Re: Any Believers in Jesus Christ Here? (Non-debate thread for believers only)
This is the first time I've visited this thread - unfortunately, because it's over a hundred-pages long, I've only read the few latest posts.
I'm a Christian Orthodox and believe in Jesus - being half-man, half-God and in sacrificing his life on the cross. The cross is the most powerful and true symbol.
I've opened this thread to reply because of my worried and at times confused nature. Because of this board being devoted to Michael, I've just wanted to say how - despite knowing so many people pray for him and think of him while other pour lost souls have nobody to care about them to mention them and pray for them - I don't think about these things in relation to him, I just think of the fact that he was a beautiful and special human being that had some flaws as well. And, without extending this post of mine too much, I am still very preoccupied with where he is right now. A good friend of mine confused me with her knowledge and belief in reincarnation, which is against my religion and, quite frankly, I don't believe in. I can't help being confused after hearing my friend say how Christ reincarnates Himself in each new-born child, with each birth. And I do feel very deeply sometimes like I've known certain persons forever. But I only believe in the souls' ascension or fall... And it's specific in my belief how a person's sins can't be forgiven unless they've/'d been confessed before a minister, God's intermediary, and unless they were baptized in their life. I don't really think Michael would have had a trustworthy and authorized man of God near to speak to, except for some limited beings. I grew shortly panicky when reading somewhere that Michael, even though he became a JW in his late teens, he wasn't baptized/christened or chances were slim. Since Michael officially renounced the religion in 1987, he still kept hang on to some of its values, as well as Christian ones, but so far I haven't read that he was christened. Still thinking about this issue frightens me.
I've started musing a lot about the after-life, even before Michael's passing, and I value it more than this disapointing one we're living in. And I am thinking about Michael's soul, who was so incredibly beautiful and so incredibly tormented by forces who wanted to take it from him always. There is not any wonder to me why he'd so fiercely always clung unto childhood innocence and purity and why he desperately needed this godlike wonder near - not only because he sincerely and purely loved it, but also as a shield to protect him against the enemy who always threatened to ruin him. His soul was so sweet that drew all kinds of forces near, good all bad. Sweet is loved and craved for by anything and anyone. So, I'm always hoping and praying that this sweetest soul who I'll always love be saved and that, in spite of the strictness of His commands. Reading those unauthorized transcripts between that rabbi and himself, I was a bit stunned, I must say, when Michael asked that, since people are going to go to Heaven anyway why is there need for so much suffering on earth... People are all treated as equals before God, but are judged differently and can't all receive the everlasting reward. That would mean denying the existence of hell, which the rabbi does. I think, however, that people like Uri and the rabbi are such manipulating minds.
I don't want him to be a restless, wandering soul, I don't want him to be bothered by any psychics and so-called 'gifted' people now... I want him to be There, but always here somehow in spirit for comfort and help, and with his children, and that one sweet day, they'll be together again.
I don't idolize anyone but God, even though I sometimes can be overwhelmed by love for someone or something, but I see it as a gift from God, an extension of His, which we all are. I don't idolize Michael, am no follower and don't even like calling myself a fan. I simply love him as God loves His children, and feel at one with him or my equal, I didn't aspire to reach him. But I'm not one to easily just say a certain someone had such a pure heart, that they are now in Heaven. Even though their essence is good. The very sinful, decayed man crucified next to Jesus was taken with Him by Him because he believed in Him and confessed his sins to Him and was humble. This is one of my biggest fears and doubts. Heaven is such a profound dimension that so many are taking so lightly. A pure soul of a child dead shortly after their birth won't go where a cold-blooded criminal or self-killed will... there's also the notion of the 7 heavens, another notion which confuses me...
I'm experiencing much turmoil about all these things and there's pain in my heart because of these insecurities... What if a deserving soul will never see their loved one ever again in the after-life, what if they'll never be reunited? It is often said how nothing from this evanescent life will go with you when out of it, and that God will be the only One mattering and the Only One we'll ever need... And without wanting to upset Him, but this sounds lonely to me, at least in this life, because we were created to be united with the others and love each other, and we all want to see our loved ones again and see or feel the familiar faces of those we miss. It can't be that none of that will matter anymore when faced with the Lord. And I still will like to know my loved ones are safe, at least those truly deserving ones. I sometimes am feeling guilty when having moments of enjoyment when I don't know if the departed ones have moments of enjoyment too or, based on the terrible life they led, they are now in certain suffering.
I just know that a few weeks before June 25, and especially on June 25 and many months after, I've felt the loneliest I've ever felt, and a chasm formed inside me, ready to devour me. And what is more awful to me is that, pretty much during all of the few times I've looked at the sky subsequently to June 25, I don't feel as though Michael is there, but a huge mystery or a huge emptiness, like nothing of him exists anywhere anymore or somewhere out of reach. Many say 'Well, I'll close my eyes and he is there", or "Everytime I think of him, he'll always live in my heart", or "My heart/intuition tells me he is here with me'. But that is nothing, that is just make-belief. I've sometimes experienced some moments of warmth and comfort when thinking of him or when working on mine and my friends' site for him, but how can I know for sure he is there feeling?.
I can only close all the above by a big 'I don't know'.
