Re: Any Believers in Jesus Christ Here? (Non-debate thread for believers only)
Hello folks. Thought I'd stop by this thread because I guess i have to 'testify' lolol And the reason why I want to do it here is because...well, the MJ community as a whole, because of what MJ stood for ...I've always found this was a community I most related to, no matter what their religious beliefs. And I think its only fitting that I share this here with other believers (I'm sorry for how ridiculously long this is!).
Some who have read some of my posts on this board, the last couple of weeks I've been taken on a 'spiritual' journey of sorts. I won't get into the nitty gritty details of the conclusions it has made me come to - as there are too many to count, and too many to articulate properly. I don't think I've processed it all myself. But it involved really taking a step back and listening...hearing God or my spiritual source...reading, following where God led me (and for the first time in my life I really felt him LEADING me, directly, in my spirit - its quite an amazing phenomenon), and just soaking up all this information, being honest with myself about my beliefs, and opening my heart to what I believe in my heart is true. Opening my heart to doubts, fears and uncertainties, and being okay with those things, finding peace within those things. I've really discovered with true FAITH is, at least for me.
ANd for me, I've discovered its not in the church. Its not in institutions. Or at least, not one. I was raised by devoted baptists (and funnily enough, I've never actually been baptized in the symbolic sense, with the whole dip in the water and all of that). One of the discoveries I've had is that God is EVERYWHERE. Many christians say this and I've said it too. But to internalize it? To truly understand what that means? Nope. Not me. See I've been taught and kind of understood through all of my years in Christian communities that God is some lofty thing in the sky, only there to answer your prayers if you're 'good' enough or have 'faith' enough. I felt so far removed. I had to struggle to reconcile thoughts that might be considered 'blasphemous' because all of the rules rooted in someone's interpretation of doctrine. It kind of forces you not think sometimes. If you think, that leads to doubt, doubt leads to lack of faith, lack of faith leads to fire and brimstone. (I one time got reprimanded in sunday school as a child for asking why God had to be a 'He.' Wouldn't He be technically a She too if we are all made in 'His' image?)
But if I truly believed in a loving, just, all knowing, all encompassing God who was EVERYWHERE....then I realized I can't get bogged down in doctrine anymore. I believe God is far greater than any doctrine. He is greater than a group of 'rules'. He's more complex, complicated, and vast than we can probably even imagine or even think to imagine. He created an entire universe we haven't seen a fraction of, and do not fully understand. He created us with brains that we only use 10% of. He created the atoms and electrons and the ecosystem and everything moving and thriving in harmony to make existence actually exist. And yet we have this tendency, this NEED, to put labels on him and all that he is. Those labels, I believe, not only conceptualizes God of course - which is understandable, but it makes us feel safe. For what is faith if we don't question? What is faith if we follow a set of rules just so we don't go to Hell or just so we can get the Heaven? Isn't faith about NOT being certain of everything, admitting that you are not certain, but choosing to believe in the glory that is God? Then why do institutions act like they KNOW everything about God and how people should or should not live? Those people are revered as the ones with the most 'faith.'
Do some christians really believe that God views what we do here on earth as some sort of check list? A report card? Is that how finite we believe his Love is for us?
I asked this question when my uncle ranted to me about a dispute he had with my mother. As a God-fearing Christian man, he said the reason why he's letting it go is not because he felt bad. He felt God was looking at him with his judgy eyes, and that if he was going to get in God's 'good graces' - he better get right with his sister. That by hurting her, he was hurting himself - and he didn't want to hurt himself, especially in the long run. He was trying to mess up his chances to get to heaven.
I couldn't help but think '.....that is the craziest s**t I ever heard!" :lol:
And I really had to step back and be honest with myself then. In short, and very crude terms, isn't that what I've been taught all my life? "Repent and be SAVED!' All those times in church where they pretty much peer-pressure you to go up to the alter and 'receive the holy spirit' or else suffer eternal damnation.
Personally, and this is just me personally, I believe there's more to life than that.
I believe there was more to Jesus dying on the cross for us than that. And I believe we as a people get so bogged down in details and interpretations and being 'right' and 'wrong' that we completely miss the point of the messages in the Bible that are trying to get through in the midst of 1) several translations 2) several hundred years removed of time and VERY IMPORTANT context.
What use is free will if our eternal life is kind of the 'carrot' being dangled in front of our eyes as this reward?
I believe Jesus came down and lived on earth in flesh form not just to prepare us for eternal life. But to LIVE LIFE NOW. And I think churches and preachers completely skip over this fact. Completely. Its like life itself is the crappy meal we gotta get through until we get to the 'dessert' that is heaven. But what does the lord's prayer say? "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven"
So when we skip over that little part, life itself seems to become superficial. Like you're only doing it for selfish reasons: to get into heaven. So YOU can be with God.
But if God is EVERYWHERE, if we truly believe that...then aren't we already WITH him?
He breathed life into our lungs, gave his brains to keep us breathing without even THINKING about it, he keeps our heart pumping, he stores our souls and our energies in this physical world - like MAGIC. Talk about a miracle!
Then would it be such a big stretch to believe that God is inside of us? All of us? And we are inside of Him?
I know most christians believe this - its called the Holy Spirit. And yet still we keep trying to 'catch it' in church or bring it forth when its ALWAYS inside of us. Which means GOD is inside of us.
And when I really internalize this fact, I started to realize that my spiritual walk is not something I need to do to get to heaven and it really shouldn't be that way. Humanity was made to love. Humanity was made to walk with God. In all of our imperfections. God knows all so he already knew we were screw ups :lol: But he loves us anyway, and it wasn't just about using his son to have him 'pay up' for all that sinning we were doing, for humanity to 'win' God's affections again...I don't think it was about that. Jesus was brought down here to show us how to live, not how to die. When the world was against him, he still loved all those who did wrong. When they tortured him to death, he still loved. Thats how God is with us. thats how he's always been - he IS unconditional love, thats what I truly believe. And if I truly believe that, then I can't believe in A LOT of the stuff most churches are teaching. When I stopped getting bogged down in cultural interpretations, and the (I believe) pointless details (in the scheme of things, in the scheme of all that is holy - literally! lol)....then LIFE itself became much more authentic. I found new meaning in what MJ said many times (in many different ways) in Dancing the Dream - that what we do here, us just simply existing, is in constant and perfect alignment with the universe, the universe in which God is always within and apart of. We are the moon, the stars, the oceans, the birds - we ARE connected to each other through being God's creation. Michael danced to connect with that fact - he danced and felt the dance and the infectious beat of everything that the world has to offer - spiritually, in his soul. And we can do the same with however God touches us. Because he is THAT close. And thanks to that, we are good because we WANT to be, not because we need to get an eternal reward, but because we are one with God and God's desires are ours. Caring for each other and this planet means caring for ourselves, it means caring for God himself, it means caring for the universe, all at the same time. Thats what I get out of Jesus washing people's feet.
And thats this journey I"ve been on in these last few weeks. Discovering how close God is. And looking within for him. Being present with him. Seeing him in all things. Every tragedy is an opportunity to grow and to carry out God's will. Every instance in life is teaching us something, its like God walking side by side and giving us lessons along the way. Not 'trials' - lessons. I don't think God gets some satisfaction in seeing how much we can suffer. But I do think he uses our humanity (in all its goodness, but also in its imperfections) as a way for us to learn. I personally see no better reason but to learn with God through out this thing called life, even if that means a lot of pain and a lot of suffering.
(sidebar - in this way, I often reflect on what I've seen in MJ's life. For instance - if it was even true, I think it was Jermaine who said it - that MJ had a meeting in the twin towers on 9/11 and missed them because he overslept...and just the idea that Mj HAD to go through the 2005 trial before he died. It always was unsettling to me as a fan, that it had to happen to him in the order that it did. I just think its just really interesting, and just to clarify I'm not insinuating that he deserved it or anything like that. I'm saying that...he personally needed to go through that in his life, and come out the other side of that, for whatever reason that only he and God knows.)
But more to the point, I don't have to keep SEARCHING for God, and I don't have to keep questioning whether I'll be in his good graces (I haven't been baptized! Omg will i go to hell?). All I have to do is look within, the Spirit will tell me where to go - and its really just a matter of if I'm listening or not. I don't have to worry about validating my beliefs with interpretations of the Bible - checking if I'm doing this and that right or not. I just need to look within. God will let me know. We are connected. As I'm connected with anyone reading this (kudos for reading this much!). I know this because through these last few weeks, SO many coincidences have been happening to me...but I just dont think they're coincidences. Because God knows you better than anyone, he will speak to you in ways that only you will internalize, unique to you. And for me, I began to recognize this - as I pray or meditate on something - I receive in answer in the next thing I read, or the next thing a person says, or in the next song I hear. And its absolutely fascinating. Maybe this has always happened to me and I just wasn't paying attention. And sure, it could be just coincidence, but I choose to believe its God speaking in a way he knows I'll listen. He knows I analyze pretty much everything lol I eat this kind of thing up hahaha!
And many times its not even a definite answer. (But of course not, or else how are you going to learn?) I meditated about my fear of death, my recent grief over Michael's death, and just what I'm supposed to get out of all of this. Once I was done, the next song that came on my player was MJ's 'Fly Away."
You can probably guess why I smiled from ear to ear.
And thing is, if you listen to the lyrics as I did, its not really an answer. The lyrics are like, "Our love's an ocean" "together we'll fly" "there's no place too far for us, we don't need it" "gonna stay, love today" but then of course the "baby don't make me fly away." I was outside at the time, and of course my attention went to the birds flying from tree to tree, playing tag with each other, my mind wandered again to that interconnectedness I talked about earlier, which is another thing to smile about. Obviously, I didn't dig TOO deep about this being an answer to a specific question (was this in response to MJ's death, my fear of death? what?) and even what it meant...but I did accept that as a response. That someone up there, out there, around me, within me....heard me. And really thats all I needed. This is coming after several instances like this over the course of the last few weeks.
So yeah, I thought I'd share my experiences. And with these experiences, I realized (if ANYONE read this long essay lol) that I may have offended some devout Christians here. So I want to stress that, these are just my beliefs, beliefs that work for me as someone who believes in God and Jesus Christ. And with this spiritual journey I've also acknowledge that all the denominations of CHristianity, in all its faultiness (that I perceive), it WORKS for a lot of people. No way is the perfect way, not even mine - but if gets you closer to God, what does it matter? I believe the church could be exactly what someone needs to grow spiritually, it just depends on what this life wants to teach them through that - or perhaps teach us. I believe only you and God knows what you need spiritually. So this is really just mean giving my story as of late to see if it speaks to anyone else, and just to get it off my chest a little bit lol.
Thanks for reading if you did!