I failed two of my classes.
I'm retaking one online this summer, so that should help.
I feel like I'm such a disappointment, but it was all this stuff that happened this semester as well.
I'm putting all the blame on him for messing me up, but some people are like, "You did it to yourself, too," because I got into it (but I didn't know what I was getting into) and I wasn't listening to people (but he had manipulated and controlled me so that I didn't believe them) and I let it affect me (well, when you're being emotionally abused, you get pretty deep down in the hole and I can't describe it. It's a horrible feeling).
I had dinner yesterday with a Christian friend who also knows him and is in our swing dance club. He was trying to put it into a Christian perspective for me. He loves him like he's his brother. He was saying something around the lines of, "He's a fellow Christian as well, and I hate to see a brother in Christ as down as he is. Yes, he's done so much wrong to all these people and is trying to hide all his problems with work, money, and women, but I still love him. You have too much anger built up and it's so negative. I wouldn't consider not ever associating with him again. Remember, he had just gotten out of a relationship where he was expecting to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her." Then he went on to say that you can't blame him for feeling the way he does, and he's well aware that he has a lot of problems but doesn't realize that he needs to get help, and that he's lost as a Christian, but probably doesn't realize it yet. He just needs a lot of prayer.
I'm still angry at him for all that he did to me, and it's going to take me a while to forgive him. I can't just yet.
I need this summer badly. I need to relax and re-focus, re-prioritize. I KNOW I screwed up this semester and it won't happen again. I am going to make a list of things to do besides get a job. I need some time to focus on me. And this is perfect timing.
