Bulimic and Depressed

Stargirl

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Sorry...but I just can't take this anymore.

I feel so...confined. locked


I don't know what to do.
Basically the whole two reasons that are pulling me to stay alive are music and words. Just that. just that.

And I hate that.


I don't want to be a whiner and all but I really feel like I need to tell someone.

Even if it is total strangers on the web.

God, I sound crazy!!



I'm so depressed it's like I see nothing at all. Just walk like I'm some ghost. I wonder if this is what being dead feels like.
And over top of that...this bulimia won't leave me. It is my personal demon. And in some form I crave it. Perhaps like a drug addict might crave their intoxication of choice.

Oh I don't know!

I just want to tell you guys how much I do love this place and how it really is a major distraction for me from thinking suicidal thoughts and stuff.

I really hope all of you are doing great. And that you're all happy.

I really do.



:/
 
*BIG HUG!* I know what you feel. Depression is a total nightmare, I've had it too. I feel for you. I really hope you will feel better.
 
god ive been depressed which made me suicidal. if its any consolation you can overcome being depression and suicidal. thats the plus side to this dark condition. i hope you are seeking help for these issues. i tryed to get counselling in the past, but i made myself come out of it on my own..it took alot of time. making myself realize i wasnt crazy and that alot of people go through depression. in the end all that weakness in the past from being depressed and letting everything hit me hard.. i somehow became strong coming out of it..so now when i get sad.. i can snap out of it and get myself to feel better by doing my favorite things and living for something. whether its career, family , entertainment. theres alot of sad things in life, but theres equally amazing things to live for. and simply not taking life so seriously all the time!
i wasn't bulimic like you.. i cant help with that.. but i was accused for being anorexic when i wasnt.. when i was depressed. i stopped eating because i was depressed. anyway i been there. you can get better.
sometimes reading about other peoples struggles the same as yours can help..or group therapy. a brighter day will come to you. trust that okay. :)
 
Basically the whole two reasons that are pulling me to stay alive are music and words. Just that. just that.

And I hate that.

I've been there, and I know a lot of people has been there.
I just gotta say you know... you must set your mind into a place where you have it "open minded". It's so easy to feel "comfortable" in the darkness you're in that after a while you almost get afraid of losing the darkness because you feel that it's the only thing that's "pure".
This is such a cliché but time will take you through this as long as you let yourself feel worthy of joy. - Which isn't as simple to everyone as it may sound, but we all are worthy of joy.

I would be a fool if I'd try to understand the bulimia so I can't comment on that, but I can imagine that it's a circle where you are unhappy because you suffer from bulimia, and you have bulimia because you're unhappy.
I really hope some of the girls on the board can step up to you and share how they got through with it because sadly enough it's a very common stage in life that many girls go through.

I don't know if this helped at all, but try to focus on the things you love... and don't be afraid to love and feel joy.

The more you energy you put into loving, the less space there will be left for the darkness.
 
sweetheart. Lighten up! Look how the nature is waking up outside these days! Look how the days are getting longer!

You're so lucky to be alive, nomatter how hard life is - you're still SO very lucky to be living on this planet!

Everyone has hard times, but we can all get pass them! I promise you :hug:
 
I'm really glad that this is a place that you enjoy and feel that you can share, even if it's 'complete strangers' on the web. And what brings all of us together here, I think, is so amazing that it always helps me.
And I know what you mean by music and words. music can make a world of difference.
I really encourage you to look towards the light. Seek help if you need it. And we are definately all here to support you. Never be afraid to talk if you need to.
 
I don't think I can eve put into words what such words of support mean to me. I guess they're so surprising because I recieve them so little. And when I do, they are always filled with doubt.

Really guys, thank you. This place is filled with some amazing people and I am so gladI get to be a part of it. And most importnatly, it is dedicated to the man whose muisc is the backdrop to all my feelings.
 
Speaking from a lifetime of depression, I can hear what you are saying. However, there is hope. I went from Zoloft to Prozac to now Paxil. The Paxil is really working for me.

Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain. You have naturally occurring neurotransmitters in your brain, one of them being serotonin. It seems that depressed people do not have enough serotonin back in their neurons (nerve cells) and that serotonin maintains good mood.

Here is some info about it:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/ssris/MH00066

How SSRIs work

Precisely how SSRIs affect depression isn't clear. Certain brain chemicals called neurotransmitters are associated with depression, including the neurotransmitter serotonin (ser-oh-TOE-nin). Some research suggests that abnormalities in neurotransmitter activity affect mood and behavior. SSRIs seem to relieve symptoms of depression by blocking the reabsorption (reuptake) of serotonin by certain nerve cells in the brain. This leaves more serotonin available in the brain. Increased serotonin enhances neurotransmission — the sending of nerve impulses — and improves mood. SSRIs are called selective because they seem to affect only serotonin, not other neurotransmitters.
Antidepressants, in general, may also work by playing a neuroprotective role in how they relieve anxiety and depression. It's thought that antidepressants may increase the effects of brain receptors that help nerve cells keep sensitivity to glutamate — an organic compound of a nonessential amino acid — in check. This increased support of nerve cells lowers glutamate sensitivity, providing protection against the glutamate overwhelming and exciting key brain areas related to anxiety and depression.
Therapeutic effects of antidepressants may vary in people, due in part to each person's genetic makeup. It's thought that people's sensitivity to antidepressant effects, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor effects, can vary depending on:

  • How each person's serotonin reuptake receptor function works
  • His or her alleles — the parts of chromosomes that determine inherited characteristics, such as height and hair color, which combine to make each person unique
Antidepressant medications are often the first treatment choice for adults with moderate or severe depression, sometimes along with psychotherapy. Although antidepressants may not cure depression, they can help you achieve remission — the disappearance or nearly complete reduction of depression symptoms.
SSRIs approved to treat depression

Some SSRIs are available in extended-release form or controlled-release form, often designated with the letters XR or CR. These forms provide controlled release of the medication throughout the day or for a week at a time with a single dose.
Here are the SSRIs approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) specifically to treat depression, with their generic, or chemical, names followed by available brand names in parentheses:

  • Citalopram (Celexa)
  • Escitalopram (Lexapro)
  • Fluoxetine (Prozac, Prozac Weekly)
  • Paroxetine (Paxil, Paxil CR, Pexeva)
  • Sertraline (Zoloft)
Also, an olanzapine and fluoxetine combination (Symbyax) recently received FDA approval for treating bipolar depression. Symbyax is classed as both an SSRI antidepressant and an atypical antipsychotic.
These medications may also be used to treat conditions other than depression.
Side effects of SSRIs

All SSRIs have the same general mechanism of action and side effects. However, individual SSRIs have some different pharmacological characteristics. That means you may respond differently to certain SSRIs or have different side effects with different SSRIs. For instance, you may have unpleasant side effects with one SSRI but not another. Also, they're less likely to have adverse interactions with other medications and are less dangerous if taken as an overdose.
Side effects of SSRIs include:

  • Nausea
  • Sexual dysfunction, including reduced desire or orgasm difficulties
  • Dry mouth
  • Headache
  • Diarrhea
  • Nervousness
  • Rash
  • Agitation
  • Restlessness
  • Increased sweating
  • Weight gain
  • Drowsiness
  • Insomnia
You may experience less nausea with extended- and controlled-release forms of SSRIs.



Also, here is info about bulemia. This also is caused by a chemical imbalance. It is believed in certain circles that if you treat the depression with an SSRI (selective serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) you also can treat your bulemia...


From http://www.psychiatric-disorders.com/articles/eating-disorders/bulimia/bulimia-treatment.php



Treating Bulimia Nervosa: Psychotherapy and Antidepressants


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Bulimia nervosa responds better to treatment than anorexia nervosa. For bulimia treatment to succeed, therapy must alter the bulimic's unrealistic idea of body image and ideal weight. Healthy eating habits must be learned, and the patient must break free from the "addiction" of binge eating and purging.

Bulimia treatment may include psychotherapy, antidepressants, or a combination of the two. Cognitive behavioral therapy has better long-term results than antidepressants. A combined treatment regimen of both antidepressants and therapy is thought to yield better results than either treatment alone.
Bulimia Therapy: Changing Body Image and Teaching Healthy Eating Habits

Bulimia nervosa therapy is best performed by a specialist in treating eating disorders. For best results, the patient should undergo weekly therapy sessions for at least five months.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is most often used to treat bulimia nervosa. The goals of cognitive-behavioral therapy are to change the patient's eating habits and his or her perception of the ideal body and weight.

During bulimia therapy, patients are educated on the health risks associated with the disease and how the cycle of binge eating and purging is affected by self-esteem and body image. Craving-control techniques and methods of developing healthy eating habits are taught during therapy.

Bulimia therapy also helps patients identify triggers of their binge eating, and develop more positive solutions to stress and emotions. As part of the process of reevaluating body image and ideal weight, therapy also attempts to improve self-esteem and replace body image with healthier methods of self-evaluation.
Antidepressants and Bulimia Nervosa Treatment

Treating bulimia with antidepressants has shown some success. Antidepressants can lessen bulimia symptoms and support therapy in restoring healthy eating patterns. While antidepressants are used to treat depression in anorexics, the medication does not seem to affect anorexia symptoms. In contrast, bulimics often benefit from antidepressants even if they aren't depressed.

imgED-bulimia-treatments.jpg
SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are the family of antidepressants most commonly used to treat bulimia nervosa. SSRI antidepressants reduce the severity of obsessive behavior, anxiety, impulsivity and depression often associated with bulimia. Reducing such symptoms may help bulimia patients overcome concerns about ideal weight and return to healthy eating habits.

Fluoxetine is the only SSRI specifically approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for the treatment of bulimia. Clinical trials have shown other SSRI antidepressants have benefits for bulimia patients, including sertraline, paroxetine, and citalopram.

Clinical trials also suggest certain tricyclic antidepressants (imipramine, nortryptyline, and desipramine) and monoamine oxidase inhibitors may be useful in bulimia nervosa treatment. Treating bulimia with antidepressants containing bupropion is not recommended, as the medication can causes seizures in purging patients.
Additional Bulimia Treatments

In addition to bulimia therapy and antidepressants, a number of other treatments may help bulimics during recovery, to help reevaluate body image and develop healthy eating habits.

  • Dental Care: While undergoing bulimia treatment, patients who induce vomiting may be able to slow the progress of dental erosion by using a soft toothbrush and rinsing with a fluoride rinse.

  • Family Therapy: If distorted body image and eating habits are rooted in family dynamics, family therapy may help resolve issues contributing to bulimia and preventing healthy eating.

  • Group Therapy: Group therapy, support groups, and 12-step programs for eating disorders provide environments in which recovering bulimics can share experiences and discuss body image and ideal weight freely with other patients. Group therapy may help reduce relapse rates.

  • Laxative Dependency Treatment: Treating laxative dependency in bulimia is difficult. Attempts should be made to educate the patient about the dangers of laxative abuse and how little laxatives actually contribute to weight loss.

    Restoring normal bowel function after laxative abuse may take weeks. Bowel function may return faster with a regimen of healthy eating, high fiber diet, rehydration and moderate exercise (however, exercise as treatment is not recommended when excessive exercise is part of the bulimic's purging strategy).

  • Marital or Couple's Therapy: Couple's therapy helps resolve interpersonal conflicts that may otherwise hinder successful treatment.

  • Nutritional Therapy: Consulting a qualified dietician or nutritional specialist may help bulimia patients learn healthy eating habits and devise menus geared towards proper nutrition and healthy eating.
Bulimia Treatment and Relapse

Overall, bulimia nervosa responds better to treatment than anorexia, and patients are often able to alter both body image and develop healthy eating habits. Elements of bulimia persist after treatment however—a recovered bulimic's sense of body image and ideal weight may always be a little distorted.

While prognosis for bulimia patients is generally positive, some factors reduce the chances of successful treatment. These include:

  • denial of health problems
  • frequent and persistent vomiting
  • high levels of impulsivity
  • history of obesity
  • history of substance abuse
  • hospitalization due to bulimia complications
  • no motivation for recovery
  • poor socialization skills
  • severe depression
  • severely distorted body image.
Short-term success for bulimia treatment ranges from fifty to seventy percent of cases, although relapse rates after six months can be as high as thirty to fifty percent. Few long-term studies on bulimia treatment outcomes have been pursued, so information on long-term relapse rates is unavailable.

Resources

Beers, M.H. & Berkow, R. (ed). Eating disorders: Bulimia nervosa. The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, 17th Edition. Merck Research Laboratories, NJ, 1999.

Behrman, R.E. & Kliegman, R.M. (ed). Nelson Essentials of Pediatrics, 3rd Edition. W.B. Saunders Company, Philadelphia, 1998.

Deshmukh, R. & Franco, K. (nd). Eating disorders.

Gowers, S. & Bryant-Waugh, R. (2004). Management of child and adolescent eating disorders: The current evidence base and future directions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 45, 63-83.

MedicineNet. (updated 2002). Bulimia nervosa.

Mehler, P.S. (2003, August 28). Bulimia nervosa. The New England Journal of Medicine 349(9), 875-881.

Rome, E.S. & Ammerman, S. (2003, December). Medical complications of eating disorders: An update. Journal of Adolescent Health 33(6), 418-426.
 
I also wanted to tell you - I give you a very big hug for opening up like this. It must not have been easy for you...just like my response to you wasn't really easy for me either...but this stuff does work... I hope you can get some help for your problems. It did a world of difference for me. I now wake up wanting to wake up again. I also joined Weight Watchers. They've been giving me a handle on how I handle food. I hope I helped you. I want you to take good care of yourself. You deserve it. Don't let anyone or anything make you feel that you don't deserve to treat yourself right. You deserve to wake up happy, relaxed and ready to take on the world. You deserve to be happy!! Really.
 
I also wanted to post this...this is a book I use a lot lately...it's called the "Feeling Good Handbook"...

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1243385436&sr=8-1

An Excerpt:
Product Description
With his phenomenally successful Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, Dr. David Burns introduced a groundbreaking, drug-free treatment for depression. Now in this long-awaited sequel, he reveals powerful new techniques and provides step-by-step exercises that help you cope with the full range of everyday problems. * Free from fears, phobias, and panic attacks
* Overcome self-defeating attitudes
* Discover the five secrets of intimate communication
* Put an end to marital conflict
* Conquer procrastination and unleash your potential for success

With an up-to-date section on everything you need to know about commonly prescribed psychiatric drugs and anxiety disorders such as agoraphobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, this remarkable guide can show you how to feel good about yourself and the people you care about. You will discover that life can be an exhilarating experience.

From the Back Cover
"A wonderful achievement – the best in its class."
—M. Anthony Bates, Clinical Psychologist, Presbyterian Medical Center, Philadelphia

"Clear, systematic, forceful."
—Albert Ellis, Ph.D., President, Institute for Rational-Emotional Therapy

"This book makes a difference. Anyone who experiences emotional distress (that is, everyone) will find this book invaluable. Dr. Burns represents dozens of helpful exercises in his inimitable, lively, and self-revealing style."
—Jackie Persons, Ph.D., Associate Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of California at San Francisco, and Director, San Francisco Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy.

"Dr. Burns has done it again. He has provided us with clearly described and practical guidelines for dealing with fears, anxieties, panic attacks, procrastination, and communication problems . . . invaluable."
—Marvin Goldfried, Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry, State University of New York at Stony Brook

If you are looking for sound, workable advice on how to change your life a little or a lot, this is the book for you."
—Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., Director, Center for Cognitive Therapy, New York
 
ur very strong for coming here and telling us. this is the first step to getting help. know that you're s pecial, and you're made the way you were supposed to. we all have highs and lows and some of us may need something to help us w/ that from time to time. is there a counselor or someone u could speak to?
 
thanks for the info linda :yes:


and soso_deaf, my first therapy session is going to be on june 23rd.

i'm very scared. :/
 
My heart goes out to you,i too have suffered from depression many times,it also runs in my family,but just to let you know ,that we are all here for you,i know we are not actually with you in the flesh,and also know that you will come out of it in the end,please make sure you go to see your doctor and try to let people around you know how you are feeling,your doctor might think it would be helpfull to put you on some medication,
feel free to pm me any time,
 
thanks for the info linda :yes:


and soso_deaf, my first therapy session is going to be on june 23rd.

i'm very scared. :/
I know it is a gigantic step to go to a therapy session for the first time. But you can trust me when I tell you that you do not have to fear it. It is going to be difficult at times, because you will have to face your demons, but in the end it's all worth it :yes:

In the meantime, feel free to pm me if you feel like talking to a stranger ;)
The fact that you've opened up to us here and seeking help aswell, shows me that you are a very courages person and that you can be very proud of yourself. :)
 
:hug: I have to say, it's an incredibly difficult thing to overcome you're fears and seeking help.

This right here is you're first step, and certainly the hardest...admitting your own demons and being public about them is something most of us are never ready to do, therapy is the next step and should make a tremendous difference.

Stay strong and always remember you have a family here in MJJC, and we're all here to support you in any way we can, oh...and please stay away from any kind of antidepressant unless a doctor prescribes them, they're not cold medicine and shouldn't be taken lightly.

Keep your head up girl :)
 
Like many others have said, the first step to getting better is opening up and facing the fact that you have this problem and wanting to help yourself out of it.

I have suffered from depression myself in the past, quite severely. I am proof that you can get through this and you can get help to pull yourself out of this hole you feel like you're in. Help is brilliant, but ultimately it will be you who will do this, and believe me, you will be so proud when you get there. From someone who knows, if you ever want to talk I am here, just PM me. :)
 
thanks for the info linda :yes:


and soso_deaf, my first therapy session is going to be on june 23rd.

i'm very scared. :/


i totally know what u r talking about and im with u.
therapy is the best what u can do!
i was scared myself the first time, but actually it was also the last time in my case.. but i also heard from others that its very helpful and its a first step to get out of this misere.
wish u all the best :yes:
 
Good luck, I hope that you get better soon, you'ven already taken the first step so you're already on the road to recovery :) *hugs*
 
Oh wow Stargirl...when it rains, it pours eh? And before ya know it, it'll be that time-of-the-month too....I'm tellin ya, life is so short....ya gotta laugh at things as they happen. And every single time I get sick, I get my you-know-what...God has a sense of humor.

hah!

God is a freaking pissy sense of humor.... so damn hilarious!

ur so right.....i am at an all time low now....

what's more...i have a huge all-day assignment on monday and i just may not be able to go to school because of my knee, losing around 50 % of the mark.



love this life, really.






thanks everyone, once more, for ur kind words.
 
I had the same problem,do you wanna know how i got out.I got inspired.I am motivated to live and never ever give up.How did I get motivated and inspired?I found a story about a man who was born without limbs,and he is always smiling and he is thankful at what he has.This man is Nick Vujicic,look on youtube and you will get inspired and you will learn alot from him.I wish you everything best and I am sure you will come out of it and you will live happy as never before.

Just look around you it is so GOOD to be alive :) :) :)
 
It's great you decided to go to therapy - good move!
Whatever happens there, whatever the feelings, just don't give up!

Keep coming here if that makes you feel better.
Hope we get to hear some good resaults. Good luck with everything.
 
hah!

God is a freaking pissy sense of humor.... so damn hilarious!

ur so right.....i am at an all time low now....

what's more...i have a huge all-day assignment on monday and i just may not be able to go to school because of my knee, losing around 50 % of the mark.



love this life, really.







thanks everyone, once more, for ur kind words.

LOL!! Yep, God really loves us women. You get bronchitis? You get your period. You get strep throat? Yep. Period. You get the flu and are puking ?? You get your period. Listen up God. I have just about had it with your sense of "humor". It aint funny anymore!!

Seriously. I hope your first therapy session goes well. Yeah, it's gonna be tough unloading and it will hurt maybe to the point of crying, but it's a good place to be. That's when the healing starts to happen. Good luck to you. I mean that....take care.
 
I suffered from depression too a few years ago and it was quite severe...it's hard even after you open up and talk about it because some people judge you or they tell you to just snap out of it and that's not enough. one small advice I can give you - try not to stay locked up inside the house for too long, do simple things like go out in the park or start exercising, anything that will take your mind away from things it doesn't sound like much but it's often the small things that make a big difference
you can get depressed so easily especially when you have problems, take it step by step see what makes you feel better every person is different and what works for one doesn't work for the other
 
I suffered from depression too a few years ago and it was quite severe...it's hard even after you open up and talk about it because some people judge you or they tell you to just snap out of it and that's not enough. one small advice I can give you - try not to stay locked up inside the house for too long, do simple things like go out in the park or start exercising, anything that will take your mind away from things it doesn't sound like much but it's often the small things that make a big difference
you can get depressed so easily especially when you have problems, take it step by step see what makes you feel better every person is different and what works for one doesn't work for the other

That's an awesome reply snowhite. It's important to get exercise also, just for the simple reason that exercise raises endorphins, which elevate your mood. Just don't exercise excessively, cause that is another form of bulemia.

Depression is like an albatross around your neck. It's like a demon that just doesn't want to be exorcised out of your body. But with patience and the right guidance, we all can get rid of it. For once and for all.
 
I suffered from depression too a few years ago and it was quite severe...it's hard even after you open up and talk about it because some people judge you or they tell you to just snap out of it and that's not enough. one small advice I can give you - try not to stay locked up inside the house for too long, do simple things like go out in the park or start exercising, anything that will take your mind away from things it doesn't sound like much but it's often the small things that make a big difference
you can get depressed so easily especially when you have problems, take it step by step see what makes you feel better every person is different and what works for one doesn't work for the other


That is a good post :)

Isn't it annoying when someone say's snap out of it? easy for someone to say that has never suffered and not very compassionate either.
Depression isn't something you can just "Snap" out of.
 
Sorry...but I just can't take this anymore.

I feel so...confined. locked


I don't know what to do.
Basically the whole two reasons that are pulling me to stay alive are music and words. Just that. just that.

And I hate that.


I don't want to be a whiner and all but I really feel like I need to tell someone.

Even if it is total strangers on the web.

God, I sound crazy!!



I'm so depressed it's like I see nothing at all. Just walk like I'm some ghost. I wonder if this is what being dead feels like.
And over top of that...this bulimia won't leave me. It is my personal demon. And in some form I crave it. Perhaps like a drug addict might crave their intoxication of choice.

Oh I don't know!

I just want to tell you guys how much I do love this place and how it really is a major distraction for me from thinking suicidal thoughts and stuff.

I really hope all of you are doing great. And that you're all happy.

I really do.



:/

That's really good that you tell SOMEONE....even if it's just "some strangers in the internet". It's a start and I really admire you for taking the step to tell someone. I know it must take a lot of courage but I think it is great that you have found a place where you feel safe enough to share your feelings. That's great! And it's great that you have acknowledged you have a problem that you can't deal with by yourself anymore! Because it's hard to heal someone who doesn't see there might be something wrong. I hope you can find a place in your home town where you can talk to someone who is a professional and can help you get better and can help you manage! You have your whole life ahead of you and remember...you're part of the "MJ family" here and we are all here for you if you need us! :hug: God bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers! :angel:

Take care! :)
 
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