him, and taking your own life away to be with someone else is going to hurt other people. What about your family? They would be distraught if you passed away. You have so much to live for. You have a bright and beautiful future ahead of you, and this is just a phase which will help you grow stronger.
 
Your words are really wonderful!!! Thanks for your comments, kindofdisco. :)
I really understand you also, ForeverBeinPeaceMichael - but it´s not healthy to think constantly negative. Try to cheer up your life again. Go out, have fun. If you´r constantly mourning, you´ll become sick. And Michael wouldn´t want you to become like that. Be happy that you´re healthy, try to embrace the life and spend time with your family and friends. Please, don´t stay alone.
Please, do take these advises serious - I´m not kidding. I know what it means to be depressive - it takes you down and you don´t even wanna stand up again.
You´re not like that, girl!!! Please, start to love your life again!!! I know you can do it!!! :)
 
I'm better some days then others too - its strange, like last night I had a dream about Michael and I cannot stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly and my heart aches nearly two years since he went and I feel like a big piece of my soul is missing. Grief can be quite lonely but sometimes I talk to him and other times I get convinced that he's out there alive somewhere laughing at the haters. I don't know what to think anymore, all I know is how I feel and that is pure constant and undying love for my Michael no matter what he will never ever be forgotten and will never leave my heart and soul.

I do know how hard it can be though - I have therapy as I am quite an anxious person, when my therapist asks about some terrible things that have happened in my life I can tlak about them and share my thoughts on them without a wave of emotion its like I've numbed myself to them - yet when he asks about my feelings towards Michael since he left I break down and feel that I will never be able to heal the wound in my heart. Its strange as I was talking to my boyfriend about my grief and although he understands he says I only ever knew the 'stage' Michael, not the real Michael - but somehow I feel connceted emotionally to him as though I did know him, its all very confusing. My therapist says that my 'affinity' with Michael may have something to do with feeling misunderstood, abandoned in childhood...who knows but all I know is that I love the very soul of Michael and I will never 'get over' this :(
 
JMie said:
for me some days are better, some days are worse... I can be doing something, or watching tv (something totally MJ unrelated) but then they can say something that will remind me of Michael and I'll start crying. The pain is still there, it will always be there. I miss him terribly. For the most part I hide my feelings from my family and friends, because even though they know I am an MJ fan and they respect that and they know that I still grieve, they don't know the extent of it and I prefer for it to stay that way.... I don't want to explain my feelings to anybody.... That's one of the reasons why I am thankful of this forum, here I can be open about my feelings...
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I know what you mean Jmie. Especially hiding your feelings from your family. Which is something that I have to do. Especially since my entire family hates Michael Jackson. And they can't understand what I see in him.


I know I have forever change. I am still very much suffering from depression over what had happen to him. I still can't be happy or excited for anything or anyone. Especially for Prince William and Kate Middleton. I should be really happy and excited for them. But I can't not even the slightest ounce. Whenever I hear about their wedding on tv I just either put the tv on mute or I just change the channel. Because I don't want to hear about it because I don't care about it. And it is my depression that is making me feel this way. I haven't felt happy and or excited since before 6:30 pm on June 25th 2009. And I remember that day before I had heard the worst news ever at that time. Being really happy and excited for Michael's concerts that was going to be in a couple of weeks. Even though I couldn't go to them because they were going to be in England and I live in the U.S. At least I had this site to come to and read what the fans that were going had to say about them and stuff like that. Misery and sadness has been my new happiness ever since. I still can't handle watching any of my MJ related videos and I miss watching him so extremely much. I can still handle listening to him but not that much. I only tend to listen to him when I really need to hear him. Which it doesn't happen that much any more. :sad: I also still can't handle seeing or hearing any date that was before June 25th 2009 because we still had Michael and I was happy then. I also can't handle seeing people on tv or in real life having fun especially having fun with water because it just tends to make me think about Michael (As does mostly every thing else). And it just makes me even more sadder than I already am. I am almost always ready to cry or start crying over him again. Because I just tend to think about those home movies of his. And how he was in them having fun and stuff. Another thing I am always thinking about or watching things that has to do with death. Or that I am wishing that I was dead now. Only because that is where I want to be more than anything else now. Because that is where my beloved Michael is now and I just want to be where he is now. I just hate living so much any more. When we still had him I used to L.O.V.E. life and never had a reason to want to be dead. I had totally given up on finding things that might cure my depression. I have try just about everything and it all fail for me. No matter what I do or get thinking it might help me cure my depression it doesn't. When I had gotten my Nintendo Wii as an early Christmas present this past Christmas. I thought for sure that would be the cure that I need for my depression. And it really was helping me get better until that murdering bastard decided to plead not guilty. And put me right back in to my depression again. Now I lost any desire of wanting to go back and play my Nintendo Wii again. Eating, sleeping, playing one of my Sims games, and telling myself these little made up MJ stories are the only things that I sought comfort in now. Especially since I have totally given up on finding cures for my depression. And on most days I wear mostly black colored clothes. Because I hardly ever decide to wear colored clothes anymore. It is always mostly one of my black MJ t-shirts along with black pants and sweater or sweat shirt that I wear mostly now. Just to show I am still very much in mourning for Michael and I know I always forever will be. :sad: :boohoo:
 
^ I say this in the best possible way: you need to find the strength in yourself to overcome this. Its not doing you or Michael's memory any good by remaining in this state, and do not think for a second that Michael would want you to die in order to join him where ever he's gone. He needs you to live your life to the fullest, to be happy and to find your passion. Maybe you could find something that inspires you through Michael and work on that? Do you love children? Or maybe drawing, art, music, dance? If you connect it to the joyful memories you have of Michael, I'm sure it'll push you out of this black hole you're in and really get you somewhere better.
 
ForeverBeInPeaceMichael said:
kindofdsico
i know what u mean and i have heard those again and again from so so many people but

it's just that..... I miss Him and that is really killing me. there ain't nothing i can do about it. I simply miss Him :cry:
and although i know i must be strong and carry on His message, His legacy ... still i miss Him so so much that i wish to go to Him.
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Hang in there, please... Try to do it..
 
kindofdisco said:
^ I say this in the best possible way: you need to find the strength in yourself to overcome this. Its not doing you or Michael's memory any good by remaining in this state, and do not think for a second that Michael would want you to die in order to join him where ever he's gone. He needs you to live your life to the fullest, to be happy and to find your passion. Maybe you could find something that inspires you through Michael and work on that? Do you love children? Or maybe drawing, art, music, dance? If you connect it to the joyful memories you have of Michael, I'm sure it'll push you out of this black hole you're in and really get you somewhere better.
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Great advice! Thanks kingofdisco

The POSITIVE stuff I've learnt from Michael's **** is that "never take anything for granted"... I mean "Here one day, gone one night"
I'm more gratefull for little things... I can marvel at butterflies, trees, yes even bugs... I love the clouds, the sunset...
I'm not really attached to 'material' stuff anymore... I value freedom, friends, family MUCH MORE than before...
Maybe, its cause my health took a wrong turn in 2009... I'm currently still fighting for my 'recognizition' as "invalid"... Its still a battle and that 'troubles' the 'healing progress too... I constantly have to 'consult' doctors and counselors and I just want to move on and fullfill my dreams but someone always seem to screw it up...

Even NOW I've learnt from Michael to NEVER give up... Okay, I have fysicial restrictions but that doesn't make me into a 'veggie' right...

Sowwy, for the 'rambling' here... I just had a day from hell... Need to see my doc tomoz... I'm getting fed up with this...
 
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